A Cruel Kindness

Chapter 19

Soren

Freya popped back out minutes after the sun rose.

She always did, ever eager to be back on Muli.

I’d asked her once why she preferred it here, and she’d simply responded, “I can breathe better.”

She’d likely only gotten a few hours of sleep, if at all, and yet she was as sprightly as ever as she jumped back through and said, “Gooood morning! Guess who’s going home today?”

Arthur slipped out of the tunnel alongside her, and anyone who looked on would be none the wiser that he’d spent the night in a hidden bunker.

Bellamy’s eyes blinked open sleepily, the brown in them hazy with exhaustion. God, she was fucking cute.

I still felt shell shocked from the day before, and not just because I’d only managed a few hours of sleep.

I’d now be counting down the minutes until I could finally give the Bond what it wanted, rather than pushing it off indefinitely.

When I’d first realized how Bellamy had been maneuvering, I’d been mad.

It took me no longer than a minute to realize I was just pissed because I hadn’t known what was happening. Then I shifted to being impressed.

While Elijah did his very best to come across like a cocky asshole, I could hardly focus on anything else than what Bellamy must have gone through to get those letters here. To throw herself into war just because she couldn’t stand by with that knowledge.

I’d told her my thoughts on the matter. Her decision had brought her to me.

That was gift enough.

Even as dread started pooling in my limbs at the thought of going home for the first time in six years … the Bond cut off my thoughts.

Bellamy will be there. That sounds fun.

Good God, it was obsessed with her. I couldn’t say I entirely disagreed, especially after a night of her nestling into my side like a kitten seeking warmth.

Esme woke up with a bit of a start at the commotion. I focused on Freya to hide any sort of reaction to the memories associated with her doing that.

“How’d that go over?” I asked while I reached into my pack to grab the thermos of coffee I’d stashed there the night before.

Freya made grabby hands towards the cup I was pouring as she explained, “Good. Peter ended up writing a letter saying…” she trailed off as she pulled the copy out of her back pocket as cleared her throat in preparation to replicate Peter’s deep timber. “Soren and Bellamy’s Match has settled in spectacularly. I recommend a trip back to Florus to demonstrate the strength of their Match.”

Ah, the good old propaganda excuse. That would be like catnip to the Royals.

Bellamy groaned, and I realized that was the first time I’d heard such a hoarse sound come out of her sweet throat. “They are going to run us around like animals.”

“Ah, come on,” I said, nudging her with my shoulder. “We get to drink their fancy champagne and watch Royals get drunk in public and try to hide it.”

Now that I said it, that actually sounded very fun.

“WAIT!” Esme yelled loud enough to send birds fleeing from the surrounding trees. “Please bring—”

“Gold?” Bellamy asked, cutting her off. Esme nodded excitedly. “Already done. Though, I expect some Muli jewelry on my arrival.”

Esme would probably pass out if she saw the Royal jewel stores.

Once we had the word that the Royal guard would be coming to grab us, everything happened very quickly. It felt like mere minutes passed between the moment Freya passed along the good news to Peter and the moment we returned to the Bridge, packs in hand.

Normally, there was a big spectacle about Crossing, especially where there were often over fifty Matches ushered across the Bridge at a time. This round, it was just me, Bellamy, and Freya.

The less people there, the better, especially when there wasn’t the element of chaos to hide the bait and switch Freya and Arthur did, or the way his twin Adam jumped into place on the other side.

This time, as Bellamy and I stepped through hand in hand, the pain hit, but far less severe.

It felt like we’d been locked in a tight room together, the darkness and isolation able to terrify you if you focused on it too long. But if you focused on the person in front of you, on their eyes, their scent, the feeling of their skin under yours, it wasn’t as bad.

The most jarring part of it all was leaving the nature of the camp on Muli and going back to the industrial, war-time base on Vir. It was necessary, favoring function over aesthetics so that we would be protected if our defenses failed and Muli launched an attack on us.

It didn’t mean I didn’t miss the towering cliffs and crystal blue water of the Rystrom islands, or even the beautiful urban architecture of the capital, surrounded by icy rivers that trailed from the crater it was built on out to sea.

While the Matches were back on Muli, the base was riddled with antsy, busybody soldiers stationed there under the threat of invasion.

A point proven by the fact that we were assaulted for every second of the three hour wait for the guard to come get us by a litany of questions, none of which I cared to answer.

Especially not when the Bond was knocking against my mind incessantly, demanding answers for the fact that I wasn’t giving it what it wanted.

Bellamy. Alone. With nothing between us.

?

Bellamy

When Soren and I stepped out into the bright sun of the desert and I realized who had been sent to retrieve us, I had to fight the groan building in my throat.

General Iroko was standing there, arms crossed with a deep scowl on his face. His leering gaze slid to me first, “I’m glad you were ready to leave. Especially after I had to get my team up at two this morning to come collect you.”

I could feel Soren stiffen next to me, but I simply smiled at the general. “Thank you for your expediency.”

Even though part of me wanted to be rude right back, I wouldn’t give him any more reason to think of me as a spoiled princess.

I wondered if he was part of the messenger chain that had brought the letters back to my father. Too bad for him, this message would be coming directly from me.

I tightened my grip on my pack, as if that would provide an added layer of protection to the envelope stashed there.

General Iroko simply grumbled in the face of my smile and started barking orders at his team. He’d brought with him a convoy of seven trucks, all lined up in the desert sand waiting to take us back to the capital.

I looked up to Soren, seeing how he was doing. My hand moved to his shoulder, stroking down his arm as I thought about how I’d feel coming back after six years away.

He grabbed my hand at the very end of my caress, folding it in his warm grip and stroking his thumb over the back of it.

We fell into muttered conversation as General Iroko continued to command the commotion.

After several minutes, it died down, preparing us to leave.

“Alright, Soren you’re over there,” General Iroko said, pointing at the truck at the back of the convoy. “Bellamy, up front.”

My gaze shot to Soren, panic lancing up my neck. The drive was seven hours. They couldn’t mean to separate us for that long.

Soren’s eyes went hard as ice. “Not happening,” he said to General Iroko. “We ride together.”

General Iroko, to his credit, didn’t even flinch in reaction to Soren’s hard tone. He simply crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Not my choice. Royal rules.”

Fuck.

“You don’t need to treat us like Royals,” Soren argued, taking a step towards me. I didn’t care what any of these people thought of us. I wrapped my hand around his waist, the Bond already screaming at me like a petulant child about to get it’s favorite toy taken from them.

General Iroko snorted like a pig. “You use Royal resources, you follow Royal rules.”

Every soldier surrounding us was wearing the gold and black patch across their arm that designated them as the Royal Guard, not one person on our side. My hand tightened on Soren, knowing that we weren’t going to win this argument.

Soren breathed in, and I wondered if he was debating killing the general just to make a point. I kind of wished he would.

After a grumble of agreement that sent General Iroko turning to his men and barking orders to prepare for our exit, Soren turned to me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

The warmth of them pressed into my skin, anchoring me. The feel of them also reminded me that with every hour that passed, and we had to keep delaying the inevitable, I was growing more and more agitated.

People just kept interrupting us, and I had a feeling that it would only continue when we got to Florus.

My eyes closed, needing to shut out everything else but Soren. He pulled me softly to his chest, dropping his lips to the top of my head. “Seven hours isn’t that long.” He sounded like he didn’t believe his own words.

It would probably sound ridiculous to anyone who wasn’t influenced by the Bond. They didn’t know what it felt like to have your skin erupt in pain like there were fire ants crawling over you when you were separated, or that the touch of your Match was the only thing that could quell it.

I nodded, even though the panic hadn’t even remotely fled my body.

“Oi,” General Iroko called, forcing us to break apart. “We’re leaving.”

Soren’s hands tightened on my shoulders, and I was half convinced someone was going to have to physically rip me from him. I looked up at him to find him already looking at me.

A real, honest streak of pain broke across his face, but he took a step back. Then another. He walked several steps backwards, never breaking eye contact with me until he was forced to turn and follow one of the Guard to the truck at the back of the convoy.

Someone ushered me forward, but I only passively realized what was happening. My gaze was glued to Soren as he stepped into the car. I was so distracted that I missed the step up I was supposed to take and tripped, slamming my shin into the metal step.

Soren lunged forward, the soldiers on either side of him catching his arms, restraining him just enough to slam the door shut and close us off from one another. The look on his face before they shut him away from me triggered my end of the Bond, my body moving before I realized what was happening.

I made it two feet from the car before General Iroko stepped in front of me and snapped, “In the car. Now.”

I breathed in, making myself control my reaction as I slowly turned and stepped into the truck. So this was how this was going to be for the next few days, huh? A bunch of people who had no idea how to handle paranimas . I wouldn’t say it to General Iroko, but that was incredibly stupid of him.

At the base around the Bridge, everyone knew what to do. I didn’t think I fully realized it until this moment, how things naturally fell to accommodate Matches. Not just the seating and the bunks.

People knew not to tease a fresh Bond too much, not to get in the way of someone when their Match was injured, not to speak poorly about them in their presence.

All of that was escalated with paranimas , and it was now explicitly clear the Guard was planning on treating us like any other person.

Someone was going to end up wounded, I was sure of it.

I could barely feel my shin hurting from where I’d slammed it against the step, not when I was being crushed on either side by soldiers. If I thought the ride to the Bridge was bad, sitting stick straight so that my Mark stayed off the cold, hard interior of the van, I was sorely mistaken.

This was torture.

As the car took off into the Sicco Desert, the soldier on my right slammed into me, and that entire side of my body erupted in pain. I looked down, half convinced I’d find flames trailing over the arm of my black long sleeve, even though the fabric was made to resist fire.

For the next three hours, I stayed in agony. Every single time someone touched me, even after I’d snapped halfway through and told them all to stay away from me, the pain doubled, compounding until my breaths were labored and sweat trickled down my spine, right over the tree trunk of our Mark.

The physical pain was made worse by the tightness in my chest, a horrid, unshakable feeling of dread that made me feel like I was being ripped apart from the inside out.

I needed Soren.

Even though we were probably no more than two or three hundred feet away from each other in the convoy, it was still too far. The Bond didn’t register the relatively close distance.

It only understood that we weren’t together, and it was making me pay the price for pissing it off. I could tell that we were approaching the rest stop, because the road turned from the smooth, arid sand of the uninhabited desert to the rough, overrun roads of the small town that had been erected for the sole purpose of refueling.

There wasn’t even a place to find food. Just water, a place to relieve yourself, and gas.

My car hit a particularly sharp ditch that took everyone off guard, and I was smushed between two sweaty bodies with such force I thought I heard my ribs crack.

That was it, this was my breaking point. Even though I was screaming at myself to keep it together, to not show a single moment of vulnerability in front of the guard, I could feel tears welling in my eyes.

I missed Soren. The Bond was pouting and making me throw a pity party in response. The car came to a rapid halt, and a heavy breath fell from my lips. Before anyone could think of stopping me, I shot towards the doors at the back of the van and shoved them open, the oppressive desert sun momentarily blinding me.

When I blinked to clear my vision, I saw Soren breaking into a full sprint towards me from the back of the convoy, sheer pain written all over his face.

I no longer cared to save face in front of the Guard. They could choke on sand for all I cared.

I launched myself down the steps and onto the ground as fast as I could. Soren’s legs were longer, his stride faster, so he caught up to me in seconds. I didn’t even wait to consider whether or not he’d catch me, I just jumped into his arms and wrapped my body around his.

He pulled me flush to his chest, almost crushing me with the force of his grip. Where the lightest brush of a soldier’s arm in that car felt like the slice of a blade, his strong hold felt like the summer sun warming my face for the first time after a bitter winter.

It made me feel rather primal, how much his scent affected me. That didn’t stop me from burying my nose in his neck and inhaling deep, letting the warm and rich smell of him chase away the tightness in my chest.

Soren’s hand twisted in my hair and I could feel his nose brushing my temple. If I wasn’t mistaken, I heard him inhale.

I really didn’t want to let him go, but I was also very aware that we were surrounded by silence. I didn’t even want to think about the expressions the soldiers were sporting.

“Soren,” I said, not even really sure what I wanted to say.

He set me down, reading my mind. He didn’t let go, though. He just pulled back and moved his hands up to cup my face in his large palms. “Take care of what you need to. I’m handling this.”

I watched him walk away towards General Iroko’s sneering face, before I popped away to the small set of buildings reserved for a rest stop. When I looked at my face in the mirror in the bathroom, I realized how tired I looked. I didn’t think that was how I looked this morning.

If this was how I looked after three hours without Soren…

I shook my head, feeling the pressure of this whole arrangement weighing down on me.

I pushed out into the sun again, moving my hand up to shield my eyes right as I watched Soren lunge for General Iroko and draw his gun out of his side holster and point it right at his head.

The General’s unit snapped into submission, shouts and panic following as the Guard fumbled for their guns and tried to raise them at Soren.

I ran over, more concerned for Soren than anything else. If a young soldier got too jumpy and his finger drifted over the trigger…

Nope. Not happening. I made it to Soren’s side in seconds. When I approached, he simply held out his free hand, silently beckoning me towards him. His other hand, the one holding the gun, remained steady.

“Let’s try this again,” Soren said, leveling the pistol at the general’s forehead. “You will be letting Bellamy ride with me, correct?”

“Fuck you,” General Iroko spat at Soren. You could see the fear in his eyes despite his words. Soren was a little unhinged, though I found that to be one of his better qualities. I wasn’t sure Iroko’s life was safe even if he changed course.

Soren laughed, then calmly disengaged the safety on the gun. When he lifted it again towards General Iroko’s forehead, he had his finger on the trigger. “Try again.”

Half the people surrounding him were looking on in fear. The other half looked impressed. Meanwhile my heart was about to burst out of my chest. It felt like the beating organ was trying to fight its way past my ribs and sternum so that it could happily plop itself in his hands.

General Iroko’s gaze slid to me, the sneer on his face deepening.

“Looking at her like that is only making me more inclined to kill you,” Soren said, his voice entirely passive, like he was simply considering what he wanted to eat for lunch.

“General,” I said, realizing for the first time how shaky my voice sounded. That’s what you get, the Bond snapped unhappily. Three hours is too long . “While I’m sure your intentions in following Royal protocol are pure, we aren’t technically back in the capital yet. I think you can let base rules govern this situation.” I paused before adding. “Especially if you value your life.”

It seemed to hit him then, exactly how serious Soren was. The fact that I backed up Soren’s conviction said everything.

After another disdainful expression where the lines on General Iroko’s face formed deeper canyons, he grumbled, “Fine. Front of the convoy so I can keep an eye on your vehicle.”

The Bond jumped around like a happy little lunatic. I could almost hear it yelling yay in my head.

“Wonderful,” Soren said, a wide smile overtaking his face. He quickly reengaged the safety and handed the gun back to General Iroko as if nothing had happened. He turned to me, holding his hand out and beckoning for me to take it.

I complied, slipping my hand in his while a shamelessly giddy smile blooming on my own face. As Soren pulled me away towards the car I’d spent hours in wishing he was there, I turned to General Iroko and waved at him with a little waggle of my fingers.

He was a dick to me from the second we met, and I had no shame relishing in the fact that my Soul Mate had just handed him his ass in front of his men.

I caught a few people smothering laughs, which only made my pride glow brighter. I was happy as a clam as Soren pulled me toward the car and stopped to help me inside.

This time, entering that van felt like stepping into a warm, cozy den rather than being forced to sit in a cold cell for three hours. Half the soldiers were already inside, and each of their faces paled when they realized Soren was coming with me.

I had to smile at that, a secret grin at knowing that Soren scared the shit out of everyone, but had been arguably nothing but caring with me.

That thought was only proven right after I sat down and Soren took the seat next to me.

“Up,” he beckoned, motioning for me to put my right leg up on his lap. I listened, even though my brows were creased in confusion. It wasn’t until he gently peeled back my pant leg and inspected the bruise blooming on my shin that I remembered that I banged it against the metal step on my way up. I hadn’t even felt it amidst the other pain racking my body in the hours they’d kept us apart.

Soren’s thumb swept over the skin, already yellowing like a bruise a week old. How odd. I’d hit it very, very hard. Even though it was entirely nonsensical, I could have sworn that his touch made it appear lighter, made the skin feel warmer.

Seemingly satisfied that my leg wasn’t going to fall off, Soren rolled back down my pant leg and placed it gently on the ground. I wasn’t sure which one of us moved first, but the next moment his arm was wrapped around me, pulling me tight into his side, and mine was wrapped around his stomach, my head falling to his shoulder.

The Bond went off like a firecracker, blasting into my head with a satisfied string of sounds that would make it sound like an excited child if anyone else could hear.

Soren’s thumb started to make passes over my shoulder, and it sounded like a contented hum was building in his chest.

I caught the eye of a young soldier across the aisle, who was looking at us with stars in his eyes.

Don’t, I felt compelled to warn him. Don’t offer yourself up to the goddess in hopes of finding this. I felt immeasurably lucky to have been Matched with Soren, but that meant I lived in fear every day that he’d be taken from me.

That fear would never leave, not until either the worst came to fruition or this war was over. I wasn’t sure that would occur in our lifetimes. Depending on what the Muli prince’s offer was, that is.

For now, I simply burrowed into Soren’s warmth, momentarily satisfying the Bond. I was sure the second we arrived in Florus, it would be far different from this quiet comfort.

I let myself relish in it, holding onto him the way I wanted. His hand brushed down my back in quiet strokes that made me feel so safe I felt tears threatening to pool in the corners of my eyes.

Fear started to creep in, now that I accepted how important he was to me. I understood the madness of the Bond. We couldn’t last more than a few hours in different cars.

I didn’t want to think of a world where that distance was longer, more permanent.

I made myself focus on what I could control, what was right in front of me.

That was Soren, holding me to him like I was his lifeline, while his heart beat a steady drum in my ear.

That was good. I could focus on that.

The Bond hummed along peacefully, halfway towards content. My cheeks heated when I realized that I knew what would fully satiate it, and whispered an internal promise that it would come soon.

It would.