A Baron of Bonds (Conduit of Light #2)

44. Saelyn

Chapter 44

Saelyn

I would be seventeen in seven days, and I glared at the checklist I’d written.

Cake. Check.

Clean dress. Check.

Colorful garlands. Check.

Invitations…empty box that seemed to mock me in its lack of pigment.

I tapped my fingers on my chin and then quickly stopped, remembering I would just summon more blemishes if I continued.

Since starting my preparations for my birthday celebration, I had decided I wanted to invite everyone. I wanted all the servants, all the people I knew, to be there and we would have one giant party with music, and lights, and delicious food from the kitchens. We’d been living such a rote, dull existence for so long now, I wanted to change that. I wanted to celebrate the new arrival of summer. I didn’t even care that the party was on my birthday.

But as I continued to stare at the list, my thoughts crept once again to my mother. I hadn’t told her my plans. I hadn’t even confessed I wanted a party to begin with.

All my past birthdays had been small, quiet gatherings—if gatherings really at all. Our home felt its darkest on those first days of summer, and everyone seemed to tip-toe around as if in mourning.

I knew some details of my birth. I knew it had been hard on my mother, coinciding with the day my father died, so I had stayed quiet too. I’d usually hold my mother’s hand those nights as she, Pah-Pah, Thevin, and his parents gathered around to eat my favorite strawberry cake together in the quiet.

She never seemed to want to let go of me on those days, and I’d gladly held onto her.

I wasn’t sure how she’d react to an invitation to a grand party, and I didn’t want to hurt her, so I had done everything in preparation except send the invitations to everyone I knew, which was really not many people at all.

As if my thoughts summoned her, a soft knock came to my door, and I quickly shoved the checklist into a drawer in my desk.

I could feel her presence at the door and called, “Come in, Mama.”

She entered quietly, smiling my way and closing the door behind her. She walked to my bed in the corner, picking up the wooden lumen I still kept on my nightstand.

She cleared her throat and spoke, finally looking at me. “I just spoke to Pah-Pah. He let slip that you’re planning a grand celebration for your birthday this year.”

I gulped and nodded. Her voice was low and quiet, and I couldn’t read her tone.

“Saelyn, my Little Love, I think it’s a wonderful idea.”

“Really? You’re not upset with me?” I rose and rushed to her, throwing my arms around her shoulders, breathing in her scent.

“No, I’m not upset. I know your birthday has always been…a more sorrowful day, and I am sorry for that. But seventeen is a big year, and we should celebrate together. All of us should celebrate you .”

I looked up into my mother’s eyes as they lightened and wanted to cry. I wanted to snuggle up with her in her giant bed in the room next to mine like I did as a small child. She’d wrap her arms around me and stroke my hair at her chest under the soft blankets, and I knew I was safe and loved.

“I didn’t mean to hide it from you…I just?—”

“You didn’t know if I’d be upset by it.” She pulled me back to her chest, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Saelyn. I did what I could to love you, but I’m afraid it wasn’t good enough.”

I suddenly had the thought we weren’t just talking about my solemn birthdays. “What do you mean, Mama? I know how much you love me.”

“Do you?” She sniffed and wiped a hand across her face. “Do you know just how much you are loved?”

“Yes,” I replied simply.

She laughed, and I didn’t know why, but I followed just the same.

“Well,” she began, sniffing more and pulling me back to see my face, “everything will be better soon, you’ll see. This will be the biggest celebration we’ve ever had. Show me what you’ve done so far in preparation, and I’ll help you with the rest.”

I couldn’t smile wider, rushing to my desk to pull out the checklist, and then show her the paper garland I had painstakingly cut and glued together to hang through the trees with the other banners and lanterns.

As I looked up at my mirror, I saw my reflection, though my eyes looked sad and worn, full of a pain I did not currently feel. Frowning, my reflection followed the movement and a pale woman behind me mouthed my name as I heard it whispered in my room.

I turned quickly, my heart racing, expecting to see her standing there beside my mother where she just had been in the mirror.

“Saelyn? Are you alright?”

I licked my lips and grabbed the top of my dress, my heart still pounding. “Did you see her?”

My mother looked around the room, moving closer. “Who? See who?”

“That pale woman who stood beside you just now. I saw her in my mirror. She whispered my name.”

My mother stilled, her face draining of its typical rosy hue as she looked around the room again, even checking under my bed, frightening me more than she likely intended to do.

After a few moments, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Why don’t you sleep in my room tonight. Like you used to. I’m sure it was nothing, Little Love. Just a trick of the light or maybe you’re tired from running through the fields with Thevin all day.”

I nodded, eager to leave.

I gathered my nightgown and wooden lumen, taking one last look at my room as I followed her out and shut the door, wondering who that woman was and if I’d ever see her again.