A Queen of Ice (A Trial of Sorcerers #5)

Chapter 20

20

“ C abin?” Surprise raised the word slightly at the end.

“Yes.” Adela paused, her gaze as sharp and piercing as the icicles that hung outside of her windows. “You didn’t honestly think I would have my chosen heir to the Stormfrost sleeping with the rest of the crew, did you?”

There was a lot to that statement and Eira didn’t know where to start. “What about my ship, Winter’s Bane ?”

Adela hummed. “Not a bad name. I appreciate the homage. Worry not, Crow and Ducot will see she stays afloat.”

“I should be on my vessel.”

“ This is the only vessel you should truly care about.” Adela tapped her cane for emphasis. “You will have many ships under your command, Eira. They will come and go. Sometimes, you will even choose to sacrifice them. But this ship is the one that your loyalty, focus, and heart must return to. Everything else is little more than pretty bits of wood. They will come and go, but the Stormfrost is the flagship—the symbol of all I have built and all you will inherit. As long as she sails, the terror of the seas lives on.”

The way Adela spoke was like a teacher to a pupil. Or, perhaps…a mother to a daughter. Her tone was still as biting as the wind over the deck of the ship. Her gaze was harsh. But somewhere between the cold warnings, Eira saw compassion and understanding. Just the same as she could hear between those words that Adela wasn’t simply warning her about ships. She was talking about people. Those that would come, and go, and sometimes require sacrifice.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Eira said, on every level. At least, her mind understood. But her heart was still raw from Noelle. Or was that what Adela was speaking to? It wasn’t your fault , was the softest whisper to those words, a balm in the only way the pirate queen knew how to give.

“Good. This way.” Adela led her out onto the deck and immediately off to the side, where there was now a small door.

Eira struggled to remember what this space had been previously. Storage? Part of Adela’s cabin? It was an impossible addition to the vessel, but the ship was occupied by some of the strongest sorcerers Eira had ever known and their leader was one of the greatest of them all. If there was any way to siphon off a little bit of space from here and there, perhaps bump out the side of the vessel a tiny bit more, Adela would find it.

A slight curl of Adela’s lips broke her usually stoic demeanor as she opened the door. “It’s not much, but it’s yours. Just don’t go expecting your own door guard.”

Eira sucked in a breath as slowly as possible in an attempt to cover her surprise. She stared at the small room. “Thank you.”

“Don’t disappoint me, or I’ll have to kill you.” Adela’s usually cold mask snapped back into place at the sound of Eira’s gratitude. The pirate queen who feared nothing seemed to be willing to do anything to hide the slightest bit of affection. But, at the same time, would make a gesture as grand as this.

“I know.” Eira gave her a slight smile.

With a huff and a mutter of having more important things to do, Adela walked off.

Eira knew she should go find her friends. Adela had immediately called on her following the fight and there hadn’t been time for her to do much other than verify by sight that Winter’s Bane was still afloat, her crew seemingly intact on its decks. Surely, if they weren’t fine, someone would’ve come and told her by now, wouldn’t they?

Stepping over the threshold, Eira found herself enveloped in the quiet embrace of her very own haven. Much like the inside of Adela’s cabin, or the lower decks, the frost hadn’t crept beyond the doorjamb. Eira closed the door behind her so the rain didn’t pour in and leaned against it, her eyes tracing every detail of the narrow room.

Wooden panels lined every wall, warm in comparison to the ice outside. A medley of soft blankets and furs was piled at the foot of a narrow bed, against the back wall, as though the individual who helped Adela set up the cabin couldn’t have been bothered to actually make the bed. Shelves were tucked into the wall at Eira’s left, opposite a porthole on the right—the only source of light, save for a dark lantern.

Her hands trembled and a lump grew in her throat. It wasn’t fancy. It wasn’t particularly special in any way…but it was hers . Adela had taken time, and energy, and space from the very thing she loved most—the Stormfrost —to give to her. This wasn’t just a cabin, it was a public declaration of acceptance. Of all Adela had promised her in private and hadn’t said in so many words.

It was…home.

A knock on the door had her jolting, spinning, and pulling it open.

“I was told I could find you here.” Alyss smiled tiredly. “Mind if I come in?”

“Please do.” Eira stepped back. There wasn’t much room to step aside in the narrow space. To pass each other would require the two of them being pressed against opposite walls and still having to squeeze.

Alyss entered, pulling the door shut behind, no doubt having the same idea about the rain as Eira did. She held out a familiar pack. “I brought your things.”

“Thank you,” Eira said as Alyss did her own visual sweep of the room.

“Not bad,” Alyss murmured softly. “Adela can be nice. Who knew?” There was the barest touch of a sarcastic edge, but Alyss did sound genuinely surprised by the revelation.

“When she wants to be.” Eira settled her pack on the floor underneath the bed. One benefit of the bed touching three walls was that it had been suspended, so there was some additional storage in the room. “Though she didn’t give it to me without threatening me within an inch of my life in the process.”

“Well, it is still Adela.” Alyss went to the lone lantern in the room, affixed to the wall. There was a striker next to it and she sparked flame to life, bathing the room in a soft, golden glow.

“You’re right about that. I assume everyone’s all right?” Eira wasn’t particularly worried since Alyss didn’t seem frantic.

“They are now.”

“Now?” The guilt at enjoying her new room while someone was wounded was instant. “Who?”

“Yonlin.” Alyss didn’t look back at her, so she missed Eira’s flinch. “He was down on the gun deck when we took a shot. I got to him in time.” The words were hollow, void of details that Eira could imagine weren’t pretty.

“I’m glad you were there,” Eira said softly. “I’m sure he was, too.”

Alyss continued to stare into the flame of the lantern. “When this is all over…are you going to stay?”

The way the question was asked twisted in Eira’s gut like a dagger. It made her want to say, No, of course not, Alyss. I’m not a pirate, not really. I’m not cut out for this life. We’ll go back to Solaris together when this is all over … But those hasty thoughts were lies and they both knew it. She respected Alyss and their friendship too much to try and say otherwise.

“This place, these people, they’re the first time I’ve felt like home.” Eira sank onto the bed with the weight of the realization. “I don’t have to be anyone else. I don’t have to pretend to fit into a mold that’s ‘accepted’ by the average individual. My past…” She laughed bitterly. “No one cares that I killed a peer. In fact, I think half of them would praise me for it.” Adela wouldn’t, not because of some inclinations toward any kind of morality but because it had shown Eira losing control of her powers. And that was something Adela didn’t tolerate.

Alyss shifted to look at Eira, who had, until then, been staring at her knees. Even though Eira knew her choices were her own, and she wasn’t wrong for them, something about this whole interaction had her feeling like a child in trouble. Shame, guilt, sorrow, some combination thereof and more was raining down on her harder than the storm out on the deck. She felt worse in this moment than she had telling her uncles she was going to disobey their direct wishes and compete in the tournament nearly two years ago.

It was because Alyss mattered more to her than her uncles, or even parents, ever had. They weren’t the family Eira, in every corner of her heart, had chosen. They weren’t the ones who had stood by her through thick and thin.

Don’t leave me, Eira wanted to beg. But when she lifted her gaze, the words vanished.

Alyss had leaned against the wall, the lantern illuminating a warm smile. There wasn’t a trace of anger, or disappointment. Perhaps, at worse, resignation.

“I know.” Those two words, said another way, would be: It’s all right . Somehow, the resignation and acceptance hurt more.

Eira bit back an apology. Instead she said, “Pirate ships would be great fodder for stories. Always someone on board falling in love. Distant cities to inspire you. New people to meet all the time.”

“Deadly naval battles and pillaging innocent towns.” Her tone was similar to how it had been when she’d dug into Cullen following the incident in the Carsovian town.

“Carsovia is hardly innocent.” The words were instantly seething. A fire hotter than the mines burned in her whenever the thought of that place even crossed her mind. “They’re the ones I’m going to target.”

“At first, but a life is long, Eira.” The calmer Alyss was, the more wounded and agitated Eira felt. Her friend wasn’t wrong, Eira knew it. Yet, the truth was bitter. “And, even attacking Carsovia, you won’t always be striking against the people at the root of Noelle’s death. There will be innocent people in those towns.”

Eira glanced out the window. “Kingdoms and empires rise and fall. Innocent people get hurt in the process. We’ve seen as much already.”

“Just make sure you’re all right with being the one doing the hurting.”

There was no way they were ever going to see eye to eye when it came to this. Alyss’s nature was too good, too pure, especially when it came to Eira’s. And for all Eira wanted to keep her friend close, she didn’t want it to be at the cost of everything that Eira loved most about her.

“I suppose there aren’t a lot of printing presses on pirate ships,” Eira whispered. “So, when are you leaving?”

“We’ll see.” Alyss shrugged. “Maybe never.”

“But—”

“You’re not the only one who’s on a journey, Eira. Who’s changing. I don’t know what I want and what I can stomach. The only thing I know is that…I can’t watch more people I love die.” The words grew soft, barely audible to the end. Eira could see on Alyss’s face that it was Yonlin on her mind. Whatever the injury had been, it must’ve been severe.

The cabin’s warmth had vanished, turning as cold as the rest of the Stormfrost . The raw wound of Noelle throbbed in the silence. Even as they moved past it, it still ached with a pain Eira wished she could physically rip from her body. It returned, picked open again every time one of them stared down death.

She should have known how to handle grief following Marcus’s death. But, because of mourning Marcus, Eira knew these wounds were ones that would never close. They just hurt, and hurt, and hurt…until you became familiar with the pain enough that it could be ignored. More or less.

“That’s one thing I can promise you…” Eira massaged the center of her chest. The only people who knew about the rune were still Olivin and Adela. It wasn’t something she was going to make public knowledge. “I am going to keep the people I love safe. I’ve lost too many as it is. From now on, I will stop at nothing until I have the power to destroy any who would dare threaten my crew.”

“You might not be powerful enough.”

“I will be,” Eira vowed. She thought of what Olivin had said—that he would carve a world with his own hands that’d be safe for him, and Yonlin, and her. “I’m making myself powerful enough. I will be the monster that guards your door.”

“Perhaps.” The smile that Alyss wore didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Eira could only return the slight, tired expression. But when she opened her mouth to speak next, she was interrupted by the abrupt opening of the cabin door. Jolted to her feet by how it slammed against the cabin wall.

“Eira,” Cullen panted, wide-eyed and pale-faced.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“You—on deck?—”

Eira was already moving as he struggled to speak. In her mind, a thousand possibilities swirled. They were under attack again. The Pillars had brought the entire force of Meru’s navy. Ulvarth himself had come.

Cullen grabbed her wrist just before she pushed past him into the rain, halting her. Their sides were flush. Faces forced within a breath by the narrow opening of her cabin.

“It’s your uncle.”