A Christmas to Cherish (A Festive Christmas #4)

Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

“ Y ou sure you don’t want Kyle to join us?” Emma led them to a row of empty bean bags in the back of the Brew, propped up against the walls. A lot of the townspeople were already scattered throughout the Brew, the low din of conversation filling the space. The smell of ginger and cloves hung in the air, along with an underlying tinge of sugar. Soft orchestral music played in the background, a calming rendition of “Happy New Year,” bringing a smile to Emma’s lips.

It vanished when Jules lowered herself onto the bean bag and took out her phone.

After scrolling for a few seconds, Jules’s expression fell further, and she shoved the phone back into her pocket and sank lower. Frowning, Emma paused to drape the blanket over her daughter’s lap. Then, she went to the bar and retrieved two mugs brimming with hot cocoa, marshmallows, and cinnamon sticks.

Jack stood on the opposite side of the bar, conversing with a bald bartender. When he glanced over at her, the two of them locked eyes, and, as it usually did, the world melted away. Emma had no idea how long she stood there, gaping like some lovesick teenager, but it was Jules’s hand that brought her back to reality with a jolt.

Blushing, Emma snatched a bowl of popcorn on her way past and followed Jules back to their bags. As soon as they sat down, Jules’s phone chirped, and she nearly spilled the drink all over the front of her sweater. Emma set them down on the tray on the floor and linked her fingers together. A heartbeat later, a shadow settled over Jules’s face, and she dashed away a tear.

“Sweetheart, I know you said you’re not ready to talk about it, but is there anything I can do to help?”

It physically hurt Emma to see her daughter in so much pain, like she was being repeatedly punched in the gut.

She didn’t like the feeling.

She didn’t like it one bit.

Jules glanced up and blinked back the tears. “No, I’m fine. Let’s talk about something else. How’s the case going? Have you made any leeway?”

Emma exhaled. “I’m hoping that the holidays soften everyone up a bit. But I was talking to another lawyer friend of mine, and she thinks we have a good chance of getting the case dismissed.”

Jules’s lips lifted into a half-smile. “Good. I hope it works out.”

“I was thinking that you could live in the apartment if you wanted,” Emma added, her eyes moving steadily over Jules’s face. “I know you like living on campus, but I should have everything cleared out in a month or so.”

Jules blinked. “I don’t know. I think it would be weird living there without you and Dad.”

Emma reached across to pat her hand. “It’ll be there if you change your mind anyway.”

Jules nodded and took a small sip of her drink. “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate that.”

Overhead, the lights began to flicker and dim.

A hushed silence fell over the crowd as everyone turned to the blank wall, where the projector played a few ads. A chuckle rose through the crowd, and then, While You Were S leeping began to play, earning applause from the audience members. Emma leaned back against the bean bag, reached for a handful of popcorn, and shoved it into her mouth.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Jack walking over to them.

He sat on one of the chairs a few feet away and grinned at her.

She twisted to tilt her mug in his direction and smiled.

Jack gave her a little bow and pressed a finger to his lips.

Emma wrenched her gaze away and tried to focus on the movie unfolding, not the beautiful man sitting a few feet away, filling her stomach with nervous butterflies. Halfway through the movie, she noticed Jules’s bowed head and hunched shoulders when she stood to get a few more drinks. Her heart jumped into her throat as she drew Jules to her feet and into her arms. Wordlessly, Jack led them behind a curtain and to his office.

In silence, he unlocked the door and put a bin to leave it propped open.

He offered Emma’s shoulder a squeeze on the way back.

Emma’s heart was beating so loudly that she thought it was going to burst out of her chest as she pulled out one of the folding chairs and set it down. She coaxed Jules onto the chair and snatched a box of tissues off a bookshelf, pausing to admire a few paperbacks on display. Jules loudly blew her nose, and her shoulders stopped shaking. When she lifted her red-rimmed eyes to Emma, her heart shattered all over again.

What had Kyle done?

And why didn’t he have enough sense not to ruin the holidays?

“Want me to go kick his butt? Or I can ask your grandma to make him a really bad breakfast,” Emma offered weakly. “Just tell me what you need to make you feel better, and I’ll do it.”

Jules pulled out another tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”

Emma perched against the desk and folded her arms over her chest. “That’s not true. As your mother, I can get pretty creative.”

Jules choked back a laugh. “I appreciate that, Mom. But this is one thing you can’t fix.”

Another wave of sadness washed over Emma at her daughter’s resignation.

What was so bad that her usually sunny and optimistic daughter couldn’t handle it?

It didn’t make sense.

“Kyle proposed,” Jules revealed in a whisper-soft voice. “I know I should be happy. Long distance has been hard, but I wasn’t prepared for this.”

Emma tilted her head to the side and studied her. “You had no idea he was going to propose?”

Jules lifted her gaze to her mother’s and frowned. “You did?”

“He did fly out to be with you on Christmas. You mentioned that he was taking a teaching job in the city, so yeah. I kind of assumed you two were on the same page.”

Why hadn’t she just asked?

She’d always thought she and Jules had a better relationship than that—the kind where her daughter could come to her for anything.

Had she misread the entire situation?

“Sweetheart, you know I love Kyle, but if you’re not happy with him, you don’t have to stay,” Emma replied after a brief pause. “It’s your life and your future, and you need to be okay with the choices you make.”

Jules leaned back in the chair and ran a hand over her face. She stared at the light bulb hanging from the ceiling; then, her gaze moved to a spot over Emma’s shoulder. Emma followed her daughter’s stare and lingered on the sight of snow falling steadily outside.

“I do love Kyle, and I do want a future with him,” Jules whispered hoarsely. “I just don’t know if I can marry him.”

Emma’s gaze snapped back to Jules, and she stood up straighter. “Okay, you lost me. If you do love him, and you can see a future with him, why can’t you marry him?”

Jules made a low noise in the back of her throat. “Because if I marry him, then that means I’m committing myself to him, possibly for life, and who knows what could happen? I don’t even know how people make those kinds of promises when life is so unpredictable.”

“I’m not sure I’m following…”

Jules had always seemed fearless and confident in the pursuit of what she wanted.

Emma was seeing a side of her that she never had before, and it worried her.

What was really holding her daughter back from going after everything she wanted?

“You and Dad got married, and you were happy,” Jules continued before suddenly rising to her feet. She began to pace, the words coming more quickly as she breathed heavily. “Even though Grandma and Grandpa didn’t approve, you didn’t give up on each other, and you built this whole life together—”

Emma’s stomach dipped. “Honey, if this is about your grandparents, that was completely different.”

Jules glanced over her shoulders but didn’t stop pacing. “It’s not. Not entirely, at least. My point is, you and Dad had all these plans, and you had me, and you had these plans for me, and then one day, they just…they just ended.”

Silence stretched between them.

“You woke up one day, and you had no idea that it was going to be your last day together, and it wrecked you,” Jules finished, her voice cracking toward the end. “I know you did your best to pick up the pieces and make sure I had everything I needed, and I loved you even more for it, but I also saw how hard it was. Losing Dad nearly destroyed you. You almost lost yourself.”

Emma opened and closed her mouth several times, but her thoughts were all scrambling on top of each other.

Jules wasn’t wrong.

For a whole year, Emma had wandered through their house like a ghost, searching for Andrew behind every corner and on every street intersection. It had taken a long time for her not to burst into tears every morning when she woke up and reached for him. All those endless nights she’d bury her face in the pillow and rock herself to sleep still left a dull ache in the center of her chest.

But it felt like a lifetime ago.

Like she was another person then.

Emma wasn’t proud of how she’d handled the first few months without her husband, but she’d always assumed she’d hid it well.

Or at least, that was what she’d told herself.

It had been seven years since she laid Andrew to rest in the ground, and she hadn’t allowed herself to stop.

Since then, she’d kept moving, always looking forward with one foot out the door.

She’d almost made it out too.

In her wildest dreams, she never imagined that pressing on meant leaving Jules behind to clean up the debris.

Why hadn’t she considered the effect on her daughter?

Poor Jules.

“Baby, I know you’re scared, and I’m not saying losing your dad wasn’t hard.” Emma stepped in front of Jules and waited for her to stop. “But loss is an unfortunate part of life. Anything worth having is worth losing.”

Jules searched her mother’s face, eyes wide and unflinching. “How can you say that? It almost ruined you.”

“But it didn’t.” Emma took both of Jules’s hands and squeezed. “Because I didn’t let it. You can’t spend your life with one foot out the door, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll miss out on a lot of things. Now, if you want to turn Kyle down because you don’t want a future with him, that’s one thing. But if you’re doing this to keep yourself from getting hurt, you’ll end up missing out on a lot. I don’t want that for you, and I’m sure your dad wouldn’t have wanted it either.”

Tears spilled out of Jules’s eyes. “I just miss him so much.”

Emma took Jules into her arms and stroked her back. “I miss him too, but he would have wanted us to move on. I know that for a fact.”

For a while, neither of them said anything.

When Jules drew back, she murmured something under her breath and led her outside. They ran into Jack outside the curtain, and he gave Emma a concerned look. She mustered up a smile and breathed a sigh of relief when they sat back down, and Jules held on to her hand for the rest of the movie.

Whatever happened next, whatever Jules decided to do, Emma could only pray she faced the future with both arms and her heart wide open.

It was all she wanted for her daughter.