A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

I wasn’t expecting Cammi to be here. Why the fuck my brother brought her back to our place, I have no idea. He should have taken her home. To her house. I certainly wasn’t expecting to find her out on my balcony smoking fucking weed.

I rip the joint out of her hand and put it out in the ashtray I have on the table. Although she’s already smoked just about the whole thing by the looks of it.

“I was enjoying that,” Cammi says, blinking up at me. Her eyes are fucking bloodshot. And I can’t tell if it’s because she’s stoned or because she’s been crying…

“Yeah, not anymore. Get up. I’m taking you home,” I tell her.

“You’re taking me home?” she questions and then laughs. “I am home, Vin. Home is wherever you are. And you’re here. So really, you don’t need to take me anywhere.”

“Cammi, I can’t do this to you. I won’t do this to you. Let me take you home.” I’m practically pleading with her. I need to get her as far away from me as possible. I knew I’d eventually take her down with me. And now that I have, the only way I can fix this is to let her go.

“Do what?” she asks.

“Ruin you,” I tell her.

“You haven’t ruined me, Vin,” she says, her ass firmly planted in the seat. It’s clear she has no intention of moving.

“Haven’t I? Look at yourself, Cammi. You’re stoned. And you’ve been crying. Just an hour ago, you were covered in blood. The blood of the man you watched me kill. So, yes, I have ruined you, and I won’t keep doing it. We can’t do this anymore, Cammi. It’s not right.” My heart feels like it’s tearing apart as the words leave my mouth. But I need to put her first.

“I’m fine. In fact, I’ve never felt better in my life. I want you to come over here and kiss me, Vin. Kiss me like it really is the last time you will,” she says.

“I can’t…” I shake my head. It goes against everything I feel to deny her that request. But I know if I kiss her, I won’t want to stop. “Get up, Cammi. I need to take you home.”

“If you want me to get up, you’re going to have to make me. You’re going to have to come over here and move me yourself, because I’m not leaving, Vin. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but this is not the end of us.” Cammi folds her arms over her chest. She fucking knows I can’t just pick her up and drag her out of here.

“Fine, I’ll leave.” I turn and walk through the door. If she won’t let me take her home, she can stay here as long as she wants. She’ll have to go eventually.

“What? No.” Cammi comes rushing through the door behind me. “Don’t do this, Vin.”

“I have to,” I tell her.

“No, you don’t. I’m begging you not to do this. You promised me. You said you’d love me forever, remember? I’m not dead yet. This isn’t forever yet.” Cammi wipes the wetness from her cheeks. She’s fucking crying. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be okay.

I can’t do that, because it’s not okay. None of this is okay. I’m not okay.

“I will love you forever, Cammi. I just can’t be with you,” I tell her honestly. There won’t be a single day I won’t love this girl. She’s part of me. The good part. And I want to keep her that way. If I stay with her, if I continue this relationship with her, I’m going to destroy her.

“Telling me we can’t be together isn’t loving me, Vin,” she says. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t be trying to get rid of me.”

“It’s because I love you that I’m breaking up with you,” I attempt to explain. I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t let her become like me.

“You’re b… b… breaking up with me.” She stutters out the words, her voice clogged with emotion. And then she falls to the floor.

Her entire frame heaves with her sobs, and my heart explodes, my body taking the force of the shrapnel tearing out of my chest. Everything I’ve experienced, the pain, the torture, all of it pales in comparison to what I’m feeling right now. Seeing what I’ve done to her.

I drop to my knees in front of her, reaching out to touch her, comfort her, only to quickly pull my hands back. I can’t. I want to, and I fucking can’t. Cammi deserves so much more than to be stuck in a relationship with someone who can’t even bring themselves to touch her without her having to ask.

“Cammi, can I pick you up and take you to bed?”

She looks up at me, her face showing all the emotion she’s feeling. “Yes.”

I push to my feet, bend down, and pick her up. Her arms wrap around my neck, and she holds on tight, tighter than I’ve ever felt her hold on to me before. I look at my bed and then decide I can’t put her there. I walk out of my room instead, right into one of the guest rooms, and lay her down on the bed. Her arms stay wrapped around my neck when I go to stand up.

“Cammi, I need you to let go,” I tell her.

“I can’t. How can I let you go, Vin? How can you let us go so easily?” she asks through her sobs.

Reaching behind my neck, I take hold of her hands and pry them off me. Against my better judgement, I lie down next to her and she shuffles over until her head is resting on my shoulder. My arm closes around her back. “This is the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do, Cammi. There is nothing easy about it.”

“What did I do wrong? Just tell me what I did, and I’ll fix it,” she says.

“You are perfect, fucking amazing, Cammi. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I love you, Vin. I don’t care about any of it. I love you. Please , I’m begging you not to do this.”

“I love you.” I can’t give her what she’s asking for, and I won’t make any false promises. What I can guarantee is that I will never love anyone else the way I love this girl.

I don’t know how long it takes. But eventually Cammi falls asleep. Her body stills and her breathing evens out. I don’t want to get out of this bed. But I can’t stay here either.

I slowly slide out from underneath her and fall off the edge of the mattress. Then I stand up, walk out of the room, and close the door. I can’t bring myself to step away though. I slide to the floor, lean my back against the wall, and close my eyes. Only to open them again when the image of Cammi in a white dress covered in blood fills my mind.

“What are you doing sitting in the hallway?” This comes from Gio.

I look up at my oldest brother. I know what I have to do. I have to tell him. I can’t let Marcel take the fall for what I did. I’m not an asshole. I am thankful to my brothers for keeping my secret. But this is on me. Not them. “Can we talk?”

Gio’s brows draw down. “Always. Here?” he asks while gesturing to the hallway.

“Your office?” I suggest.

“Let’s go.” He spins around and walks back in the direction he was going.

Pushing myself up to my feet, I stand and follow him. This is shitty timing. My big brother is dealing with a lot right now. His wife is recovering from her assault. Gabe is still locked up. And now I’m going to drop this bomb on him. Out of all my brothers, I know Gio is going to take it the hardest, blame himself the most. I don’t have any resentment towards them. They had no idea what was happening. The old man hid it well.

Gio closes the door, and I peer up to see Santo and Marcel already inside. “What’s going on?” Marcel looks directly at me.

“I have to tell him,” I say.

“You sure?” Marcel asks. “I don’t give a shit, Vin. I can handle this.”

“Someone want to fill me in on what the fuck is going on with all the side-bar conversation?” Gio’s tone is demanding. He leans against the front of his desk, his hands in his pockets. He looks calm and relaxed, but it’s a mask.

I square my shoulders and meet his eye. “Marcel didn’t kill that Russian tonight. I did.”

“You what? Why the fuck would you kill a member of the Bratva?” Gio shouts.

“I… ah… Dad.” The moment I say the words, my brother’s body stiffens while Marcel and Santo stare at me with fucking pity, anger, remorse. “When I was twelve, the old man took me to that house. That’s how I knew the address…”

“They were running a child sex ring out of there. Why the fuck would that stupid son of a bitch take his twelve-year-old son to a place like that?”

“He sold me. To them. Once a month, he’d lock me in a room and men would…” I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. The only thing worse than what happened to me there is seeing the realisation spread across my brother’s face like an infectious disease. And there ain’t no cure for this. When I open my eyes again, Gio appears two shades paler. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it so fucking white before.

“He what?” His voice is low, broken. Almost as broken as I am watching him break. “How long?”

“Three years,” I tell them.

Gio doesn’t say a word. What he does do is swipe out an arm, shoving the contents of his desk onto the floor. Then he turns around. “Three fucking years. What the fuck, Vin? Why wouldn’t you tell me? Us?”

“I couldn’t. I didn’t want it to happen to any of you,” I explain.

“Fuck!” Gio picks up a bottle of whiskey and tosses it against the wall. “I’m going to kill them. Every fucking single one of them. I want their fucking heads on a spike!”

“The Russian, tonight… I heard his voice in the restaurant. I never saw their faces, just heard voices. And I snapped. I wasn’t thinking, Gio. I just…”

“No!” he barks out. “Don’t you fucking dare apologise. You did the right thing. And I’ll make sure none of this comes back on you.” Gio walks over and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “So fucking sorry. I should have known. If I did, I would have killed the fucker sooner.”

I don’t know which part sets the tidal wave free, but suddenly I’m crying for the first time in years. In my big brother’s arms. A weight I’ve been carrying around lifts from my shoulders. I pull back and wipe at my face. I don’t know what to say. A silence fills the room. All four of us just standing here, not knowing what to fucking say.

“Fuck,” Santo curses under his breath. He walks over to the wet bar and picks up a bottle of Cinque. Pouring four glasses before handing one to each of us. “We will have their heads, no matter how long it takes.”

I’d settle for just fucking forgetting those fucking three years of my life. But I’ll also help in any way I can. “Thank you.”

“You need to talk to someone,” Santo grunts, and I laugh.

“I just found you talking to your fiancée’s corpse. I don’t think you’re one to advise me on my mental health.”

Santo shrugs. “Had to be sure she was dead.”

“What about Daisy?” Gio suggests.

“What about her?” I ask. I’ve built a pretty decent rapport with Gabe’s girlfriend, especially since he’s been gone. She’s a mess without him. I see so clearly how much she loves my brother, which means I’ll do whatever I can to help her.

“I’m fine. I don’t need to fucking talk to anyone,” I grunt back.

“The girl in the guest room?” Gio questions. “The one you’ve been sneaking in and out of here. Who is she?”

“Cammi. Don’t worry about her. She’s not coming back after tonight,” I tell him.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Santo says. “That girl is your ride or die, Vin.”

“I know, which is exactly why she won’t be back.” I swallow down the contents of the glass and walk out of the office.

I’ve done what I had to do, so Marcel won’t have to take the fall for me. Now, I need to make myself scarce. I can’t be here when Cammi wakes up and starts looking for me.