A Christmas to Cherish (A Festive Christmas #4)

Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

“ S o, they haven’t really spoken since then, huh?” Marley paused with the cup halfway to her lips, her brows furrowed. “I wouldn’t worry too much. They’ve gotten through worse.”

“Yeah, but at what point does it become too much?”

In silence, the two sat on the bench overlooking the park, where a group of kids were running around throwing snowballs at each other and shrieking. In the distance, carolers were singing, and a few street vendors were scattered throughout the main square, selling everything from homemade snow globes to apple cider to spiced figgy pudding.

It felt like Emma had stepped back in time, but not even the familiar surroundings could dislodge the heavy feeling in her stomach.

She’d spent the past few days trying to shake off the dread.

Being at home around her sullen parents wasn’t helping.

Poor Jules couldn’t stop blaming herself for trying to force them to bond as a family.

Emma didn’t have the heart to tell her daughter what it was like growing up with them, how she never knew which version of them she was going to get on any given day.

Her parents knew how to put up a good front, but she hoped for the side of them she’d seen in the months before her departure to college.

When it felt like they’d finally made a breakthrough.

Marley took a long sip of her hot chocolate, a puff of air forming in front of her. “I’m sure they’re going to get over it. With all this Christmas cheer, how can they not?”

“I can’t believe how similar everything looks,” Emma murmured, mostly to herself. “I feel like a teenager again.”

Any moment now, Jack would walk up to them in his dark jeans, hat pulled low over his head, wearing his signature half-smirk. Emma kept glancing around as if she expected him to materialize out of the fog, sweep her into his arms, and kiss her.

What was it about Rockport that was bringing up all these memories for her?

Why was she nostalgic for a past that she had willingly left behind?

Because you didn’t appreciate it then as much as you do now.

Being away had given her some much-needed perspective, but it was also forcing her to examine some things about herself.

Like how she’d let too much time and space get in between her and her parents.

How was she supposed to fix things when they were still keeping her at arm’s length?

She’d spent the past ten days doing anything and everything possible to get them to open up to her, to confide in her, but she was met with stony silences and clipped, evasive responses.

“I know you have this big, juicy life in the city, but it is good to have you back.” Marley bumped her shoulder against Emma’s and gave her a bright smile. “I missed this.”

“Me too. I’m sorry about how things went down between us.”

Emma’s words were long overdue, but she needed to find a way to fill the deep ache Marley’s absence had left, and she knew it had to start somewhere.

She could only pray it wasn’t too late.

Marley waved her comment away and took another sip. “It’s in the past now.”

“I think you’ve done well for yourself,” Emma added hastily. “You seem to be dealing with people a lot better now.”

Marley snorted. “That’s just because I got better at hiding it. Make no mistake: Beneath the layers, there’s still a lot of anxiety.”

Emma squeezed Marley’s shoulders. “I think you’re great just the way you are.”

“Maybe you could tell my last few dates that,” Marley joked with a quick look over her back. “I think I’m setting a new streak, even for me.”

“It’s their loss.”

“I love Christmas in Rockport,” Jules announced, materializing out of nowhere and startling both Emma and Marley. She gave them both a bright smile before sinking onto the bench next to her mom. “I hope it’s okay that I’m interrupting. I just couldn’t resist when it’s so cheerful and wholesome.”

“That’s Rockport.” Emma tilted her cup in Jules’s direction, and a fluttering sensation grew in her chest. “I’m glad you’re having fun though.”

Especially with their departure date looming.

In a few days, Emma would have to decide whether she would get on the plane back to Boston, to a life that glittered and shimmered on the outside but felt empty beneath the surface. While a part of her craved the familiar hustle and bustle of the city, which kept her from dwelling too much on how she’d wound up here, another part of her knew she couldn’t run away forever.

No matter how badly she wanted to.

She couldn’t keep using the city and her work as an excuse to hide from her past—not if she ever wanted things to change.

With a sigh, Emma only half-listened to Marley and Jules debate the merits and drawbacks of Christmas desserts and what ingredients needed to be used. They were halfway through a heated debate about Christmas movie classics when Emma spotted her mother standing by a vendor, admiring the snow globes on display.

She was on her feet before she could talk herself out of it.

Marie didn’t look surprised when Emma came up to her. “You look like you’re feeling better.”

“I am.” Emma held her cup with both hands and cleared her throat. “Where’s Dad?”

Marie made a vague hand gesture and threw her colorful scarf over her shoulder. “He’s off with that group of his somewhere, looking up at the stars or something.”

Emma frowned. “How come he’s not here with you? He loves seeing Rockport come alive with decorations.”

Marie studied the snow globe in her hand. “A lot has changed since you’ve been gone, Emma. Not everything stays the same.”

Emma stiffened and stood up straighter. “I know that. I’m not a child anymore, Mom. You can tell me things.”

Marie reached into her purse to pull out a few bills. She gave the vendor a smile and offered Emma a sideways look. “Let’s not do this here, hmm?”

Marie’s response shouldn’t have surprised her.

It shouldn’t even have rubbed her the wrong way.

It was, after all, on par with what she’d come to expect from her mother, and after all these years, she should’ve known better.

Except she didn’t feel like biting her tongue or tucking her tail between her legs, not this time.

Emma’s chest was tight with anger as she crossed the street, trailing behind her. “It’s never a good time, but we need to talk about things eventually. I know a lot has happened since I last visited, but isn’t it time we address the problems?”

She wanted to believe it wasn’t too late.

Emma desperately wanted to cling to the hope that laying all their cards on the table was the way to move forward.

It had to be.

What other choice did they have?

Keeping each other at bay and pretending like nothing had changed wasn’t doing anyone any good, least of all her.

Marie stopped a few feet from her daughter and swiveled to face her, eyes blazing with emotion and her mouth twisted in anger. “You can’t just show up out of the blue and expect things to go how you want. Life doesn’t work like that, Emma.”

“I know I should’ve called. I should’ve said something, but I was afraid you’d convince me not to come, and when I got Dad’s letter, I knew I had to be here.”

Marie’s eyebrows drew together. “What letter?”

“At least I know I’m not the only one being kept out of the loop,” Emma muttered under her breath. “Look, the letter doesn’t matter. What matters is I’m here, and I want to make things better.”

She didn’t want to go back to the city with her tail between her legs and nothing to show for it.

Marie raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“There you go again, always trying to brush things under the rug and pretend like nothing is wrong. This is a different time, Mom. People talk about their issues now. Families do, at least.”

Marie grew as stiff as a statue, and her voice was like ice when she spoke. “I don’t need you to tell me how to deal with issues.”

Emma threw her hands up in the air, causing some liquid in her cup to slosh over. “Fine, but at least tell me something, anything . I’m your daughter, and I feel like this town knows more about you than I do, and it hurts .”

It hurt to learn things about them from other people, and she couldn’t bring herself to understand why it still stung to realize that she was on the outs, no matter how hard she tried.

Why was she still being punished for wanting a different life for herself? For daring to fall in love with a city man?

She didn’t want it to feel so small and unimportant, and she was tired of constantly having to defend her choices.

Why should she keep having to?

Hadn’t she suffered enough?

“Your father and I are not trying to keep things from you,” Marie replied in a measured tone. Her eyes were cool and blank as they moved over Emma’s face. “ You’re the one who walked away from us, Emma. Not the other way around.”

Was her mother seriously making it seem like it was her fault after the way they’d treated her and Andrew?

Her parents had all but thrown them out, and they wanted to be the ones to lick their wounds and act like victims?

“Because you made it clear you didn’t approve of my choices! What else was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to sit around and continue to let you treat Andrew like a punching bag? Was I supposed to let you keep criticizing my job and pretend like I didn’t care?”

Because even now, she couldn’t do it.

No matter how much she wanted to have a relationship with them, it wasn’t worth her sense of pride or her self-worth.

Emma didn’t want to grovel for scraps anymore.

Marie’s eyes flashed. “Everything your father and I have done has been out of love. Because we wanted more for you, and you just…”

“I just, what? Did I throw it all away? I sold out. Yeah, you told me all of that already, but guess what, Mom? I made a good life for myself. I work hard, and I’ve got a good kid. Don’t you think that counts for something?”

Marie was interrupted by a group of carolers who wedged past them, laughing and calling out to each other. Once they were gone, Emma drew herself up to her full height and squared her shoulders. Her heart was hammering uneasily, adrenaline racing through her, but she didn’t want to back down.

Not now.

She was on the edge of a precipice, and she needed to know what was waiting for her at the bottom.

She had to.

Boston or Rockport.

Stay or go.

All of it didn’t matter if she couldn’t get through to them once and for all.

“We’ll talk about this some other time,” Marie repeated, her voice thick. “I have to get back home and make us some dinner.”

“Mom, I—”

Marie held a hand up and shook her head.

She wheeled around and hurried off, heels clicking with each sound. Emma stared after her, a familiar tightening in her chest. When Jules stepped into her field of vision, Emma blinked and tried to muster up a smile.

“Grandma and Grandpa will come around. They just need some time,” Jules said, looping her arm through her mom’s. “I know you don’t want to tell me what happened, but I know you all love each other, and you want what’s best for each other. That’s all that matters.”

Emma sniffed and threw away the rest of her ice-cold cocoa. “When did you get to be so wise?”

“Experience,” Jules teased, pausing to give her mother a soft smile. “It’s going to be okay, Mom. Everything is going to work out. You’ll see.”

Emma’s throat closed up, so she offered Jules a nod, and they set off in the direction of the house, stopping to wave at Marley over their shoulders. During the walk home, Emma’s mind kept racing and spinning, going from one scenario to another as she tried to figure out her next move.

Was she meant to come back to Rockport after all this time?

What if she was never able to mend her relationship with her parents?

What about her life in Boston, the one she’d fought tooth and nail for?

Emma had spent so long focused on the life she’d envisioned, the one she thought she wanted, that she’d never stopped to consider something else.

Being back in Rockport was making her more confused than ever, and she wasn’t sure she liked it—especially when they walked through her parents’ front door, only to find her mom singing along to the radio and decorating Christmas cookies. The sight of it made something hard and heavy churn inside her stomach, reminding her how good her mom was at pretending.

Even after all this time, Marie Sullivan still had an image to maintain.

Emma lingered in the doorway to the kitchen while Jules joined her grandmother, and the two of them danced together.

Was this what she had given up when she left?