A Brooding Christmas Promise (Christmas Matches of Worth #2)

Chapter Four

I do not wish to be here. Samuel scowled to himself as he made his way through the throng of guests only then to turn sharply and make for the side of the ballroom, eagerly seeking out the shadows. It was only because his very dear friend had thrown this wonderful occasion that Samuel had consented to be present, though within moments of stepping inside, he had wanted to take his leave again. Christmas was, to him, a rather dull affair for, without family to share it with, he had spent the last three years alone. Yes, there had been invitations to various events on Christmas day itself, but Samuel had always chosen not to attend. Instead, he had let himself sink slowly into discontent and drunkenness, trying to push aside the dark memories which always haunted him.

At least she will not be here this Season.

Samuel let out a long breath and clasped his hands behind his back, meandering slowly rather than pushing his way through. He had no desire to stop and speak with anyone at present, his stomach clenching as unpleasant memories returned to him. It had been three years since he had last enjoyed a wonderful Christmas, only for that happiness to be swallowed up entirely in one single, broken moment. Time and again, Samuel had attempted to set it aside, had told himself that he did not want to think of her or all that had happened, but the memories refused to leave. It was as though they delighted in tormenting him, were pleased to bring him pain. That was why he despised these occasions, why he did not like conversing with anyone nor wished to step out to dance. The last time he had done so, it had brought him nothing but a broken heart. Why should he risk such a thing again?

Two ladies, one walking quickly, her hand on the other’s wrist, hurried forward, making to stand at the side of the room, close to the shadows there where Samuel himself walked. A little frustrated, Samuel slowed his steps all the more, wondering if he ought to walk around them, practically pressing himself against the wall as he did so, or if he should step a little further into the ballroom and, in doing so, make his presence known. He certainly did not want to do the latter for that could well bring him a good deal of attention especially given that he was a Marquess and held such a strong title. The ton knew that he was still not connected with any young lady and would, as they had always done, attempt to thrust daughters, sisters or nieces under his nose in the hope of him noticing one of them.

The thought turned his stomach. None of them wished to know his character, none would truly care for him. His title and fortune were all that mattered.

Though she knew me, came the sudden thought, and still, she turned her back on me.

Heaviness settled on him again and Samuel rubbed one hand over his face. Coming to a stop, he sighed and clicked his tongue but neither lady took notice, with one gazing fervently into the other’s eyes.

“You are not to let either our stepmother or her sister bring any sort of darkness to what is going to be a wonderful Christmas.”

Despite his frustration, Samuel’s ears pricked up. The first lady was speaking very fervently indeed though clearly, she had no awareness of his presence. He considered them both, stepping back a little more into the shadows. They must be sisters, he considered, a little surprised with just how ardent the lady’s voice was. Something must have happened to make her speak so and the other lady, Samuel saw, was looking a little afraid.

His heart twisted as a frown settled over his brow. To know that a young lady was upset or frightened because of another did not sit well with him though, he reminded himself, he had no reason to stand and listen to this.

“I promise you that we will not always be in her company and, if we must, then we can be just as determined as she is.”

The other lady hesitated and Samuel, telling himself to move forward and to ignore the rest of the conversation, attempted to do so, only for her to speak and command his attention again.

“What do you mean by that?”

I should take my leave, for I am being beyond rude at present, Samuel berated himself, silently. This has nothing to do with me.

“We can find out whether or not she is to be present at various occasions,” the first lady replied as Samuel ducked his head and began to move forward, stepping slowly and carefully so that his itching ears would be satisfied while, at the same time, trying to hide himself in the shadows. There was not a large space for him to push into, no large gap between them but he could not bring himself to walk into the ballroom a little more. Keeping his head lowered, he moved carefully, praying that neither of the ladies would notice him. Perhaps, in their fervency and the depth of their conversation, they would not see him.

“I believe that she is wed to a Viscount – from what I recall – but I am wed to an Earl and thus, our standing is not quite similar enough for us to always be at the same occasions. I can assure you, my dear sister, that Lady Foster will not have as much of a presence in your life as she might wish to have. Those here in London who are my friends will listen to me about this matter and make certain Lady Foster is not invited, should it come to that. Lady Foster calls herself your shadow but she will be nothing more than a cloud which passes for a moment and then fades away. And if I must, I will throw my own events and make certain she is not invited. We cannot let her succeed, Charlotte. Do you hear me? You must be strong in this, refusing to let her capture a hold of your Christmas and make it into the dull, miserable affair she clearly wishes – all on behalf of her sister, I might add! You have already given up enough. Are you certain that you wish to give up even this?”

Samuel lifted his head and, just as he did so, the second lady, the one to whom the question was being asked, looked directly at him. Shame infused him, burning up through his core, into his chest and face and quickly, he turned his head away and moved forward. He stumbled slightly in his haste, his mortification increasing all the more but finally, he was away from them both.

Lady Foster, he mused, the name coming to him with a sense of familiarity. It soon came to him. Lord Foster was one of the gentlemen Samuel had played cards with recently, one who had been rather raucous and much too imbibed to play sensibly. Samuel had been forced to take a vow from the fellow rather than have the coin given to him there and then, which had been most frustrating. To his mind, a gentleman ought not to play cards if he did not have the money with him at the time!

“Ah, there you are. I did wonder if you would be hiding in the card room this evening but I can see that you have not made your way there as yet!”

Samuel scowled. “Do keep your voice down, my friend. I am attempting to be as inconspicuous as possible.”

Thomas, the Earl of Trenton and Samuel’s very dear friend, lifted an eyebrow. “You are attempting to be inconspicuous at one of the most auspicious events of the festive Season?” His eyes twinkled. “The auspicious event that I have thrown?”

With a chuckle, Samuel looked away from his friend and instead, let his gaze travel about the room. “You have done very well, Trenton. I am impressed as is, it seems, almost every other member of the ton ! I have heard many a person marveling over this or that.” Smiling, he put one hand on Lord Trenton’s shoulder for a moment. “Thank you for the invitation. You know that I do not mean to be rude in my manner.”

His friend nodded. “Of course not.”

Samuel took his hand away. “You well understand why I am not inclined towards being dragged into unwanted company and conversation.” He threw a quick glance to his friend before pulling his gaze away again. “No doubt someone will either speak of or mention things that I do not wish to speak of.”

“And by that, you mean Maria.”

Samuel closed his eyes, wincing inwardly. “Yes, Maria.”

Lord Trenton cleared his throat. “Forgive me. I did not think… ”

“It has been a long time, yes.” Samuel shook his head. “Three years have passed and still, I cannot think of it without pain.”

With a small nod, Lord Trenton spread out his hands. “If there was something I could do to help you, then you know that I would. All you need to do is say the word and – ”

“You need not take on any blame, my friend.” Samuel interrupted but did so gently. “Yes, she was your cousin but that does not mean that you bear any responsibility.”

“Even though I was the one who introduced you, encouraged you and the like?” A small snort escaped him. “Had I known that her intentions were not pure, then I would never have done so.”

“I know. But it is not your fault.” Samuel offered a wry smile. “It is probably good for me to be here in society again. I simply do not feel that as yet.” He shook his head. “I fear gossip. I have endured enough of that, I can assure you.”

Lord Trenton tilted his head. “Why did you come back to London? When I told you that I would be here for the little Season and thereafter, suggested you come to join in the festivities, I did not get the impression from you that you had any real intention of doing so.”

Knowing that there was no good in pretending, Samuel chose instead to be honest. Lord Trenton knew him well enough to be able to ascertain when he was lying, that much was certain!

“In truth, I had not thought about coming to London again,” he began, “but the thought of spending more time alone at the estate was not a particularly pleasant one. I felt as though I had endured enough solitude – though it has been my own choice to be alone, of course.”

“I understand.”

“But I also wish for you to understand that I have no intention of seeking out another lady. I will make it plain in amongst the ton also, if I have to! I have already determined that I shall not marry.”

Lord Trenton’s eyes flared. “Ever? You intend to remain alone for the rest of your life?”

Samuel shook his head. “I must produce the heir, I know that, but I will not marry any time soon. This pain within me must depart completely and then I shall enjoy a time when I am simply in my own company and quite contented with it. Thereafter, I may consider marriage.”

“But that could be years!”

“Yes.” Samuel shrugged. “It could be but that is my determination. I have vowed to myself that I shall not let myself be caught by any young lady. When the time comes, it shall be for my own sake and at my own consideration. I shall never permit myself to feel anything for another young lady again. Not for as long as I live.” He held up one hand, seeing the way that his friend opened his mouth to speak. “You need not argue with me. I have resolved upon my course.”

Lord Trenton’s lips tugged to one side.

“And yes, I know that there will be speculation about my return to London but I fully intend to make certain that all of the ton know of it.”

“There will be gossip!” Lord Trenton exclaimed, his eyes sharp for a moment. “Can you endure it?”

Samuel rubbed one hand over his face. “I have endured enough gossip for a lifetime,” Samuel muttered, feeling the urge to retreat back into the shadows again. “I cannot bear any more whispers.”

His friend’s expression grew sympathetic. “I do not think that you are able to avoid such a thing, unfortunately. You know as well as I what the ton is like though, I am sure, they will begin to whisper about something – or someone else – soon enough. You must simply permit them to talk about you for a short while, I think.”

“Considering what I have just overheard, you may be right.” Samuel, seeing his friend’s eyebrows lift in obvious curiosity, chuckled. “I am afraid that I heard something I was not meant to, some difficulty between one young lady and a Lady Foster? You will recall the gentleman, I am sure.”

Lord Trenton’s frown was immediate. “Lord Foster? Yes, I know him. He demanded that I place the most ridiculous amount of money on a game of cards which, of course, I refused.”

Samuel chuckled ruefully. “I played cards with him only last week, I think, when I had just begun to re-enter society. He was not an amiable fellow in the least.”

“No, he is not.”

“And it sounds as though his wife might be much the same,” Samuel continued, his interest still a little piqued. “I should not have lingered to listen, however. I should probably find the young lady in question and apologise for lingering.”

“Do you know their names?”

Samuel shook his head.

“Then I say, forget about it. There is no need for you to do anything of the sort. Besides, given the fact that I can see three young ladies coming toward you with a calculating gleam in every eye, I think that you may find yourself a little… overcome with company.”

Samuel turned sharply, only to wish he had not done so as smiles wreathed themselves across every face, perhaps thinking that he had turned to look at them out of hope or expectation. Inwardly groaning, Samuel had no other choice but to turn his attention to them all fully, bowing as they came near and silently praying that he would recall their names, had he already been introduced – even if it had been some years ago now.

“Good evening, Lord Crestwood,” the first lady said, bobbing a curtsy after she had unlinked herself from her fellow companions. “It has been some time since we have been in each other’s company, has it not?”

“Lady Norah, good evening,” Samuel said quickly, relieved that he had remembered the lady’s name. “I did not think for a moment that you would remember me, since I have been absent from London for so long.”

The lady trilled a laugh, reached out one hand and let her fingers rest on his arm for just a moment. “Oh goodness, Lord Crestwood, you cannot think that I would forget you! Your absence from society has been noticed by many, though I am sorry for what drove you away from us.”

A heavy weight dropped down into Samuel’s stomach and though he forced a smile, he did not feel even a single iota of happiness. Within barely a minute of conversation, the lady had brought the subject about to his absence from London, to the ending of his engagement. He looked to Lord Trenton who, after a small smile, merely shrugged as though to say that this was all that Samuel could expect – and would have to become used to – and, sighing inwardly, Samuel forced himself back to the conversation, resigning himself to becoming part of the local gossip for the next few days at least.