A Dream of Fate & Flesh (Courts of Malice #2)

18. I Promise No Harm

eighteen

I Promise No Harm

Alessia

T he newly familiar dreamscape fills my vision—a blood-red trail of roses winds between ash-covered trees. As I wade through the bright flowers, my feet kick up rose petals.

I squint at the tree line, searching for Rainer. But only darkness fills the horizon; the air is still and silent.

What is this place? What is he dreaming about?

A deep scream reaches my ears from somewhere further along the trail.

Rainer .

I bolt down the path without a second thought, desperate to find him. It doesn’t take long. The outline of his body comes into view. He’s on his knees, crumpled over another frame on the ground. A guttural cry leaves him as he gently rocks back and forth.

“Rainer?” I call gently, afraid of disturbing the scene.

He stiffens, and his head whips around. “Alessia,” he croaks.

I take a few steps forward and notice his eyes are bloodshot, and his face is splotchy, as if he’s been crying. My heart plummets into my bowels as I take in the lifeless body cradled in his lap.

A soft, familiar face gazes at the sky with glossy, unseeing grey eyes. Her curly, ash-blonde hair, tangled and matted with blood, clings to her cheek where a jagged, dark lightning bolt tattoo stretches from temple to jaw .

My breath catches in my throat as I gasp for air. Staggering backward, I lose my balance and almost fall.

“It was an accident,” Rainer whispers. With a solemn gesture, he lowers his head over my motionless form, embracing me with a desperate grip. “I’m a monster.”

His shoulders shake as he sobs into my crimson-stained hair.

How long has he been tortured with nightmares about killing me?

I’m rendered speechless by the horrifying scene. Helplessness consumes me as I watch on, and a desperate urge to help claws at me.

Carefully, so as not to startle him, I lower myself to a kneeling position beside him. I avert my gaze from the illusion of myself, unwilling to confront the emptiness in my eyes again. It’s already more than sufficient to haunt my memory indefinitely.

Reaching for his face, I gently cup his cheek and turn his gaze to me. Fresh blood smears his mouth, as red as the roses he sits atop. My heart squeezes with sympathy.

“Rainer,” I say softly. “I’m right here. It’s me.”

Have the nightmares always been this bad? Or is he especially traumatized after what happened at Terra Court?

Maybe I should feel more disturbed than I do, but all I find within me is guilt for abandoning him in his previous nightmares. After he bit me, a subtle, inexplicable shift happened within me. I trusted him not to hurt me before, but now that trust has transcended to new heights.

Even amid his bloodlust, lost to his rage, with the taste of my blood lingering on his tongue, he managed to restrain himself. He didn’t cause me any harm. Even if Eoin hadn’t been there to heal me, I’m sure I would’ve been fine—it just would’ve taken a little more time and rest to recover.

“Rainer,” I repeat. “You’re not alone.”

His soft blue eyes stand out even more vibrantly against the bloodshot whites, and they fixate on me with an emotionless gaze. I give him a moment, waiting for recognition to spark, for the weight of grief to fade slowly.

After a moment, I pry his hands from the body. The back of my hand brushes cold flesh, and I startle at the realness of the sensation.

There has to be a way to change this—just like I did before, with the nightmare about his family.

Closing my eyes, I use all my mental focus to imagine a lighter dreamscape to will the corpse away.

It’s not real.

It’s just a dream.

Go away.

Go away.

Please, go away.

After a few silent moments, I hesitantly crack an eye. A soft outline of crushed petals marks the spot where my body was just moments ago, but now there is nothing but empty space.

I squeeze Rainer’s hands, the air rushing out of my lungs. “It’s okay,” I tell him.

He blinks, staring at the space where my body was. I reach up, gently wiping the blood from his mouth. But it’s already dry, caked onto his skin. For someone who claims he’s such a monster, he’s got it all wrong. I see the opposite. I see a brokenhearted being carrying a lifetime of regret on his shoulders, desperate to make amends by caring for everyone else.

I once wondered what broken little princes grew into, and now I know: they haunt themselves as ghosts of what they could’ve been.

“Alessia,” he says, staring at the ruined petals. He leans forward, scooping some up in his fist and squeezing them, then letting them flutter back to the ground.

I have no idea how to help or snap him out of his trance, but I need to. If I’m going to find him and save him from certain death, I need him coherent.

Leaning forward, I plant my lips gently on his neck. I trail up his skin, and he shudders. “I forgive you,” I whisper into the shell of his ear. “I’m not leaving you.”

An exhale bursts from his lips, and he turns to face me. Without letting myself feel anything other than the desire and longing for him, I press my lips against his. At first, he’s still, but then he reaches up and grips the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair.

“Mo róisín,” he breathes into my mouth. He kisses me tenderly but fiercely, leaving me with no questions about his feelings for me. Giving my hair a gentle tug, he tilts my head back, deepening the kiss. His tongue tangles with mine. He tastes bittersweet—like hope.

He tastes like my salvation.

Pushing him backward, I straddle him, leaning in to match his intensity. His hands stay in my hair, holding me in place. We kiss until we can no longer breathe, until we pull apart, panting.

“You’re here,” he murmurs. “It’s you.”

I frown as he sits up, keeping me in his lap. His hands rest on my waist, holding me tight. With a sigh, he places his forehead on my shoulder, sagging with what I hope is relief.

“Do you have nightmares like this often?” I ask hesitantly, not wanting to push him.

He goes rigid, then gently nods against me, pulling me tighter to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

The first time I heard Rainer apologize, it untied a knot deep inside us. Each subsequent apology tightens the bond between us, drawing us closer. A faerie prince was not meant to offer apologies, yet he always does for me.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I tell him softly. “Eoin set you up. It was another ploy.” I grind my teeth. I hate Eoin almost as much as I hate the lord and lady.

“I lost control, Alessia.” His voice cracks, and I hate witnessing Rainer lose his edge. His arrogant confidence and snarky attitude are what make him him .

I wish I could kiss him back to life, breathe my life into him.

“Look at me,” I command. He obliges, lifting his head to peer at me. I smooth his hair out of his face, taking all of him in. “You fought it. You stopped before you hurt me, Rainer. Do you understand?”

Why can’t he see it yet? That he won’t hurt me.

Why can’t he trust himself?

His gaze bounces around my face as if searching for hidden lies.

“I’m a human,” I say, half-teasing but fully serious. “My word is my truth, remember?”

“Not fully,” Rainer mutters, frown deepening.

Squinting, I try to read the meaning behind his words. “I promise, Rainer, I’m not lying to you.”

“Not that.” He glances away, his throat bobbing as he swallows his emotions down. “You’re not human, Alessia. Not fully. ”

The defeated delivery of his words is a blow to the chest. I recoil, stunned and confused. Of course I’m human. How could I be anything but?

I would know if I wasn’t.

“I tasted you.” His fingers caress my bottom lip, and he gazes at me with apology. “You tasted human… but different.”

My heart batters against my ribs, a caged animal threatening to break free of its prison.

“Like what?” I whisper.

“Like… me .”

“Like you how exactly?”

His hands fist the rose petals around us and crushes them. Over and over, he picks up a handful, squeezes, then lets them flit to the ground.

“ Rainer ,” I say, a little harsher than I intended. “What are you telling me?”

He clenches his jaw, but he meets my gaze unwaveringly. “Demonblood courses through your veins.”

My hand whips out to catch his wrist, stopping him before he grabs more petals.

“That’s not possible.” I shake my head. “It must’ve been because you had Eoin’s blood first. Or you were confused because—”

“I was not confused.” He scowls at me.

“My parents were human.”

“You didn’t know your parents.”

“Just like you don’t know anything about me.” I push myself up, storming away from Rainer, needing space to cool down before I lash out at him any further.

There’s no way what he’s saying is true, but he wouldn’t lie to me.

It’ s Rainer after all.

Regret immediately floods me. I count my breaths, working to calm myself, as I stride further away.

“Wait.” He catches up to me with ease, gripping my wrist and spinning me around straight into his arms. “You can be angry with me all you want, but you can’t tell a soul, Alessia.” He cups my cheek, tilting my head back so I’m forced to look into his pained eyes. “They will kill you if they know.”

“Just like they’re going to kill you if we don’t get you out of there?” I ask flatly, defeated by the obstacles stacked against us.

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter.”

“What is wrong with you? Of course it matters!” I poke his hard chest. “I am coming for you, and you can either make it easier for me or harder.”

“Listen to me, mo róisín.” He places his hands on my shoulders. “It’s not worth the risk to your—”

“I’m not listening to this.”

“I deserve to die for my mistakes. For what I a—”

My hand lashes out before I can stop myself, slapping his cheek. “You do not speak like that again, Rainer Rohan Iorworth. Do you hear me?”

He stares at me in stunned silence, blinking a few times. Slowly, a smile creeps onto his face. His eyes twinkle with mischief.

“Is that the first time you ever slapped someone?” he asks, his hand hovering over his cheek.

“Yes,” I say, heat flooding my cheeks.

My teeth clench together angrily. I should feel awful about slapping him—and perhaps later I will—but right now, I am desperate to rectify the situation.

“You saved me.” Inclining my chin, I give him a stern gaze. “That means I owe you a debt, Rainer Rohan Iorworth, and I plan to pay it by saving you.”

Even if my heart didn’t yearn for him, I’d still come for him. Avylon is a better place with him in it.

He holds my gaze as his smile grows. It doesn’t entirely wash away the pain in his eyes, but it’s genuine. A chuckle reverberates, and he shakes his head, a pride lighting up his face.

“Look at you,” he says, gently caressing my jaw. “The girl who fights.”

The familiar words flood my chest with warmth. “I will fight for you, Rainer, and I will fight with you.”

He clasps my hands in his, rubbing small circles on my wrists. “I don’t deserve you.”

“If you keep thinking that, it’ll be true, not for me, but for you. You are the one giving those words power. Remember that.”

“Are we done pushing each other away?” he asks, taking me in hungrily.

I nod. “I only pushed you away to save you—Eoin was going to share your secret.”

A shadow flickers across his face. “I should’ve killed him.”

A rustling off to the side snags my attention. I glance over to see Ezamae leaning against a tree, watching us with a smirk.

Rainer growls, tugging me behind him.

“How is he here?” I whisper, eyes wide with surprise. He flickers in and out like an apparition. “Is that really him?”

“No,” Rainer says, his voice a low warning rumble. He turns to me, giving me an odd look. “Why are you dreaming of him?”

I flinch at his accusatory tone. “This is your dream, not mine.”

“You might’ve entered my dreamscape, but I can assure you, I am not the one dreaming of the Enchanter.”

My cheeks heat at his implication. “He’s the one who helped me escape Terra Court. He’s going to help me find you, Rainer.”

His lips tighten as he studies my face. The hollow, dull expression burns away. In its place, a bright fury blazes through his features. He scowls, but it draws me in like a bonfire, keeping me warm on a cold winter night instead of pushing me away.

My stomach clenches at the sight of him coming so alive again. I hate that envy sparked his flame again, but it’s better than the self-loathing creature he was frozen with guilt and fear moments ago.

“If he touches you, I will take more than his hand.” Rainer narrows his eyes, glancing where Ezamae stood. “I am serious, and you know it, little rose.”

After seeing him attack Eoin, I know whole-heartedly that Rainer would destroy Ezamae no matter the cost. There’s something thrilling about knowing he would sacrifice everything for me—even the thing he holds dearest.

I bite down the budding smile, not wanting him to see how giddy his possessiveness makes me.

Thunder cracks through the dreamscape, disrupting the peace. I can’t make out what he says, but the ground beneath us rumbles and shakes. Rainer makes a displeased noise in the back of his throat. I wrap my arms around him, squeezing tight.

“Alessia,” Rainer says quickly, “You need to go to the Cave of Reflection.”

“I thought it was for Royal Fae only?” I ask, thinking about what Sennah told me.

“It’s not only about magic—the Cave helps you face truths about yourself,” he says. “There’s also a slight chance you could access previously inaccessible magic—since you weren’t born here."

Everything goes black, the ground shaking and shuddering beneath us. But I can still feel Rainer’s presence.

“Have Ezamae take you,” he says.

“Can I trust him?” I yell, hoping my words make it to Rainer.

“His brother is the queen’s windwhisperer—” A crack resounds, muffling Rainer’s words.

“What?” I ask, desperate for him to give me further instructions.

“—go to the Cave,” Rainer’s voice wavers. “Take care of yourself before you do me.”

“Don’t leave me,” I cry out.

The dream fades away.

With a scream, I shoot upright, scanning the empty room. The sky is still dark, and the fire has faded away. An intense chill settles in my bones.

The air shimmers before me, and a disheveled Ezamae appears. He’s shirtless, his toned chest and stomach on display. His belt is unclasped, hanging limply, and his black trousers are open, offering a peak of hair from the place below his waist.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I groan and cover my mouth.

“Alessia,” he says calmly. “What happened?”

A clanging and rustling reach my ears, and when I reopen my eyes, Ezamae’s belt is buckled. I avoid looking at his pale skin, focusing on his face instead, at his mussed-up silver hair and swollen lips.

“Nothing,” I say, composing myself.

“Lies. I heard your cries on the wind.”

“Bad dream.” I swallow the lump in my throat and glance toward the hearth.

Ezamae crouches beside it, attempting to stoke the dead fire back to life. He blows, flicking his wrist toward the tiny ember. A gust of wind appears to catch the flame, fanning it higher and higher until it catches onto a log and blazes brightly, consuming the wood.

He turns to me, stilling when our eyes meet. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

I nod, my teeth chattering violently. My body mourns the loss of Rainer’s nearness, and I pull my makeshift blanket up around me, trying to find the warmth I’m missing.

Ezamae turns his gaze upward, muttering something incoherent. “You’re blue. That’s my favorite color, and I’d appreciate the palette normally, but I must say it’s not your color.” He turns the fire, rearranging the sticks. “Letting the fire burn out isn’t the wisest thing to do up here.”

“It wasn’t intentional,” I say, teeth chattering.

He stands from his crouch, sliding out of his navy, fur-lined cloak and holding it out to me. Eagerly, I accept it. I’m not going to be a fool and decline. Not with shards of ice prickling my skin. Sliding into it, I scoot closer to the fire and put my hands out.

Minutes later, my body regains its warmth.

“It’s much too cold for spring, “ I say.

Ezamae chuckles, taking a seat beside me. “I’m used to it up here.” He tosses a stray piece of wood into the fire. “The temperature drops the higher you go, and the sun doesn’t hit this side of the mountain much.”

“Explains why you’re so pale,” I mutter.

To my surprise, he bursts into genuine laughter. “The climate is different in different regions of Avylon. It wasn’t like that in Dovenak?”

I shrug. “I don’t—I never really left the house much.” I turn away, not wanting to get into my life back in Lyson.

“Ah,” he says contemplatively. “Explains your ignorance with the fire.”

My cheeks heat, no thanks to the fire this time. He sits beside me on the bed, wrapping an arm around me. I jerk free, jumping to my feet. “Don’t touch me.”

His expression twists with confusion. “I’m only lending my warmth, nothing nefarious, I swear.”

“Rainer will kill you.” And I’ll let him.

It startles me how easily I’ve grown accustomed to the violence. Perhaps I am becoming who I am—a demon .

A half-demon?

Squirming uneasily, I try to accept the realization without destabilizing my reality.

Ezamae laughs heartily, his whole body shaking. “I welcome the challenge.”

“He doesn’t like that we’re together,” I say.

Ezamae goes rigid, his eyes widening before transforming his features into a picture of unamused arrogance. “Interesting.”

Ignoring him, I replay the conversation we had in my dream. About the Cave of Reflection… Rainer said there’s a slight chance I might have my own magic. And considering I can dreamwalk with Rainer, I feel the odds are high.

It’s worth taking the detour .

Magic —of any kind—could give me an advantage when rescuing Rainer.

“We need to go to the Cave of Reflection,” I say, matter-of-factly, hoping the feigned confidence will convince Ezamae I know what I’m requesting.

He stays silent, looking into the fire for a moment before speaking. “Why would you possibly want to visit the Cave?”

“Does it matter?”

“Indeed, it does.”

“Because someone I trust mentioned it’s worth visiting. Even for humans,” I add lamely.

He studies me, eyes narrowed. “Let me guess. Rainer told you to go?”

I press my lips together, avoiding his gaze. “Maybe.”

“And you just happened to randomly decide now, after a nap, that you’d rather leave your beloved imprisoned and head to a random cave?”

“No, I—” I pause, not wanting to dig myself into a hole.

“Have you talked to Rainer since he was taken?” Ezamae asks, a curious lilt to his voice.

I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out.

“You saw him,” Ezamae says, brows high with interest. “Didn’t you?”

Heat floods my face and neck as I stare at my feet. What a fool I am for mentioning this.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I mumble.

Instead of teasing or pestering me, as I might expect, Ezamae hmms to himself as if making sense of something .

“It’s for the best that you don’t speak it aloud,” he says, echoing Rainer’s sentiments.

I furrow my brow, trying and failing to read his expression. “Why?”

“Because you never know who is listening,” he whispers. With a flourish, he rises from the bed, putting his back to me and rummaging through a cupboard. “If it’s the Cave of Reflection you seek, well, we’re quite close.”

“You’ll keep it to yourself?” I ask, alluding to the dreamwalking secret.

Ezamae smiles kindly over his shoulder. “I am not the one who talks. I am the one who listens .”

He turns his attention back to the cupboard, peering inside briefly. Dissatisfied, he shuts it and turns back to me with a scowl. “This won’t do at all.”

He fades into a burst of shimmery air, and I groan. I feel like I’m making this mess ten times worse. A short while later, he flickers back into sight carrying a thick wool blanket and a pillow and balancing a serving platter with a silver dome lid.

“Here.” He holds the platter out to me. I accept it, nearly bowing at the weight. Barely making it to the counter, I set it down and then lift the lid. A roasted bird and steaming vegetables stare back at me.

My mouth tastes like dirt as I stare at it, wondering how I could eat right now.

“Ezamae…” I face him, giving him a pleading look. “I appreciate your hospitality but I want nothing more than to go.”

I yawn.

He purses his lips. “You need to eat up, and you should rest more. We cannot leave until daybreak, anyway." Glancing down at my clothing, he frowns, muttering, "I need to secure more appropriate clothing.”

He’s gone before I can respond.

Ignoring the food, I lay back down, fighting the heaviness in my eyelids. Eventually, I give into the fight, falling into a dreamless sleep.

***

My body vibrates. As the sleep leaves me, I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder, fingers gripping me tight. They shake me again.

I crack an eye open, screaming at the face hovering before me.

“You’re probably quite surprised to see me,” Eoin says quickly, pressing a hand to my mouth and muffling my scream. “But I promise no harm.”