A Baron of Bonds (Conduit of Light #2)

30. Karus

Chapter 30

Karus

My head hurt, and my eyes were sore as if something pounded behind them.

I brought my hands to my face and applied pressure with my palms to the underside of my eyebrows, the pain subsiding a little.

My stomach churned, clams and ale mixing within, and I swore I’d never eat them again.

I sat up slowly and he was there with another glass of water in his hand as he sat on the bed next to me.

I took it without question, gulping the liquid eagerly, the stale taste in my mouth subsiding somewhat.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Almost two hours.”

I nodded, then regretted it, my neck suddenly strained. “Why do people willingly do this to themselves?”

“They enjoy the loose feeling of being drunk. Everything is funny. You had plenty to joke about yourself.”

I groaned. “I didn’t know drinking all of that would hit me so hard.”

“You drank an entire tankard of ale on an almost empty stomach. I didn’t think I’d need to warn you.”

“I’m not blaming you.”

“I know you’re not blaming me.”

I scoffed and rubbed at my face, declaring, “It’s not like it’s your job to protect me, Rev.”

“The fuck it isn’t.”

I looked up at him at that.

Yes, he was still angry.

Yes, I still deserved it.

He rose from the bed and brought a plate to my lap. He had sliced crusty bread and added cured meat in between. “Eat. I’m sure you don’t feel like it, but it will help.”

My mouth turned down in disgust at the idea, but seeing the admonishment clearly written across his face, I took the plate and bit into the food he made for me.

I forced myself to chew, watching him watch me as if I was a child on the brink of a particularly rough scolding.

He cleared his throat and spoke, “There’s a hot bath waiting for you, if you’d like.”

I swallowed the food and said dimly, “Are you sure I’ve earned it?”

“Probably not.”

I wasn’t getting off easy after all. I had hoped that his chastisement would be swift and him leading me all around the market had been enough to lessen the anger that sparked toward me and my recklessness.

That was apparently not so.

I took another bite and sighed. He rose from the bed and walked toward the washing room, undressing as he went. He unfastened his black vest and tossed it to a chair near the fire. He bent and pulled off his boots, then untucked his shirt. I admired how much better he fit into his clothing in the last few weeks.

I watched with an attentive thrill as he kept his back to me and pulled his shirt off his shoulders and arms. He didn’t even turn to give me a smirk or some witty remark to get me to follow. He just left the room, his muscled back exposed, his hands beginning to work at the button of his pants.

I could have melted into a puddle in the bed watching him leave. Instead, I tossed the plate on the bedside table before scrambling out of the sheets to follow him.

I didn’t get far, stopping and holding my head that ached and sloshed at the sudden movement. I gripped one of the bed posts and steadied myself.

I thought of every spell enhancement I knew. I wracked my brain for every lesson Clairannia had ever given me to stop this dizzying nausea.

A smile crept over my lips as I realized that it was Figuerah who likely had taught me the solution. “ Compaynen ,” I whispered, the green essence of myself slinking up to my eyes, and swirling into my mouth. I swallowed it, my stomach settling immediately as my head of ocean waves calmed.

The spell sounded so much like “companion” meaning to settle and be contented. Figuerah had explained that she used it often to calm wild beasts or comfort mares and ewes on the verge of giving birth.

I stretched, feeling more like myself, but still aching in places lower than my stomach.

I followed Rev into the washing room. A circular window was cut into the back wall and looked out to the tops of golden shingles that blazed in the afternoon sun. A basin and silver mirror were against another wall and a long tub, big enough for two, filled the middle of the tiled-floored room.

Rev was already in it, his arms on the side, his head back and eyes closed.

I couldn’t believe I was bound to this man, this powerful Baron who loved me so fiercely, regardless of everything we had been through.

“May I join you?” I asked, seductively pulling one of the thin straps of my nightgown down my shoulder.

He didn’t even open his eyes to watch as he muttered, “Yes.”

I bit my lower lip, confirming once again that, no, this was not going to end the way I desperately wanted it to.

I moved to the basin and splashed my face with water. Then, I swirled minty paste in my mouth, spitting it out into the bowl, which, to my surprise, held a drain. Hyrithia was known for its advancements, but I did not expect an inn to have one.

“I really need to pee,” I stated, turning back to face the tub.

“Then pee,” he directed, and I stepped over to the latrine, oddly embarrassed at once again doing something so private in his presence.

This man had licked every inch of my body, and I still reddened at the thought of relieving myself in front of him.

When I was finished, water washed it all away—more evidence of Hyrithia’s advancements since I had been gone from the city. I padded back to the basin to wash my hands with the small bar of soap left there.

“Better?” He grinned, his eyes still closed leaning back in the tub.

“Yes.” I dried my hands and turned around to face him. “Are you sure you’re alright with me getting in?”

“Yes.”

I rolled my eyes and huffed. Apparently, he wasn’t done giving me only a few words at a time.

I slipped out of my gown, hanging it on a hook by the door, and stepped into the water. The steam rose to greet me, too hot, but I wouldn’t complain.

In our rooms in Felgren, we had often warred at the temperature of the bath we’d share. He always wanted it scalding—I, more subtle warmth.

For once, I appreciated the heat as I sat, slipping my legs over his on the opposite side. The scent of eucalyptus oil swept through the air as I mirrored him, laying my head back against one end of the tub. I pulled my long length of hair over my shoulders, knowing it needed a soak as well.

Closing my eyes, I did my best to enjoy the warmth. I should have known it was a futile attempt, however, as I quickly peeked at him through one eye, trying to predict what was next for us.

He hadn’t moved, hadn’t even touched me as I settled my body in front of his. I closed my eye again and swallowed. I was ready to be done with this. I wanted him to speak to me again and forgive me.

“I’m sorry, Rev,” I confessed. “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I was gone for so long.” I shook my head, remembering the utter torment I felt tumbling out of that portal in a foreign land, feeling ashamed and foolish for ever entering it.

“If I could go back to that day, I would not have followed. I would have run to you for help. We would have figured out what to do about the lumens. We would have figured it all out together.” I reached out my hand to place over his on the side of the tub. He didn’t even open his eyes to acknowledge what I said, and I gulped at the lump in my throat.

He didn’t know that it was torture for me, too. He didn’t know of the terror and anguish I had felt while trapped in the Blightress’s lands. He didn’t know because I hadn’t told him.

“It was awful,” my voice trembled. “I didn’t—I didn’t know where I was or what to do. I haven’t even told you half of what I saw there and she—” I bit my lower lip, muffling a cry of sobs, my eyes squeezed shut in remembrance of how much I hated her. “She told me so many things I had not even asked. By the time I sat to listen to her, I no longer cared. I only wanted to return to you. I only wanted to go home, Rev. And—and I understand that I was so foolish to ever leave.”

He sat up quickly, the water sloshing over the sides of the tub as he pulled me to meet him in the middle, squeezing my hand in his. His grasp was tight and my eyes flashed open to see his eyes so beautiful and blue, the edges black as night.

“No, you do not understand. You still do not understand. Where you go, you do not go alone.” He shook his head in disbelief. “A Chain? Leash? Karus, there’s a fucking lifeline that connects us, and the decisions you make will affect me. That is why I am angry. That is why I will do what is necessary for you to understand that your survival is mine. Your well-being is mine. Your life in danger, your heart broken—all mine to share.”

He grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me closer while my lips trembled, and tears streamed down my cheeks.

“What else would you have me do?” he continued in desperation. “Tell me what I must do to make you see that I do not breathe if you do not breathe . My heart does not beat if yours does not beat .” He clenched his teeth and spoke through them, “ I do not live if you do not live .”

I cupped his cheek, my fingers pressing into his skin so he could feel me there. I needed him to know I heard him. I needed him to know his heart had spoken to mine, and I had finally listened. “You’ve done enough,” I breathed, nodding and letting it sink in. Finally, I was beginning to understand that his suffering was real and tangible, and though I had not really lived those seven years, neither had he.

He led me through that market to show how his choices affected me. His constant love, and care, and pursuit to return my memories had affected me, too.

His life and mine had always been bound. From the first day Heimlen had given him his task to find me, our lifelines were linked, and I was the one who had not understood that enough in that moment. I had not stopped in that field of clover to admit that whatever path I chose, I chose it for both of us.

“I understand, Rev.” I kissed him, bringing myself closer to his chest, my legs wrapping around his waist in the heat. “You’ve done enough…and I understand.” I pressed my hand into his chest. “You breathe, I breathe. You live, I live.”

His mouth slammed into mine at the same moment he slid his fingers into me, the water easing his way as he curled them forward. I gasped in rapture, clinging tightly to his arms. My cries were muffled by his mouth as he continued the motion quickly, rising within me unparalleled indulgence in his ability to please me.

I came quick and hard, rocking on his fingers as they curved forward easily, slick with my body’s reaction to him.

“Let me show you living, Karus.” He lifted a cup to my lips. I had no idea where it came from or what it was, but I gulped it anyway. The bitter taste of styris tea gone cold trickled down my throat.

He took the cup from me and downed the rest, tossing it over the side of the tub. The clank of copper hit the tiles—something neither of us cared for or heard as he pulled me on top of him. All of him.

I rode my high again in the water, now splashing out of the tub in waves over the side. I didn’t hold back. I slammed onto the thick of him over and over, bringing a guttural moan from the back of his throat.

I had little room to move and, in my frustration, I slammed my hand on the side of the tub, wanting more, needing more than I was getting in our confined space.

Knowing what I meant, he lifted us out of the water, my legs wrapped around him. He stepped over the edge of the tub, bringing us to the puddled floor, wet and warm.

There we were again, two lovers consuming each other on an ornate pattern of floor tiles, this time in spirals of ocean waves. Each edge cut into the skin of my back, and once again, I didn’t care as long as he filled me with everything I wanted.

All I’d ever want in this life—I was sure of it—was him. He only assured me more as he nipped at my neck and circled a thumb over my hardened, swollen center.

I cried out again, unsure if I could handle this, unsure if I was breaking, my soul leaving my body to be swept away into the steam, never to return to the flesh that writhed in utter ecstasy on the washing room floor.

“ Rev, ” I pleaded, “ Please. ” I was beyond desperate for his pace to quicken and release me from the edge of bliss that I longed to tumble over.

He grabbed both of my hands in his, stretching my arms over my head, similar to how we had done when we were physically bound.

He didn’t hold back, he didn’t wait, he slammed into me, rocking my entire body with his—kissing me with his fire that only flared for me.

Just me.

And as we slipped into the loose state of an earth-shattering end together, I relished in the glory of understanding everything he wanted me to—that even in these moments of undiluted pleasure, we were one.

I was his, he was mine, and we lived as the other lived, deserving this, deserving the pain of life, the joy of happiness and completion. I’d love him forever, tiled floor or not, and not once, not ever again, would I take that for granted.

His breath was mine, his heart, mine—his life was my mine and mine his to the end, to the very day we no longer drew air into our lungs, whenever that day would come.