A Christmas Delight

30. Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

D own goes another cup of coffee. I’ll have heart palpitations if I keep this up. Tonight, the fair is even busier than it was the night before. As we approach Christmas, more and more people come here, enjoying the food and the lights and the music and the games. Nina and I don’t get many occasions to speak, only a few interactions here and there.

A part of me wants some time alone to myself, just to sit and feel sorry for myself. But I don’t have time to think about depressing things, about how much I miss Joel. A whole family comes up to the booth. Three little kids look at the colored donuts in awe, their eyes sparkling. As the parents ask me about each flavor, I gladly describe it to them, giggling as the kids shout what they want. I grab a box and gently lay six donuts inside, then hurry up to make three hot chocolates, an iced latte, and a caramel macchiato.

There are more people waiting behind them. As soon as the family leaves, a couple steps forward. Then a group of friends. People are excited about the donuts, helping me forget about my heartbreak, if only for a little while.

A familiar face shows up as the group of friends leave, making me do a double take.

“Mom!”

“Look at all those lights,” she says, looking around our little space. “I might need sunglasses.”

I let out a chuckle, which quickly dies as I remember Joel putting on his sunglasses after helping put my lights up. Turns out they have the same sense of humor. “It’s nice to see you here.”

“Well, I wanted to see you in action at the fair before I go home tomorrow. I’m tired just looking at you.”

“Can I get you something to give you a boost?”

“Well…” She thinks about it, pouting her lips. “A small latte. One artificial sweetener.”

“You got it.”

Mom leans to the side, looking at the donuts. Nina and I glance at each other. Anticipation nearly makes me shake.

Andy is with us too. “Do it, Doris. You know you want to.”

“Oh, what the hell,” Mom says, giggling. “Give me a cinnamon roll.”

We cheer for her, making her laugh.

“How about you eat on this side, Mom?”

“Well, okay.” She rounds the counter to join our little group and takes a bite of the cinnamon roll. She groans, her eyes widening. “You made this?”

“I sure did.”

“This is delicious.”

“I’ve been telling you.”

While my mom devours the cinnamon roll, I resume my activity behind the counter, once again facing someone I know, and I have to keep myself from rolling my eyes.

Finn smiles at me from the other side of the counter. “Hey, friend.”

I’m not really in the mood for Finn, but I remind myself that he’s a customer like any other. “Hi. What will it be?”

“I was thinking maybe a movie?”

I frown, my brain struggling to process what he’s telling me. “What?”

“Not as a date, just as friends. Or maybe coffee?”

“Um…” Even now, I’m looking for a nice way to tell him no. The best I can come up with is, “Maybe. Are you ordering something?”

His face lights up at my response. “Iced coffee, please.”

“Sure. Could you stand on the side to make way for the other customers? I’ll bring it to you.”

He nods and steps aside. I get to work while Nina gives donuts to other customers. But then a voice calls out to me on the opposite side of the booth, making me freeze on the spot.

“Maisie.”

I turn around, and just as expected, seeing Joel feels like being stabbed in the heart.

He comes to a stop to the side of the booth, looking as though he’s been hurrying to us.

Nina glances at me, then turns to him. “I’m sorry, Joel, I don’t think it’s the right time.” Her voice is soft and gentle, but I’m grateful for the intervention.

“I won’t bother you, I swear,” he says. “I just need to tell you something. Something I should have said the other day.”

“I’m not in the mood, Joel.”

Mom steps out and plants herself in front of him. “Young man, she cannot talk to you right now. I think you’ve done enough.”

“I just want to tell her something important, and then I’ll leave—”

“And she said she didn’t want to hear it.”

I force a smile on my face as I serve my customers, pretending I can’t hear Joel and my mom arguing behind me.

“I only need two seconds,” Joel insists.

“It’s time for you to leave,” Mom says.

“Finn made a bet about her.” Joel’s voice is sharp enough to make me turn.

He sighs and looks over my mom, directly at me. “Look, I didn’t say it the other day because I was afraid you’d think I was lying. And I know it’s none of my business, and you can take care of yourself, but I cannot stand the sight of him hitting on you when I know what I know.”

I briefly look at Finn, who’s standing on the other side of the people queuing in front of the stand.

“He made a stupid bet with a friend. If he can sleep with you before New Year’s Eve, he wins.”

It feels like I’m being punched in the stomach.

My mom looks at me. “Well, that certainly is an interesting information.”

“That’s the only reason he apologized to you,” Joel continues, his voice low as though he feels guilty for telling me. “If you don’t believe me, ask Brent. He was there.”

I realize Brent is standing a few yards away. He gives me a little wave when he sees me looking at him.

“Right. Okay,” I say.

Joel nods once. “I thought you should know.”

I can tell that Joel has managed to somewhat get into Mom’s good graces. “Thank you for letting us know,” she says to him.

Joel lingers another second or two, then turns and walks away. I watch him, a mix of emotions swirling through me. Turns out Finn is as much of a jerk as I thought he was. Everyone is rotten, it seems, and I’m starting to rot too, from the inside out.

“I cannot believe I set you up with this—this— worm,” Mom says as she comes back. “Do you want me to tell him to go away?”

“That’s okay. Thanks, though.”

I finish making Finn’s iced coffee and conveniently forget to put a lid on it. Finn is waiting for me, and his smile widens as I come up to him.

“So, which movie will you want to see?”

I lift my arm and pour the iced coffee over his head, messing up his perfect hair. People gasp behind me, others laugh, and I recognize Nina and Andy’s voices. Finn ducks down, coffee dripping over his face, neck, and clothes.

“What the hell?”

“On the house,” I say, smiling my customer service smile. “Please, tell your buddy you lost your bet.”

He wipes some coffee from his face with his sleeve. “Wait, it’s not what you think.”

“Joel and Brent are still around here somewhere. Should we ask them?”

I enjoy the flash of fright in his eyes at the mention of Joel. He looks around, cheeks flushed, and takes a few steps back.

“Enjoy being single and fat,” he says.

“Thanks, I will.”

Some people must have known Finn, because when I turn, a few men clap, shouting well done.

Andy appears at my side, a bucket of kettle corn in the crook of his arm. “Best live show I’ve ever seen.”

“Thanks. It’s called Single and Fat, the musical. Now make space, I have to sing and dance.”

We snicker like idiots and go back to the stand.

Nina can barely hold her excitement. “He totally deserved it.”

“He did.”

Mom cocks her head. “And here I was, thinking you needed me. Silly me.”

The coffee-pouring seems to have infused new energy in the group and our customers. I wish I could feel the same, but instead, doubts and questions weigh me down. Joel must still be there somewhere, unless he only came here to warn me. It was nice of him. Despite what happened, his wanting to protect me makes me feel seen and safe. As I work, I keep glancing around, hoping to see him again. But I don’t know what I would do if I saw him, or if I even should do anything at all.

A hand brushes my arm. Nina’s blue eyes are fixed on me. “Take a break, babe.”

For once, I don’t argue. I need to gather my thoughts. I nod and walk through the crowd, looking for a calm-ish spot. A little bit further away, on the periphery of the fair, is an old carriage decorated with thousands of yellow lights. A wooden bench is nearby. I sit on it, content to have found a quiet place.

I admire the lights on the carriage. All these decorations, the music, the smells, would have enchanted me any other time. Now they make me sad. No matter how elaborate or how pretty, they just can’t soothe me anymore.

“May I sit?”

I look up and see Randall. “Of course.”

He sighs as though relieved to sit but doesn’t talk right away. We just sit silently under the snowflakes that have started to fall from the purple sky.

“How are you doing?” he finally asks. It isn’t the ordinary how are you that we give to customers. It’s the how are you that means I know you’re not doing good, do you want to talk about it?

“I don’t know what to do.”

Randall doesn’t answer. He crosses his fingers together and waits, giving me space to talk.

“I feel hurt, and I don’t know what to do about it. Should I forgive? Move on? Forget about it? I just… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Forget what you’re supposed to do. What do you want to do?”

“I’m not sure. A part of me wants to forgive.” I turn to him, hoping he’ll give me some advice. “How do I do that? How do we forgive?”

Randall thinks for a moment. “Maybe we don’t.”

Out of all the answers I was expecting, this one wasn’t one of them. “I was sure you were one of those people who say that forgiving is the only way to find peace or something.”

Randall readjusts his position and smiles at me. “I think forgiving is a very personal thing. You don’t forgive for the sake of someone else. You forgive for your own sake, for your own peace, when you are ready for it.”

“How do I know I’m ready for it?”

“Did the people who hurt you ever apologize to you? Did they show remorse? Did they grow and change without waiting for something in return? And if they did apologize, did that seem sincere or was it a distraction to pacify you until they could hurt you again?”

He says all that as though we’re not talking about his son. I turn to the carriage again, my gaze lost in its thousand lights. Finn apologized to me in order to get something from me. He doesn’t even matter and is the least of my worries now.

Mom has been showing some self-awareness at last. She apologized for some things, left out some others. She waited for me to snap at her and tell her the truth to react. Would she have apologized if I hadn’t said anything?

Joel, however, provided a genuine apology without being prompted. He admitted he messed up, said he wished he could fix it, told me he loved me. But left me alone when I asked him to. He didn’t expect anything from me. And tonight, he came to warn me, but didn’t ask for anything in return.

A tear rolls down my cheek, and I wipe it away as I turn to Randall. “Is Joel still here?”

“Yes. His brother is forcing him out of the house.”

“Could you do something for me? I need to speak to him.”

Randall smiles that genuine smile. “Of course.”

I kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you.”