A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Six

“ N o, no!”

I wake up with a start at the sound of Vin’s scream. I reach out, about to touch him, and then stop and gently climb out of bed. I can’t wake him up. Last time I did that, it broke us. I won’t make that mistake again. Instead, I move to the sofa and sit down. I don’t know what else to do, so I just sit here and watch as the man I love is terrorised by a nightmare of his own making.

Tears fall down my cheeks. I want to help him. I want to jump into his brain and eradicate every single one of the monsters haunting him.

I jolt in my seat when Vin bolts upright in the bed, his eyes roaming around the room with a crazed urgency. Until they land on me. “Cammi?”

“Sorry. I didn’t know what to do,” I tell him as I get up and approach the bed.

“I woke you up?” he asks.

“I didn’t know what to do,” I repeat. “I need to know what to do.”

“Come back to bed.” Vin pulls the blankets aside. “I don’t need you to do anything. Just be here.”

I climb onto the bed. “Want to talk about it?”

“No.” His response is firm, quick, before he adds, “Sorry.”

“How often does it happen?” I ask him.

“Every night.” Vin rolls over. “They never used to come when I slept next to you until that one time in France.”

“Are we really that broken that I don’t bring you that peace anymore?” I say the words that plagued my mind the entire time I watched him from that chair.

“You do. You are the only thing that brings me peace. They’re not the same. Like I said, they’re different now. Because you’re in them.”

“It’s not real,” I whisper.

“I know,” Vin replies, but I don’t think he does know. I think he’s waiting for his nightmares to become a reality.

I want to be able to help him. I just have no idea how. “We’re not too broken, are we?”

“No,” he says. “I think we’re perfect. You are perfect.”

“Mmm, my parents are going to freak out, you know,” I tell him.

“What happened with them? Why are they divorcing?” Vin asks.

“My dad cheated on my mum with his secretary.” I sigh. “I really thought they were the real deal. They were young like us. They loved each other, but it wasn’t enough.”

“My father killed my mother when I was only a few months old. He told me…” Vin says, then stops. “When he would take me to that house, he’d tell me that it was my fault. He had to kill her because of me, that I was being punished for it. That’s why he took me there.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t want to interrupt him when he’s opening up. So I listen. Fighting the tears that want to escape. Vin doesn’t need that right now. All he needs is for me to listen.

“He said that I wasn’t really his. That my mother cheated on him and I was the result. It’s why he killed her…”

“That wasn’t your fault, Vin.”

“I don’t even know if it’s true,” he says. “What would they say if they found out I wasn’t really their brother?”

“Vin, oh my god. No.” I move closer to him. My hand lands on his cheek, my thumb caressing his skin. “Your brothers love you. Even if it were true, you’re still their brother. You all have the same mother. And I don’t think they’d care.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs.

“Do you want to find out?” I ask him.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, if you do, we can do it without them knowing,” I suggest. “We can do a sibling DNA test. I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to get a sample.”

“Maybe. But what if it’s true?”

“Like I said, it won’t change anything. Your father was an evil bastard, Vin. Whatever he did was on him. Not you. And you know what? If your mother cheated on him, I don’t blame her.”

“Yeah.” Vin closes his eyes. “Are you worried about that? With me?” he asks. “Because I’ll never do that to you.”

“I believe you. I’m not worried about you cheating on me, Vin. I’m worried about you leaving me,” I say, because it’s the truth.

“That’s my fault. I own that, Cammi, and I will do whatever it takes to make you find faith in me again.”

“Do you have classes tomorrow?” I ask.

“Yes, but I’m not going,” he says.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not leaving you. I’d rather follow you around and make sure you’re okay.” This man really believes he’s going to become my shadow. I almost laugh, but he’s so serious.

“I appreciate the concern but you can’t do that. I have classes too, Vin. I need to go to them, just like you need to go to yours.”

“I could switch courses.” He offers his idea of a solution.

“You think you can just waltz into second-year architecture?”

“I know I can. I’m a De Bellis. We always get what we want,” he says.

“Do you…? Have you…?” How do I ask if he works for his brother? I understand that they’re family, and I’ve seen Vin do some horrific things. But I’ve never asked him if he works for the family. “Are you in the mafia?” I blurt out. “Like I get what your family does, what your brothers do. But do you do that?”

“Babe, I’ve been a made man since I was thirteen. Our father made sure we all were.”

My heart rate picks up. “That’s dangerous.” I don’t want anything to happen to him.

“It is, but it isn’t at the same time. Being a De Bellis earns you a certain level of respect. I’m not a street thug, Cammi.” He smirks.

“Okay. Just don’t die on me,” I tell him.

“Ditto,” Vin says.

“So, this is happening again?” Elena asks, handing me a cup of coffee.

“It is.” I smile, blissfully happy, albeit scared to death.

“Are you sure, Cammi? He really fucked with you last time,” she says. “I don’t want to see you hurt like that again.”

“Neither do I, which is why I’m giving him another chance. It’s him or no one, Elena. There is no one else. I can’t explain it.”

“Okay, I’m going to be here for you no matter what. But does he have to watch you like that? It’s creepy.” Elena directs her gaze to where Vin is leaning against a tree. He’s staring in our direction.

“He’s worried about me.”

“So am I,” Elena says. “Are you really sure you should be back here?”

“The doctor cleared me this morning, after Vin made him do a house call.” I sigh. “Come on, lets lose him for a bit. There’s something I want to do and you know the saying about asking for forgiveness rather than permission.” I smirk. Vin would have a fit if he knew what I have planned, which is why I’m not telling him until after I’ve done it.

“What have you got in mind?” Elena asks with a mischievous smirk.

“Where’d you park? I’ll tell you once you get us both off campus.”

“Deal,” she says, quickly pushing to her feet. I follow her to her car, doing my best not to look over my shoulder. I know he’s following us. There is no way he’s just going to go away on his own. I should feel bad for ditching him like this, but I don’t. He’ll survive.

“Okay, we’re going to have to be quick,” I tell Elena once I see her car. “Are you ready?”

“Ready,” she says, already pulling her keys out of her bag. Then we both sprint for her car and jump inside.

I see Vin running after me when Elena is peeling out of the car park like a maniac. Seconds later, my phone rings. “Hello?”

“What the fuck, Cammi? You ran? You have a goddamn heart condition and you’re out here running? Where are you going?” Vin yells down the line.

“I’m fine. I’ll be back soon. I’m just running an errand with Elena. You should go to class, Vin. I’ll call you later.” I hang up the phone. I know it’s a shitty thing to do, and I get that he’s worried about me. I’m just not going to play along with his craziness. We don’t need to be around each other 24/7. It’s not healthy.

“Okay, where are we going?” Elena asks.

“Marcus’s shop,” I tell her.

Elena’s gaze flicks to me, a grin playing on her lips. “You sure? Vin will hate it. Let’s do it.”

The minute we walk into Marcus’s shop, his eyes land on Elena and he smiles wide. “I didn’t know you were stopping in today, babe,” he says to her.

“I’m not. She is.” Elena juts her thumb in my direction.

“Oh, fuck no. Nope. Not fucking happening.” Marcus shakes his head.

“What? You don’t even know what I want yet,” I tell him.

“It doesn’t matter what you want. I’m not doing it. Because I don’t have a death wish.” He holds up his hands in surrender.

“Fine, I’ll go to another artist then, and I’ll be sure to tell Vin I had to go to a stranger because you refused to draw on me,” I threaten.

“Elena, help me out here, babe.” Marcus looks pleadingly at my friend.

“Just do it, Marcus. Vin’s not going to kill you.” Elena rolls her eyes.

“Probably not,” I say. Because, honestly, I’m not too sure where his craziness ends. It’s been a long time since I’ve been around him—although when I was with him last night, it was like no time had passed at all. We just fell right back into each other. “Look, all I want is three numbers. 9-9-9.”

“Why? What do they mean?” Marcus asks.

“Completion, transformation, new beginnings. It’s like one phase of my life is ending to make way for a new one,” I explain.

Both Marcus and Elena are staring at me like I’ve grown a second head, until the door opens behind us. I turn, expecting it to be Vin, thinking he’s reached a new level of stalker and somehow hunted me down. It’s a different De Bellis, though.

Santo stares at me for a moment before he asks, “Vin getting more ink?”

“No, I am,” I tell him. “Well, trying to, but this one here is too scared to do the job.”

“Right. What d’you want?” Santo asks me.

“Three numbers. 9-9-9,” I tell him.

“Where?”

“Right here.” I point to my left arm. I want the numbers on my inner wrist, right near the base of my palm.

“Okay,” Santo says before turning to Marcus. “Do it.”

“Seriously? Vin won’t like it.” Marcus folds his arms over his chest.

“Vin won’t like what?” Vin’s voice comes from behind me.

I spin around and smile at him. “Did you follow me?”

“Yes,” he says, his eyes flicking from me to his friend. “What won’t I like, Marcus?”

“Your girl here is trying to get me to ink her. Your brother ordered me to do it when I refused.”

Vin is quiet for a long moment. No one talks. Not a single sound can be heard. “No.”

“What?”

“No, it’s not happening. And you should know fucking better,” he tells Santo.

“Her body, her choice, bro.” Santo shrugs.

The words connect with Vin, because he is obsessed with getting my consent. “What do you want?” I explain my idea, the location, and why. Vin nods. “I’ll do it,” he says. “Come sit down. Marcus, draw up the template.”

“Sure thing. Just take over the whole shop while you’re at it.” Marcus shakes his head.

“I’ll come back. I can see you’re busy,” Santo says to Marcus. Then he returns his attention to me. “Cammi, call me if these idiots give you any more trouble.”

“Thank you.” When he walks out, I look up at Vin. “I think I like him the most out of all your brothers.”

“That’s because he has a weird soft spot for you. Trust me, he’s not nice like that to literally anyone else.” Vin laughs before yelling out, “Marcus, draw two templates. We’re both doing it.”

“You’re getting the same numbers?” I ask him.

“Yep.”