A Cruel Kindness

Chapter 12

Soren

I damn near threw myself into the gushing river cutting through camp to stop myself from walking back into that cabin and locking Bellamy inside until we agreed that ignoring the Bond was stupid.

I was shamelessly taunting her now, just to get some relief from the war the Bond was raging in my head. It was a losing battle, because the little glimpses of Bellamy surrendering to the Bond were enough to drive me insane.

My hands shook with restraint as I walked away from the cabin and back to the main house, seeking out Peter.

I didn’t even realize that I’d arrived at his office until I had, moving entirely on muscle memory as I spent my time remembering the look on Bellmay’s face when she’d walked into our room and saw me shirtless.

There was shock sure, but there was something headier there.

I would have dark, dark thoughts about that look.

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” Peter said with a wry smile as I opened his door without knocking.

Ella, his Match of fifteen years, smiled and rose from her chair across from him, walking over to place her hand on my shoulder in quiet comfort. She turned to Peter, saying, “I’ll see you later,” before walking out the door.

Peter was more of a big brother figure to her, their relationship entirely platonic. Peter had a partner for several years, but the strains of war weighed heavy on their relationship and he’d parted ways with him a while ago. I didn’t think Peter had an interest in another relationship until he was free of his duties.

I collapsed into his chair as Ella closed the door behind us, my body exhausted from resisting my instincts at every turn.

“How is the Bond coming along?” Peter asked, even though he knew. If the Bond was going well , everyone would know.

“Taking a page out of Esme and Ford’s book,” I muttered unhappily, crossing my arms over my chest.

Peter laughed sarcastically. “I certainly hope not.” There was good reason for that statement, but one I couldn’t dwell on right now.

“This is fucking annoying. I can’t think straight.” I sounded like a petulant child, but that wasn’t far off from what I felt.

“And what exactly is it you need to be thinking clearly about?” Peter pressed.

Busted. Of course, I was. Nothing got past Peter. “I’ll leave you out of it, but I will be looking for him.”

Peter sighed heavily, disappointment clear in his features. Carson was as close with him as I was. “Don’t tell me anything you do so I have plausible deniability. But I will caution you that you may not get the answers you want.”

“I want to know what happened. I don’t care what the answer is.” I knew that wasn’t entirely true, but that was what I was telling myself.

Peter sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He may not be the person you knew. At least in the last few months. Whatever compelled him to defect in the manner he did … regardless of the motivations, the Carson you and I knew wouldn’t have done it like that.”

I nodded, even as pain lanced over my chest. He was my brother, the only person I’d had over the last six years that gave me some sort of hope for my life. A family, when I didn’t know when I’d see the one I’d left behind.

“It might be a better use of your time to focus on what’s in front of you. A paranima is a rare gift,” Peter continued.

I groaned, leaning back in the chair and staring at the ceiling. Bellamy was quickly becoming a part of my life that I couldn’t help but view as a gift. That only meant it would hurt more when she was ripped away from me. “You sound like a priest.”

Peter barked a laugh. “Pardon me for clinging to a little faith in a shitty situation. You’ve clearly been blessed. Lean into it.”

Oh, he knew something. I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at him. “What do you know?”

Peter chuckled under his breath. “Take a trip down to the stables. Lucky found his mate.”

“What?” I asked, shooting forward in my chair. Lucky was my horse, though on Muli they were called equin . The bond between rider and steed was much stronger, a lifetime relationship that gave you insight into their emotions.

They also mated for life.

Lucky had the playful disposition of a teenager, but it seemed like that would change.

“Who is it?” I asked, even though I had a feeling. There was a particular wild horse that had always seemed to snag his attention.

Horses only mated—officially—after they had a rider. Which meant—

“Clover,” Peter answered. “I assume she recognized Bellamy.”

It wasn’t that I hadn’t been painfully aware of the seriousness of my bond to Bellamy, but the horses were tapped into the world, to the deities that controlled it, more than we were. If Clover chose Bellamy, then promptly recognized Lucky as her mate…that added to the weight in my chest.

I fell further into the chair, feeling restless. The problem with that feeling is it made me want to spur into action. There was no use feeling paralyzed by your problems. I functioned best when I just got up and fixed it.

My body was buzzing with the need for an assignment, even if that meant climbing into a tree and spying on a Muli camp all night until my legs cramped so bad they felt like they were about to fall off.

Peter knew that, sighing out a laugh. “You’re off tonight. Go into camp. Get a drink.” That was all the permission I needed. Without another word, I rested my hands on my thighs and stood, ready to get the fuck out of here.

Right as I was turning toward the door, trying to restrain the urge to run, Peter’s voice interrupted my return to Bellamy. “And Soren?” The question in his voice forced me to turn. When I did, I found his expression serious. “No fighting.”

“What do you know?” It had to be something.

Peter shook his head, running a hand over his jaw. “Everyone here is Matched. If Muli soldiers show up, Match-less and looking at your paranima , I don’t want to be responsible for cleaning up human remains.”

My first inclination was to dismiss that warning with a laugh, but then his words sunk in. He was right, there would be people who had nothing stopping them from trying to take advantage of Bellamy’s staggering beauty. As calmly as I could, though I was considering breaking the door off its hinges to unleash some energy, I responded, “I’ll keep it above board. No high treason.”

The joke cut a little too close to home, especially considering our conversation about Carson, but Peter forced a smile despite it.

With a final look in his direction, I left. Once I was free and clear of his line of sight, I shamelessly sped up my steps in the direction of our cabin. I could hold tight to my resolve to keep my hands far away from Bellamy and still want to spend most of my time in her presence.

That was normal. It should keep the Bond happy enough.

That was the logic I was going with regardless.

I made it to the cabin in record time, my mind focusing on the fact that I could have a night of peace with Bellamy and some friends before the shit show started.

I was flying up the stairs when I realized that a night out in Muli territory meant that we’d be wearing Muli clothes.

Bellamy would be in a completely backless shirt. In public.

My next step missed the stairs and I tripped, damn near smashing my face on the deck.

It was going to be a long fucking night.