A Christmas Romance in the Scottish Highlands (Scottish Highlands #6)

Chapter 17

17

ALEX

‘You’re here!’ Hunter shouted as soon as Alex made his way into Mistletoe Village Hall later that evening clutching Ella’s cardigan tightly under his arm. Henry had sent him ahead because he wanted to work on a painting in private, but he’d insisted that he would join with Sprout later on. Alex had offered to wait, or to take the terrier along to the rehearsal with him, but the older man had waved him away.

‘And you’re here,’ Alex said self-consciously to the boy as he studied the pantomime cast, some of whom were already sitting in huddles busy running through their lines. A lot were dressed in costume, and in the corner of the room, Alex could see Ella’s stepbrothers, who were wearing wigs and dresses, spinning each other around and sending chairs flying.

‘Aye, Aunt Blair said I had to come early because she wanted me to try on my costume. I think she’s got another one for you too,’ Hunter said excitedly.

Alex cleared his throat. The older woman had been unhappy with the sizing of his suit when he’d tried it on in the tea room earlier so had promised to adjust it and bring it here tonight.

‘Has Ella arrived?’ he asked. He hadn’t spoken to her since she’d run from the tea room, and he wanted to make sure she was okay. Wanted to apologise.

‘I think she’s trying on one of her dresses,’ Hunter told him. ‘I brought you a picture to look at while you’re waiting for her, I’ve been working on it all afternoon, I thought your drawing in the café was really good and I wanted you to see another one of mine.’

The long sentence was delivered in one breath, and the boy gulped in air when he finished. Then he beamed up at Alex and swiped a piece of paper from his back pocket before waving it. Alex took it and unfolded the work carefully, studying the image.

‘I drew it earlier,’ Hunter announced proudly. ‘It’s a picture of Pinecone Manor.’

‘Aye,’ Alex hummed his approval – it was similar to the last picture the boy had given him. A decent representation of the content, if a little childish in style. But some of the smaller details – including the herd of deer, fir trees and the building’s unique turrets – indicated signs of an emerging talent. He scoured the sketch, making appropriate approving sounds as he tuned out the voices in the background and the building anxiety of seeing Ella again.

Which was madness, because usually nothing fazed him. He had a reputation for being heartless at work and had begun to believe that were true. Especially since Stan had gone travelling – because the one person who insisted on telling Alex that he did have feelings was gone.

But he’d upset Ella earlier and that hadn’t been his intention. She shouldn’t have seen the picture, and it had obviously offended her far more than he’d expected it to. Perhaps because she hadn’t been ready to face the truth? Or maybe the sketch had simply been too harsh. There had been nothing to indicate Ella’s kindness, selflessness or talent, nothing positive at all. In retrospect, the whole thing had looked like a criticism. Although a part of him – the rational part – didn’t understand why he cared.

Alex had hoped Ella would be at Pinecone Manor this afternoon so he could apologise or at least explain. There had been no official lesson planned, so he’d just begun to sketch the landscape he was intending to paint, and he’d overheard Aggie telling Henry that she was expecting a visit from Magic Mops. But no one had arrived – and Alex was sure it was because of his picture.

For the first time ever, he felt bad because he’d hurt someone’s feelings, and he wanted to put things right. Which probably meant he’d been in Mistletoe for far longer than he should have – because his mother’s genes were beginning to emerge.

‘What do you think?’ Hunter asked, gazing at Alex looking hopeful and nervous.

Alex cleared his throat, searching for the right thing to say because he wasn’t looking to wound anyone else today. ‘I think your picture is really good. There are signs of real talent here,’ he said honestly.

The boy frowned as Alex handed the paper back. ‘I phoned my da earlier and showed it to him on the camera. He says I could do better.’ His small eyebrows met, forming an expression Alex had seen on his own face many times. ‘He thinks the trees don’t look real and the deer are too big. He said I need to tear this up and draw the whole thing again.’ Hunter’s lips pinched as his young face tightened further, and Alex experienced an unexpected wave of solidarity. ‘I’m going to start again tomorrow, but I don’t want to rip this one up.’ He flushed. ‘It’s not really lying because I didn’t tell Da I’d throw it out.’

‘Is your father an artist?’ Alex asked, curious.

‘Nae.’ The boy shook his head. ‘Da’s too important to spend his time just drawing,’ he said absently, and Alex suspected the words had come straight from the man’s mouth. His father had said similar things to him over the years, at least until he’d realised Alex could make money from his hobby . ‘Mam was annoyed about what he said, but Da told me he knows his own eyes and he knows what’s good and what isn’t.’ The boy’s shoulders sagged. ‘I’ve been practising and practising drawing trees at school, but I can’t make them any better. Have you any advice?’ The boy looked desperate.

Alex scratched his chin as Hunter shoved the drawing back into his hands and he took it and gazed at it for a moment before glancing around.

Where were the McBride sisters, and why had this boy taken such an interest in him? Aggie had talked about Hunter needing a male role model, but Alex had barely got his own life together and he certainly wasn’t equipped to influence a child’s. Even if a part of him suddenly wished he could.

‘I…’ Alex puffed out a breath, torn because he wanted to say the child’s father clearly had no idea how good this picture was for someone of Hunter’s age. Only he didn’t want to upset the boy. He knew how important a father’s opinion was and it wasn’t his place to interfere. ‘Maybe try to draw something else. Does your da like dogs? Mine likes them so much he put them on our company logo.’ He bunched up the sleeve of his jumper and showed the boy one of his cufflinks.

‘Cool,’ Hunter said, looking closer. ‘Yes, my da does.’ Hunter’s face transformed and suddenly he was beaming. ‘Good idea. Thank you. You can keep that picture if you want and put it in your bedroom at Pinecone Manor.

‘It would be an honour to hang this in my room,’ Alex said solemnly, earning another shy smile which had his insides warming. It felt good to make someone happy. It wasn’t something Alex experienced often in his world. He carefully folded the picture and put it into his back pocket just as Ella emerged from the back room. She carefully stepped onto the stage, and he found himself staring.

She wore an orange and green dress that had been crafted to look like rags. It was tight around the bodice and strikingly simple in style. It hugged her waist and moulded the curve of her hips before flaring out and falling around her knees in jagged triangles. A simple white apron completed the outfit, and someone had put Ella’s hair into a high ponytail. Even from where Alex was standing on the other side of the room, he could see the style of the dress suited her. It brought out the colour of her skin, the pink of her cheeks, and flattered the delicate angles of her slim body.

‘Wow,’ Hunter gasped as he turned to check where Alex was staring. ‘Ella looks bonnie.’

‘Prince Charming, why aren’t you with Cinderella?’ Mae asked sharply, appearing from behind them. ‘I want to get you both up on stage this evening and time’s running out.’

She marched in front of him, waving her script before her eyes narrowed and she took a moment to glance around. ‘Where’s the eejit artist? He’s supposed to be showing me his scenery plans.’

‘Henry will be along soon, he got caught up working,’ Alex told her.

‘Aye, that’ll probably be him trying to find his truth again,’ she said darkly, wagging the script towards the stage. ‘Come on, you might as well come too, Hunter.’

‘Oh good. Can I help with the scene?’ he asked, excitedly skipping ahead. ‘Maybe I can wave your wand. Should I give Cinderella some magic flowers?’

‘I’m sure you’d be brilliant, lad, but that’s not in the script,’ Mae said, giving the boy an encouraging smile.

Ella flushed as Mae guided Alex towards the stage. She avoided his eyes as the older woman handed them both a set of scripts. ‘I thought we’d start by doing a run-through of one of the final scenes,’ she said, flicking through hers until she was closer to the back. ‘The one where Prince Charming gets Cinderella to try on her slipper.’

‘And it fits!’ Hunter told Alex tugging at his sleeve. ‘And then they kiss, which is pretty yuk.’ He pulled a face. ‘Maybe I could do some magic instead?’

‘I think we should stick with the kiss, the audience will expect it.’ Mae chuckled. ‘But Cinderella has to try on the shoe first. Ella already has a pair that we gave back to Aggie earlier so she could make sure they work with the ballgown.’ Mae gave the young boy an indulgent wink as Aggie suddenly came charging from the back of the stage carrying a pair of glass slippers – she handed one to Ella and the other to Alex.

‘You left them in the changing room, lass,’ she said.

‘I know you might not know all your lines yet,’ Mae said to Alex gently. ‘But that doesn’t matter. Tonight is about getting you comfortable with each other and that means you might want to start by putting a few of your issues aside.’

‘What are issues?’ Hunter asked, glancing between them. ‘Can I have some?’

‘Nae, lad. Issues are misunderstandings. That’s not something many of us want.’ Mae raised an eyebrow at Ella, and Alex realised she’d confided in her godmother – and felt another wave of guilt.

Mae guided them both towards the set of stairs that would lead them up to the stage and Alex felt his stomach sink. There was almost no chance of Ella getting comfortable with him after seeing his sketch. At least not until he’d had a chance to talk to her, to apologise and try to explain.

‘We’ve not got all the props, and you’ll have to imagine how things will look,’ Mae said, looking around. ‘But take a few minutes to get comfortable.’

Hunter raced ahead and sat cross-legged in the middle of the stage. ‘I can help with props, what do you need?’ he asked, shooting up and heading towards a cardboard box. He pulled out a pirate hat and a sword before scooting back to Alex and handing them to him. Alex put on the hat. He felt ridiculous, but he wanted to make the boy smile. Perhaps Ella would too?

‘It looks silly,’ Hunter giggled.

‘Hunter lad, Aunt Blair wants you to try on your costume again and this might be a good time,’ Aggie said, and the boy pulled another face.

‘Okay. But don’t worry, Alex, I’ll come back soon to help with your scene,’ he promised, skipping down the steps and away with his nana as Mae turned back to them looking sympathetic.

‘I realise you might feel awkward,’ she said. ‘So I’ll leave you for a moment so you can talk. If you’ve got things that you need to air, I’d like you to do that now. I’ll give you half an hour – and make sure we keep Hunter busy so you’re not interrupted.’ She walked to the edge of the stage and activated the pulley that shut the curtains. They swept down and the billowing red velvet blocked out everyone in the main hall.

Mae looked between them and her gaze was intense. ‘Deal with what you need to before you move onto your scene. When you have – assuming you’re still alive.’ She gave Alex a tight smile. ‘Start with Prince Charming arriving with the slipper.’

‘Oh, and before I go, let me help you get a feel for where we are in the story. Ella, your stepmother and stepsisters have been doing everything they can to make sure the Prince doesn’t see you today. Dane and Clyde have already tried on the slipper, but of course it doesn’t fit. Perry and Patch – your mice friends, Ella – have managed to sneak you into the gardens. Alex.’ She nodded at him.

‘When you see Ella, I want you to look smitten. Cinderella is beautiful – but you don’t recognise her from the ball because she’s dressed in rags. Get her to sit on the bench.’ She looked around. ‘Except we have no bench,’ she grumbled. ‘I should have kept the lad, he’d have found one. Ah.’ She went to pick up one of the stacked chairs before plopping it in the centre of the stage.

‘This will be your bench for now. Alex, get Ella to try on the slipper. Obviously, we already know it’s going to fit, but try and look surprised when it does.’ She gave him a tentative smile. ‘Once you realise Ella is Cinderella, then I’d like you to kiss. Don’t forget, you need to be comfortable with one another before you start working on any of this.’ She looked between them and grimaced. ‘Don’t worry about the kiss too much today – a quick peck will suffice.’

Alex glanced at Ella – she was staring at the floor.

‘Does that sound okay, lass?’ Mae pressed.

She raised her head and met Alex’s eyes. ‘Of course,’ she said. Mae gazed at her for a few moments and then she nodded.

‘Give me a shout if you need anything.’ Mae glanced at Alex looking worried before she headed from the stage.

‘I’m sorry,’ Alex said the moment the older woman had gone. ‘You were never supposed to see that sketch. I wouldn’t have drawn it if I’d known you would. I had this idea for a picture of my friend, Stan, but?—’

‘What happened, did your pencil slip?’ Ella asked tersely.

‘I have no excuse,’ he said gently. ‘You need to know the drawing wasn’t meant to hurt you. I admire how hard you push yourself, the things you’re trying to juggle, all the people you’re helping.’

‘Admire?’ Ella snorted. ‘You think I’m an idiot.’

Alex folded his arms. He wasn’t used to explaining himself, but he had to find the words today. ‘Not everyone puts themselves out for others like you.’ He paused, mulling his words. ‘That’s the issue here. Not whether they deserve it. In my world, people are inherently selfish.’ He sighed as he tried to think of one person that he knew in Edinburgh – aside from Stan and including himself – who would go out of their way for someone and came up empty. ‘It honestly wasn’t intended as a criticism.’

Ella stared at him for a long moment, her face a picture of confusion. ‘I didn’t expect you to say that. I thought you’d tell me I deserved what you drew – that I’m a fool.’

Alex stiffened. ‘I realise I may not…’ He swallowed. ‘I don’t always come across as sympathetic.’ He wasn’t used to apologising or articulating himself and this was difficult. ‘That’s not what I meant by the sketch,’ he said finally. ‘I felt sorry for you.’ His whole body hummed with discomfort. But had his words been enough?

‘I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.’ Ella studied him, her expression softening, and Alex’s insides untwisted. ‘But I know why you do. I’ll admit, I’ve been thinking about the picture all afternoon.’

He winced. ‘I’ll rip it up?—’

Ella stopped him by holding up a hand. ‘I didn’t like your drawing.’ Her forehead pinched, and Alex steeled himself for more. ‘I hated everything it was trying to say. But it made me think.’ Her eyebrows met. ‘I talked to Mae who told me she thinks you might be a genius, and Henry basically threatened not to teach me anymore unless I start to take my art seriously.’ She looked tense.

‘I could talk to him?’ Alex said roughly. The picture had obviously set off a domino effect – one that could make Ella’s life worse. As if he didn’t feel bad enough… ‘I never meant?—’

‘I know,’ Ella interrupted. ‘I don’t want you to talk to anyone. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it yet.’ She sighed. ‘Or what to do about Clyde and Dane.’ There was a sudden loud clatter behind the curtain and then Mae shouted both of Ella’s stepbrothers’ names.

Ella sucked in a breath. ‘I do know I have to change something because my art matters to me. And if you hadn’t drawn that picture, if I hadn’t seen it, then I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to accept the truth. So, perhaps I should thank you.’

‘You don’t sound like you mean that,’ Alex said dryly. ‘I still want to apologise. In retrospect, the picture was cruel.’ His cheeks flushed as he acknowledged that, and that it mattered to him.

‘I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Alex,’ Ella said gently. ‘And you’ve apologised enough. I don’t hold on to grudges, life’s way too short.’

‘But I do feel bad. The only way I’ll feel better is if you agree to draw me,’ Alex said. ‘It’s what Henry asked you to do. At least he asked you to draw the truth about somebody.’ He stepped closer to Ella just as someone brightened the lights above them, illuminating her face. She’d been crying, Alex could see that now. Her eyes were red and a little puffy, and something in his chest felt like it was going to shatter with shame.

His whole life had always been about winning, about gaining his father’s approval. People’s feelings didn’t count – at least that’s what he’d always been led to believe. But for some reason, this woman’s did matter – and the fact that he’d hurt her made him feel awful. ‘I’d need you to be brutal,’ he said seriously. ‘If I’ve got any chance of being able to sleep again.’

Ella met his eyes. ‘Tit for tat? I don’t play that game.’ She hesitated, her expression curious. ‘What would I draw?’

Alex shrugged. ‘You tell me,’ he said. ‘You don’t know me really, but I’m sure you’ve picked up enough to be able to sketch something…the devil perhaps?’

Ella’s lips twisted into a knot. Then her eyes dropped to Alex’s arm, and she looked surprised. ‘You have my cardigan?’ she said.

‘You left it in the tea room.’ Alex glanced down; he’d forgotten he was still carrying it. ‘I just picked it up.’ He handed it to her.

‘Thank you for taking the trouble. I’m always losing things.’ She frowned.

‘Perhaps there’s so much to remember, you forget the stuff that’s not important?’ he suggested. The words felt odd in his throat. Being kind was unnatural, but when Ella nodded and smiled, Alex felt something glow inside him – like something dormant had just been zapped. It felt good and that was a wake-up call.

‘Perhaps.’ She put the cardigan on the chair. ‘Picking that up and bringing it for me tonight was a nice gesture. Perhaps you have a heart – a small one anyway.’

Alex shook his head. He wanted to smile, to acknowledge her teasing, but the truth was – he didn’t have a heart. Not one he’d allow himself to show or share.

‘So if I was going to draw you, in all your truthful glory…’ Ella hesitated and began to pace the stage, the pretty triangles of fabric at the bottom of her dress swaying around her knees. They were supposed to look like rags, but Ella made the scraps of material look sensual, and Alex had to force himself to drag his attention away before she noticed him staring.

‘Go ahead. What would you draw?’ Alex asked again, steeling himself for Ella’s observations, guessing he wouldn’t like what she thought of him. But it was only fair.

He tried to make himself cold, tried to block out his feelings and turn himself into the iceman. It would help him cope with whatever she came up with, it would stop the peaks and troughs of emotion he didn’t always understand.

‘Let me start.’ He kept his voice low. ‘I don’t smile much and I rarely laugh, so in your sketch I’d definitely be frowning – I might even be baring my teeth.’

‘Oh, I don’t see you like that,’ Ella said quietly, shaking her head.

‘Why?’ Alex asked, surprised.

She cast her eyes upwards as if searching for a memory. ‘You get an odd look on your face when Sprout comes to see you. It’s like you’re trying to work out what he wants from you, and you’re surprised by his attention because you don’t think you deserve it. And you keep trying to work out why he likes you, but you’re also secretly pleased that he does.’

‘That’s not true,’ Alex snapped, taken aback by the accuracy of Ella’s observation. He wasn’t normally so easy to read. ‘You could draw my car,’ he said, flustered. ‘How I drive too fast – show how little I care about the creatures or people I might run down.’ He knew he sounded desperate – but he wanted her to see who he really was.

Ella shook her head again. ‘I think we’ve already established that you didn’t see Wyatt or me on the road that day. I’m not saying you were in the right to drive so fast, but I have noticed you’re much more careful when you’re in your car now.’ She frowned as she studied him. ‘You’re hard on yourself, aren’t you?’ She sounded sympathetic.

Alex shuffled on his feet. ‘It’s best to acknowledge your faults, that way you can work on them,’ he said, his voice stiff, echoing a conversation he’d had with his father at least a few hundred times.

Ella studied Alex for a while longer, her eyes dark but curious. ‘I think I’d draw you near an easel, because I know art matters to you,’ she said. ‘Even more than your job I think, because when you talk about doing emails or meetings in the mornings, you always sound stressed.’

Alex jerked his chin because he was surprised. He waited for the arrow to pierce, waited for Ella to show him that she knew the awful truth about him.

‘I’d put that sports car you spoke about in the background,’ she continued. ‘The one you got when you were nineteen. Because you loved it, but I don’t think you let yourself drive it now.’ Her eyes narrowed.

‘How do you know that?’ Alex asked roughly.

‘You had a look on your face when you talked about it,’ she said quietly. ‘It looked like grief.’

Alex gulped and shoved his hands in his pockets, completely undone. ‘I don’t know, you’re—’ He was about to say she was wrong but couldn’t bring himself to lie. He was supposed to be making amends.

She gazed at him, her mouth curling on one side and Alex steeled himself again. ‘I would—’ She hesitated. ‘Now this is going to sound odd.’

‘Say it,’ Alex muttered. Hopefully, she’d finally come up with something he could agree with.

‘I might put…’ She pressed a hand to her heart and patted it. ‘I’d want to find a way of showing that you’ve got a big heart but you don’t want anyone to know. Or maybe you’re embarrassed by it.’ She screwed up her nose.

‘What makes you say that?’ Alex asked, shocked. The only person who’d ever insisted that he had feelings was his best friend, and it had taken Stan a lifetime to see through him. How had Ella seen so much in such a short time?

‘The way you are with Sprout.’ She glanced over her shoulder into the hall. ‘And Hunter, you’re so patient with that boy – you helped me with my tyre and despite the fact that you don’t know me, you’re really bothered I’m wasting my artistic talents.’ She sucked in a breath, obviously poised to tell him more, and Alex wanted to tell her to stop but couldn’t find the words. He didn’t want to hear this.

But he did.

He just had no idea how to deal with the picture she was painting of him. It’s the only reason he couldn’t tell her to stop.

‘You feel awful that you hurt me today. You don’t want to, though – that bit I can’t understand.’ Ella’s eyes blazed as she stared at him. ‘And the picture was…’ She winced. ‘Okay it made me cry, and I was appalled by what it meant.’

She blinked away emotion, her blue eyes suddenly clear. ‘But everything in that sketch was true. I wasn’t meant to see it – I know that too. You’re not cruel, Alex.’ She folded her arms. ‘In a way, I’m glad I saw it.’ She sighed and stepped closer as there was another clatter behind the curtains and again someone shouted her stepbrothers’ names. ‘There were truths in it I finally have to admit.’

Alex could feel something burning in his throat, but he was too confused to know what it meant. ‘That’s good.’

‘Shall we call a new truce, and let’s make this one last?’ she asked, gazing into his eyes, making Alex’s chest expand to twice its normal size – which was such a contrast to his usual feeling of emptiness.

‘Truce,’ he repeated, but his voice sounded wrong. Ella offered a hand and Alex stared for a beat before he grasped it in his own. Hers was warm, and she squeezed it into his palm and shivered.

‘Are you cold?’ he asked, acknowledging his body was mirroring hers. He wasn’t cold either and his shiver had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

‘Aye, I must be I suppose.’ She nodded and dropped his hand before striding to the chair and scooping up the cardigan and pulling it on over her dress. ‘Should we, um, practise our scene now?’ she asked, her cheeks turning pink.

‘Sure.’ Alex nodded too many times.

What was happening? He was all over the place. Alex watched Ella pick up one of the glass slippers from the stage before handing it to him. Then she took her place on the chair, her pretty skirt fluttering around her legs.

He swallowed, acknowledging how much he wanted to kiss Ella. But there was a battle waging inside him – a war between his head and his heart – and he had no idea which of them he wanted to win.