A Dream of Fate & Flesh (Courts of Malice #2)

44. Both of You Die

forty-four

Both of You Die

Alessia

A cold sweat breaks out on my neck as I stare down the sea of shadow-spirits.

What now?

I just… confirm with the spirits I’m their leader? We build a new court, appease the queen, and all live happily ever after?

Is it that easy?

“Remember what I told you?” Rainer whispers in my ear as if sensing my inner turmoil. “How the Lírshadows come into their power?”

My previous rumination drips away like melted candle wax. Of course, saving Rainer, stepping into my court’s power, and appeasing the queen isn’t as easy as it appears.

The fae and their ways are anything but easy .

The truth is clear between Rainer’s warnings and my shadow-self’s pleas. I’m expected to embrace my darkness and make a sacrifice—an offering—to the land.

That is how I’ll embrace my magic.

“You don’t have to do this, mo róisín,” Rainer says. “We can find another way.”

My hands shake. I ball them into fists at my side, not wanting my vulnerability to show. What feels like hundreds of eyes bore into me as I approach Tynan. It’s ironic, considering the shadow-spirits don’t possess eyes—just darkness.

“Can I borrow that?” I point to a dagger at Tynan’s waist. He doesn’t hesitate, fingers working quickly to detach it from the holster. He passes it to me, handle first.

I accept it, lifting it in thanks. It trembles like a leaf. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Rainer’s hand lands softly on my shoulder. “You don’t have to do this, Alessia.”

“You said it yourself. It’s the only way.”

His brows knit together, his icy eyes pleading. “We’ll figure something out.”

“You will die if I don’t revive the court, Rainer. You will all die.”

“We’ll run away to Dovenak. You and me.”

“If the queen dies, so do you,” I repeat.

“What are you two talking about?” Tynan moves closer to us, brows raised in interest.

“Go inside,” Rainer orders him.

“Feck that. My brother’s casually talking about dying, and you think I’m going to go hide in my shack?” He scoffs. “What the hell is going on?” His eyes roam the sea of dark spirits, then land on me. “You are a damn Lírshadow.”

I exchange a look with Rainer.

Tynan whistles. “No shite.”

“You’re quick on the uptake when you’re not sloshed,” Rainer mutters.

“I’m a little slower sober, believe it or not,” Tynan smirks. “You smell deliciously human, for the most part. I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Rainer snarls, stepping into his brother’s chest. I don’t bother stopping him. The males can handle themselves, and I have more important issues than their egos.

I face the crowd of shadow-spirits. They waver silently, almost seamlessly blending into one another, becoming a large, dark shadow that consumes the bog.

“I need to murder someone,” I whisper, staring at the blade in my hand. My mouth goes dry, a total contrast to my moist eyes. I’m strong, but I’m not a murderer.

My hands tremble, and I almost drop the blade.

There’s no way I can intentionally hurt someone else. The guilt will break me.

“Embrace all of you, Alessia. ”

“No. I can’t.” I squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t have to face my shadow-self. “I won’t.”

“ They’ll all die if you don’t. He will die .”

My mind races, desperately seeking a solution. Perhaps I can. If the land needs blood—and a Lírshadow’s magic—maybe I can give it both.

Checking that Rainer and Tynan are still distracted, I raise the dagger, lining it with my gut. I press the blade’s tip against the fabric, letting it bite into my flesh.

If I take my life, I’m still providing a sacrifice—it’s giving everyone what they want. It’s the only solution that keeps everyone from being harmed.

A tear slips down my cheek. I say a silent goodbye to Rainer and close my eyes .

Before I can press the blade into my flesh, a gust of wind sends me stumbling backward. My eyes open to catch a glowering Ezamae bolting toward me from across the swamp.

“You ignorant, selfish fool!” Ezamae yells.

His face is red with fury, and his wind sends my hair tangling around my head. The unexpected anger on his usually kind expression freezes my blood.

My hands tremble, and the blade slips. Faster than I can register, Rainer shoots forward, yanking the weapon free. He tosses it aside and pulls me to his chest, his hand splaying against the back of my head.

“You fecking idiot,” Rainer mutters. “ What are you thinking?”

I go limp in his arms, the overwhelm bubbling up. It would be so easy to break down, to let the pain and stress flow out of me, but I can’t . Not now.

“If you do that, you will kill him, too, Alessia!” Ezamae yells. “That is not the way.”

I pull free of Rainer, turning to Ezamae. “What do you mean it would kill him?”

The princes exchange a look, and Rainer’s eyes flash with panic. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Ezamae flick his wrist. A soft breeze caresses me, fluttering my hair. It ruffles Rainer and Tynan's clothing gently. Although the world around us is already quiet, I surmise he's protecting our small group from being eavesdropped on by any sly outsiders.

“What did you do?” I whisper to Rainer, putting space between us.

He shakes his head. I think he might reach for me for a moment, but he shoves his hands deep into his pockets as if restraining himself.

The silence is thicker than the swamp’s mud.

Ezamae steps forward. “He—”

“No.” I hold up a hand, keeping my eyes on Rainer. “I want to hear it from him .”

“This is getting good,” Tynan says from somewhere beside us. “Does this mean what I think it means?” He snickers, leaning against a tree, wearing a wide smirk. “No feckin’ way.”

I tune him and the onlooking spirits out.

My attention latches fully onto Rainer. My nerves misfire, sending alerts through my body as I wait for him to speak.

His throat bobs as he swallows, finally dragging his eyes to my face. “There’s something I wanted to tell you. Privately .”

Glancing nervously at the onlooking faces, I say, “Clearly, this matter is no longer private.”

“The dreamwalking,” he says. He squeezes his eyes shut and drags a palm down his face as if attempting to wipe away his mistakes.

“It’s a part of my magic?” I had a hunch, obviously.

“Not exactly,” Rainer says, voice low. “It’s… rare.”

The silence between us roars.

“ How rare?” I whisper.

“Only those with soul-bonds can dreamwalk.”

I scrutinize his sorrowful expression, trying to understand the gravity of those words.

I shake my head. “That doesn’t mean anything to me… I don’t understand.”

“It means fate brought us together for a reason,” he says.

“Char—the hand of Fate —manipulated me into…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Are you saying this is part of her doing, too? Our involvement?” When I reopen my eyes, he’s still staring into my soul. “I am so sick of everyone else deciding my feckin’ fate !”

“Alessia,” Rainer’s voice cracks. “What I feel for you isn’t because of any soul-bond.”

He steps forward, and I recoil.

“How long have you known?” I ask.

The lines around his mouth appear as he tenses his jaw. “I had a hunch from the moment I first realized we were dreamwalking. But I wasn’t sure until—”

“This whole time.” My brow scrunches. “Why keep it from me this whole time?”

“Because I thought you were human . It shouldn’t have been possible. I… denied it. Until I couldn’t.”

“Because you didn’t think I could handle it,” I say flatly.

I incline my head another inch, just like Sennah taught me. They won’t see me break. Not today. Because, Gods, does it hurt to learn that the one who believed in me and my strength didn’t think I was strong enough to know the truth about myself?

I am tired, furious, and fed up with others attempting to dictate what I can or cannot do—what I’m capable of doing.

“ None of this is real,” I say to Rainer, refusing to let the tears fall.

I’m acutely aware we have an audience, but I refused to be fazed by their presence. Let them get their fill of entertainment once again.

“It’s all real,” he whispers. “A soul-bond is a profound connection between fae. It’s common in some fae, like Angelli, but uncommon in others. Many pairs are merely friends—some even are family—it has nothing to do with my romantic feelings for you.”

“Unless you slept together.” Tynan fake-coughs.

My head snaps up. He shrugs half-heartedly. Rainer growls, shooting his brother a lethal look.

“That is none of your business,” Rainer snaps at him.

“I think we share business around here,” Tynan murmurs amusedly. His brows raise, and he glances at me.

Swallowing the thickness in my throat, I ask, “What else are you not telling me?”

Ezamae doesn’t allow Rainer to explain before continuing, “If soul-bonds… make love, they take that little string between them, double-knotting it and pulling it tight.”

My stare narrows, staying glued on Rainer, whose face has gone pale. “Which means…?”

Ezamae sighs. “If you consummate the bond, when one of you dies, darling, well… both of you die.”