A Christmas Wish on Arran (Scottish Romances #4)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Beth didn’t feel brave at all. As she sat there at Kirsty’s kitchen table, she felt the absolute opposite. Her heart was practically still thudding from the shock of seeing Callum last night in the pub. She’d frozen when she’d made eye contact with him. If it hadn’t been for Alessandro steering her out the door, she would probably still be standing there, stuck to the spot, staring at him in disbelief. Yes, he might look older, but there was no doubt who it was. And from the way he looked at her she knew he recognised her too. The fact her heart had also started to race at the sight of him had put her into a spin. She’d thanked Alessandro for taking her out for the evening, trying to make polite conversation during the car journey home. She wanted to make sure it was clear that she was only interested in him as a friend. She was so glad when she got back to the safety and anonymity of her flat.

‘Listen, please don’t feel you need to tell me everything though. I know there’s a lot to catch up on.’

Kirsty’s voice brought Beth back to the here and now. She knew Kirsty was expecting some kind of explanation as to why she was there, and what had happened in her life over the past couple of decades. For a moment she desperately wished she could turn the clock back. She would hate Kirsty to think she deliberately cut her out of her life. Her hands felt clammy and she took another quick gulp of coffee. She wasn’t quite sure she could be too evasive with Kirsty. She’d always had a knack of cutting through any bullshit. But, thanks to her journalistic background, Beth was also very used to explaining stories in a series of soundbites. Glancing over at her she smiled. ‘How long have you got?’

Kirsty steepled her hands together and leaned forward. ‘As long as you need.’

‘Well, I’ll try and give you a potted version,’ she said. ‘I guess starting at the beginning is always a good idea.’ She crossed her feet under the table. ‘When I left here, it was all about the work. I threw myself into it and loved it. I started on newspapers and then moved into magazines. I was lucky enough to travel, I had a really nice lifestyle. Then things changed . . .’ She paused, hoping she wasn’t obviously skirting over it all too rapidly. ‘I had started to freelance by then, and work started to dry up with the way the industry was going. It all started to become a huge amount of effort for little income. I was ready for a change.’

Beth knew she was glossing over things but she wasn’t ready to go into the details with anyone, never mind Kirsty. ‘I needed a job and, when I saw the one that was being advertised here, I had a feeling I ought to apply. Especially as it meant I would be nearer to my dad. It does all feel like a full-circle moment, as though I’m supposed to be here.’ Beth looked around the room, her eyes resting on the large studio-style family photograph that hung on the wall. ‘And is this your family?’

Kirsty nodded. ‘Yes, that’s Becky and Tom, our twins, who are almost twenty. And my husband Steve.’

‘I can’t believe you have kids that age. I always knew you’d be a mum. And I bet you’re a great one too. You always were so patient.’

Kirsty smiled at her. ‘Ah, thanks. That’s kind of you to say. I’m not sure the kids would necessarily agree with you though.’ She giggled. ‘How about you? Did you ever settle down?’

Beth felt her stomach twist as she shook her head. The word family was unspoken but still hung in the air between them. ‘No, I didn’t really settle down for long with anyone . . . and I don’t have any children. I mean, if it had happened then that would have been great. But it wasn’t meant to be. My life was always about work.’ Her heart ached that she couldn’t just be honest with Kirsty, but she just couldn’t go there with anyone yet.

‘So, you didn’t ever marry or live with someone?’ asked Kirsty.

‘Nope, I didn’t marry. I had a few long-term relationships over the years, but there’s no partner now. Just me.’ She thought fleetingly of Tim. She’d gotten very used to being evasive over the years. It was easier to continue to be so.

‘Oh.’ Kirsty sounded surprised. ‘When I saw Beth Ferguson in the paper, I wrongly assumed that was your married name.’

Beth shook her head. ‘No . . . I never got married. But I decided that my boss was right about my name, Liz Taylor, causing problems, so I just used Beth Ferguson for my by-line and it’s stuck ever since. Ferguson was my mum’s maiden name.’ She also didn’t want to add that it suited her to reinvent herself with a brand-new surname too, so she could start again and shake off the past and her broken heart when she had left Arran behind.

Beth was ready to deflect attention away from herself. ‘And how about you? How are things in your life? Do you like running your own business?’

‘Well, Steve and I moved back here when my mum and dad decided they wanted to downsize. We’d had enough of London life, especially as the kids were so small. We decided that we would buy the house and started running it as a B&B. It’s been great fun, and a lot of hard work. But I wouldn’t change it.’

‘And your sisters? What did they end up doing?’ Beth remembered them to say hello to, but they were younger than Kirsty and very shy back then.

‘Amy is back here now as well. She teaches yoga in the community centre and also works as a massage therapist. She lived in Canada for quite a while then came home when my sister, Emma, got married. She met her old boyfriend from school when she was back and that was it. They’ve been together since. It’s been great having her here and she’s really good with my dad . . . he has dementia, which has been worse since Mum died.’

Beth’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘I am so sorry Kirsty. I was always so fond of your mum. And I am so sorry about your dad too. That’s tough.’

Kirsty nodded. ‘It was awful when Mum died. All our friends loved her when we were growing up. She was like a surrogate mum to them all.’

‘I’m so sorry for your loss. My mum died too. I don’t think anything ever prepares you for it.’

Kirsty reached for the cafetière and topped Beth’s mug up with more coffee. ‘You are so right. Even though she was ill, and we knew she was dying, it was still a massive shock . . . and I’m sorry for your loss too, Beth. It’s so hard to exist when you’re trying to navigate grief.’

Beth nodded her head in sorrow. ‘That must be tough if you’re now caring for your dad?’ She made a mental note to check in again with her own dad soon, to make sure he’d be visiting at the end of the month.

‘It’s actually been easier since he was diagnosed. It just means we know what we’re dealing with and we’ve been able to put a support plan in place. I don’t know if I would manage if Amy wasn’t so nearby though. Her timing of coming back from Canada was perfect.’

‘And how about your other sister. Where is she?’

‘Emma? She lives in Edinburgh and works as a lawyer. Though not for much longer.’ Her eyes widened with excitement. ‘She and her husband are quitting the corporate world to open a restaurant in North Berwick. He’s a brilliant cook, and running their own business is something they’ve always wanted to do. She’s excited to live by the sea again too, though she’ll be at the opposite side of the country to us. She’s very good though. She does come back and visit as much as she can, and she and Max got married here a couple of years ago. Anyway, enough of me. How about you and your family?’

‘It’s just me and Dad now. Mum died five years ago just as they were selling up and downsizing. Dad lives in a retirement complex on the outskirts of Glasgow.’ She chuckled. ‘It’s like a senior version of first year at university. It’s all about bring your own bottle, cheese fondue evenings and competitive chess. They’re like a bunch of freshers.’

Kirsty burst out laughing. ‘Apparently all that socialising is very good for the brain. It sounds like he’s got quite the community around him?’

‘He certainly does.’ She thought of Margaret next door. ‘They do all seem to be quite carefree and enjoying life, that’s for sure.’ Beth noticed the clock on the wall, shocked to realise she’d been there for two hours. The time had flown in. ‘Gosh, look at the time. I had better go.’

Kirsty started. ‘Wow, where has the time gone? It’s just been so nice to catch up.’

‘I agree. Thanks so much for having me Kirsty. I’ve loved seeing you. Do you fancy getting together again soon?’

‘I’d really like that. Let’s just keep in touch. Maybe text me sometime when you fancy another coffee?’

‘Come to the flat next time? Or let me take you to one of the cafés? I’m dying to check them all out. You can recommend the hot spots.’

‘That sounds like a deal,’ said Kirsty. ‘It’s been great catching up. Though I feel like we’ve only just begun and barely scratched the surface.’

Beth made to stand up. ‘I’d better get going and leave you to get on with your day.’

Kirsty looked at the sky. ‘It looks like it might stay fair. I’ll try to get Dad out for some fresh air.’

As they walked towards the door, Beth zipped up her jacket and couldn’t resist asking if Kirsty kept in touch with anyone else from their summer gang. ‘Do you see anyone from back then?’

A look flitted across Kirsty’s face, and she hesitated a little before answering. ‘No, not really. Everyone just seemed to go their separate ways. Especially as so many folks had come over from the mainland. I guess we all just drifted apart.’

‘As is life, I guess.’ Beth wondered if she should just brazenly ask about the one person she was thinking about in particular. She waited for a moment, in case Kirsty added anything else. But, as she bid her farewells and walked back towards the flat, her curiosity was now piqued. Why did neither of them mention his name? Beth couldn’t help but think that there was something Kirsty wasn’t telling her.