A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

Two months later - November

I t’s over. I’ve finally graduated high school. Although it’s very anticlimactic when you graduate online and there is no ceremony or after parties. My mum tried to convince me to return to Melbourne for graduation. I couldn’t do it.

I still cry myself to sleep on the nights I’m not talking to Vin. We speak at least three times a week. It started off with him calling me every night and sending me messages throughout the day. Over the last few months, the number of messages has lessened and the calls are quicker.

We’re both hurting, and I’m not sure if talking to him is helping or just delaying the inevitable. I’m going to have to find a way to move on from him. I just can’t bring myself to let him go.The ache in my chest is still going strong. I’d go home in a heartbeat if he said he wanted to get back together. I’ve stopped asking him. There’s only so much rejection one person can take. And although I understand why he’s saying no, that doesn’t make it any easier.

I’ve appreciated the time away, though. I love being with my aunt and honestly it’s refreshing. After the third week of listening to me cry myself to sleep, she booked me an appointment with a therapist. I’m doing weekly visits. I go along with the advice the therapist gives me during our sessions, and some of it is good advice. But when she tells me that my relationship with Vin is toxic and codependent, I dismiss her. She’s also told me that if I want Vin to heal and recover from his own trauma, I need to give him the space to do so.

Which is why I’ve limited the phone calls and messages. I don’t know if it’s working. Vin has been going through a lot. His brother got sentenced to years in prison. And now Gabe’s girlfriend, Daisy, is leaning on Vin for support. He’s helped her move, go off the grid so no one can find her. Oh, and she’s pregnant and Vin promised her not to tell anyone. Although I’m not sure I count, considering he called me straight away, freaking out and not knowing what to do. He’s a great brother, even if Gabe doesn’t know it. Vin has been there for Daisy, flying back and forth between Melbourne and Adelaide, making sure she has everything she needs.

A knock at the front door has me putting my bowl of cereal down, along with my self-pity, and dragging my body off the sofa. I glance at the old band shirt and pyjama shorts I’m wearing. I probably shouldn’t be answering the door looking like a bum. But whoever is knocking is persistent and won’t stop. So I pull the front door open and freeze.

My eyes blink and blink again. I must be seeing things. My mouth goes dry. I can feel my hands start to shake. I’ve seen him on the phone during our video chats, but seeing Vin on my doorstep is something else.

“Cammi? Say something. You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he says.

“How? Why? What are you doing here, Vin?” I ask, snapping out of my stupor.

“It’s graduation. I have a gift for you,” he explains. “And I didn’t want you spending graduation alone, so I… ah… I brought the party to you.”

“You brought what party to me?”

“Your graduation party. I flew your friends here. They’re waiting at The Merge for you. To celebrate with you,” he says.

“The Merge?” I’ve heard of the nightclub. I haven’t been there, though. I don’t really leave the house all that much. The thought of going out to a nightclub isn’t high on the list of things I want to do. “Can you tell them you couldn’t find me? I don’t want to go out.” I turn and walk back into the house, leaving the door open.

Vin follows me, shutting it behind him. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m enjoying the party for one I have going on here.” I wave a hand at the plethora of snacks spread out across the coffee table. Reaching for my bowl of cereal, I bring a spoonful of the sugary goodness to my mouth. “I’m completely fine sitting here alone. I’m pretty good company,” I say around a mouth full of food.

“You’re the best fucking company, Cammi.” Vin sits next to me on the sofa. He’s so close I could reach out and touch him. I could move just an inch and be pressed up against him. His scent surrounds me. “If you don’t want to go out, that’s cool. We can stay in. Party for two.” He smirks.

I turn and fully look at him. His sandy-brown hair is longer than it was a couple of months ago, and the loose curls hang over his forehead. Dark shadows cover his under-eye area. I already knew he wasn’t sleeping well. I didn’t know how unwell , though. I need to remember that he’s not mine. I need to distance myself. I push up from the sofa and take my bowl into the kitchen.

“You don’t have to stay. You should go and party with whoever came up with you,” I tell him.

“I’d rather stay and hang with you.” Vin follows me into the kitchen.

“Why?” I ask him. “Why are you here, Vin?”

“Because we’re friends, and friends hang out,” he says.

“You want to hang out with me? Do anything I want to do?” I question as an idea comes to mind.

“Anything within reason,” he says cautiously.

I could ask him to kiss me right now. The thought has crossed my mind. And, boy, do I want him to kiss me… That’s not what I’m going to ask, though. Because as much as I might want it, and I know he wants it too, he’s still not in a place to accept that we can be more than friends.

“I want to sleep,” I tell him. “I’m tired, Vin. I’m so tired. All I want to do right now is go to bed with you and sleep.”

“Okay, where’s your bedroom?”

I point behind him and start making my way towards the room. “It’s a little messy,” I warn. There are clothes and books everywhere. The bed is unmade. Without glancing in his direction, I climb onto the mattress and pull the blanket over myself. “I want you to hold me, Vin, so I can sleep. Please.”

I’m not lying. I am bloody tired, but I also want him to get some quality sleep. And I’m hoping that I can give that to him, like I used to. Vin yanks his shirt from over the back of his head and tosses it on the floor before lying down next to me.

“Vin? Can you wrap your arms around me?” I ask, knowing full well he won’t touch me if I don’t.

“Are you sure? Cammi, I don’t want to give you the wrong idea,” he says.

“I know where we stand, Vin. I just really want a cuddle,” I tell him. “I don’t sleep well. And you and I both know you don’t either, so let’s just sleep while we can.”

“Okay.” Vin holds out his arm and I crawl into him, resting my head on his bare chest. There’s new ink I haven’t seen before. I don’t know what it is. But the design has a pointy arrow shape on the top and something similar to wings coming out of the sides.

My fingers trace around the black edges. “What is this?”

“It’s the symbol for a saint,” he says.

“My therapist says cuddling releases oxytocin and that’s why we like it so much and why it helps me sleep better,” I hum. “And then I looked up the psychology of cuddling. Apparently, it makes you less likely to look for a partner in other people.”

Vin’s hand, which was dragging absently up and down my arm, stops at the same time I hear him hold his breath. “Are you looking for a partner in other people?”

I snort, literally snort. “No. But if cuddling stops you from looking elsewhere, then I might just glue myself to your side.” I laugh, trying to pass it off as a joke.

“I’m not on the market, Cammi. If I were, you’d be the first and only person I’d call,” he says. “Close your eyes.”

“Can you tell me a story?” I ask him. He’s told me the same story over and over again for the past two months. I love hearing it, even if the ending is a fantasy that’s probably never going to happen.

I wake up alone. He’s gone. If it weren’t for his scent still on my pillow, I’d think I hallucinated that he was even here. I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m content to sit here and wallow all day.

“Cammi, there’s… ah… You should just come and see this,” Aunt Stacey calls out.

Either she’s burnt something. Again. Or she’s found the dress of all dresses. Also, again. She’s what I like to call a shopaholic. She’s obsessed with finding the next best outfit, or shoes, or bags.

I get up and walk out to the living room and realise it’s neither of those things. Aunt Stacey is standing in the middle of the room surrounded by a million red roses—well, maybe not a million but there are a lot of them here.

“There’s a card,” Aunt Stacey says.

“So open it. I didn’t know you were dating anyone,” I tell her.

“Oh, baby girl, these aren’t for me. This says Cammi .” She picks up a card that’s taped to a small box.

My heart beats rapidly in my chest and my hands go clammy. Did Vin do this? I don’t know anyone else who would do something like this. I take the card off my aunt and tear it open.

To Cammi,

Happy graduation. I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve achieved. You are destined for greatness.

Love always,

Vin

I peel back the lid to the box and my brows draw down. “Why would he give me a car remote?” I ask aloud.

“He what?” Aunt Stacey runs to the front door and opens it. “Oh my freaking god!” she squeals.

I push past her, stopping on the porch the moment my eyes land on the shiny, brand-new Mercedes G-Wagon—complete with a red bow to accentuate the perfectly white paint job—now parked in the driveway.

Holy shit, he got me a freaking car? What on earth is he thinking?

“I can’t accept this,” I tell Aunt Stacey before heading back into the house.

“Oh, but you can, and you should.” She sighs, still staring at the car.

“Nope, I’m telling him to come and get it. I don’t want it.” I storm into my bedroom and grab my phone. I slam a finger onto his name in my contacts and wait for him to pick up.

“Hey, you woke up,” he says.

“Vin, what the hell? Come and get your car. I don’t want it. What were you thinking buying me a damn car?” I yell into the phone.

“I was thinking that it’s graduation and I wanted to get you a gift,” he says.

“I don’t want it. There is only one thing in this world I want and you can’t give me that. Take it back. Friends do not buy other friends cars, Vin.”

“Well, you’ve never had a friend like me before. The car is yours, Cammi. I’m not taking it back. I gotta go. I’m about to board the jet.” He disconnects the call.

“Argh!” I scream as I throw my phone down onto the bed. I’ll figure out a way to return this car to him, even if I have to drive it to Melbourne and leave it in his driveway myself.

I walk back outside and stare at the monstrosity. It is a really nice car. But honestly, even if Vin were still my boyfriend, I wouldn’t want him buying me such extravagant gifts. I don’t need them. I don’t want to be that person. I like Vin for who he is, not what he can get or do for me.

My phone vibrates in my hand, and a message pops up on my screen.

Vin:

Keep the car. It’s part of the story. Think of it as your white carriage. Also, I really want you to have it, Cammi. It makes me feel better knowing that you have a way to get around that’s not on those filthy Sydney trains.

Me:

Okay.

I might have agreed to keep the car, for now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to find a way to return it to him.