A Little Bit

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Eli

I turn, making that the billionth rotation I’ve paced in my tiny dorm room.

I don’t care if he goes.

I don’t.

I don’t

I don’t.

I stop and let a groan out into the silence, pulling at my hair until my scalp stings.

Of course I fucking care. A lot. Because somewhere along the way, something changed for me. And now, I don’t want him going out with other women or other men or anyone .

I want him… here.

Grabbing my phone off the nightstand where it’s been silent the past hour, I pull up our text thread, furiously typing out a message.

My finger hovers over the send button, but I can’t seem to make myself press it.

I quickly swipe up, closing the messaging app.

I can’t. I can’t ask that of him. To not go on that weird, fucked up date. To come back to me . I can’t even promise anything back to him. And he definitely can’t promise anything to me.

I want to scream right now. Everything feels so intense, like it’s the end of the world. I’m being completely fucking irrational.

Standing still in the middle of the room, I hold my head in my hands, trying to breathe through it all. When I bring my head back up, my eyes catch on my work in progress, the white charcoal eyes—the first ones I’ve actually completed—staring right back at me.

I step up to it, examining the small details I’ve added over the last few weeks, trying like hell to capture all the intricacies that make him, him.

Bringing my hand up to the canvas, I lightly brush my fingers over his nose, running down to his mouth.

Fuck it. I don’t care. I’m going to be selfish. Do something I want. Fuck the risk. Fuck the consequences.

I press send on the text that I left waiting.

Me

Don’t go.

I quickly lock my phone and toss it on the bed, like that will somehow not make me spiral until he answers me. His eyes mock me from across the room, so I turn the easel around too.

I pace for another ten seconds before I give up and make a beeline for my phone so I can torture myself staring at it. But before I can reach it, there’s a soft knock at the door.

I sprint to it, jumping over a pile of dirty laundry and almost busting my ass when I trip over the trash can.

I yank the door open.

There he stands. My muse. Hair mussed, eyes wild, chest panting.

“I couldn’t go,” he says in between his tired breaths.

I reach out, pulling him inside by his nape, slamming the door and pressing our foreheads together.

“Why not?” I breathe into the minuscule space between our faces.

“I want to be here,” he whimpers.

“I want you here too.”

I tilt my face down, so that our mouths are next to each other, breathing in each other’s air. All I have to do is move the tiniest bit, and I’ll taste him again.

When he kissed me at his family’s house, it sent an ache through my body, a dizzying type of pain that could only be soothed by more of him. I had wanted to keep going. To follow his request and take everything he had to give, leaving him empty for anyone else who tried to take my place after I was gone.

Because I will be gone. Eventually.

I lean the rest of the way, pressing my lips to his. The air rushes out of my lungs, that same ache flooding my body.

I open my mouth, snaking my tongue out, begging for entry, something to alleviate the ache. An animalistic groan escapes me the moment he opens for me. Our tongues meet, jolting me. His taste is indescribable. It’s fucking perfect. It’s the crumbling of all my walls. It’s warmth and light and nirvana.

I feel like I’m suffocating under it all. Reluctantly, I pull my mouth from his. My brain plunges into a weird mania, right on the edge of losing my mind if I can’t kiss him again.

I bang my fist against the wall next to his head, making him flinch. “Fuck,” I pant, my chest moving at a fast pace. “Why did I never do this? It’s fucking amazing.”

He grabs my face, pulling it back to his, taking my lips for himself. “Because you’re an idiot,” he murmurs into my mouth.

I sputter a laugh, slightly surprised by the attitude he’s giving off. “Oh, yeah? And you know it was going to be this good?”

He smiles, shaking his head in between swipes of our tongues. “I don’t know. But I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”

“How long?” I ask, while maneuvering his body toward my bedroom, both of us taking stumbling, uncoordinated steps because we can’t take one second to pull our lips away from each other.

“The first time I fucking saw you.”

As we reach my bed, I pull my face back to look into his eyes. The icy blue electrifies the darkness in my room, recharging something in my body that I thought I could permanently shut off.

Just not for him, apparently.

A devious smile crawls across my face. “Watch your mouth, sailor.”

He smiles back at me, making his eyes grow even brighter.

With the slightest push, we fall back onto the bed, my body draping over his while I run my hands under his shirt, feeling his warm, smooth skin.

Our mouths continue to move against each other. Soft, sensual kisses quickly turning into something feral and frenzied.

I just can’t get enough of his mouth. This first real taste is my undoing. I want to crawl inside of it and stay forever.

I bite his lip and drag my teeth down its pouty flesh while giving the first grind of my hips against his, feeling his hard dick brush against mine, sending delicious pleasure zipping up my spine. He keens at the contact and I immediately devour it with my mouth before rolling my hips again, trying to make him give me more, to nourish something inside of me.

“That’s right, sailor. Feed me your noises. I want to hear how slutty you sound rubbing your big dick on mine.”

My words set him off, and he gifts me a groan. I swallow that down too as our cocks continue moving against each other, frustratingly still separated by our clothes.

Sitting up, I quickly try to undo his belt, practically tearing at it in my state of delirious lust while he stares up at me through desire laden eyes.

“I need to taste your cock,” I growl when I finally get his pants open, both of us hissing when I reach inside his boxers to wrap my hand around his length. It’s so fucking smooth and hot under my touch.

“Then,” I continue, trying to suppress a shiver as I slowly stroke him while his head falls back against the bed. “I’m going to ride your fucking cock until you fill me up with all your cum.”

I stop stroking and grab his jaw, bringing his eyes back to me while I lean my face toward his. “Do you understand that, Warren?” His eyelashes flutter when I use his name. “You’re going to give me all your cum. Because it’s fucking mine, anyway. I’m going to milk every drop out of you and keep it for myself.”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. You can-you can have it all,” he whines while shamelessly trying to thrust his hips up into me again.

I lean down, nipping at his jaw before running my tongue up his cheek. “Good. You’re such a good boy for me, Warren.”

He nods frantically while I scoot down his body. “Yes. Yes. O-only for you.”

Only for me.

That lights me the fuck up, unleashing a crazy possessiveness in my chest that has me ripping his pants and boxers down his legs, making his dick slap against his abs.

Crawling back up so my mouth is hovering over his cock, I breathe onto it, watching it flinch and strain toward me, begging for me to swallow it. “Yes,” I say in a hoarse whisper. “This dick is all mine, isn’t it, Warren?”

His hips lift slightly, bumping his fat crown against my lips, smearing the pearl of pre-cum that was already leaking out of him.

I run my tongue along my lips, greedily licking his flavor. The moment it hits my tongue, I can’t wait any longer. I suck his head into my mouth, letting his girth stretch my lips while I run my tongue around the outside.

“Oh, shit,” he hisses. “Shit. Shit. Shit. Don’t-don’t make it so good right away.”

I chuckle while popping my mouth off his cock, squeezing the base to help stave off any orgasm. “You’re not allowed to bust unless it’s deep inside my ass.”

He whines, “You can’t keep saying stuff like that.”

“I can talk however I want, sailor. And right now I want to talk about how you’re going to be a good boy and not come until you have your cock shoved so far in my hole that I’ll taste your cum.”

I don’t give him time to say anything else, immediately swallowing down his cock, really testing my gag reflex by forcing him almost all the way in my mouth. I sloppily slurp up and down his length, hollowing my cheeks while I bring my hand up to roll his balls in my hand, massaging and tugging them.

A ragged moan escapes his lips before he threads his hand into my hair, stroking through the strands. I push him even farther down my throat, finally making myself gag. Tears spring to my eyes as I pop off again, desperately trying to take in air.

His hand leaves me while he fists the sheets and looks down at me. I can’t imagine what I look like. Dick drunk, most likely. On my elbows, hovering over his perfect cock, probably drooling, eyes teary, out of breath.

Those eyes glitter at me in the dark while he brings his hand up to my hair again, brushing some of it out of my face and murmuring, “You’re beautiful.”

My gut clenches, almost making me fall off the bed. I feel warm and just really… good. A good that I’ve never felt with anyone else.

I smirk, getting rid of the feeling as fast as I can while sitting up on my haunches. “You just want to come.”

He vigorously shakes his head, trying to open his mouth to say more, but I get off the bed and quickly place my finger over his pouty lips. “Just…” I flounder for a moment, unsure of what to say. Removing my finger, I continue, “Let’s just enjoy this.”

He nods slowly, temporarily distracted while I remove my shirt and pull my sweatpants down then kick them off to the side.

I climb back on top of him, making both of us groan when our cocks bumps together.

“I just have to work my hole open for you,” I say, leaning over to the nightstand and grabbing the bottle of lube I have stored in the drawer, opening it and pouring some onto my fingers. “But I’m not even sure if it will help that much, sailor.” I reach behind me and slowly push two fingers inside my hole, sighing as I thrust them in and out, opening up for him. I pull them out and pour more lube into my hand. “Your dick is so big, it might split me open anyway.”

His eyes widen. “I don’t want to hurt— oh god .” His words cut off when I wrap my lubed hand around his cock, slowly stroking every inch of his erection, watching the stretched skin grow shiny and wet.

When I feel like it’s lubed enough, I position myself over him, his eyes raptly watching the entire time. “Ready?”

His eyes snap up to mine, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life.”

More of that good feeling runs through me, but I try to focus on breathing. I haven’t bottomed in a hot second. And honestly, I do really want this, but I’m also a little scared. I’m not being dramatic when I talk about his size. He’s huge. But I kind of want him to hurt me, like it’ll leave behind some kind of scar when this is all over. Something to remember.

I breathe out slowly, slightly lowering myself until I feel his crown touching my hole.

“Oh my god,” he breathes, shivering all over.

“Nothing is happening yet,” I say, smiling at him.

He shakes his head. “I know but… just keep going.”

I rub his dick around my hole, smearing the lube and his pre-cum over it then sit more, applying slight pressure until I feel his head slip inside me.

“ Jesusfuckingchristohmygod ,” he hisses out all in one breath.

I smirk and lower myself slowly, reveling in the burn of him stretching me open, taking something I haven’t given away in a long time. His wide eyes stay on where his cock disappears inside of me. I don’t even think he’s breathing.

Once I’m fully seated, my ass touching his pelvis, I bring my hands up to his chest, running them over his skin, allowing my body time to adjust to his size.

I feel impossibly full, and I’m not even sure if it’s just his massive dick. It’s something else. Something brewing inside me that definitely shouldn’t be there.

Something that is going to break promises.

His dick twitches inside of me, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my balls. “Mmm shit,” I groan at him, a look of pure panic on his face while his fingers have a death grip on my hips. “You’re gonna fucking rearrange my insides if you keep doing that, sailor.”

“I’m sorry. You’re just—it’s so… I didn’t know it would feel like… this is so much better ,” he says the last word on a sigh as I raise my hips the tiniest bit and drop back down.

Leaning forward, I capture his lips with mine again, dipping my tongue inside his waiting mouth, massaging his taste straight into my soul with every movement. “Fuck. I never want to stop kissing you,” I say into his mouth as I begin straightening back up.

He harshly grabs onto the hair at my nape, pushing my face back down to his. “Then don’t,” he whines, brutally kissing me.

I give him one final kiss, pushing my hands off his chest so I can return to my sitting position. “I can’t ride the fuck out of you when I’m bent over like that.”

I raise myself up until his thick cock is almost completely exposed, then slam back down on him.

White hot pleasure zaps me when his swollen cockhead brushes against my prostate. “ Fuuuuuuck ,” I breathe while throwing my head back. “You feel amazing. I love how much your cock stretches me open, baby.”

Despite the delirious bliss swimming in my body, my stomach still drops as my eyes spring open to look at the ceiling.

Baby? I called him baby? Why don’t I just ask him to fucking move in and have my babies?

His hips become impatient below me, like they can’t even help themselves, slightly lifting while his head shakes back and forth, gibberish escaping his lips.

I start an excruciatingly slow pace, dragging up his erection, feeling every ridge and vein he has to offer me before easing back down, moaning each time his cock brushes my sweet spot.

My dick is painfully hard, leaking all over his abs, making a depraved puddle. Running my fingers through it, I bring them to his face and stuff them in his mouth. He immediately groans at the taste, the sound vibrating through my body and causing me to shudder while I continue riding his dick.

“You just love the taste of cum, don’t you, sailor?” He whimpers when I quickly withdraw my fingers, his mouth trailing after them like he wants more. “Don’t worry,” I slur, beginning to be completely intoxicated off of how amazing he feels fucking into me. “I’ll let you lick up the mess afterward. You’d like that?”

He nods frantically. “Yes, yes. God, you feel amazing. I don’t—” He gasps, temporarily interrupting his train of thought. “I don’t think I can— Shiiiiit . I don’t think I can last much longer.”

I quicken my pace, rising and falling on his cock while slapping sounds fill the small dorm room. “Do you want to come all in my ass, baby?” God fucking damnit. There I go with the baby name again. “Fucking fill me up and watch your seed drip out?”

In a move that I could’ve never seen coming, he grabs my body, swiftly lifting me off of him and switching our positions so I’m now on my back below him, legs spread like the cock whore he’s turned me into tonight.

He plunges back inside of me, causing my back to bow off the bed and a gravely moan to burst from my mouth. “Shit, sailor,” I groan as he begins a punishing pace, abusing my ass with his impossibly hard cock.

“You ready to take my load, baby?” he asks, his thrusts becoming erratic and wild while my mind completely swallows up that baby like it belongs to me.

I can only nod my head. I’m completely stunned, looking up at him, his pupils completely blown out, sweat glistening on his tanned, muscled chest, his sandy-blond hair hanging in his face and swaying with every thrust he gives me.

He’s… completely breathtaking.

“Yes. Yes. I’m about to come. Take… it. Take it all, baaaaaby ,” he whines and whimpers through his orgasm, while I watch. Transfixed. That warm feeling growing and spreading like wildfire in a drought.

When I feel him flooding my insides, marking me in a way no one has before, it triggers my own release. I come. Completely untouched, which is a first for me.

I’m sure I have a stupefied look on my face as I crane my neck to watch my dick spurt cum all over my stomach while I moan like a slut.

“Fuck. You’re sexy,” he breathes as he fucks me through my orgasm, because somehow his dick hasn’t deflated.

I snap my head up to look at him as the last shivers of my release rack my body to find his eyes already on me, piercing, picking apart any defenses I have left against him, which aren’t much.

“Can I?” he asks.

My brow furrows, unsure what he’s asking until his eyes flick down to the cum covering my stomach.

“Oh. Yeah. Go ahead.” A lazy, sated smile creeps onto my face while I gesture to it with an open hand. “It’s yours, sailor.”

A heat enters his eyes as he smiles and slowly pulls out of me. I wince once he’s all the way out, which he notices and immediately comes back up to my face.

With a panicked expression, he runs his hand down my cheek, tracing its path with his eyes. “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry. I know I got a little excited at the end,” he whispers with way too much concern in his voice.

I turn my face slightly, so he can’t pet me anymore, which makes his brow furrow, but it’s just too much. “I’m fine,” I say with a little bite in my voice. “Now eat my cum.”

His face transforms, the heat coming back as he lowers his head, running his tongue up the bumps and ridges of my abs.

He swoops his tongue at the end, raising up so he’s on all fours as his throat works, swallowing it all down. A groan escapes him. “Why do I love that so much?”

I smirk. “Because you like dick, Warren.”

I’m not sure why I say it. Maybe I’m trying to scare him away. A sort of self-sabotage. Have him freak the fuck out and leave. Because I can feel myself losing the thread. The reasons that tether me to this Earth. The reasons that have meant so much to me for so long. I’m forgetting. Just floating around in space with him.

He stares at me a moment, indiscernible emotions passing over his face, before he leans down and kisses me. It’s slow and sweet, soft sweeps of our tongues against each other.

We melt into each other, becoming a mass of tangled limbs and tongues, kissing until my lips are practically numb. But I really don’t care, because it just feels so good, not even sexually good. Just good. Amazing. He’s pouring light right into my body, while we float around in the stars together, uncaring of when we’ll fall back down.

At some point we stop, and I find myself tracing small circles into his skin with my fingers, while we breathe together.

After a while, I think he’s fallen asleep when his voice jolts me out of my quiet stupor. “You’re something bright and colorful in my dull life.”

Dread and elation mix together inside of me, making a cocktail that’s difficult for my body to contain. It wants to burst out of me. To kiss him again. To push him away.

I pull a joint off my nightstand and light it, not even concerned that the window is closed and I’ll have to really put in work to get the weed smell out of the room. I just really need it right now, and I don’t want to leave the warmth of his body.

“Don’t say stuff like that, sailor. It’ll make the fallout so much harder.”

“Maybe there won’t be a fallout,” he murmurs with a weak wistfulness in his voice that I don’t think he even believes.

I inhale and blow the smoke out above our heads, watching it twirl around in the moonlight streaming in from the window.

“There always is.”