A Dream of Fate & Flesh (Courts of Malice #2)

1. The Monster Inside Me Remains Unbroken

one

The Monster Inside Me Remains Unbroken

Rainer

I loathe the mess murder makes.

Using the back of my hand, I wipe the moisture off my cheek. Deep crimson smears my skin, and the metallic scent spurs the hunger deep inside of me. A low growl escapes from my throat. My body warms, and my eyesight shimmers, warning me of the impending bloodlust. Without any risk of Alessia being somewhere nearby, I can succumb fully, repurposing my rage into something useful.

Over two days.

That’s how long it’s been since I last saw Alessia. I was worried I’d lose myself with her, but it’s incomparable to how I lose myself without her.

With a roar, I bend, meeting the man’s fleshy neck with my elongated canines. His screams echo in my skull, a siren’s sweet song luring me in. His nails claw at me like a wild animal, desperate to throw me off him.

Weak, pathetic thing.

I grip his forehead and tilt his head to the side for better access. His throbbing arteries beckon me, and I plant my free hand on his chest to hold him down as I lean in. His flailing does nothing but deepen the wounds in his neck. I smile against his skin as I sample his blood, letting it dribble down my lips and chin, unfazed by his lackluster battle.

Each sip sends a buzz through my veins, a newfound strength through my muscles. Unlike with Fern, with whom I take precautions for her safety, I allow myself to overindulge.

Despite the vile human source, the blood tastes pure. It’s warm and metallic against my tongue. I groan, desperate for more.

Without bothering to savor it, I begin to guzzle, greedily swallowing it down.

His cries die out all too soon. His body grows limp. Soon, he’s no longer fighting me.

When I finish, I sit back on my heels and eye the frozen terror on his face. He lies at an odd angle, his nose cracked, and his skull caved in. The forget-me-nots curl around his body like the wildflowers are ready to swallow him whole. He’s a hollow husk of what he once was, drained and deflated.

More.

More.

I want more .

Fat raindrops splatter around me in the meadow, nature attempting to wash away the mess I’ve made. I stand with a roar, tilting my head up to the overcast sky, daring it to wash me away with it.

I refuse to feel guilty for what I am—who I am.

“Rainer?”

“ What ?” I whip my head toward the voice. My hair sticks to my scalp, and I push the dark strands aside, squinting through the drizzle.

“Sorry to interrupt your… third meal of the day,” Kenisius says with a light laugh, “but the pixies have returned. They delivered your message.”

Message.

Message.

It takes a minute for the high of bloodlust to simmer down, for my rage to subside, and for my wits to return.

“The rose,” I mutter. A rose for my rose. A flicker of longing alights in my chest, and my mind clears. “And?”

“They’re still doing their best to distract the Terra Prince—keep him away from the little human.” He scratches the back of his neck, gaze dropping to the body at my feet. He draws closer, his boots squishing against the muddy ground. “Another assassin?”

“Appears so.” I kick the pale man with the toe of my boot. If the dark clothing, hood, and multiple daggers strapped to him didn’t give it away, the quiet, lethal way he tried to sneak up on me sure did. “Again.”

“Three in one day.” Kenisius smirks, adjusting the scabbard on his back. He wears leathers similar to mine, but in a deep shade of brown rather than black. “They’re growing desperate.”

It’s insane how the humans keep cycling through the same failed attempts to, what, murder me on my land? Or is it Alessia they seek? Despite my torture spilling their blood, the assassins refuse to spill their secrets.

“Remind me again why I deign to hand the lord and lady of Lyson their death notes as well?” They’re likely the ones responsible for sending the influx of measly assassins.

“Because Wyetta is already dissatisfied with your— ”

“I’ll give her something to be truly dissatisfied about.” The human queen is a thorn in my side. She’s not fearsome enough to be an actual threat but just annoying enough to cause persistent discomfort.

I’d rather not deal with her.

I stroke my jaw, my fingers brushing the sticky blood there. “I’m going for the lord and lady of Lyson, Kenisius, as soon as my brother is found. My patience has extended far beyond its usual threshold.”

Alessia won’t ever feel safe with her previous owners still walking the land. I know it based on how she reacted to my fear magic and what it manifested for her.

Each day that goes by, I fear the chasm between Alessia and me grows wider, just as the fissure between realms deepens.

Perhaps I’ll go for the queen, too. Silence her demands if she doesn’t heed my warnings.

Kenisius studies me, hand on his hip. “You have that look, Rai.”

I run a hand through my hair, pushing the sopping strands out of my face again. “I need Tynan found. I need to take care of things.”

Finding my brother is the first step in securing my court. Having a full-blooded, alcoholic vampyr on the loose is not ideal. Especially when he’s never abandoned his station like this before. It’ll be an extra hassle if he’s lost to the bloodlust.

“It’s been two days,” Kenisius says. “We’ll find him.”

“ Today ,” I growl.

I refuse to leave my court unattended, unguarded, until my brother has paid for his sins. The more time that goes by without locating him, the less forgiving I’m starting to feel. Perhaps turning him over to the human queen might be beneficial, using him as a scapegoat to get her off my back.

“At least he had a full meal recently,” Kenisius jokes.

I narrow my eyes at him, unamused at the ill-timed humor. As much as I will not mourn the loss of Alessia’s former lover, I’m displeased that my brother disobeyed my commands and hurt Alessia in the process. Worse, the dead boy had a message that will never be heard. Hopefully, it was a mere apology and bid to reacquire the dignity he forfeited.

“I’m glad you find humor in the situation. It’s only a matter of time before his hunger sneaks up on him.”

“That’s right. He didn’t pack lunch, huh?" Kenisius plucks a berry from a nearby bush. “Speaking of lunch, I’m hungry.” He opens his mouth and tilts his head back, throwing the berry up and attempting to catch it. When it hits his eye, he yelps, placing a palm over it with a chuckle.

“No, Kenisius.” I sigh, leaning against a tree. “He left his blood sources at Shyga.”

“Viveka said they weren’t even drained. Odd, innit?” He strokes his beard contemplatively.

As a half-blooded vampyr, I don’t find it odd. The meals Tynan are provided with are faeries charged with heinous crimes. Royals from the other courts send their criminals to me for execution—allowing me to dirty my hands for them. Only, instead of executing the criminals, Tynan keeps them captive at Shyga, glamoured for obedience, providing him with the blood he needs to survive without succumbing to the bloodlust .

I know firsthand how unsatisfying faerie blood can be. I fear Tynan’s recent taste for human blood will snap something in him if it hasn’t already.

“The quicker we find him, the quicker I can bring Alessia home.”

“Ah.” Kenisius smirks, still holding his eye. “You admit it. You’re in love.”

My scowl deepens. “Being fond of someone’s survival is not being in love .” However, I crave her proximity and ability to thaw my frozen heart. She is my little rose, and I fully intend to regain her trust and affection.

“Rai and little human are gonna get the dirty—”

“Tynan. Find Tynan.”

The rain picks up, the patter drowning out my words almost entirely. Kicking off the tree, I pace, and my boots slosh in the mud. I need Kenisius to focus, not waste time harassing me about my… pesky feelings.

“I’m on it,” Kenisius yells. With an animalistic movement, he unsuccessfully shakes the raindrops from his body, causing his bun to unravel and sending his soaked hair flying around his face. “The quicker we find him, the quicker we can get a meal and a nap.”

“Two days is too long for a thirsty, full-blooded vampyr,” I say over the rain. My fingers flex against my trousers. “Bring him back. Today.”

So I can bring her back.

Selfishly, I want her here now. But her being with Eoin is better than her being destroyed by an alcoholic vampyr or a small-pricked assassin. The Terra Prince is like Wyetta in a sense—annoying but harmless. He thinks he’s my enemy but is not worthy of being so. Even if he was, his sister is a trusted friend who wouldn’t let any harm befall Alessia.

Unlike me, Sennah and Eoin have a whole army stationed around Terra Court. I don’t love the Terra Prince knowing my secrets, but it works in my favor when it comes to protecting the woman who has my heart.

Eoin is a healer with limited magic for fae’s sake. Plus, I know from firsthand experience that the male can’t even fight. What could he possibly do, heal her to death?

Once my brother is found, the lord and lady are dealt with, and the human queen is subdued, I’m bringing Alessia home—safe and sound.

Kenisius bids me farewell and hoists the drained body up over his shoulder. He heads deeper into the woods, likely headed for the Gleam to toss the latest human assassin’s body back over for the humans to find.

How many warnings will it take for them to back off?

I’ll continue scouring the woods for Tynan, sticking close to the Gleam, considering Queen Wyetta’s newfound desire to assassinate me.

My eyes fly open and I clutch my sheets, heart racing.

“Feckin’ hell!” I yell into the inky night.

I throw the blankets off me and swing my feet to the floor. Leaning forward, I hang my head and run my hands through my hair in a soothingly rhythmic motion, attempting to quell the anxiety .

For the second night in a row, I dreamed of Alessia. Of her death. At my hand.

Without her visiting my dreams, I’m left to battle an onslaught of nightmares—the price of my fearcaller magic. To instill fear, I must suffer nightmares.

Standing, I stretch my arms overhead, roll my neck, and head to my balcony. It juts out stories above my gardens, overlooking the expansive forest surrounding my property. At this hour, the dim outline of various trees and structures across the property are barely distinguishable.

The sea of darkness overhead boasts no twinkling stars tonight. I stare at it momentarily, then glance back at my bed. Its invitation is equally dark and ominous.

For so long, I suffered. I spent many nights alone, simmering in anguish. After all, it’s what I deserve for being what I am.

But Alessia taught me a solace I never knew. She relieved me from the awful monotony I was so used to. Had I never met her, met her mercy, I could have continued surviving in a state of morbid acceptance. Now that I know what it’s like to have peace and tender adoration, I’m reluctant to submit to life as I once knew it.

The gate creaking open down below catches my attention. A lone, broad figure enters through, the gate whining shut with a clank behind them.

Kenisius .

Without bothering to change from my nightclothes, I quickly pad barefoot through the halls and down the stairs until I reach him on the first floor.

His dark hair falls in kinked waves around his shoulders, and streaks of dirt and blood overshadow his typically playful expression.

“What is it?” I ask, eyes roaming his frame, counting his daggers and blades, searching for a wound or something amiss. All his weapons are in their holsters, his sword at his back.

He doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’m a failure.”

I swallow the ball of guilt in my throat. If he is a failure, what does that make me? How could I even try to sleep during this time?

“I was caught unaware by one of the… humans,” he says the word with disdain, an unusual comment for the bear shifter.

“Are you wounded?”

“No, but neither is he. He made it back to the Gleam.”

Relief softens my shoulders. “You failed at nothing, Kenisius.” He shakes his head, opening his mouth to speak, but one look at the dark purple bags under his bloodshot eyes has me beating him to it. “You need to sleep.”

He straightens his posture. “I refuse to, until the woods are safe and the vampyr is caught.”

“That’s not a request.”

“But Rai—”

“Go to sleep. Now . It’s an order.”

Before he can argue, I spin on my heel and head back to my room to change. I’ll watch the woods. If anyone should avoid sleep, it’s me.

The anger courses through me so violently that my hands shake as I pull on my black leather gear, lace up my boots, and comb my hair back from my face.

How did everything spin out of control so quickly?

I’m teetering on the precipice of something terrible. An anxious fear ricochets through my bones. The long-standing neutrality with the human realm is crumbling. My relationship with the other courts is precarious at best—thanks to my issue with the woods.

Usually, I’d be unfazed. But now, I have a reason to be better. It’s more than upholding my duties and keeping my court in good standing.

I want to be a better male for Alessia. To be worthy of her. To create a home she wants to return to.

I’ll learn to manage my bloodlust around her and trust her faith in me.

Despite its shattered heart, the monster inside me remains unbroken.