A Christmas Wish on Arran (Scottish Romances #4)

Chapter Sixteen

When Beth woke up the next morning it took her a few moments to work out where she was. It was quiet and dark — she felt as though she could be absolutely anywhere. Reaching to switch on the bedside light, her eyes adjusted and the bland décor reminded her that she was in the flat in Arran. Her mind raced through the numerous beds she had stayed in this past year, including the hotel she had just left, her dad’s flat and the flat share in Deptford with Lara. Was it really only a couple of months ago that she lived there? As she lay on her back, cosy and propped up by pillows, she stared at the ceiling, wondering if it would take her long to get used to living alone. She couldn’t quite believe that she now had a place to call her very own. She could take as long in the shower as she wanted, leave her dishes in the sink and do them when it suited her. The freedom of having a place to call home again made her feel as though she was in her twenties again. Though her reflection in the mirror of course told a different story, with her lined forehead and long brown hair that was starting to show streaks of silver. As she stretched her toes and pointed them towards the end of the bed, she realised she hadn’t woken with the familiar feel of dread that she’d carried like a cumbersome weight for months. She felt a shiver go down her spine, then a sense of anticipation in her stomach. It felt liberating and she grinned. Looking at her watch, and realising it was only just past seven, she was now wide awake and ready to embrace the day. She sat up, swung her feet round onto the floor and slid them into the slippers that Margaret had kindly given to her. They were huge furry reindeers, complete with antlers, which looked utterly ridiculous on her small feet.

‘They’ll keep you all toasty through the winter,’ Margaret had said knowingly when Beth had unwrapped them. ‘And get you in the festive spirit.’

Beth smiled as she now looked down at her feet. She’d been slightly resistant to wearing them when she first opened up the parcel. Reindeer slippers were so not her thing. But Margaret had been right. They were lovely and warm. Beth stretched her arms above her head, then padded through to the kitchen and filled the kettle to make a cup of tea. As she squeezed the teabag against the side of the cup, she managed to spill some water on the worktop. Automatically reaching for a cloth, she realised there were lots of things in the flat that she needed to get. Grabbing a piece of paper she started to make a list. She would try and go to the shops if she had time at lunch.

* * *

She was in the office alone today as Jim had a meeting in Glasgow, catching the early ferry over to Ardrossan. Things had been busy that morning as she tried to work through her task list and, by lunchtime, Beth’s stomach was rumbling. She decided to go to the large Co-op to get a sandwich and the other things on her list. As she pushed the trolley up and down the aisles, she scanned the bit of paper that she had scribbled quickly on earlier, trying to remember what else she might need. There were the practical things, like kitchen roll and toilet paper, washing-up liquid and laundry detergent, bread, teabags, pasta, sauce, tinned tomatoes, sardines and eggs. She reminded herself to buy some fruit and salad. It was a random assortment but, as she looked into the trolley, she knew there was enough in there to keep her going until she got a bit more organised. Beth had never been a keen cook, despite her attempts to embrace it over the years. But she could manage to make herself basic meals like sardines on toast, omelettes, stir-fries and pasta dishes. When she thought back to Jim’s son Rory the other day, how excited he was to be around food, she smiled. As she steered the trolley round the corner and into the cleaning products aisle, she glanced up at the customer coming towards her. It was a woman who was about the same age as Beth — as she got closer, Beth tried to steal a few more furtive glances without worrying the woman that she was some kind of stalker. There was something very familiar about her gait, and Beth paused as she desperately tried to put a name to her face. This had happened frequently in London and could be very embarrassing. She would pass people in the street, recognise them and quickly try and rack her brains as to how she knew them. Was it from college or work or school? Was it someone she had interviewed? She had a terrible tendency to mix up names and faces and places and wrongly associate them. She still cringed when she remembered the time she had been in Covent Garden and walked past a guy who was the features editor on a newspaper she had once worked on. Except she couldn’t remember his name. He had a beanie pulled down over his head and was minding his own business as he sauntered along the street. He happened to make eye contact for a second and she waved at him. ‘Hey, how are you?’ she’d said. ‘Long time no see.’

He paused and looked at her with bemusement. ‘Hello.’ He’d sounded a bit nervous.

‘How are you?’ She’d tried desperately to recall his name, wondering why the hell she hadn’t noticed how spectacularly good-looking he was when she worked with him. She didn’t remember his eyes being so stunningly blue. Or those dimples either.

‘Um, okay, thanks.’ He looked like he was trying to edge away.

She couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to engage. ‘We worked together. At The Review ?’

He shook his head. ‘I think you’re maybe mixing me up with someone else.’

It was only then, as she heard his Northern Irish lilt, that she remembered Nathan (that was his name!) having a different kind of accent. In fact she was sure that he was from Manchester.

‘Oh God, I am so sorry.’ She felt her cheeks flush.

He shrugged and flashed a smile, which turned her insides into mush. He really was extremely good-looking. ‘No worries.’ He turned and walked briskly away.

Moments later, the penny dropped and she realised just who it was. The actor Jamie Dornan. She was absolutely mortified.

Now, as she stood in the supermarket on this Scottish island, she knew that the woman coming towards her definitely wasn’t a celebrity. For a moment she turned away to examine the laundry detergent in great detail, desperately trying to work it out. Then the penny dropped. Behind her was a blast from her long-ago and forgotten past, and she didn’t quite know what to do or say.

‘Excuse me please,’ said the woman behind her. ‘Can I just get in there for a moment?’

Beth had no choice but to turn round and step aside. ‘Of course.’ She tried to make soft eye contact with her.

The woman looked at her curiously and then also did a double take. ‘Thank you.’ A little frown played on her lips as she evidently also tried to place who Beth was. She reached for a huge box of laundry tablets. ‘Living the dream, eh?’

After putting them in her trolley, she started to manoeuvre it down the aisle but then stopped to glance over her shoulder again. Then she wheeled it back and pushed it back towards Beth. ‘I know this is going to sound really weird . . . but do I know you from somewhere? You look really familiar. And I just can’t place you.’

Beth nodded. ‘I was thinking the exact same thing. Except I usually mistake celebrities for people I know.’

The woman’s eyes were bright as she laughed. ‘I’m definitely not famous. I’m awful with names, so you may need to help me. I’ve got a brain like a sieve.’

‘I’ve just moved here.’ Her voice was artificially cheerful. She had been so na?ve to think that, after twenty-five years, she wouldn’t know anyone here. Or that they wouldn’t know her.

‘Ah, I see. Well maybe you’ve just got one of those familiar faces,’ she said. ‘Maybe I’ve just seen you around.’

Beth was aware of other shoppers passing them who probably thought they were having an in-depth chat about the weather. She was glad they had met here, which was quieter compared to say the fresh produce aisle.

‘No, you’re right.’ Beth nodded. ‘I’ve just worked it out. We do know each other. Though it was from a very long time ago. In fact it was a lifetime ago. You’re Kirsty?’

There was a moment of stunned silence as Kirsty looked back at her in surprise. ‘Yes and . . .’ Her voice trailed away as the penny started to drop. ‘Elizabeth?’ She reached out to touch Beth’s arm. ‘From the summers at the hotel. The Brodie? Way back when we were just kids?’

To Beth’s surprise, Kirsty’s face lit up in a warm smile. ‘Yes. A blast from the past, eh?’

‘Oh wow. It is so strange but so nice to see you. After all this time. As you say, that was a lifetime ago.’

For a moment, Beth allowed her mind to go back to the last summer they worked together. It was 1999 and the soundtrack for that happy time had been Bring It All Back by S Club 7. The group she’d made friends with were all young and full of excitement and heady enthusiasm for the next chapter of their lives. All they cared about was being in the moment and enjoying themselves. “ Let the world see what you have got, bring it all back to you, ” was a line she and Kirsty frequently chanted as they cleaned the rooms of the hotel, knowing they wouldn’t be there forever. It was funny how many of the lines of the song had resonated with her in the coming weeks after she had left Arran. “ Hold your head high and reach the top, ” had become her mantra.

‘I can’t believe you’re here.’ Kirsty drew her back to the present moment. ‘Gosh, I always wondered what had happened and where you’d gone. I know you went to London, and I moved down not long after but I had no way of getting in touch . . . you just seemed to vanish.’

‘I know. I’m sorry we lost touch.’ Beth felt her cheeks flush.

‘And what are you doing here now? You said you’d just moved here?’ Kirsty looked completely puzzled.

‘That’s right. I arrived just last week. I’ve come to work on the newspaper.’

Kirsty looked baffled as she processed what Beth had just said. ‘So you’re the new reporter? Well, what a surprise. I had no idea.’

Beth felt slightly sick and overwhelmed with regret. She and Kirsty had always promised they would keep in touch. But then Beth had gone to London to start her career and things had just drifted. The longer they weren’t in touch, the harder it was to make the effort. It all felt very surreal — standing there with their trollies with no idea about what had happened to each of them in the past couple of decades. Beth was grateful that Kirsty did look genuinely pleased to see her and wasn’t nervously backing away or abandoning her trolley and hotfooting it out the shop.

‘It was a bit of an unexpected move.’ Beth smiled uncertainly.

‘Look,’ Kirsty glanced at her watch, ‘I need to get back home, but I would love to see you and catch up properly.’ She reached into her handbag and found a pen. Scribbling her number on the back of an old receipt, she then ripped it off and handed it to Beth. ‘Please do drop me a message and we can catch up and share what we’ve been doing with our lives.’

‘Where do you live now?’

Kirsty rolled her eyes. ‘It’s a long story, which I will fill you in on properly when we meet, but I live back at the house I was brought up in. Although it’s now a guesthouse as well as being my home. But do let’s get together and chat. In fact, why don’t you come round for a coffee sometime? Do you remember where it is?’

‘Oh Kirsty, I would really like that. It would be wonderful to catch up properly and hear about what you’ve been doing.’ Although she was feeling a bit flummoxed as to where she would even start. She had spent so long avoiding getting close to people so that she didn’t need to tell them the details of where life had all gone wrong.

Kirsty laughed. ‘And remember I know where you work now, so there will be no avoiding me.’

Beth nodded. Kirsty had always been kind and genuine. It would have surely taken a lot for that to change. And Kirsty still radiated an authentic warmth. She knew she could do with some friends in her life. Maybe it was time to take a bit of a leap of faith. After all, what did she have to lose?