A Christmas Delight

28. Chapter Twenty-eight

Chapter Twenty-eight

G uilt kept me from going to the fair. I called Nina after my mom left, sobbing. I didn’t want to cause more drama, but I’ve made things worse. Nina insisted that she would be fine at the fair. Everything is already ready. The donuts have been made in advance. Andy has been recruited to help, bless his kind soul.

I’m sitting on the couch. The lights are off, except for the Christmas tree. I want Mom to think I’m not home, or she won’t come back, and we need to have a conversation. An actual conversation, not a stupid fight. If she’s going to go home, and I want her to, I can’t let her leave with the way things are now. It wouldn’t feel right.

I don’t know how this is going to go. I’m guessing badly.

The door creaks open, making my heart jump. The clicking of heels echoes in the foyer. Mom freezes on the spot as she sees me stand up from the couch.

“Oh. I thought you were gone,” she says.

“Well, I stayed.”

She avoids eye-contact. “I’m going to pack.”

“Mom.” I stand in her way. “It’s dark outside, and the roads are bad. Don’t leave now. Wait until tomorrow.”

She crosses her arms against her chest, her lips pinched. “Alright.”

I won’t get anything more from her unless I apologize. Thing is, I’m done apologizing for the things I didn’t do, but I do carry some part of the blame. “I meant it when I said that I’m responsible for my actions. Yelling and getting angry wasn’t the right thing to do. I’m sorry.”

Finally, her eyes meet mine.

“Joel and I broke up, I guess,” I add, the tightening of my throat trying to choke me. “So, I’ve been on edge. But that doesn’t give me the right to snap at you. I did mean the things I said, though. I could have said them better, that’s all.”

I wait for Mom to retaliate. To tell me again how much I hurt her. Instead, she says something that surprises me. “I thought something had happened with him.”

Tears fill my vision again. I want to have a conversation with my mother, but thoughts of Joel swarm me and clench my teeth. “Yeah, well, you told me, right?” Fat tears roll down my cheeks, and I quickly wipe them away with the sleeve of my sweater, but they won’t stop.

“Go sit on the couch,” Mom says. “I’ll make some tea.”

She disappears in the kitchen, and I head to the couch while she makes the tea, giving me the opportunity to compose myself.

“Here,” she says, putting a cup of steaming tea between my hands. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I tell her about Catherine and Finn. The fight between me and Joel. The horrible things we said to each other. When I’m done, I look at her. “Go ahead, say it. You never liked him. You knew this was going to happen.”

Instead, she says something I could never have guessed in a million years. “You love him.”

My throat aches again, and I pinch my lips, nodding. “I didn’t think it’d be so hard for him to trust me. I don’t know what else I expected. I guess I thought I had saved him somehow.” I let out a bitter chuckle. “That sounds so stupid when I put it like that.”

A soft smile tugs at Mom’s lips. “Very often, we want to believe that we can change other people, but that’s an illusion. In order to change, you have to want to do it. You need to heal. No one can do it for you.”

I don’t know if she’s talking about me or not, if she accepted my apology or not, since I probably didn’t apologize for the things she wanted. “Are you mad at me?”

Mom takes my hand, shaking her head. “I know I haven’t been easy. I’ve been wrestling with my own problems. I’m sorry.”

My jaw drops. Did my mother just apologize?

“I called Frank,” she says. “While I was outside.”

“You did?”

“Yes. We talked. He made me realize my behavior was out of line. Not just with him, but with you too. You were right earlier. I shouldn’t have imposed myself like that.”

“Thanks for saying that, Mom.”

“I shouldn’t have tried to set you up with Finn, either. He sounds like an idiot. And calling him an idiot is an insult to all the stupid people.”

A chuckle escapes me.

“Imagine how many crises would have been adverted if his parents had bothered using protection.”

I burst out laughing. “That was mean, but I kinda enjoyed it.”

She pauses for a moment, lost in thought. “I wish I’d had the courage to open my own business too. But I was always too afraid to fail and get out of my comfort zone. You’re so young and already own a successful business. It takes a lot of guts. I’m proud of you for that. And for many other things.”

“That means a lot. And you know, you can stay a few more days if you want to. There’s no rush.”

She looks at me. “Oh, I think it’s time I go home. Well, maybe not now when you’re sad. I can stay a little if you need me. But I think I’m going to spend Christmas with Frank. He misses me. And if I’m being honest, I miss him too. It’s just… I don’t know when I’m going to see you next.”

“Well, once things get a little less crazy in January, I can come for the weekend. You and Frank should plan a visit here together. He wanted to visit Brindlewood. That’d be nice.”

“Yes, it would be.”

Mom wraps her arm around me, and I lay my head against her shoulder. I know our relationship will still be complicated at times, but I’m done apologizing for the things I shouldn’t feel sorry about. I’m done hiding my true self. I haven’t forgotten all the things Mom has said to me, but the fact that she said sorry, that she made a step in my direction, has soothed some of my wounds. I’ll make sure to tell her when she’s out of line in the future.

“Mom, there’s something I really want for Christmas.”

“What is it?”

“No gift. At all.”

She frowns at me. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t bear another terrible gift from you.”

An offended laugh bursts out of her mouth. “I make terrible gifts?”

“Yes, everyone agrees. Stop getting people what you think they need and give them what they want. No more shapewear, okay? That’s insulting.”

Mom starts laughing, making me laugh too.

“All right,” she says. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll do my best.”