A Dream of Fate & Flesh (Courts of Malice #2)

30. I Forgive You

thirty

I Forgive You

Alessia

I thank Sera for her hospitality by helping her harvest herbs around the property. When night falls, we indulge in wine, sweet bread, and roasted beans and veggies before parting for bed.

She shows me and Eoin to the same room, and my heart drops out of my arse.

I swallow the lump in my throat, wanting to object to the rooming situation, but I don’t wish to be ungrateful. Instead, I smile, nod, and bid Sera goodnight.

“Wait,” she says. “Can I talk to you?” Her eyes flit past me to Eoin. “Alone?”

I follow her back into the kitchen. My head swims pleasantly with the buzz of wine.

“I meant what I said earlier,” Sera says. “That you and I—we could’ve been friends.” Her sparkling eyes stay locked onto mine, filled with authenticity. “Ez has the best heart of anyone I know, and I’d do anything for him. It wasn’t anything personal.”

“I opened up to you,” I whisper. “I considered you a friend.”

We had laughed together at Terra Court, getting lost in natural conversation. She had helped me dress and do my hair. If it weren’t for her presence and guidance, I would’ve lost myself completely.

But that’s what makes this hurt that much more.

She bites her lip, glancing away. “You were much, much kinder than I deserved, Alessia. For that, I will always cherish our time together.”

“I am kind because it’s who I am,” I say, finding my strength. “Whether or not it’s deserved.”

“I know,” she says softly. “I wish things were different.”

With a goodnight, I leave her behind and head back to the room.

Eoin greets me with a raised brow from where he’s perched at the edge of the bed. He pats the spot beside him.

Though Eoin is a pain in my bones, having him around has started to feel safe and predictable. At least he’s adept at keeping me alive.

My eyes wander over the small bed. “Will this be your first time sleeping on a floor, prince ?”

“Who says I’m sleeping on the floor?”

I run to the bed, jumping onto it. Using my feet, I push him off, laughing when he thumps onto the floor with a groan.

He rubs his arse. “You are a child.”

“I’d rather chew my arm off than share a bed with you.” I stick my tongue out.

“Rude,” he says, inspecting his elbow.

I scoff.

He situates himself into a sitting position and untucks his shirt. “You’re different.”

“Than what ?”

"Before?" He waves a hand toward me. “I fear you are growing abrasive. ”

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “So when a female sets boundaries, stands up for herself and decides not to let arseholes take advantage of her, she’s abrasive ?”

Every single fae I’ve met has somehow lied to me, used me, or manipulated me—even Rainer in the beginning. I’m starting to think the only way to exist is to adapt their same qualities.

Eoin’s cheeks turn a deep red. “That’s not what I meant,” he mumbles. “I meant you’re just… not the same girl I kissed at Ostara.”

Groaning, I bury my face in the pillows. “Must we rehash this?” I cringe at the memory of our lips touching. “I’d rather drink Ken’s piss-wine than kiss you again.”

“Wait…” Eoin says. He roars, jumping to his feet. “The bear urinated in my wine? I’m going to… to… argh ! I’ll murder him!” He shakes his fists at the ceiling. “You are unbelievably annoying—the lot of you from Umbra!”

“You truly did deserve that,” I say.

He plops onto the bed beside me, shaking his head. “I drank it!”

“Good.” I plant my hands on his shoulder and shove. He topples off the bed and thumps to the ground. “Now, stay down there.”

“The further away from you, the better,” he says. His head tips back with another heavy thud as he sighs. “I give up.”

“Finally,” I say. “You’re relentless.”

We simmer in the silence.

Eoin groans. “I can’t believe he urinated in my fountain.”

“At least it wasn’t poo?” I offer.

“I’ve never heard a lady mention poo so often,” Eoin says, aghast.

I chuckle, and he joins in. Soon, genuine laughter fills the room.

It takes me a minute to remember that it’s his fault we’re in this position in the first place, and the laughter fades. I toss a pillow at his head and roll over, making myself comfortable.

“I’m not giving you the blanket,” I say, facing the wall.

“Alessia...” he sighs.

There’s a bloated pause. The floorboards creak beneath him as he rustles around, settling.

I stay awake, staring at the wall of logs for what feels like hours. At one point, Eoin starts whispering again. I hold my breath, straining to listen without letting him know I’m awake.

“I won’t apologize,” Eoin mumbles. “That’s not who I am, and those would be meaningless words to me.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, and I grimace. I think of how Rainer swallowed his pride and apologized to me—how he truly meant it—and it makes my heart ache for the misunderstood vampyr. Tears prick at my eyes, and I blink them away.

“However, that doesn’t negate the fact that I feel bad about what I’ve done.” His voice cracks, and I scrunch my nose at the stupid sympathy pinching my chest. “I had not intended to cause harm. I wish I could go back and do it all differently.”

He’s quiet again for just a moment. “I thought I could threaten Rainer into peacefully relinquishing his court. I intended to be cunning and bold but not actively cruel.”

His words don’t quell my fury; they only fan the flames, but I bite my tongue and lie still, waiting for him to continue.

“He has everything,” Eoin whispers. “Power, respect, loyalty. He has the Gleam and the power to instill treaties with the humans. He even won over my sister—the only one I could trust.” He sucks in a long, audible breath. “I had only wanted to prove that I’m not a weak-spined, pathetic healer . For once, I just wanted to be… more .”

Slowly, I roll over. A strip of moonlight leaks in from the window, highlighting Eoin’s features. His mouth is downturned, and a sadness ages him.

“So instead of embracing being a healer, you became a destroyer,” I say, throat thick with sadness.

“Oh… You are awake,” he mumbles.

I sigh, running a hand over my face. “Being a healer is a beautiful thing, Eoin. You don’t need to do awful things to earn respect.”

“You don’t understand,” he says quietly. “I’ve failed my trials at the Cave of Reflection. More than a few times. Even my own magic doesn’t deem me worthy.”

“I failed too,” I remind him.

He sighs, glancing away. “That’s different. It might not mean much to you, but as a Royal Fae here, magic and power are everything.”

“You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone. You’re worthy just as you are.” I squirm, uncomfortable that I’m starting to understand Eoin’s inner torment—starting to harbor pity for him. I take a long inhale. “You let your ego get in the way, causing pain in many lives. Maybe if you thought of others instead of yourself, you’d have more friends and less enemies.”

“I know very little of your life, of the Trade,” Eoin says, “but I do know your life revolved around helping others, yes?”

“Mhm.” I nod.

“It’s not like that here. You may not have been in Umbra Court long enough to learn our ways, but it’s embedded into us from a young age to watch our back, protect ourselves, and use our power as weapons to get what we want.”

“Not all the fae are like that,” I say, picturing Rainer's soft dimple and his tender touch.

Then I think of Ken and Viv—how they helped me train and cracked lighthearted jokes to put me at ease. Even Das Celyn, with their perpetual scowl and sass, went out of their way to help me. Ezamae and Sennah also have attributes of kindness if you look beneath the surface.

Eoin leans up on his elbows, leveling me with a sturdy look. “There is always an ulterior motive of selfish origins when it comes to the fae.”

“Then what’s yours , Eoin?” I sit up, leaning against the wall and tucking my legs into my chest. “What’s your selfish motivation for helping me?”

“You already know.”

“Remind me,” I say.

“To pay a debt I owe.”

I study him in the moonlight. “I need more than that.”

The silence in the room is loud as I wait for him to respond.

“Rainer risked his court and life to protect Sennah. He kept her secret and covered for her for years, letting the folk in Avylon think he was the arse responsible for cursing the woods and haunting our land. Without him, I wouldn’t have…” Eoin’s voice grows thick.

My mind whirls, quickly putting the pieces together. Rainer protecting Sennah makes so much sense. It also explains why he hasn’t been quick to tell me all the details—this secret isn’t about him. It’s about her .

“I owe Rainer, so this is me paying my debt. I do not care if he returns to his court or not, but I will indeed ensure he walks with his life intact, and I will not be the one to cut him down any further.” He clears his throat. “It’s a bonus that I shall earn the respect I deserve. My sister will take me seriously, and I will be hailed as a hero when we complete the task.”

I exhale heavily. Of course, he has to ruin his seemingly good intentions with a bit of Eoin-ego.

“When I set Rainer up, it was nothing personal to you. It was to show him that I’m just as capable of—”

“Cruelty?” I supply.

He shakes his head. “It was to show him I should not be underestimated. He found me such a non-threat that he bargained you away.”

I frown, my stomach dropping at the reminder. “Perhaps that was meant to be a compliment—he trusted you to do the right thing.”

There’s a long pause as we sit and absorb the admissions hanging between us. “When Sennah told me that he risked everything he had, everything he was, to protect her…” He shakes his head. “I realized I misjudged him. It was never a rivalry. It was an alliance. I’m the one who turned it into something terrible.”

I finger the blanket, a lump forming in my throat. “I’m glad you’re realizing this now, Eoin.”

“I won’t let Rainer die, Alessia. I can’t. I owe him for what he’s done for my family.”

I don’t like how my chest squeezes with compassion for Eoin, of all fae. It’s his fault we’re in this mess, but we all make mistakes. I can’t begin to understand what Eoin went through growing up here—as fae or as a prince. But I can relate to feeling like an outsider, like nothing is ever enough. I know firsthand how abuse and cruelty can cut someone down until they’re cornered and desperate.

Those shared emotions allow me to say: “I forgive you.”

“You forgive me?” he whispers.

“Words have power in the human world, too,” I tell him. The demonblood coursing through my veins doesn’t change the fact that I was raised with human values instilled in me. “So, yeah, Eoin. I forgive you.”