A Merry Little Christmas

Chapter 38

Nell

Nell was conflicted. it was good to be with Merry again. and she was grateful to Cole and Emily for giving them the chance to get their friendship back on track. But she hadn’t gotten over the disappointment of not seeing Olek yet. And, on top of that, the Snow was getting quite thick and having the responsibility for a pregnant woman, this close to Christmas, was not one to be underestimated.

‘Hello, ladies, welcome to the Enchanted Spa,’ said the woman behind the desk. Her name badge identified her as Bernice. She offered them a drink from a tray of steaming glass mugs. ‘Non-alcoholic festive punch.’

They both accepted one and Nell sipped hers straight away, wishing that there was an alcoholic version.

She had messaged Olek from Emily’s car, letting him know that she’d misunderstood him and that she was sad he hadn’t come home to see her. Should she have kept her thoughts to herself? Would he think she was nagging him? She let out a sigh; too late now. And besides, not telling him the truth had got her in this mess in the first place; surely it made sense to start being honest?

She checked her phone again in case he’d replied to her messages since she’d last looked, but she didn’t seem to have any signal. She clenched her teeth; so much for a day of relaxation, she was going to be on tenterhooks until he replied.

Merry sniffed her drink. ‘This smells of mulled wine.’

They pulled a face at each other, as memories of bygone Christmases and terrible hangovers came to mind.

‘Not for me this year,’ said Merry.

‘Nor me,’ agreed Nell, who’d only just recovered from the night of the festive shopping event with Woody. Thinking of him, she made a mental note to send him a text to see how he and Spencer were getting on.

‘You’re already checked in,’ said Bernice. ‘Day guests, only, yes? You’re not staying overnight?’

‘It’s my first wedding anniversary tomorrow, I think my husband might want me to come home,’ Merry replied.

‘Whereas my husband doesn’t seem to be coming home for Christmas,’ said Nell, her voice a little higher than normal, ‘so I might be tempted.’

Bernice blinked nervously. ‘Just let one of the team know if you’d like to reserve a room later.’

Merry laid a hand on Nell’s arm. ‘We’re going to have a lovely day, OK? We’re going to relax and stuff our faces with cake and – oof …’ Her face contorted with pain and her fingers tightened around Nell’s arm.

‘You’ve gone into labour, haven’t you?’ she murmured. ‘Trust you to wait until Cole drove off.’

‘No!’ Merry insisted firmly. ‘They are Braxton Hicks. I just need a sit-down and a cuppa. Honestly!’ she added, looking at Bernice, who seemed to have lost her serene smile all of a sudden.

‘In that case, I recommend the cinnamon buns from our café,’ said Bernice, clearly not entirely comfortable with the way Merry was leaning on her desk for support. ‘But save room for your lunch at one o’clock. Any questions?’

‘Is there a code for the Wi-Fi, for my friend?’ Merry asked.

Nell stopped waving her phone around in search of an extra bar of signal to listen.

Bernice shook her head. ‘We actively encourage you to switch off your phones while you’re here. It allows you to be more present and it’s more relaxing for our other guests without the sound of phones ringing. Leave the busy world behind for a few hours, it’ll still be there when you go home, I promise.’

‘I don’t want to leave the world behind.’ No Wi-Fi? Nell stared at her in dismay. What if Olek was trying to get hold of her? Or Max? And she still hadn’t been able to let Irena know how many there would be for dinner tomorrow. Although if Olek didn’t show up, there was no way she was going to his family home without him. Even if that meant staying at home on her own, at Christmas … She couldn’t even turn up at her parents’ house last minute, they had already left for their cruise. She could cry; this had the makings of the worst Christmas of her entire life.

‘I do,’ said Merry, with feeling. ‘For a few hours, I want to be the old me. The one that people look in the eye instead of in the stomach, swiftly followed by a raft of personal questions, starting with “boy or girl?” and ending with “can I touch it?” No, love. No, you can’t.’

Nell noticed the tight set of Merry’s jaw. It looked like both of them needed to chill out today.

‘Great. Well, the Enchanted Spa will offer you the privacy you deserve.’ Bernice attempted a nervous smile.

‘But what about emergencies?’ Nell asked, still worried about her lack of signal.

Bernice looked over her shoulder and lowered her voice. ‘If you head up right to the top of the car park, near the smokers’ shelter, you might get a stronger reception.’

Nell looked outside. The snow was coming down heavily now, big fat flakes floating lazily onto the shrubs, lawn and statues in the landscaped garden in front of the building, and already her footsteps on the path were no longer visible. Cole drove a truck, Nell reminded herself; whatever happened, no matter how heavily it snowed, he would be able to get through. If Merry should go into labour, she would not be giving birth at the Enchanted Spa. Olek’s van would be able to get through the snow too, she thought. There was still time for him to come home. She bit back a sob.

Oh, darling, please come home, wherever you are, please come home.

‘I won’t be going out there,’ said Merry, ‘emergency or not.’

‘I’ll have to,’ Nell replied. ‘I’ll just have to hope it stops.’

‘Forecast says this is in for the day,’ said a man pushing a cart stacked high with fluffy towels.

‘Freya and Harley will be thrilled; they’ve both wished for a white Christmas,’ said Merry, her eyes sparkling.

‘I’m just wishing I’ll wake up with Olek beside me,’ Nell said morosely.

‘Of course.’ Merry chewed her lip. ‘We’ve got so much to catch up on.’

Nell gave her a brave smile. ‘We have.’

‘I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.’ Merry touched her arm.

‘There’s no need to apologise,’ she countered. ‘I’ve been selfish, so wrapped up in my own problems that I neglected you when you needed a best friend.’

Bernice cleared her throat. ‘Follow me, ladies, and we’ll get your spa day started.’

She glided down the corridor ahead of them like a swan, thought Nell, taking Merry’s bag and gown from her. Merry waddled and huffed, and Nell … well, she dragged herself along with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She should book in for a massage too, see if someone could remove the knots of tension from along her spine.

Merry leaned closer to her. ‘Do you think if I had the baby here, they’d give me a free membership for life?’ she whispered.

‘I’d rather not find out, if it’s all the same to you,’ she replied.

‘I could wallow in the jacuzzi and have a water birth,’ Merry mused.

‘I think you’d be more likely to get a bill for steam cleaning the pool than a life membership if you did that.’

Merry gave a snort.

‘Hey. I’ve missed you very much,’ said Nell.

‘Same,’ Merry smiled sadly. ‘But we’re here now.’

Nell squeezed her friend’s hand. ‘We are. Let’s try to enjoy ourselves.’

‘We should see who supplies their candles,’ whispered Merry, sniffing a lit three-wick candle as they walked by one on a display table. ‘The perfume of these are not a patch on ours.’

Nell winced; that was something else they needed to address. Did she really want to leave Merry and Bright for good? Would Merry even want her back? She’d abandoned Merry right before her baby was due, on the day that her father had died, and she’d only been back to the shop once to see Woody and flick through the post for anything important. She really was the worst of business partners, let alone friends.

‘Mine, I mean.’ Merry caught her eye. ‘Sorry, I forgot for a moment.’

‘Don’t apologise,’ Nell muttered, feeling wretched. ‘It’s me who should be doing that.’

Bernice showed them into the changing rooms and left them to enjoy their day.

While Merry disappeared off to the loo, Nell found them a free locker each and began to undress, smiling at two women who looked as if they’d just arrived too.

‘I love Christmas,’ said one. ‘I put my tree up straight after Bonfire Night and leave it up until the end of January, I think we need a bit of sparkle after Christmas, cheer us all up on the dark nights when we’re too poor to go out.’

‘I know what cheers Paul up after Christmas,’ said the other with a snigger. ‘It’s no coincidence that both of our kids were born in the ninth month of the year.’

‘Guess what.’ Her friend beamed. ‘We’re going to start trying in spring. So this time next year, I could be a mum.’

‘Amazing!’ said the other. ‘I’m so happy for you. And if you hurry up, yours won’t be much younger than my Milly.’

‘How cool would that be!’

Both women squealed and threw arms around each other in celebration. Nell couldn’t bear it. She picked up her things and moved to the other end of the changing room. This time last year, she’d thought she might be a mum by now too. But as it was, she wasn’t even sure if she was still a wife.

She thought again about how happy she and Olek had been last year, and how quickly it had all gone wrong.

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t keep up her brave face any longer. She sank down onto one of the wooden benches lining the changing room and started to cry.

‘Come on,’ said Merry softly, holding out Nell’s gown for her to slip her arms into. ‘Time to find those cinnamon buns. And if you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.’

Ten minutes later, they’d found a cosy sofa and were sitting toe to toe, sipping tea. And while they demolished pastries as large as their heads, Nell told Merry everything.

‘So not only are we dealing with the disappointment of not being able to have children together, but Olek is having to reframe his relationship with the boy he’d always thought was his son. He adores Max and Max idolises his dad.’ Nell dabbed at her tears. ‘Olek, I mean. Yvonna has admitted that she was having an affair with Viktor when Max was conceived.’

Merry groaned. ‘And I made it worse by blabbing to Olek about your termination.’

Nell lifted one shoulder. ‘That was just one lie among many. I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me.’

‘He will,’ Merry promised. ‘He’s hurting right now, but he loves you. Give him time.’

Nell looked at her friend through eyes full of tears. ‘I’m not so sure. I’d been so looking forward to Christmas. Max has got his big football game in Liverpool tomorrow, Irena and Gienek will be preparing their Christmas Eve feast. Olek and I should have been hanging our stockings by the fireplace and then trying to fill each other’s without being spotted. Christmas was supposed to have been all about family and traditions, and spending quality time with the ones I love the most. And now … goodness knows what’s going to happen. No baby, no family and possibly no Olek.’

‘It will all work out,’ said Merry, firmly. ‘I really believe that. For you, for Olek, for Max … You’ve got a lot of love in your family and love is stronger than anything.’

‘Do you think?’ Nell blew her nose on her napkin and scrunched it up on her plate.

‘I do. And …’ She paused, chewing her lip. ‘This might not be the right time to say this, but I think, given my circumstances—’

‘Because you’re pregnant?’ Nell did her best to hide her envy, but obviously didn’t quite manage it.

A waitress swooped by discreetly and took their empty plates.

‘No,’ said Merry, pointedly, ‘because I was once in this position myself. What I was going to say was that there are many ways to be a parent other than simply giving birth. Olek is Max’s dad, always has been. There’s no reason for their relationship to change. There are many types of family unit, and there are thousands of children in this world who’d love the opportunity to call you and Olek “Mum and Dad”.’

‘Adoption, you mean?’

‘It’s a consideration, that’s all I’m saying.’ Merry held her hands up. ‘Your consultant has talked through all the options with you, I’m sure.’

Nell pulled a face. ‘Dr Bajek has offered, but how could I make an appointment for us when I’d told Olek it was me with the issues?’

‘Then there’s something positive to come out of all of this,’ Merry pointed out. ‘At least now the truth is out, you can move forward.’

‘Moving forward.’ Nell squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Sounds so easy when you say it quickly. I’m not sure Olek is ready to move forward with me at all.’

‘Oh, darling,’ Merry tutted with sympathy. ‘He will. I’ve never known a man love his wife as much as he does. He’s got a lot to think about, but he’ll be working his way back to you, I know it.’

Nell’s eyes started to leak tears again and she put her hand into her bag and pulled out a packet of tissues.

Merry pointed at the carpet. ‘You’ve dropped something.’

Nell reached down to retrieve what had fallen out of her bag. ‘Oh yes, ‘I picked up a few bits of post addressed to you last time I was in the shop. I meant to drop them round, but I shoved them in my bag and forgot all about them.’ She put the envelopes in Merry’s lap. ‘Here you go.’

One envelope was handwritten. ‘A Christmas card, by the look of it,’ said Merry, tearing it open.

Nell took out a tissue and carefully dabbed under her eyes, so as not to smudge her mascara. Beside her, Merry’s eyes grew wider and wider, her face paler and paler and her hands began to shake uncontrollably.

‘Merry,’ Nell sat forward, ‘what is it?’

‘I don’t believe it,’ Merry stared at her. ‘I’ve got a letter from my mum.’