A Merry Little Christmas

Chapter 44

Nell

Nell could hardly contain her excitement. It was Christmas Eve and everything in her world was suddenly looking so much brighter than it had twenty-four hours ago.

She wouldn’t class herself as a football fan in the least, but despite there only being a couple of hundred people there (friends, family, coaches and scouts), the atmosphere at the Anfield ground in Liverpool was electric and seeing her stepson down there running up and down like a gazelle was very exciting. But even more thrilling than that was watching the expression of pure pride on Olek’s face as he watched Max display his incredible talent on the pitch. She was holding Olek’s hand, and his attention veered regularly from intense focus on his son to making sure she was warm and cosy under the blanket he’d brought for her knees. And as if this wasn’t enough joy for Nell to contend with for one day, Merry and Cole were in the labour ward at Wetherley Maternity unit awaiting the arrival of their baby! She glanced at her phone again in case of updates. Nothing new.

‘Look at my boy.’ Olek squeezed her hand and whistled appreciatively. ‘If he doesn’t get man of the match, I’ll be having words with the coach.’

Nell adjusted her new Derby County hat and shot him a stern look. ‘You’ll do no such thing; Max will be mortified. Tell your son how fabulously he played, that will be quite enough.’

It warmed her heart to hear him refer to Max as his boy. Of course he was his boy and always would be. Nothing could ever change the bond between them.

‘You’re right, of course,’ he replied meekly. ‘You’re always right.’

She leaned her head against him. ‘No I’m not, I’ve made some terrible mistakes these past few weeks.’

He gave her a kiss. ‘So did I, baby, so did I.’

‘We’re going to be OK, though, aren’t we?’ She looked into the face of the only man she’d ever really loved.

‘We are going to be much better than OK.’ He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she settled into him, thinking that there was absolutely nowhere on the planet she’d rather be.

One of the Liverpool players was on the ground and the game stopped while he received some medical attention.

‘Olek?’ she murmured, kissing him on his neck where she knew it drove him wild. ‘I lied because I love you, you know. Because I thought me being infertile would be easier on you. When Dr Bajek said that my results showed no issues and yours did, I panicked. My mind flew straight to Max. The tests were supposed to help us to move on with our future, the last thing I expected, or wanted, was for them to dig up the past. I was trying to protect you from all that.’

Love for her flared in his eyes. ‘I understand that now, but at the time it was hard to accept. And then when I found out about the termination you had, the sum of the two things felt much worse. Merry said that you hadn’t hidden it at the time and assumed that I knew about it, but you’d never mentioned it.’

She exhaled, letting her mind float back to those exciting days and weeks when their romance had just begun. She’d been obsessed with him, had hardly been able to eat or sleep for thinking about him. She’d had lots of boyfriends before meeting Olek, but compared with her exes, he had felt in a different league, a proper grown-up man. Someone she trusted and wanted to impress. ‘When I met you, you seemed so worldly-wise and mature. You’d come out of a marriage; you were a father clearly besotted with his son. I was worried that I’d come across as immature and irresponsible if I told you the truth. I didn’t want to give you any reasons not to like me. So I decided not to mention it, that was all.’

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, his expression unreadable.

‘Say something,’ she whispered. ‘Please.’

‘I had a call with Dr Bajek a few days ago and I’ve had the results for myself.’ He twisted her wedding ring around on her finger. ‘My sperm count is zero, Nell. It has been such a shock to get my head around, but it was important that I knew. It’s my body, I deserve the truth.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said hoarsely. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing, I really did. And once I’d lied, I had to follow along with it.’

‘I had a lot of anger inside me that needed to come out.’ He gave her a cheeky smile. ‘It’s out now. At least the worst of it.’

‘Where have you been since you left home?’ Nell laced her fingers through his.

‘My uncle Marek has a fishing cabin in Scotland. I spent the days walking up hills and yelling at trees.’

‘Your mum thought you might be there.’ She understood his need for solitude, but how sad that he’d felt he needed to work through it by himself. ‘Sounds lonely.’

‘It was. It snowed a lot and when it wasn’t snowing, there was thick fog which froze my extremities. But, worst of all, you weren’t there. Eventually, I realised that the only way I was going to be able to move through this is by doing it with you. By talking about it.’

‘Agreed. I’ve avoided talking to you, scared that I’d blurt out the truth. I couldn’t talk to Merry about it either in case she said anything to you. The only person I felt able to talk to was Woody.’

‘The Airbnb man?’ Olek’s face darkened.

‘Yes. He and I confided in each other on the night I didn’t come home. He and his husband had been expecting a baby via a surrogate, but the mother miscarried at twenty-eight weeks. He’s grieving not only his baby, but the life as a father he thought would soon be his.’

‘I … I …’ Olek coughed and shook his head. ‘I can imagine how hard that must be.’

‘When it’s something we want so deeply, it hurts when it’s taken away from us.’ Nell’s heart ached for him; her big gruff husband was tender and loving, but when it came to expressing his own emotions, words sometimes failed him. He’d be thinking of Max and reflecting on sixteen years of being a father to a boy who might not be his.

‘And what about you, Nell? Having a baby means the world to you.’

She thought carefully before responding. ‘It’s something I became a bit obsessed with. The longer we didn’t conceive, the more it occupied my mind, that’s true. But it’s not my world. It’s you who are my world. Yes, I’d have liked us to have a baby, but being a family, being a Dowmunt, means even more to me.’

‘For me too,’ Olek whispered.

They kissed again, and Nell felt desire building in the pit of her stomach for this gorgeous man. She felt like a teenager again. She hooked her leg over his and shivered as he ran a hand down her spine.

After their mouths parted, Olek stroked her cheek. ‘I spoke to Dr Bajek about our options. There are many ways of building family other than biologically.’

Her heart began to race; this was a conversation she’d thought would never happen. How foolish she’d been to think that Olek couldn’t handle the truth. ‘There are. But the most important thing is that both the parents are happy with their choices.’

‘By not telling me the truth, you removed my chance to choose, but you also removed your own chance too.’

‘Because to tell you the truth would have made you wonder about Max, and I know it’s happened anyway, but at the time, that was what I cared about most.’

‘And that is what I love about you, Nell. Throughout all of this, my hurt and anger and shock about you, our fertility investigation, Yvonna and Max, that thought has sustained me. The fact that you loved me enough to sacrifice your own happiness.’

‘I do. When you’re happy, I’m happy,’ she said simply.

‘Likewise.’ He kissed her nose.

‘How do you feel about Max?’

He let out a deep sigh. ‘I’ve asked Yvonna to meet me next week. I want answers. But as far as I’m concerned, nothing needs to change. I’ll always think of Max as my son. And as long as he wants me to be his father, I’ll be proud to be so.’

‘And I’m proud of you, darling.’

The crowd cheered and applauded as the ball was kicked back into play and the game continued.

Olek’s attention was recaptured by the football match and for a moment, Nell just looked at her husband, suffused with love for him.

‘Hey,’ she whispered in his ear. ‘There is an expression that says that anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.’

He grinned. ‘I like that. And I think it applies to mothers too in a way. I know you love Max, but I also know how much more love you have to give.’ He kissed her lips. ‘And so do I. So if it was something you might like to consider, I was wondering whether adoption might be an option for us.’

A lump formed in her throat so that she couldn’t speak. She nodded instead, aware that warm tears were trickling down her cold face. As Woody had said, there were so many children looking for a family to belong to. She and Olek could be that family, could share their love, their home, with a child who needed it.

Finally, she found her voice. ‘When I got our test results, I assumed it was the end of our dream of having a family together.’

‘Absolutely not, Nellie,’ he said, pulling her close. ‘This is just the start.’

‘I love you, Olek Dowmunt.’

‘Love you too.’

They kissed again, not caring that the men behind them were laughing about the two of them being lovebirds. Suddenly, Nell became aware that her phone was ringing.

She gasped, seeing Cole’s name on the screen, and answered it with shaky hands. ‘Cole! How’s things, what’s happened?’

‘Everything’s brilliant!’ he cried. ‘Fantastic, in fact. The baby has arrived and Merry was incredible. We’ve had a little—’

‘Goal!’ Beside her, Olek leapt to his feet, shouting at the top of his voice, drowning out Cole’s news. ‘Max has scored. Oh my Lord. My son, everyone! My son has scored a goal! He’ll be playing for England in five years’ time, you watch.’

Nell laughed, pressed the phone to her ear tightly and blocked her other ear with her hand. ‘I’m delighted for you, I really am. Kiss them both from me and we’ll see you soon.’

She ended the call, happy tears streaming down her face. This was the absolute best Christmas ever.