A Spinster to Heal the Duke

Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

" W hat are you talking about?" Noah asked with a look of confusion. "My only secret was my sensitivities with food, and I told you that some time ago."

"If only that was all," Anne said, shaking her head.

Noah reached for Anne to calm her, to steady her, but she stepped back from his touch.

"You toyed with my feelings like I am some sort of plaything for you," she snapped. "All of our walks and conversations that have held such meaning for me were just a means of passing the time for you. I am a passing flirtation to occupy you until your return to the city."

"What are you talking about?" Noah asked, but Anne continued, her feelings overflowing like a pot left unattended on high heat.

She felt like one, too. Her cheeks felt warm. Her ears were hot. Anne felt warm rage, disappointment, and sadness surging through her.

"All these days and weeks I believed we were growing close. I didn't know what would happen when it was time for you to leave, but I was beginning to believe you might want something more, whatever that might look like," she said, everything inside her settling to heartbreak and defeat.

"Anne, please," Noah said in an earnest tone that stopped Anne in her tracks. "Please tell me what you are talking about."

"I know that you are engaged, Noah, Duke of Grandon," she stated blankly.

Noah was silent. He parted his lips to speak but closed his mouth again when he realized he did not have enough words to fix matters.

"I know that you have someone waiting for you in London, expecting you to return and marry her," Anne said through tears though she spoke more calmly now. "I will not be the other woman. I will not be someone who ends a marriage before it can begin. If you know me at all, you know that I could never."

"Anne, I never loved her. I don't love her," he professed. "Our arrangement is something our parents agreed upon years ago. I tried my best to talk my parents out of it while they were alive, and her parents have continued to persist since a few months after my parents passing. My responsibility to her is contractual, business I never signed on for."

"But you are engaged," she repeated. "You do not deny it, other than that it was not your wishes. You should have told me."

"I should have," Noah admitted. "I should have the moment I realized my feelings for you, but Anne, I love you."

"I believe you," she said softly, "but it doesn't matter."

"It matters more than anything," Noah pleaded.

"No, it does not, Your Grace," Anne said, straightening her stance and wiping her tears though they continued to pour. "Even if it is loveless or a formality, you have made a promise. I will have no part in you breaking it."

"Anne," Noah said once more, but she only shook her head as she turned to walk away.

Having seen Anne rush outside and the Duke follow, Jeremy had come to the door and seen the entire scene play out. When Noah made to speak, the older gentleman only sighed and turned away.

He found Charles and whispered, "Your sister is not feeling well. Please, drive her back home in the carriage. I will remain to finish the party and have someone bring me later."

"What's wrong?" Charles asked.

"Just do as I ask," his grandfather said gently.

As Charles left to find Anne, he noticed the Duke looked poor, worse than when he first arrived at their home injured in the night.

"Oh," he said, realizing something must have happened between the Duke and his sister.

He cared for the Duke as a dear friend and almost like a brother, but Anne was his sister. She had cared for him and been there in a way that couldn't be compared.

When he stepped into the cool night air, Charles paused and looked in all directions and saw the figure of a well-dressed woman walking not far from the assembly.

He ran to her and called, "Anne."

When he caught up to her, Charles could see that she looked exhausted from crying.

"I won't ask any questions or offer words of comfort because I don't know the first thing to say," he admitted. "But please wait here. I will get the carriage and drive you home. Then, I will sit with you until you fall asleep, just like you used to do for me when we were kids, all those times I woke up because I missed mom and dad."

She smiled weakly. "Thank you, Charles."

He nodded then he rushed back to the assembly and brought their carriage back to Anne.

He helped her into a seat, drove home, and helped her into the house. When she cried softly, he held her. When the tears would pause briefly, he would offer her tea or spirits. When she wouldn't respond, he would fetch her things anyway and apologize for not preparing things as well as she did.

When it got particularly late and they heard more horses coming to the house, he said, "Would you like me to help you to your room before anyone comes in."

"Yes, please," Anne agreed. "And, you don't have to stay with me. I don't think I will get much sleep."

"I don't mind," said Charles.

"I know, but you should rest yourself. It's late," she declared.

Charles helped Anne to her room and left a cup of tea and a glass of sherry by her bed in case she wanted either. Then, he slipped out and closed the door just as the front door was opening downstairs.

Loud, hurried footsteps sounded as Noah made his way upstairs, meeting Charles.

"Can I speak to her?" he asked.

"I don't know what happened between you two, but I think right now it's best you leave her alone," Charles said, standing in front of Anne's door.

Noah's head and shoulders lowered. He had not cried as Anne had, but he was visibly distraught. Charles could see it.

"Why don't we go downstairs for a glass of brandy, and maybe you can give me some insight into things," Charles suggested, placing a hand on the Duke's shoulder and leading him back downstairs.

Diana reached the top of the stairs and passed them.

As she did, she said, "I did the considerable and respectful thing, brother. A kindness really to spare her worse heartbreak."

"Don't speak to me," Noah said in a low tone as he sulked his way downstairs with Charles.

As Charles and Noah talked downstairs, Anne lay upstairs in her bed. It was hard not to keep replaying the end of the night in her head. She also kept thinking of Diana being in her room the night before.

"I can see you and my brother have grown close, and you seem very fond of him," Diana had said. "But I hate to see what he is doing to you, leading you on."

At first, Anne didn't know what she had meant. Then, she cried harder thinking of Diana making it plain for her.

"Noah must return home. I am not the only one who has been worried about him," she had said.

"I'm sure there are many people who miss him," Anne had replied, thinking of close friends and his staff.

Then Diana said, "Sure, but most importantly he has a fiancée in London who misses him, and she has not had one word from him since he has been here recovering with you."

Anne's head had begun to spin, and even now as she lay in bed, she felt it had never stopped. She cried harder, realizing she was still in her dress, a dress she couldn't wait for him to see her in was now the garb she wore when her heart was truly broken as she confronted him with the truth.

It took some effort, but she changed into her night dress, took her hair down, and returned to bed once more. When she thought she was out of tears, more would come. Then, suddenly it was morning. She wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but she slept deeply.

"The sun is well up," she said, realizing how bright her room was.

The table clock was just past nine in the morning. She sat on the edge of her bed and listened. The house was all but silent.

By the time she dressed, fixed her hair, and made her way down the stairs it was close to ten. The rooms Diana and Noah had each been in were open, and Anne didn't see any of the trappings Diana had brought with her.

"They left early this morning," said Charles.

"Oh," Anne replied.

She felt disappointed not to see Noah one last time but also relieved because she didn't know if her resolve to encourage him to keep his commitment could hold.

"He and I talked last night," Charles said.

"So, you know?" Anne asked.

"I do. And so does Grandfather," said Charles. "We like him, but we love you. We agree he should have been truthful, and even he realizes it."

Anne didn't have any response. What anyone should have done didn't make a difference. He was still engaged. He was still gone. She was still hurt.

"Have you had anything to eat?" she asked though she didn't really feel much like cooking.

"Peggy prepared breakfast. I went ahead and ate since I didn't know when to expect you or Grandfather to be down," Charles replied.

"Is Grandfather ill?" Anne asked.

"No, but he got a ride home from Lawrence, Esther, and Judith, and they were the last to leave the banquet. He didn't get home until just before Grandon left," Charles explained.

"Oh," said Anne. "Well, hopefully the evening was good for someone. If you have eaten and he is still in bed, I am going to go back to my room and rest."

"Should I send Peggy with a bit of food?" Charles asked.

"No, I'll come back down to eat," said Anne.

But she did not come back down that day. She hardly came down for several days. Charles and Jeremy grew worried because she rarely left her room, ate, or spent time with them at all. When she came down, she cried and stared at Noah's empty chair at the dining table or his seat on the sofa or the ottoman. If she walked the grounds for fresh air, she would return to the house crying more still.

Nearly a month passed this way until another letter came from Sarah Turner, Viscountess of Weston, their aunt. She expressed irritation about not receiving a proper letter in return to her first but still expected someone to join them in setting up the town house for the season. Charles spoke to his grandfather, and they approached Anne together after sending Peggy to fetch her for dinner one evening.

"We think you need a change of scenery," Charles suggested.

"What? Where are we going?" asked Anne sleepily.

"Not we, you," said Jeremy. "You are going to help your Aunt Sarah decorate her home. I need Charles here to continue his duties."

"I have things to do here as well," argued Anne, beginning to plead her case to stay, but she couldn't think of anything to continue it with.

"You do, but lately you are too upset to do them," said Charles firmly but gently. "The flowers are wilted in every vase, Peggy is doing all the cooking, and she inventoried the pantry for me as well. That's only a few examples."

"Yes, but we have been doing our best to be respectful of what you might be feeling," replied Jeremy. "Only now, we think the best thing we can do is help lift you out of it, and we believe that means lifting you out of this place, so you return to it with fresh eyes."

Anne wanted to argue, but she didn't have the energy.

"Very well," she said softly.

Then, within the week she was making the journey to London. As she rode in the back of a paid carriage, she watched the scenery change around her. She traveled through stretches of country roads and cities that grew increasingly larger and more populated until she reached London.

As she arrived, Anne was struck by a thought that filled her with worry, "What if I see Noah?"