12 Dates of Christmas (Christmas Falls: Season 2)

CHAPTER EIGHT

“So whatever happened with the guy who stood you up?” Hayden asked Leo the following night as they sat at a booth at The Snowflake Shack.

Leo was thoroughly enjoying his mushroom Swiss burger and he held up a finger to tell Hayden his mouth was full.

“Dylan?” Leo asked a moment later, shrugging. “Nothing much. He texted me this morning and was super apologetic, but …”

“What was his excuse?” Hayden asked around a mouthful of his bacon cheeseburger.

“Food allergy.”

“Think it was legit?”

“Yeah.” Leo sighed. “So, like, apparently, he was eating at Rudy’s before the parade and had a very unexpected shellfish allergy. I heard people talking about it this morning at the bakery.”

“Ooh, yeah, I did too. I didn’t realize it was your guy though.”

“Not my guy,” Leo said with a wry smile. “Apparently the waiter rushed in with an epi pen and saved Dylan’s life, then after his shift, went to the ER to check up on him. And now they’re going on a date. I mean, what the fuck, Hayden? How does literally everyone in this fucking town get their goddamn meet-cute and happily ever after like they’re living in some freaking Hallmark cozy holiday rom-com when I’m fucking living in some depressing indie piece about the futility of hope.”

Hayden snickered. “Yikes. Sorry I asked.”

“No, it’s fine.” Leo waved his hand. “I’m happy for Dylan. Honestly. It’s just … it fucking sucks to always be on this side of things.”

“Hey, I get that,” Hayden said softly. “But you gotta be patient.”

“I am being patient,” he grumbled. “Can’t you tell?”

“Ohh yeah, definitely. So patient.” Hayden rolled his eyes. “So what next?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. This morning, Nick sent me some info for a couple more guys he’s matched me with. I’ve got two dates this weekend, then one next week with some dude named Jett, who Nick seemed convinced will be a good match. I dunno.”

“What about the first two?”

Leo shrugged. “Honestly, we’ve texted a little but I don’t even remember their names. They seem fine. Perfectly nice guys who appear to be varying degrees of kind and funny and handsome.”

“Well, that doesn’t exactly sound bad.” Hayden crunched into an onion ring.

“I know.”

They liked the holidays but not too much. They were looking for the same things Leo was and were able to hold a decent conversation via text. They just didn’t seem like they had the potential for the romantic sparks Leo longed for.

Not the way there had been the night of the parade with Nick, anyway.

Leo would swear, for a moment, as they said goodnight outside of Leo’s door, Nick had been staring at his mouth. That he’d looked at Leo as more than a client or a friend. And gah, a part of him wished he didn’t know Nick was bi.

Which made Leo feel guilty because just because Nick was bi didn’t mean he was available or ready to date. He’d made that fucking clear. And Leo wanted to be respectful of that.

But damn . He and Nick had a good connection. If Nick wasn’t available, why did it feel like he was the only person Leo had been able to find that with?

He said as much to Hayden, who winced. “I think you’re being a little unrealistic. You expect the magic to happen immediately and you’re totally writing these guys off before you give them a chance. Sometimes feelings take a while to develop.”

Leo winced too. “True.”

“I get that you want this magical romance to happen but I feel like you want it so bad you’re putting a ton of pressure on yourself and your dates and not letting it happen organically . It’ll happen when it’s meant to.”

“When did you of all people get all philosophical and romantic?” Leo asked with a snort. He remembered Hayden as being pragmatic and a bit cynical.

Hayden shrugged. “Last Christmas, I guess? I dunno, blame Joel.”

Despite his grouchiness, Leo chuckled, dragged a fry through a puddle of ketchup mixed with mustard.

“And I hate to say this, but you’ve been talking to Nick a lot lately, right?” Hayden said, leaning forward.

Leo winced. “Yeah. I usually call him after my dates for a debrief. And we’ve been texting some. About, like, a TV show we both watch and the Otters games and stuff though. Nothing big.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bad idea?”

Leo made a face. “I mean, maybe?”

“It seems like you have a serious crush on him.”

“Well, it’s hard not to,” Leo pointed out.

“Dude, I get that. I’ve seen him around town and talked to him a little. I get why you’re into him. But he’s straight .”

“Uh, yeah, not so much,” Leo admitted quietly. “He’s bi. Just not ready to date.”

“Oh. Huh,” Hayden said thoughtfully. “Really?”

“Yeah. And, like, it was bad before,” Leo said. “But when a guy is straight you go, ‘damn, that’s disappointing’ but you wall them off in your head as not an option.”

“Sure.”

“But now there’s no wall!” Leo slumped, resting his chin on his hand, fries forgotten. “So like, I’m supposed to forget the perfect fucking guy exists?”

“The perfect guy is also one who is actually available and interested in you,” Hayden pointed out.

Leo glared. Damn him for being logical and reasonable .

“I know that,” Leo protested. “But I … I don’t know how to stop thinking Nick and I would be so good together.”

Leo thought of the late-night conversations they’d had. The low, soft rumble of Nick’s voice in Leo’s ear and the way it made him feel.

Hayden leaned forward. “I’m worried about you. You’re—you’re hung up on someone who has made it clear they aren’t ready to date. And I think spending so much time talking to him is making it harder for you to open up to the guys who are ready to date. You need to give the guys you have actual dates with a fair shot. There might not be a big spark at first but you might be good together if you give it a chance .”

“I guess,” Leo said with a sigh. “The problem is, they all seemed interchangeable. None of them stood out to me. Although I haven’t talked to Jett yet. At least his name is memorable. And I think Nick said something about him being a coder, so we do have something in common there.”

“Good! Yeah, that sounds promising. Just try not to compare these guys to Nick. Give them a chance to prove they’re good for you without writing them off before you ever give them a chance.”

“I …” Leo sighed. “Yeah, okay. You’re right. I’ll try.”

“Good. I think you need to keep putting yourself out there,” Hayden said encouragingly. “And when you do, you’ll find the right guy, I know it.”

“I fucking better,” Leo muttered. “This is getting depressing.”

Hayden snorted. “Damn. I thought I had the market cornered on bad moods around the holidays. Guess not.”

“Yeah, but you had a good reason for it,” Leo groused. “You were grieving your dad.”

“I was,” Hayden said. “But remember, Nick is grieving too.”

“I know!” Leo sighed. “I know that. And I’m not mad at him for not being ready for a relationship. It … it sucks. But I can also recognize when I’m being ridiculous.”

Hayden shrugged. “Hey, I get it. This is something you really want. And it’s hard to keep getting rejected over and over. It was similar for me when I was looking for jobs.”

“Yeah.”

“It hurts to get your hopes up and have them knocked down.”

“It does.”

“So, think of Nick this way. He’s perfectly qualified for the job. But he doesn’t have any available openings right now.”

Leo snickered.

Hayden threw a balled-up napkin at his head. “Shut up! You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, well, I have plenty of available openings but no one wants to fill them,” Leo grumbled.

Hayden, the asshole, had the nerve to laugh.

“Should I be worried?” Heather asked a few days later as she gave Nick a hug inside his front door. “You don’t usually call me to come over to talk like this. Or, at least, not recently.”

Nick sighed, squeezed his sister tight, then drew back. “Maybe a little worried?”

“Are you having a hard time with the holidays?” she asked, shrugging out of her coat, her brow furrowed with concern. “I know you struggled the past few years …”

“Oh, no,” Nick said hastily. “No. I’m feeling good about the holidays this year. Come see the tree. I put it up a few days ago.”

“Yeah?”

He let her kick off her boots and put them on the mat to drip-dry before he answered. “Yeah, go in the living room. I’ll grab us tea, then meet you in there in a few.”

When he carried a tray in, Heather stood by the Christmas tree. He’d added a few cookies from Ginger’s Breads, because he hadn’t been able to resist them when he stopped in the other day.

“The tree looks beautiful,” Heather said, sounding surprised as she turned to face him. “You got some new decorations, huh?”

He nodded, setting the tray on the coffee table. “Yeah. I haven’t felt like decorating in a few years but I had the urge the other day, so I dragged the totes out of the attic. I got the lights on but when I opened the boxes of ornaments, it …” He hesitated, unsure of how to put it all into words. “It felt like I was trying to recreate something long gone.”

An expression of sympathy crossed her face. “I get that.”

“And it wasn’t even the ornaments Nic and I collected over the years that made me sad.” It was more wistfulness than anything. “I just, I don’t know. I needed a fresh start or something.”

He took a seat on the sofa.

“Well, that’s good right?” Heather asked, sitting near him. “You’re moving on in a healthy way.”

“It is good,” he agreed. “Nic wouldn’t want me wallowing and I don’t want to wallow either.”

“But that’s not why you wanted me to come over?”

“No.”

“Okay …”

“Sorry.” He took the teabag out of the pot, then filled the two mugs. The scent of gingerbread spice rose in the air. “I’m not trying to be mysterious about it. I ran into Ford the other day.”

“Ahh. Ford Donnelly, I presume?” She reached for a mug, cradling it.

“Yeah.”

Heather winced, shifting to rest her back against the arm of the sofa. “How is Nic’s brother doing?”

“I’m—I’m not sure. I went to Season’s Readings to grab some new books and ran into him and Charlie there.”

“Gosh, she must be getting big.”

“She is,” Nick said, feeling wistful. “I had hoped we’d stay close after Nic was gone but I really think we were both so buried in our grief we pushed each other away instead of leaning on each other like we should have.”

“Hey, everyone deals with grief in different ways,” Heather said softly.

“I know.” Nick sighed. “I do know that. And I know Ford and I were both struggling back then. I just feel terrible for my part in what happened. But seeing Charlie—Ford’s former stepdaughter—it really hit me. She doesn’t live in Christmas Falls but I—I thought of her like a niece and I haven’t seen her since Nic’s death. Seeing how quickly time has passed made it hit home how long she’s been gone. Charlie didn’t even know me, Heather. I missed out on so many years with both of them.”

“That’s tough.”

Nick took a sip of his tea, then winced because it was still too hot. “Yeah. I really regret the way my relationship with Ford fell apart after Nicole’s death. I miss having more extended family.”

Heather patted his knee. “I know you do. You’ve been an amazing uncle to Mimi and Sammi.”

Nick smiled, though it fell after a moment as he thought more about his conversation with Ford. “I’m also worried because I think Ford is struggling.”

“Emotionally or financially?”

“Possibly both, but I meant financially. Charlie wanted this stuffed animal I’m pretty sure he couldn’t afford but when I offered to pay, he shot me down. Seemed offended I’d even asked.” Nick’s voice cracked and he stared down at his mug.

“That’s rough.”

“I …” Nick swallowed past the thickness in his throat. “When I lost Nicole, I didn’t just lose my wife. I lost a guy I thought of as a brother, you know?”

“I know.”

“And maybe I approached it the wrong way at the bookstore, but I wanted a chance to see him and Charlie again. I always thought of them as family and Nicole’s death didn’t have to change that.”

Heather reached out, squeezing his forearm gently. “I’m sorry this has been so hard for you, Nick.”

“Thanks.” He sighed, then took a sip of his tea. “It’s just painful to realize how differently things could have gone.”

“I know. I wish I had some good advice for you.”

“It’s okay,” Nick said with a little frown. “I just needed someone to vent to. Thanks for listening.”

He’d been tempted to talk to Leo about it the other night when they did their usual debrief after his date but he’d hesitated.

Nick already struggled to keep Leo at a professional distance. He didn’t need to make it any harder on himself.

“No dice.”

Nick grimaced at the forlorn tone in Leo’s voice as he got back from his latest date the same evening. “Damn. I hoped this one might be the one.”

Leo laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, me too. No such luck. It wasn’t terrible or anything. Just … no real connection.”

Nick did the math. “That’s what? Your fourth guy?”

“Yep. I should give up.” He sighed, sounding defeated.

“So, usually it does happen pretty quickly, but the other day, one of my clients found their match on their fifth date,” Nick said, trying to interject some cheerfulness into his voice. “What if that’s you?”

Leo snorted. “ Sure .”

“Hey, are you doubting my skills?” Nick teased.

“No, no, of course not,” Leo said, giggling a little. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be a jerk.”

“You’re not a jerk,” Nick assured him, shifting onto his side and stroking Jelly’s back. She was half-asleep, curled in a little ball next to him. He’d been reading before bed when Leo called. “You’re just frustrated. Trust me, I get it.”

He was frustrated too, but in a very different way.

It had been the oddest thing. He’d woken up in the middle of the night several times lately, hard and aching.

After Nicole’s death, Nick’s libido had taken an unsurprising nosedive. Once the initial intense grief had worn off, it had returned sporadically. He didn’t actively think or dream about sex usually, and when he jerked off, it was more perfunctory than anything. A reflexive bodily need rather than a hot sweep of desire.

But lately … it had come roaring back with a vengeance. And Nick would be lying if he said Leo hadn’t starred in a few of those dreams.

One night a few days ago, he’d woken from a dream about kissing Leo. About threading his hand through his soft-looking hair and pressing their lips together. He’d dreamed of the sounds Leo would make and the way he’d wrap himself around Nick.

It was strange and startling and a little uncomfortable. Nick was glad he hadn’t seen Leo in person lately because he was afraid he’d give himself away. Or worse , give Leo false hope.

“Hey, Nick?” Leo said now, his voice soft. “Did you fall asleep on me?”

“No, no.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Nothing, really. You got quiet on me.”

“I guess I’m more tired than I realized.”

“Yeah? Not sleeping well?” There was a sweet little thread of concern in Leo’s voice that made Nick smile.

“Uhh.” Nick wasn’t sure how to answer that. “Weird dreams, I guess? I’ve been, um, waking up a lot, then having trouble getting back to sleep.”

“You sound like Hayden. He’s a chronic insomniac.”

“Yeah? What does he do to deal with it?”

“Well, I think that’s why he took up running. He does like 5 and 10k runs and half-marathons and shit.”

“Hmm. Well, I have a regular workout routine. I’m not nuts about hitting the gym but I have a little workout area set up in the guest room. I try to get in some cardio and weights most days a week.”

“Ugh, that’s the one thing I miss about Chicago,” Leo said wistfully. “I had a gym in my building. That was nice.”

“What do you do now?”

“Walk a lot,” he said. “And some bodyweight stuff. Anyway, yeah, maybe workouts won’t solve your sleep issue. Do you know why you’re waking up?”

“Mmm,” Nick said, not sure how to answer that. He wasn’t about to tell Leo he’d woken up thinking dirty thoughts about him. “Just a lot on my mind.”

“Okay, so, I’m legitimately not trying to be a perv here, but do you know what usually helps me sleep?”

“No, what’s that?” Nick asked warily.

“Well, getting myself off.”

“Oh.” Nick sucked in a sharp breath, his head suddenly filled with images of Leo stretched out in bed, touching himself.

“Shit! Sorry! I made it weird, didn’t I?” Leo said with a groan in Nick’s ear that did nothing to help the situation.

“Uhh.” Nick rolled onto his back, trying to ignore the way his cock thickened. “No, I get what you’re saying.”

The cat jumped down with an annoyed noise, waving her tail in a disdainful swish as she walked through the open bedroom door for somewhere she wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Like, it does work though,” Leo said with a small laugh. “I’m honestly not trying to be weird here, I swear, I just thought if you hadn’t tried it, you could?”

“I’ll, um, take that under advisement,” Nick said.

Leo snorted. “Shit, I did make you uncomfortable. God! I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Nick said, not wanting him to feel bad. “No. You just surprised me. I’ll, uh, try it out. See if it helps.”

“Yeah?” Leo’s voice was soft now. Low.

“Yeah,” Nick said, reaching down to adjust himself. His cock was trapped at an awkward angle in his underwear and he let out a little sigh of relief when everything was in a better position. “If I need to.”

Like, the fucking second he got off the phone with Leo. Because while a part of Nick was tempted to touch himself now, he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. That would be crossing a line.

But he was absently rubbing himself through his clothes already. He pulled his hand away, biting back a groan.

“Well, um, I guess I’ll let you go then?” Leo asked, his tone hesitant.

For one horrible moment, Nick wondered if he’d said the first part aloud but no, Leo was probably being polite.

“Yeah, I should, uh, try to get to bed early tonight. Might help me sleep too.”

“Right. yeah, of course. Uhh, get some good sleep, Nick.”

“You too,” he said, wishing he could linger. “You too, Leo.”

“Night,” Leo said softly, then he was gone.

Nick ended the call, then took his earbuds out, dropping them onto the nightstand. He hesitated for a moment, then opened the drawer. There was a bottle of lube in there. He hadn’t used it in ages, usually making do with conditioner in the shower.

But tonight …

Feeling guilty, Nick pulled it out. He shimmied his pajamas and underwear down to mid-thigh, then slicked his palm. He was hard and he hissed at the touch of cool gel on his sensitive skin.

But everything heated as he stroked, sliding his palm up and down the shaft. Fuck, that was good. It had been so long since he’d taken the time and allowed himself to enjoy masturbating. But desire rose hot and fast in his body tonight, flushing his skin and making his pulse throb in his groin.

Nick heard Leo’s voice in his ear, urging him on, and he stroked, closing his eyes, guiltily imagining what Leo looked like under his clothes. He imagined the night after the parade when he’d walked Leo to his door, but rather than walking away with a friendly wave, he’d leaned in and whispered he wanted to kiss Leo.

He imagined Leo’s gasp and the way he’d pull Nick closer.

It was so vivid it felt like a memory as it played out against his closed eyelids. The cool outside air and the warmth of Leo’s mouth. The slick sweetness of his lips and tongue and the way he’d press close.

Nick could nearly taste the holiday spices on Leo’s tongue and the soft sounds he’d let out as they pressed tightly together.

As he dragged his hand up and down his cock, he imagined Leo fumbling to open the door and dragging him upstairs. “Want you,” Leo would have whispered.

“Want you too,” Nick would have said.

Because he did. Fuck, he did want Leo. He shouldn’t, but he did.

And he trembled as the force of his desire hit him, imagining Leo tugging him into his bedroom and stripping them both off. Heated kisses and wandering hands and Leo’s fresh winter scent in his nose as they rubbed off together. Slick and hot and …

With a rough shout, Nick came into his fist, pleasure boiling up and spilling out, flowing onto his skin.

Nick gasped in the quiet bedroom, body trembling, Leo’s name on his lips as he shook through the orgasm.

“Oh my God,” he whispered when he finally came back to himself, blinking up at the ceiling. “What the fuck was that?”

The best damn orgasm you’ve had in years , his brain replied helpfully.

With a groan, Nick reached for the tissues on the nightstand, mopping up the mess. When he was done, he let out a sigh, covering his eyes with his forearm. “What the hell do I do now?” he muttered.

But the only answer was Jelly hopping on the bed with a little mrrrp .

That was no help at all.