A Very Badd Christmas (The Badd Brothers #19)

15. Emerson

CHAPTER 15

emerson

M y heart slammed in my chest a mile a minute, fear rocking my stomach, creating a racket of doubts in my gut.

He didn't say anything for a long while, and I swallowed my fear, waiting.

He touched my chin, and I forced myself to look at him. "Merry Christmas, Emerson." He kissed my mouth, soft and slow and sweet. "I love you, too."

"Is it crazy?" I asked, on the verge of panicking.

"Maybe, yeah. But if so, then I'm crazy." He brushed a thumb over my cheekbone, over my eyebrow, my lips. "That was the most intense experience of my life, Em."

I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to hold his gaze. "I've…" I shook my head. "I'm at a loss for words. I didn't know it could be like that."

"Me either."

"Em, baby, you're shaking." He tilted my face toward his again. "Talk to me, please. What's up?"

"Scared," I whispered.

"Of what?"

"Loving you." I choked on my whisper. "I'm terrified of not being enough…for you—for you to…stay. To love me back."

"Jesus, Emerson, of course I—"

I touched his mouth. "Please, just let me say this. I didn't understand it until I talked to Dru and Bast, but…my mom never really loved me. She either couldn't or didn't, I don't know. Gambling always won. And my dad—my father , I mean—he…he was never around. Never wanted me. Never stayed." I felt tears leak out. "I know I have Bast, and Delia, and Dru, but—"

"They can't erase the wounds left by your biological parents in your youngest formative years," he filled in.

"Exactly." I sighed. "You're very smart, you know that?"

He rolled me to my back, wedging me between his body and the bed. One hand framed the side of my face, the other tenderly cupped my breast, affectionately strumming my nipple.

"There's nothing I can say that will take that away right now. You're allowed to be afraid. But hopefully you'll give me a chance to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere."

"Except back to Indiana."

He nuzzled closer. "Hey, hold on, now. I mean, yeah, my life is there…for now. But it doesn't have to be."

I risked a hopeful look at him, even as guilt ripped through me. "I can't ask you to uproot yourself from the only place that’s ever been home, Hayden."

He nipped my lower lip, kissed the corner of my mouth. "What if I was getting restless there? What if…" he swallowed hard. "What if it feels impossible to go back there, now that Dad is…now that Dad's gone?"

"What about your mom?"

He sighed. "That one I don't have an answer for right now, unfortunately. But I can promise you this: I'm here. I'm in love with you. We can find the way forward together."

"You're in love with me?" I whispered, eyes still leaking stupid tears I couldn't seem to stop.

"Yeah, Em, I'm in love with you."

"Even though it's too soon and we're both certifiably nuts?"

"Yup."

"I have to finish school," I said.

"I know."

"I want to play professional soccer. I could get drafted by a team anywhere in the country, if not the world."

"I know."

"That would mean living who knows where."

"I can work from anywhere. And I've always wanted to see the world outside of West Lafayette, Indiana."

"I'm in love with you, too. I don't think I am—I know I am."

He kissed me. "I know."

The kiss was the spark.

Within a matter of moments, the tender kiss became frenzied and hungry. I pulled him more fully over me, reaching between us to grasp his erection. I stroked him, feeling him grow harder in my hands with each slow caress of his rigid length.

He groaned as I pumped him into a frenzy. "Em—wait, wait. Slow down—I want to be inside you. I'm about to come, and I'm not sure how long I can hold it back."

I slowed my strokes, watching his handsome face go through a wash of emotions. His jaw tightened and his abs tensed, and he growled, trying not to thrust, desperately holding back.

"I like that you can't hold back."

He shook his head. "I want to last longer for you."

I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him deeply, thrusting my tongue into his mouth and biting his lower lip. I twisted my fist around the head of his cock, playing with his balls with the other.

"I love it, Hayden. I love knowing I make you lose control. I love knowing I turn you on so bad you can't stop yourself from coming." I rubbed the weeping tip of his beautiful, hard, glistening cock with my thumb. "I love knowing I do that to you. I don't want you to last longer. I want you to fuck me so hard I can't breathe. I want you to fuck me every chance you get. I want you to fuck me and I want you to come right away. I want you to come so hard you see Jesus, Mary, and all the saints. I want you to make love to me. I want you to never, ever hold back."

He sank backward, pulling out of my hold, grabbed my wrist, and surged forward, pinning both of my hands over my head. He looked at me with a ferocious love, a fierce need. Despite his unrelenting grip on my wrists, he dipped his face to mine and his mouth covered mine and I tasted his breath and his stubble scratched my face and his tongue found mine. My eyes closed as he kissed me, and I fought his hold, wanting to touch him, to caress him, anywhere, everywhere—I wanted to make him come, to feel him let loose and show me the power I had over him, the pleasure I gave him. He effortlessly kept my hands pinned overhead, and somehow, that only made the arousal smashing through me pulse all the hotter. I moaned into his mouth and continued to wrestle for control of my hands.

The kiss deepened, turned wild and ravenous, our mouths clashing and warring, tongues tangling and teasing. My pussy throbbed, dripped. I bucked upward and hooked my legs around his waist and locked my feet at the small of his back. Pressed my sex against his, feeling his long thick hard cock sliding bare against my pussy.

Without breaking the kiss, still trying to free my hands from his grip and loving every second of the struggle, I tipped my hips, catching the slick, weeping tip of his cock against my pussy. He moaned long and low in his chest, pushing his hips toward mine, easing the head of him inside me. I whimpered into his mouth, into the kiss. I almost got one of my hands free, but he repositioned his grip at the last second and my whimper turned to a feline snarl of aroused frustration. He crushed my hands deeper into the pillow over my head, gave me more of his weight.

I paused for breath, lips motionless against his as I gasped oxygen into my starved lungs. And then I slammed my mouth back against his, sucking his tongue into my mouth and groaning in pure delight as he responded in kind—never in my life has merely kissing been so arousing, so erotic, so thrilling.

But I needed more.

I felt him not quite inside me, his plump cock-head splitting my nether lips apart, teasing, torturing. Hayden darted his tongue into my mouth, and I pushed my hips against his, pulling him to me with the power in my lower half.

There was no discussion, no hesitation. On either of our parts.

He slid into me, bare.

Helplessly, I inhaled a shrill gasp of wondering, awed, overcome ecstasy as he filled me to bursting with his naked cock. I felt every inch of him, every ridge, every vein. He bottomed out inside me, our hips meeting, bellies touching. My tits flattened between our bodies, nipples aching and throbbing. My core pulsed, my belly was tight, my lungs empty, my mind whirling.

He groaned raggedly, dropping his head to the crook of my neck. His iron grip on my wrists went slack and he pressed his palms to mine, threading our fingers together, and now, instead of fighting his grip, I clutched his hands for dear life, overcome by the feel of him bare within me, so intimate, so vulnerable.

With another rough, shaky moan, Hayden drew his hips back, drawing a hoarse whimper from me as his cock slid slick and hot between my lips, and then gently, lovingly, tenderly drove himself back into me.

I cried out as he filled me to aching, searing fullness, shaking all over.

Another slow, gentle thrust, and we both groaned together. I freed my hands from his and clawed desperately at his shoulders, a ripping, smashing climax building inside me. I dragged my fingernails down his back, and he, with a rough snarl, pulled back and slammed into me, this thrust ungentle and wild. He drove a fist into the bed beside my ear and gripped my breast with bruising power, slamming hard into me again.

I sank my teeth into the thick, hot, dense muscle standing out along the ridge of his shoulder, muffling my cry; smoothing my palms down his back, soothing where I was sure I'd left marks, I palmed the taut bubble of his ass, and then dug my fingers into the muscle and pulled him to me, driving my hips into his thrusts. Loud wet squelches met our thrusts, and flesh smacked together with slaps, his groaning becoming grunts, animal and primal.

I tilted my hips, and now his cock slid against my clit as he pounded into me, and that was my ultimate undoing.

Orgasm shattered me all at once, my fingers spasming into the hard muscle of his ass and my teeth locked in his shoulder and I screamed against his flesh, clinging to him, and my scream became a sob as heat sliced through me from my core to my toes.

Hayden's thrusting faltered and he groaned a raw, ragged sound, and I felt his cock pulse inside me.

And that's when a terrible realization hit me. "Hayden—Hayden, don't —-you can't come inside me," I whispered, frantic and panicked, pushing at his hip. "Pull out, baby—you have to pull out!"

With a rough, panting groan, he yanked out of me. He froze, shuddering. I clutched his hard, wet, throbbing cock in both hands and stroked his pulsing length. He pushed up, palming my breasts, head hanging, face a rictus of pre-orgasmic tension. I kept my legs locked around his waist, pumping his cock, twisting my fists in opposite directions with each slick stroke.

Hayden gripped my tits and fucked my hands, eyes closed, jaw tight.

"Look at me," I whispered. “Hayden, look at me."

His eyes flew open, and he gasped a teeth-clenched groan, and he came. Hot ropes of come sluiced out of him, laying in a thick white stripe on my belly. I sped my strokes, and he shook all over, falling forward, hands catching his weight, and he came again, and now his come splashed on my diaphragm and between my breasts, and he thrust harder into my plunging fists. Laying beneath him, feet hooked behind his butt, I stroked him through another grunting spasm, hot come pooling on my tits, chest, and belly.

At long last, Hayden's orgasm faded, subsiding until a string of come dripped onto my stomach, connecting us as his cock slowly softened.

Panting, he sank to sit on his feet. I lay with my feet drawn up to my ass, knees bent.

I reached for his hand. "Hayden, I'm sorry."

He blinked at me, frowning. " You're sorry? For what?"

"Making you pull out like that."

He shook his head. "We got carried away. I should have known better. I'm the one who's sorry."

"I just…" I scrubbed my face. "This is embarrassing, but I forgot that I'm not on birth control right now."

“And I just assumed you were. Or, actually, I didn't even assume—I wasn’t thinking. I got lost in the moment, lost in how fucking amazing it felt to be bare inside you."

"I did, too."

"I just…I know better. I shouldn't have put you at risk like that."

“Hey, hey, hey," I squeezed his hand. "No, look at me, listen to me, Hayden: I made the choice, too. It felt so fucking incredible, having you bare inside me. I've never…I’ve never had unprotected sex before. I wasn't thinking, I wasn’t prepared for how it would feel and I got carried away. You couldn't know I'm not on birth control—of course you'd assume I was."

He shook his head. "I just…I shouldn't have assumed. I should have thought. I should never have let it get to that point."

"Stop, please. Nothing happened, okay? You pulled out." I rubbed his thighs. "It felt amazing. Better than amazing. I loved every fucking second of it, and I do not regret it. I want to do it again. So don't go hogging all the blame, here, okay?"

He held my eyes, hesitated, and then nodded. "Okay." He rolled off the bed. "Let me clean you up."

He vanished into the bathroom, and I heard the faucet running, and then he returned, cock hanging heavy between his thighs, every muscle rippling and carved from marble, hair messy—fucking gorgeous.

"You're so fucking sexy, Hayden," I said as he knelt on the bed beside me.

He grinned, blushing. "You don't know what it feels like to hear that—to really feel that from you. You really know how to stroke my ego."

“I’m not stroking your ego, Hayden," I said, grabbing his hand as he wiped his seed off my skin. “Hey, listen. I'm not. I'm telling you the truth. You're sexy as fuck, and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world for getting to be with you."

He held my gaze. "Thank you, Emerson." He folded the washcloth and wiped away another puddle of his come. "Jeez, I really made a mess, didn't I?"

I laughed. "Yeah, you did. And it was honestly hot as fuck."

He arched an eyebrow at me. "It was? For you, I mean."

“Yeah, honey, it was. It's new for me, but it was hot. I'd absolutely do it again. Watching you come, watching it happen, feeling it, taking your come on me? Yeah, it was hot as fuck."

"Pulling out is risky, though," he said.

“Yeah, it is." I took the washcloth from him and finished cleaning a few places he'd missed, and then handed it back. "Toss that and come back to me."

He threw it into the bathroom sink with a wet plop audible from where I was and then returned to the bed.

I opened my arms. "Come here, baby."

He moved over me, and I pulled him down to me, cradling his head on my breasts and locking my legs around him again.

He pulled in a long breath, held it, and let it out slowly. "I like this. A lot."

"Me too." I stroked his hair, his back, his arms, everywhere I could reach. "About six months ago, I met a guy. He was no one special, just some dude studying in the library. I know this is probably uncomfortable to hear, but you deserve the truth."

"You had a life before me, Emerson. I understand that. I'm okay with it. It's part of who you are, and I’m very quickly coming to love the woman that you are. I'm not threatened by or jealous of your past. I may not love thinking about you with someone else, but it’s reality. I was with other people before you. All that matters is that we're together now."

I scratched his back, caressed his ear, his hair. "I appreciate you saying that, Hayden. You just…you deserve the truth. I'm not apologizing or ashamed."

"It kinda sounds like you are, a little bit."

I sighed. "Maybe a little."

"Don't be."

"I'll try. The point is, I hooked up with that guy. It was shockingly shitty. And it wasn't him. He was a decent dude. He didn’t do anything wrong. It was just…" I twirled his hair around my finger. "It was just shitty. I won't go into details, but it was…I dunno…boring? Forgettable. I went home feeling awful about myself. Like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? It hadn't been fun or enjoyable for a long time. So why do I keep doing it? These hookups with guys I don't know and don't care about, don’t want to know or care about…I was over it, all at once, suddenly."

I shifted my thighs tighter and higher around his waist, clinging to him, caressing him, wanting to offset what I was saying with reassurance that I was here for him, and with him.

"Em, you don't have to—"

"I do," I interrupted. "For me, if not you."

"Okay."

"After that, I just kinda…stopped going out. Stopped trying to meet people. Guys, I mean. It helped that school got busy, soccer season kicked off, and then mid-terms…Weeks went by, and then months, and I wasn't missing the hookups. So, I stayed focused on school and soccer. I hung out with my teammates instead of guys. And then, two months ago, my birth control ran out. I wasn't having sex, and I realized I wasn't interested in having sex with random guys anymore, and there sure wasn't anyone I was interested in romantically, as in emotionally, so…why bother renewing it? I felt okay without it. Better, even, in some ways. My periods got heavier, but not too bad, and my emotions and moods…well, I guess I just felt like I didn't need it or want it."

"I get it. I mean, I don't get it—I'm a guy. But I can understand what you mean." He sighed again, happily nuzzling his face against my chest.

I smiled down at him, toying with his hair and massaging his scalp. "My point in telling you this is that I totally forgot I wasn’t on birth control until you were about to come. I just…it hit me all at once, right then, and I panicked."

"It took me by surprise, for sure, but like I said, I was so lost in the moment and how good it felt that I wasn’t even thinking about the consequences, whether or not you were on birth control, any of it."

"We both did, Hayden. Stop trying to hog all the blame. And there's nothing to feel about. You pulled out well before you came. Nothing happened. Okay? I just need you to understand why I had to make you plan out like that."

He lifted, shifting forward, levering over me. Gazed down at me, eyes bright and bold and clear. "I understand, Em."

I scratched his back with gentle fingers and then palmed his ass, squeezing and petting it possessively, merely for the sake of enjoying his body. "First chance I get, I'm going on birth control. Now that I've had you bare, I'm not sure how I’ll go back."

"I had the same thought. But I also can't put your future and your plans at risk, Emerson. I won't." He leaned down to kiss my chin, my cheek, my forehead, and finally my lips.

I patted his butt. "We should get ready. We like to do Christmas early around here."

"So do we." He rolled off me, slid off the bed on my side, and then bent to scoop me up in his arms.

I snaked my arms around his neck. "Why, Mr. McCaffrey, where are you taking me?"

"I feel a responsibility to conserve water by showering together," he said, carrying me into the bathroom.

"Oh, goody," I whispered, nibbling on his earlobe. "I wasn't done with you anyway. Now we get to play in the shower."

Once we were done in the shower—which was a long one that involved several more loud orgasms on my part and Hayden painting my tits and stomach with his come—we dried off and put our Christmas PJs on.

Opening my door, I heard quiet chatter from the kitchen.

Hayden hesitated. "Do you think anyone heard us? I'm not sure how quiet we were."

I laughed. "No point worrying about it now. Worst case scenario, we get teased a little bit."

He spun in place, wrapped me in his arms, and hugged me tight. "I love you, Emerson Grace Day. I hope you feel that down to your bones."

"I do." I exhaled shakily. "I feel it so clearly. And I hope you feel how much I love you. As has been previously agreed upon, I know we're crazy, talking about love after barely a week, but I know what I feel."

"Me too."

I stepped out of his arms. "I'm giving Bast and Dru kind of an unexpected and probably very emotional gift today. It could get intense. Just F-Y-I." I threaded my fingers in his. "I did get you something. Nothing big, but I think you'll like it."

He squeezed my hand. "I got you something, too."

I shook my head. "No matter what it is, this already has been the best Christmas of my life, just because I got to meet you."

He didn't have a chance to respond because we entered the kitchen at that moment, and judging by the suppressed laughter on everyone's faces, we hadn’t been subtle.