A Very Merry Mess (Cider Cove Sweet Southern RomComs #3)

Ryanne

RYANNE

“So he broke up with you?” Hillary asks.

“Semi-break-up,” I say miserably. I reach for another candy from the bead container where I’ve dumped out multiple flavors of M&Ms. Some of them are so big, only a few will fit in the square compartment, and others hold dozens and dozens of treats.

I eat one flavor at a time, one at a time, and I pick up an almond M&M and pop it into my mouth.

“I don’t know what a semi-break-up is,” Hill says.

This New Year hasn’t started the way I would’ve liked, and though it’s only been about twelve hours since Elliott dropped me off last night, I feel like I’ve been through an array of emotions.

Right now, I feel calm and demure, almost sedated, and everything seems soft and spongy around me.

“He wants me to really think through what he’s said.”

“And?”

I glance at my computer and see the fiery best friend I miss so much. “I don’t know, Hillary. It’s complicated.”

The boxiness of her shoulders deflates, and she nods. “I’m sure it is.”

I look up and out my window, the candy coating on the M&M finally giving way so I can get to the chocolate underneath. I don’t just bite into a nutty M&M like a savage. I savor them, going layer by layer, so all the flavors mix.

And mixing flavors reminds me of Elliott and his delicious orange chicken popcorn.

“Have you told everyone else?” Hillary asks.

I shake my head, simply watching this January first day as it drifts by over the lawn here at the Big House, which gives way to the orchards at Aaron’s next door. “I’ve always loved this view,” I say.

“Do you love Elliott?” Hillary whisper-asks, drawing my attention back to the screen.

“I don’t know,” I say. “Friendship and love got all mixed up.” Tears prick my eyes, and I shrug one shoulder as I reach for the next compartment, and the M&M there. It’s caramel, which aren’t my favorite, but they’re eatable.

“He said he loves me,” I say next, and it’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. But Elliott said he loved me four times last night. Four.

“I don’t know how it’s possible, but?—”

“Stop it,” Hillary says. “Of course you’re possible to love, Ry.”

“But by him?” Tears seep out of my eyes, and I brush them away. “You should’ve seen him at Christmas, Hill. Everyone in my family loved him, even my dad. He and Anna baked together flawlessly, all of it.”

“So you fell in love with him too.”

I sniff and roll my arms. “Oh, I’ve been in love with Elliott forever.” I look at her again, and I can’t stop the tears from leaking out again. “What should I do?”

“We need to get everyone on-board,” Hillary says. “Tahlia will have a good idea.”

“I have a good idea,” Liam says, and Hillary moves the camera so it’s trained on him. “Hey, Ry.”

I blink, because I hadn’t known he was there. He sets down his cereal bowl and leans toward the computer. “What did I do when Hillary was leaving town? Did I just let her walk away? Leave me in the dust?” He starts shaking his head before he even finishes talking.

“No,” I say at the same time as him.

“No,” he repeats. “Once you decide you don’t care about him eventually being blind, then you show up with the plastic bins, and you make sure he knows you’re not going anywhere. That he can’t run from you.”

“Tahlia might have some good ideas for how to do that, I meant,” Hillary says, and she grins at Liam. When she looks back at me, she keeps her pretty smile. “Or Lizzie. She’s pretty pro at make-ups.”

I nod, my nerves starting to buzz at me again as I cycle from a down period to an up. I pick up a few minis and throw them in my mouth at the same time. “I’ll talk to them tonight.”

But I’m not sure I will. I kind of just want to sit with this, the way Elliott suggested, and see how it feels.

“Love you guys,” I say. “We’ll talk later.” The call ends, and I stare up to the ceiling.

Last night, the moment I stepped in the Big House and the door closed, the only emotion I had was anger. Pure, unbridled anger. The only reason I didn’t rip the dress off my body and throw it in the trash is because it’s Tahlia’s, not mine.

I’d cried. Felt betrayed. Paced my room. Finally fell asleep after the clock had struck midnight without any celebration from me. No kiss from Elliott, because he sort of broke up with me before we’d even eaten dinner.

I haven’t left my room yet this morning, and for New Year’s Day, that’s not abnormal. I am going to have to face everyone at some point. They’ll all have questions about my date, and unless I’m willing to put on a giant beach hat and sunglasses, Emma will suss out the fact that I’ve been crying without me saying a word.

I want to make this decision on my own. I’m a grown woman, and as I snap the lid closed on my M&M assortment and lay back onto my pillows, I take a deep breath. I don’t want the frazzled, irate me to take over this more subdued quiet thinker-me.

I need her to help me figure out what to do about Elliott.

“His vision doesn’t matter,” I whisper. “ He matters, and he’s the same whether he can see or not.”

A while later, I open my eyes when someone knocks softly on my door. “Ry?” Tahlia calls, and I manage to sit up before she cracks the door. “Are you—uh oh.” She gestures over her shoulder as she enters the room, and everyone comes rushing in.

Tahlia arrives at my side first, and she pushes my limp hair back off my forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you sick?” Emma asks, crowding onto the floor in front of me.

“Are we still going to the store?” Claudia asks as Lizzie joins me on my other side.

I’ve forgotten they were going to come help me finish out the store. “Yeah,” I say miserably. “It’ll give me something else to focus on.”

“What happened last night?” Lizzie asks. “Is this an Elliott thing or…something else?”

It’s only my whole life, but that sounds so dramatic inside my own head, so I don’t say it out loud. “I found out why he doesn’t do serious.”

Tahlia gasps. “He broke up with you?”

“Only kind of,” I say. “He has a degenerative eye condition that’s causing him to go blind slowly. He doesn’t think it’s fair to, and I quote, saddle someone with the responsibility of taking care of him.”

No one says anything, which is about how I’d reacted to the revelation. “Let’s go get the store done,” I say as I stand. “It’ll get me out of my room and doing something good.”

“How does someone kind of break-up with someone else?” Lizzie asks, and none of them have moved. Claudia does come to my side and wrap me up in a side-hug.

“He said I need to take some time to think through it all, you know, to see if I really want to deal with his health problems for the rest of my life.”

“That’s what ‘in sickness and in health’ means,” Emma says.

“Yeah, but they’re not married.” Tahlia gets to her feet, her eyes full of concern as she fixes her gaze on mine. “Tell us what you’re thinking.”

“He told me he loves me, but that it was a mistake. He shouldn’t have let himself do that.” I wipe angrily at my tears, because I’m so tired of crying. “I’m going to figure out how I feel and do what he asked—really think about what a life with him will truly be like.”

“Ry,” Claudia says quietly.

“He asked me to,” I say, my mouth contorting as I fight my emotion. “I’m at least going to do what he asked.” I give her a sharp look and start to peel off my pajama top. “I’ll change, and we’ll go. Sorry I forgot.”

“You’re allowed,” Tahlia says. “Come on, guys. Let’s wait for her downstairs.”

But no one leaves, not even Tahlia. I sniffle through changing my clothes, and then I survey the four of them. “I’m not going to ask you what you’d do if you were me.”

“Of course not,” Claudia says. “This is something only you can decide.”

I nod, and then I lead the way out of my bedroom and down the length of the second-floor hallway to the stairs. Once we’re all in my SUV, Lizzie says, “Blindness, wow.”

“He won’t be able to drive,” Emma muses, as if she and Lizzie have rehearsed this conversation. “You’d have to help him with that.”

“With everything,” I mutter at them, thinking of how I really enjoyed helping him get cleaned up from the skunk spray. But blindness is a far cry from assisting with a one-time accident.

“There are a ton of resources for the blind,” Tahlia says. “Guide dogs, personal assistants, audiobooks…” A moment passes before she gives a little giggle. “I don’t know where audiobooks came from.”

I shoot her a smile. “Seemed a little random, I’m not gonna lie.”

“He’d have to have someone read him a menu,” Claudia says. “Or he can learn braille, I suppose.”

“Name the last place you went where their menu was in braille ,” I say, giving her another glare in the rearview mirror. “And he won a guide dog for Christmas.”

“What?” all of them ask at the same time. “That’s incredible,” Lizzie says. “He can learn how to navigate the world while he can still see a little bit. If he’s somewhere familiar, I bet he won’t have trouble getting around at all.”

“Besides the driving,” Emma says.

“Right, besides that,” Lizzie agrees.

I start to wonder how grandiose my life needs to be. I don’t mind driving Elliott around. We work at the same place, and if we were together, that wouldn’t have to change. He can stay in his house, and…why can’t we have an amazing life together?

I let my roommates continue to talk, because we all process things differently, and it actually helps me to hear them work through some of the challenges a blind person encounters in a seeing world. Things I wouldn’t have thought of, and I enjoy listening to them banter gently back and forth about how This Thing or That One isn’t really that big of a deal as we get the scrapbook papers back where they go, the adhesives back under their sign, and sort through the rolls of wrapping paper we have left over from the holidays.

“I just need to check my email,” I say, and I dash into the office to do that. Still nothing from corporate about Barry rearranging our whole store. But I do have a time-off request from Elliott, and my stomach settles heavily in my body as I click to open it.

He’s requesting time off from January fourth to the eleventh—which is only three days from now. Right there on the reason is: Medical leave for ADA – blind.

I can’t deny a medical leave under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I can ask Mindy to help me manage the store, so I quickly hit approve and pull out my phone to text her.

All of those days? she asks.

If possible , I say. If she can’t do it, we’ll get by. It’s not the end of the world, and we don’t have major sales in January.

I think I can. I just need to double-check when my doctor’s appointment is.

Let me know.

There’s nothing else of importance, and I head out to where my roommates wait in the car. Once I’m behind the wheel, I start it but don’t pull out. “Okay, let’s say I decide I don’t care about the blindness. That I want to be with him. What’s a good way for me to do that?”

“Tell him?” Claudia guesses.

I shake my head. “No, he knows I’m mad he didn’t tell me. I had to find out from Anna.”

Tahlia actually gasps again, which tells me I was right to be upset. “Sort of,” I qualify. “She knew, but she told me to ask Elliott.”

Another round of humiliation fills me, because I should’ve seen the signs. “I can’t believe I didn’t know he couldn’t see.” I shake my head and flip the vehicle into drive.

“I had no idea,” Tahlia says. “How could you possibly know?”

“I don’t know.” I brush at my eyes again. “So let’s say I want to make up with him in a big way, so he knows I don’t care about the eye condition. I only care about him.” As I say it, I know it’s true.

I only care about him, and I’ll do whatever I have to do in order to be with him.

Now I just need a way to show him, so there’s no doubt whatsoever.