A Baron of Bonds (Conduit of Light #2)

32. Karus

Chapter 32

Karus

“Black flowers bloomed along the roots of the Blight. Their centers were blue and they glowed. I’d never seen them before, and I think they bloomed from me.” I opened my eyes to watch Rev’s reaction. I wanted to see the wonder and worry on his face rather than just feel it.

Bundled close together, our bare bodies no more than warmly entangled limbs and torsos, we sunk into the bed while the fire crackled in a lazy heat we had not attended to for hours.

He traced his fingers up and down the length of my back as I spoke, spilling everything out of me. Finally, I more than wanted to tell him what I’d been through and done—I needed to tell him. I needed my other half, my piece of me that had endured so much, to know what I had just gone through. I needed him to hear me tell this story and know that I regretted every bit of it.

He watched my face carefully, his eyes soft and loving like he couldn’t believe I was there, tangled up with him.

I swallowed. “I really didn’t know, Rev. I didn’t know following her would trap me there. The lumens had gone through, and she left after them, and I didn’t know what to do. I thought of turning around and trying to find my way back. I thought of you and what you had already been though and what we had done to each other when we were so young and?—”

“Karus.” He brushed my cheek. “I breathe, you breathe. Ready?”

He inhaled through his nose and I copied. He filled his lungs and let the air out slowly through his mouth. I followed his lead and found a place of clarity again.

“Better?”

I nodded.

He pulled on the small of my back, bringing me closer and pressing my stomach to his. “We don’t have to talk about the portal. What happened when you discovered how to leave it?”

“I fell out into a cave. It was dark and wet and enormous. Rev, there’s something I didn’t want to say…in front of the Queen. I—I didn’t know if I should tell her.”

He nodded, waiting for me to explain.

“In the cave…there was a heart. It hung from the top.” I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering the pulse. “It was red and glowed and it beat every second I was there. It was massive…”

The smallest sigh came from his chest as he asked, “Do you think it’s what you feel when you touch the Blight?”

“Yes. Yes, I know it is. And I know it’s hers.” I shook my head and brought our clasped hands to my face. “How did she get like this? How is she still alive?”

“I was hoping you’d know those things.”

“Once Parvus saved me from those creatures, I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t care about her story anymore. I just wanted to get back to you.” I slid my leg up over his hip, settling in where it fit so perfectly. “I’m sorry. I’ll say that a thousand times again. If I could go back, I swear I would not have gone.”

“You can’t change time, Karus?—”

“I know, I just need you to know that I would if I could.”

He chuckled. “Ah, you didn’t let me finish. When I lied to you about Heimlen, about what was under his gloves, I knew I had made a mistake. The minute you left the room, I began to unravel, trying to convince myself I really had done it to save you. I tried to convince myself that by lying, we would be able to destroy the Blight and it would never endanger you again. I left not long after you did to find you and undo what I had done. But I couldn’t. And I certainly didn’t expect you to be with Heimlen. After I finally searched his rooms and found the journal, I ran out of the Fortress doors to see the night sky lit in brilliant sunlight.”

He reached out to wipe a tear that slipped down the bridge of my nose. He had never told me this story before.

“It was then that I wished I could go back in time. In that very moment, I understood what you had done because of the decision I had made. I made a selfish and foolish choice to lie, and the repercussion of that lie lasted seven years. I wished every day that I could go back to that night and tell you the truth and listen to what you wanted to say. But I can’t. And I never will be able to. So all I can do is move forward. All I can do is keep loving you. All I can do is keep lifting you into the sky to shine. Because you shine so bright, Karus. You make mistakes, and you don’t always think ahead. You’re too curious by far and stubborn as well.”

I grimaced hearing my faults laid bare. The truth of them I already knew.

“And I fucking love you for it. For all of it. You drive me crazy, you make me angry, you give me love, and joy, and hope. You make me feel like I can do anything and be the Baron who makes real change.”

I brought my face to his, our lips brushing so softly, gently, as if we really could stop time and just be.

“Did I mention you’re irresistible?”

“No, you did not.”

“My mistake.” He lingered on my lips before asking, “Did you know I chose that study for its desk?”

“Its desk?”

He nodded. “When I was training as Baron, I assumed I would take over Heimlen’s study after he passed.”

“But you didn’t want to be reminded.”

“No, I have been back there only once.”

“Why did you choose your study for the desk then?”

“It was the biggest desk I could find in the Fortress. There are several more rooms that could have acted as my study. One of them is the library the channelers use now. But that study—the desk was so long and wide that when you came to me each day, it was the best barrier between us. The sun would stream through the window and light your face, and I cherished every second of it. If it weren’t for that desk, I would have been too tempted to reach for you. Many of those days, I could barely look at you for fear of what I might say.”

“You’re still healing,” I murmured as I traced a finger down his cheek.

He grabbed my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. “I’m still healing.”

I wanted to pull him closer, bring him to my chest and let him hear my heart. I tucked my arm under his neck, and he moved his lips to mine.

Fire rose from the embers always lit within me, and I wondered if I’d ever get enough of him. I wondered as his fingers trailed across my breasts, down my side, and over the curve of my hip, if I would ever not want this—if I would ever not need this.

I didn’t think so, but I still had more to tell him.

“She was angry with me. She was angry with you.”

Rev stopped his trek and pulled his head back to look at me.

“The Blightress somehow knew what you had done. She called it your betrayal. And she claimed…she claimed the power of the Baron of Felgren was once hers.”

His eyes furrowed. “Hers? She said that a Baron’s power comes from her?”

“Yes. And she said she wants it back.”

He exhaled fully. “Fuck.”

“Yes, fuck.” I repeated. “Have you heard anything like this? Do you know the origins of the power of a Baron?”

“All I know is how it transfers. The moment Heimlen died, I felt it come to me. It came in a voice on the wind that had no gender or substance other than extreme power. It was incessant, constantly nagging in my head as I carried you back to the Fortress.”

“What did it say?”

“It asked if I would accept the power of the Baron of Felgren.”

“What happened when you said yes?”

He paused, uncertainty flickering across his mouth. “I felt as if I could make the world shake. The power…it was intense and terrifying. I spent years after discovering what I could do with it.”

“You know, Baron Revich, I think you’re much more powerful than you ever let on.”

He chuckled. “I currently have no need for this much power. It couldn’t give me in all those years the one thing I wanted, so it has its limits.”

I frowned. That was true, but the Blightress had been able to wake me. She had been able to connect to my mind and help me remember, so if his power was hers, why couldn’t he do the same?

“She also said that she gave some of herself to me. She could sense that I was growing in my mother’s womb, and I reminded her of something she had lost.” I bit my lip, realizing what I had not yet processed. “Do you think that means I only have this power because of her? I can only feel the pulse of the Blight because I am a part of her?”

“Regardless of where your power comes from, it is yours alone. You wield it, you harness the strength to use it. She owns no part of you, Karus, and you owe her nothing.”

I wasn’t sure he was right, but I knew one thing for certain. “I won’t let her take it from you. I don’t care if a Baron’s power was somehow once hers, she can’t have it back. I promise, Rev, she won’t hurt us. I won’t let her.”

“No, she will not. I don’t know what the Queen will have to say tomorrow, but let’s keep this to ourselves until we know more. We need to get back to Felgren, but we can stay here for as long as you need.”

“Thank you. After we hear what the Queen has to say, I will give my goodbyes.” I followed our breathing again, inhaling through my nose, filling my lungs with the warmth between us. “I want to go home,” I exhaled.

“You have been missed. Clairannia, Figuerah, and Moira especially are still worried. You’ll probably hear more scolding before the week is done.”

I twisted my face in another grimace.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

I opened my mouth to start, then bared my teeth. “I—I think they’re actually on their way here.”

His eyes squinted. “And how is that so, Karus?”

“Last night, I was able to get a message to them. I sent Parvus and Rauca back to Felgren with a letter explaining what had happened and about the trial. I wanted them here to help me defend you.”

“And when did you find the time to send a message with the lumens, Karus?”

I wasn’t sure if he pulled my leg higher up his waist, pressing himself hard and warm into my belly, out of reprimand or approval of sneaking out of the castle.

“I…um…” I didn’t know. I didn’t care to remember or I just plainly couldn’t. My mind focused instead on his fingers that traced over the curve of my backside, finding their way to what was slick between my legs with want for him.

“You left your room after I left you, didn’t you, Karus?”

I swear he said my name each time like he was saying what it meant. Like he was saying beloved — his beloved.

“Yes,” I moaned. It was all I could say, my body taking over all rational thinking as I basked in the light pressure and rhythm he circled over the sensitive skin between my legs.

How many times had we done this since reuniting in the throne room of the castle? I barely remembered even stopping—all I knew was pleasure. All I knew was the shape of his mouth as it opened over my breast, his tongue flicking each peak, causing my pulse to race and my breath to steal time in its rapidity.

We couldn’t stop or keep our hands from each other. It was like those two weeks we spent holed up in our rooms in the Fortress after seven years apart.

“Come here.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I obeyed immediately, letting him guide my hips up and over his face as he wrapped his hands over my thighs and slammed my body onto his mouth. I gripped the headboard and wanted to scream. I wanted to alert the entire city of Hyrithia that this man could do whatever he wanted to me, and I’d be right there, a willing participant.

Yes, he held far more power than the Baron of Felgren.

He held me.