A Baron of Bonds (Conduit of Light #2)

59. Karus

Chapter 59

Karus

We rode back to the lumen den in silence.

I’d failed Parvus and Rauca. That was obvious to me. When I had allowed her to help me heal them, the Blightress had used her power to influence their bodies and minds.

I knew she called him, and I knew she chose my lumen specifically. The moment we landed at the entrance to the lumen den, I gave Parvus a squeeze and left. Anything Philius wanted to ask would have to wait.

“Karus!” Philius yelled, dismounting from his lumen.

“Later,” Revich responded. “She’s got somewhere to be.”

I’m sure he knew where I was headed—straight up the winding staircase to my old room in the tallest tower. I didn’t know if I needed to be there to speak to her, looking out across the tops of the trees toward the north, but I wasn’t going to do this twice.

I stood atop my old chair and pulled the pin to my window, slamming it open along with the place in my mind where our connection held by a thread.

“ What the fuck was that? ” I called wordlessly, the strong wind pulling my hair to play across my face.

“ Just a peace offering of no hard feelings after that show in Viridis .”

“ How long have you been able to command the lumens? ”

“ Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to? ”

I scoffed aloud. “ Parvus is mine. Rauca’s is Revich’s. You cannot have them. ”

“ Though, it seems as if I do, Little Sprout. ”

No one, not one single soul on the isle was able to enrage me like her. “ I’ll find a way to break your connection. Just like we saved the Overseer, we will find a way. ” I exhaled into the warm wind, then took a deep breath, searching for patience. “ I’m here, ” I continued. “ Speak. This is your weekly chat. ”

“ We’ll have our chat tonight, Karus. I’m busy at the moment. ”

“ Stealing babies, I presume. ”

“ Not at all .”

The connection broke. She was gone, and I stormed off the chair, shoving it back to the vanity desk.

I pulled my hair over my shoulder, catching a glimpse of my reflection in the dusty mirror. Dammit. I was looking more and more like her with each exhausting moment of my life. White streaks bloomed abundant not just at the top of my head as they had for years, but now more on the sides and the nape of my neck. My original chestnut color was still there, but I missed all of it, refusing to get used to this new reminder of what I continued to lose.

I yanked the door open, and Rev stood there, leaning against the wall opposite, hands in his pockets of course, emitting an air of protection and general reverence in my presence.

He quirked a brow at me, and I sighed. “She wouldn’t tell me. I don’t know how to break their connection, but I told her I’d find it.”

“Do you think that counted? As one of your weekly chats?”

I shook my head, fumbling into his chest, meeting warmth and fresh-snapped pine…freshly tilled earth. I mumbled there, “She wants to continue that conversation tonight.”

He rubbed my back. “I’ll be here, if you’d like.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not coming back up here every time. I only did so because I was desperate to find more answers. She can use her power to speak to me in our rooms where it’s cozy and warm.”

He grunted in approval and we stood there for a few minutes, both thinking hard, but both relaxed in each other’s arms.

“She can’t have them, Rev.”

“She won’t. We’ll figure something out. We’re getting good at that. I’ll have the channelers search in the Iumenta Conduit Hall.”

“I’ll write to Figuerah. Maybe she can get a letter to us before she arrives in two months.”

“Let’s focus on what we can do. We can search for answers. We can watch them closely. We certainly won’t bring them back to the Blight again.”

I nodded, my cheek still pressed to his chest. I would stay there for days if he’d let me.

“We can keep training. I tried to answer Philius’s questions as best I could, but he said he had some just for you.”

“Of course he did,” I mumbled into his shirt.

“Karus,”—he lifted my chin with his fingers, sliding a thumb across my lip—“it’s time for you to take the trials. If anything, your training is just a formality. We both know you’ll get through these trials with ease. Once they’re through,”—he cleared his throat—“you can move on to other…conduit things.”

I nodded, not really wanting to think about the conduit trials, my body warming under his touch.

“I mean it, Karus. I’m setting them up this week. They’ll be ready in two. I need you to take over some of the channeler training in that time.”

I moved my hands from around his waist to press them to his hard chest. “I can do that for you, Baron Revich.” The promise slid from my lips, low and suggestive, all of my anger and worry suddenly gone under what I chose to call mine.

His chest moved beneath my fingers in a rumble. “What else can you do for me?”

I reached for his flask, shaking its contents and finding it full. I backed away to the staircase that led down to the first floor.

He followed as he watched, black eyes filling with blue.

“Follow me and find out.”

“Keep looking—that’s too broad.”

“It’s all I can find.”

I slipped off the golden bannister on the first floor of Viridis. I’d tasked Philius with helping me find a book in the Iumenta Conduit Hall specifically about lumens. I shoved the last bite of the beef pastry I’d snagged from the kitchens into my mouth and dusted my hands together.

I took Creatures of Legend from his hand and flipped to the chapter on lumens, showing him without a word that it was shortened to half a page. I’d read the book before and knew it wasn’t what we needed.

“When you search Viridis for something in particular,” I said, laying the book on the floor and patting it gently. It disappeared and slid back into place a few rows down, “you want to hold onto that thought tightly. Close your eyes and think. What do you really need to know? There are thousands of books here. Almost all the knowledge of the isle is at your fingertips. You just need to ask.”

He paused. “We need to know about the magic in lumens.”

“Right…keep going.”

“We need to know how they make connections to their riders, how they can communicate.”

“You’re on the right track. Go ahead—ask.” I smiled, waiting.

“Out loud?”

“No, no. Here.” I took his hand and placed it on the shelf. “Let Viridis know what you need and let it guide you.”

He looked doubtful, but did as he was told, closing his eyes and slowly slipping over books and verdant hanging vines. He found the end of the shelf and started on the next one down. He stopped when his fingertips hit a book pushed slightly forward.

“ Magical Creatures and Their Power: How Felgren Feeds its Fauna .”

“Perfect,” I praised. “Start there. I’ll keep looking for something else.”

Philius sat against the bannister, opening the book to begin skimming its pages. He still hadn’t asked me anything about what he felt at the Blight, so I waited for him to begin that conversation when he was ready.

I tilted my head, my eyes darting over the spines in this section. It was fairly well-off compared to some of the other floors. Some halls of books had become shadowed remnants of where the Blight had grown over their surface.

I paused at the bloom of jasmine, white and pink blossoms falling over the top shelf to greet me. I leaned in to smell them, appreciating Viridis correctly. They began to grow, trailing down to fall upon a book second from the bottom floor shelf. I reached down and pulled the thin book out, reading aloud, “ The Moon-Callers of Felgren Forest by Conduit Dynah Elspon”.

“Moon-Callers?” Philius asked, still skimming his book.

“Wolves,” I answered under my breath.

I opened the book, seeing the table of contents containing subjects such as Lumen Magic and Great Communicators . Once again, Viridis had provided me with exactly what I’d needed.

“Thank you,” I whispered, grinning when a warm breeze swept past me.

I sat down next to him, folding my legs underneath me and opened the book to the introduction.

“I do not write to write well. I write this book to inform future conduits. That is all. ”

I laughed. I’d never read a conduit manuscript that had started like that. I flipped to Lumen Magic .

“I have studied lumens since the day I got here. These beautiful wolves should be studied by more channelers for their magic. When a lumen is born, the mother brings her pup (only one is born at a time unlike wolves outside of Felgren) to the Great Stream. I don’t know why it is called the Great Stream. That name is simple compared to the fantastical names of things throughout Felgren. I am now realizing I am off topic.”

I laughed again.

“Is it a humorous book?” Philius mumbled.

“It is actually, but I don’t think she meant it to be.”

I continued on.

“When her mother brings her pup to the stream, she holds their head in her jaws and bathes it in the water. I have seen this happen myself once while I was here (lumen pups are rare) and have read reference to this in some other books in Viridis.

After my research, I’ve concluded this is done to help the pup grow in magic. The water of the Great Stream is full of magic and power. I have bathed in it myself and drank its water, feeling stronger with both. I do not recommend bathing in the water unless it is summer or you will freeze your ? —”

“Philius!”

I glanced up from my book to see Rell and Renn tumbling up the stairs. They rushed to us, giggling as they continuously were, and stopped to catch their breath.

“Yes?” he asked with a smirk.

“All the channelers are getting together to visit Ilyenna and Talon. Mychael is bringing some of his soup and we’re bringing these.” Rell held out a bouquet of purple and white iris.

“And why are we visiting Ilyenna and Talon?” he asked, closing his book.

“Ilyenna’s with child!” Renn burst.

He looked to me and I nodded.

Rising from the floor, he stretched his arms over his head, handing me his book. “Okay, what can I bring?”

“I don’t know,” Rell stated, shrugging.

“How about some wine for Talon? You know, to celebrate?” Renn smiled wide, sprouting dimples on her freckled cheeks.

“Did you come to find me just to see if I had some wine to share?” He crossed his arms, no doubt remembering what it was like to be twenty.

Rell gasped in mock surprise. “Why, we would never. How could you even ask us that?”

“So, do you?” Renn asked again, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Philius laughed and began to walk with them. “Let’s go see, shall we?”

“Not too much, Philius!” I called after them, wondering if I should intervene.

I decided not to. I wasn’t Baron of Felgren after all. They were allowed to have some fun.

I skimmed over the rest of the lumen magic chapter. The author admitted there wasn’t much research on how they got to be the size they became or how they had become so intelligent.

But the Great Stream was something to try. If it imbued magic into the lumens as pups, perhaps it could break a magical connection to the Blightress. It was worth looking into.

I stood and stretched myself, patting both books to return to their places on the shelves and finding my feet taking me to the Origins of Felgren section, fifth level to the west.

I pulled on the book I wanted, Legends of the Blightress: A Collection of Tales Passed Down Through Centuries by Layngden Roper, and found the page I needed to read again.

“If not ye wish to be dead out of the gates of Hyrythiah, wander not to the north of the cytydel where She blackens all life and styls all brything from thy chest. Her wryath consumes all after the fall of Felgryn from her arms and thy Bayron sayved us from Her eyvil.”

I remembered reading this passage years ago in my channeler studies. I couldn’t seem to move past the idea that a Baron, the first Baron in fact, “saved us from her evil”.

Having met her myself, I could believe it, but something still tugged on me not to. I flipped the pages, again finding more of what I wanted.

“Without anger, She laughed in mirth.

Without love, She left them bleeding.

Without hope, She walks the earth.

Without fear, Her heart is fleeting.”

I could pour myself into every line of that piece of lore, spoken down through the centuries in the Attatok Mountains, and still I would feel I could never really solve it. Was it so simple that to rid the land of her heart that fuels the Blight, we must give her nothing to fear? What exactly did she fear?

I rubbed my face, pinching the bridge of my nose, frustrated that everything was so complicated. Everything had an answer that I had to dig for. Nothing was open, and honest, and obvious, and real.

That wasn’t entirely true.

Revich was all of those things and would continue to hold me like the sky he was and had promised to be all those years ago.

I closed the book and replaced it on the shelf.

I’d ask her tonight. When she called out to me, I’d listen as I said, but I was still too curious by far not to wonder at her origins as the Blightress. I just hoped I had the patience to shut my mouth and listen.

“Dammit.” Blood swelled on the pad of my finger and I put it to my lips.

“Careful now,” Rev eyed me over his book with amusement.

“I just haven’t done this in a while,” I murmured, checking on my wound from the small needle I had threaded.

The fire crackled and popped, warming our room as we sat in our chairs—mine the pillowy blue, his, the stiff black. My bare feet were tucked under his open legs, right where they belonged, and I wiggled my toes to get his attention again.

He glanced up over his book, To Train a Conduit: A History of the Conduit Trials by Thalia Lighton, and quirked a brow.

“How many times have you read that?” I tilted my head, avoiding my current task.

“Four.”

I nodded, pushing the needle through the silky, light blue swath of fabric. I had promised Ilyenna that I would gather supplies and start her growth band for her, also promising to teach her how to embroider each moon.

We guessed she was a little over her first month of growing her child. Lia had been more than helpful, letting me use her box of thread and needles, also helping me cut and prepare fabric for the band that would tie around Ilyenna’s waist until her child was born.

“Would you read it to me?” I asked sweetly, my mind trying to wander elsewhere. I wanted more distraction while waiting for the Blightress to call.

Rev smiled, pulling my chair closer and tucking my feet further underneath him. “I’d love to,” he began with a wink.

My grin bloomed across my face, my heart skipping at least one beat whenever he did that.

He cleared his throat, reading, “The lapis trial is known as the most difficult. I would assume this is because it is rarely passed, as most channelers hone the power of health, animals, or plants instead of stone. I myself am a lapis conduit, and therefore, I do not quite understand this struggle, but this is how it has been proposed to me: the lapis trial is impossible to complete without adept lapis magic.

“The other trials can be passed, even if that channeler is not particularly interested in following that magic. For example, a medicus adept channeler can still pass the iumenta trial, but may perhaps still choose to apprentice as a healer. No such luck is had with the lapis trial, which is always the second trial each channeler goes through.”

I interrupted his reading, pulling silvery thread up through the fabric. “Did Clairannia and Figuerah pass the lapis trial?”

“No.”

I frowned. “It really must be difficult then. I would have thought they had passed them all.”

“Mostly,” he replied. “Clairannia passed the medicus and iumenta. She struggled with the agricola and gave up on the lapis.”

“And Figuerah?”

He shrugged. “She passed all of the other three.”

I set my embroidery in my lap and stretched my arms over my head. “Have you trained any channelers who have passed the lapis trial?”

“No, but I was hoping Ilyenna would.”

“To help in the Hallow Marshes?”

He nodded, holding his place in the book with his thumb and flipping through some of the pages.

I watched the flames flicker and dance, wondering how many of the trials I’d be able to pass. I didn’t feel particularly influenced by any stone but the rhyzolm. But I remembered the Blightress’s implication that I held strong magic of all four types of conduits.

Rev cleared his throat and continued reading. “If the lapis trial is ever passed, the conducting Baron usually insists on that new conduit following that line of magic, due to the scarcity of it.

“I myself have apprenticed a few lapis conduits in my life and have helped in the opening of several gold and silver mines near the Attatok Mountains, also finding quarries of gems throughout Arcaynen before deciding to pursue other passions.”

“I thought this was a conduit memoir,” I mentioned, almost finished with the first half of the moon on the band.

“It is, I believe.”

“But she speaks as if she wrote this years after she left Felgren. I thought conduits wrote their memoirs just before they left.”

He flipped back to the beginning of the book. “It’s dated as being written two-hundred years ago. She must have wanted to write something to add to Viridis later in her life.”

I gave a sound of acknowledgment. “Did Clairannia and Figuerah write one?”

“No. Not yet at least. They spent a lot of their time researching ways to return your memories, and all of us got a bit side-tracked for quite a while in their training.” He gave me a weak smile. “They’ve both assured me they intend to finish the memoirs they’ve started, though.”

I sighed, looking up to our stone ceiling, wishing once again that I could change the past.

Rev rubbed the back of my calf and continued reading. “The amount of time a Baron must place into preparing the lapis trial is greater than the other three. This is because a Baron himself often does not possess much of the skill needed to prepare the task that the channeler must face in this trial.”

I interrupted again, “You obviously contain lapis magic. Have you struggled setting up this trial?”

“No, but I see why it would be difficult to.”

“Is there any trial you had difficulty preparing?” I bit my lip, my curiosity distracting all other thoughts as I listened to him talk about his life as Baron. Something I wished I hadn’t missed.

He rubbed his neck in thought. “The first four I did for Clairannia and Figuerah were all…strenuous to complete. Usually, the Baron in training prepares them with the help of their mentor, but that obviously did not happen. I enlisted the help of anyone I could. Both Pompeii and Lia worked with me to prepare them. And I didn’t want to ask Clairannia and Figuerah to help in making their own trials, but they both insisted, and I lost that argument. It was…a difficult time.”

I swallowed, understanding exactly why. He’d given the trials to Clairannia and Figuerah when I had been lost to time for over a year. No mentor, no lover who could remember him. I shuddered, thinking again of what his life must have been like.

I watched his face fall as he laid his head back against the chair, eyes closed, squeezing my ankle as if grounding himself to me, unwilling to let me go.

I set my work to the floor and climbed into his lap, placing the little green ribbon of fabric that marked his place into the book and set it down on the floor.

I straddled him, tucking my knees on either side of his hips and pressed my chest to his, holding the sides of his face.

I kissed him once with a gentle press of my lips. “Rev,” I spoke softly, letting all of his pain into me through our bond, “take me with you. Don’t leave me out here to live through this on your own. I come down that dark path with you, remember?”

His eyes flashed open in black pools of torment as they flickered over my face rapidly, as if he was assuring himself I was truly there.

“Where are you?” I smoothed his dark waves from his forehead. “Tell me what you’re remembering.”

He tightened his grip at my waist and spoke softly, “I tried so many times to speak to you.” He bit down on his lips, squinting at me as tears brimmed in his eyes. “That day, the day they both would take the trials, I panicked. If they passed them as I knew they would, they would leave and another avenue of you returning to yourself would be gone. I didn’t care who woke you, I just wanted you back.” His voice cracked and he swallowed. “When channelers take their trials, the Baron cannot be there with them. He cannot assist them in any way. They take at least half a day to complete, so I wandered the forest that day, hoping to calm myself down.” He looked past me, his eyes staring at the wall.

I brushed my thumb across his cheek, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, I kissed him again, bringing him back to me. “Where did you go?” I whispered.

He closed his eyes again, furrowing his brows in remembrance. “To the muddy lake. The one where I used to find mudcopper fish for Heimlen.”

He shook his head. The eyes that flashed back to me were dark, slipping a dagger into my heart as he spoke, a tear sliding down his cheek. “You were there. You were standing on the edge of the water with Moira, a long stick in your hand, swirling it in the mud like you knew. As if somehow, somewhere inside of your mind, you knew there were fish in that lake. And when I called your name, you smiled. It was the first one I’d seen in over a year.”

He pressed a hand to my cheek. “But your face fell the moment your eyes locked on mine. The moment you saw me there at the edge of the lake, you were gone again, and I had to leave you. I knew what came next. The panic, the unstable breathing, sometimes screaming. I didn’t want to leave you, but I’d only hurt you further if I stayed.”

I sought the strength to reply, finding what I needed in my rage of what was done, not to me, but to him. I sniffed and wiped at his cheek, declaring, “I would give up every single thread of my power to save you from this.” I tapped his chest over his heart, my lips trembling to release my words. “I know I can’t and I know you wouldn’t agree, but if I could give up my magic to go back, I would. Immediately, I would.” I pressed my forehead to his. “I cannot do this for you. No one can. So I will stay with you instead. For as long as you need, I will stay right here with you. I will hold you, I will kiss you, I will remind you that I am not lost. That I am not leaving. That I love you, that I am yours.” I kissed him gently, whispering above his lips, “I promise, Rev, you will never go through that again.”

Wordlessly, he met my mouth, saying more with his kiss than he could by speaking. Sending love, and relief, and need straight to me. I welcomed all of it in to settle, blooming over my soul in that ever-present reminder of the lifeline held taut between us that had been growing for years and strengthened with each day.

Her voice came in the middle of the night.

“ Are you there, Little Sprout? ”

My eyes shot open, and I raised my head from where it had been nestled over Revich’s arm and tucked into his shoulder.

His breathing was deep, undisturbed by my movement. I considered leaving the bed and speaking with the Blightress away from him. But I had asked him to take me with him. I had asked that we go down our dark roads together, and so I stayed, wrapping my leg and arm over him, pressing my cheek to his chest.

He adjusted his arm in his sleep to wrap around me, and I answered silently, “ Yes, I am here. ” I watched the rise and fall of Revich’s breathing, my eyes adjusting to the dim glow of the fire we left burning each night.

There was a pause, and I searched for our connection, thinking she or I had let it go before I heard in my mind, “ Something has happened. Will you tell me what it is? ”

I wasn’t sure if she meant Ilyenna, and I certainly wasn’t going to tell her about that, so I answered, “ What makes you think something has happened? ”

“ Your power has grown. Something has fueled it since this afternoon. ”

I actually grinned, lifting my head to look at Rev, his face turned to the side, deep in slumber. I remembered the way he had loved me on the rug in front of our fireplace just hours before. I remembered how he kissed me, held me, worshiped every curve of my body before I’d done the same to him.

No, I was not at all surprised my power had grown since this afternoon.

I settled myself back onto his chest and returned, “ It’s nothing you need to know about. ”

I could hear her chuckle. “ A secret you’d like to keep? ”

“ I keep all my secrets from you. You do not get any of them. ”

“ I’m sure there are a few I could dig around to find. ”

“ Don’t. Don’t even try. You want me to actually listen to you during these talks? Then you should actually speak about what you feel is necessary to tell me. ”

“ I see you are still unwilling to speak to me calmly. ”

“ You see correctly. ”

“ You try my patience, child. ”

“ And you mine, so continue. I’d like to get back to sleep. ”

“ Alright, Karus, I’ll start with this. I once loved a man who betrayed me and was the cause of our child’s death. ”

My blood chilled, and a shiver crept up my spine to the back of my neck, an unwelcome heightened sense of dread sitting low in my stomach.

I cleared my throat, even though I was not speaking aloud. “ I’m listening. ”

“ Before I tell you this story, tell me what you know of my beginnings. ”

“ Only what you yourself have told me. And there’s a book with one small passage about you residing in the north, stealing people’s breath after the fall of Felgren from your arms… ”

“ Is there more? ”

“ It mentions that Baron Adaynth saved Hyrithia and the forest from your wrath. ”

Maniacal laughter filled my head before, “ Is that really the story he gave them? I should not be surprised. He was always one for making himself into the hero. I myself am evidence of falling to the trap of believing him to be. ”

I hesitated, wanting to ask more questions, unsure if it was a good idea. “ You loved him? You loved the first Baron? ”

“ I loved him before he called himself Baron, yes. As I told you, we grew up together in Felgren. I loved him before he had any power, as I held all of it. ”

“ Held all of what? ”

“ Power. Magic. I was the first wielder on the isle. ”

My breath caught and I licked my lips. “ You’re saying you were the first channeler? ”

“ As Visalia, I channeled nothing, for I was the first on the isle to have magic. ”

Revich stirred, turning toward me, and I accommodated his body with mine, attempting to dampen my racing heart to avoid waking him.

“ That’s your true name. Visalia. ”

“ It is. Or at least it was the one I was given at birth. I do not mind being called the Blightress. It suits me well enough. ”

“ You say you were the first one with magic. Did you take your power from Felgren like the rest of us? ”

“ No, Little Sprout. I gave my power to Felgren. ”

Revich’s eyes flashed open. He blinked, watching me stare at his chin, my forehead creased in comprehension of what she was telling me.

“Is she speaking to you?” he whispered.

I nodded and sat up, continuing in my mind, “ You’re saying the power in Felgren came from you? ” I shook my head and scoffed as Revich pulled himself up with me, taking my trembling hand. “ I don’t believe you. ”

“ And why is that, Karus? Do you think I lie to you now in the dead of night during the little time you give me to tell you my story? That I seek to manipulate you into believing Felgren was born from me? For what purpose? Why would I choose that lie? ”

“Are you alright?” Revich murmured, slipping the thin strap of my nightgown back up onto my shoulder.

“Yes,” I whispered to him, my voice dry. I coughed and he moved to pour a glass of water from his bedside table.

“ I don’t know why you’d lie about this, but I do believe you’re capable of it. ”

“ I’d rather you believe me, but whether you do or not, it remains true. I was born with great power that Arcaynen had never seen before, and I chose to share it because I was a fool. I shared it with the forest I loved, the sister I loved, and the man I loved. ”

I gulped water from Revich’s cup. “ Prove it. Find a way to prove that what you say is true, and then I’ll believe you. ”

“ You will not like how I prove this to you. ”

“ Try me. ”

“ My sister can confirm the truth. Someone you already trust. ”

“ Your sister still lives? Just as ancient as you? ” I wrapped my arms around Revich’s neck as his swept over my back. I would cling to him as my lifeline as I tried to understand exactly what the Blightress was saying.

“ She was given some of my power, so yes, she lives, just as ancient as me. ”

I settled myself into Revich’s lap, my face pressed to his neck, holding him tightly. “ Give me her name then. ”

“ Thalia was the name given to her at birth. Now, she now goes by another, and I believe you know her for her cinnamon buns. ”