A Winter’s Wedding (Christmas Cove #3)

Chapter 16

Carol stood half-undressed in the fitting room and inspected her aging flesh. Though her skin wasn’t as tight or vibrant as it once had been, she had maintained her shape well over the years, and she hoped the dress would show off her figure nicely. The only opinion she was scared to know was Edwin’s, who sat waiting out in the main salon. Once America had let her know that she wasn’t going to be back in time, Carol asked him to drive her there. Using the snowfall as a pretense for bringing him along, the truth was, she didn’t want to go alone.

“Everything ok in there?” he said, though the sound was muffled by the heavy black velvet curtain and his distance from the fitting room.

“Sure is.” She grunted as she wiggled to get into the gown. “Everything alright out there?”

“You know me and dresses,” Edwin said with a chuckle. “Now are you going to come out here and show me the fancy thing or what?”

“Hold your horses. I gotta get this zipped up first.”

The consultant, a young woman in her early twenties who was probably more accustomed to helping girls with their prom dresses than an old lady wearing a maid of honor dress, held the back open and spread the fabric. “We’ll shimmy it up together.”

Carol wiggled her hips until the waistband was over her widest part. She yanked up the front of the bodice and slipped her arms through the thin straps. Supple cream-colored satin pleats draped over her hips and cascaded to the ground behind her. The dress hem was shorter in the front in order to make walking in it easier and the back dusted the floor. Matching pointy-toe pumps with a kitten heel made her look far taller than she really was, but she didn’t mind looking a little more statuesque. After all, she would be standing at the front of the chapel beside America, and Carol wanted to look good in front of the whole town.

Looking at herself in the mirror as the woman zipped her up, Carol saw herself looking as nice as ever. Radiant and glowing, she looked like the girl she had been the night of the winter formal all those years ago. The only thing missing was a fur stole and a man to hold her tight. Her skin might have a few more wrinkles and her eyes had lost a bit of their brightness, but she was still a pretty good-looking woman in her own opinion.

“You ready?” the man of the moment asked.

She took one last look and hoped Edwin would see her the way she saw herself. With a fresh coat of lipstick on, she pinched her cheeks for a youthful flush. “Close your eyes,” she said as butterflies swarmed in her belly. She fanned her neck with her hands and swallowed the nerves down.

“Are you sure you want to show the groom your dress before the big day?” The consultant asked while smoothing one additional wild pleat.

Carol about choked. “Oh no, he’s not the groom,” she said in a hushed tone. “I’m the maid of honor and he’s the best man in our friends’ wedding. The bride was supposed to be here with me today, but she couldn’t make it.”

“I’m so sorry, I just thought?—”

“No. Nope. Not Edwin. He and I had a chance, but that ship has sailed, so they say.”

“If you say so,” she leaned in and whispered. “But you two are fooling nobody.”

Carol puffed, knowing no matter how she tried to talk herself out of liking Edwin, it was obviously written all over her face. “Let’s just go show him already.” Carol flung herself and all her layers around, kicking the back of the dress out of her way, while the consultant pulled back the curtain.

Edwin stood at attention at the sight of her. His mouth fell slightly open with his bottom teeth visible. With each step that she took toward him, his eyes widened, and the corners of his mouth turned up. “Wow,” Edwin muttered and cleared his throat. “You should definitely get that one.”

She chuckled. “I already got this one. This is called a fitting, to make sure I don’t need any final alterations.”

“I don’t think you do,” he said. “It’s very nice. And you look very nice in it.”

Nice? Carol realized at that moment that she was hoping for a bigger reaction from him. She now understood the fear she was feeling moments earlier about showing him the dress. It wasn’t really about the dress at all. She wanted him to see her in it. Surely, he could say something more than nice . Carol’s hands went to her hips where the dress pulled her waist in. “Is that all?”

Edwin reached for her left hand, and she gave it willingly. He held it above her head and motioned for her to spin. “I need a better look at you. You know, to make sure the dress fits just right.” When she came fully around, his lips were tight, and he shook his head.

“What is it? Something wrong with the back?” Carol looked over her shoulder to see what she could see of her backside.

“No.” He stilled her. “I’m afraid you’ll outshine the bride.”

“Oh, stop it.” Carol slapped a hand on Edwin’s chest, and he caught it there. Her breath hitched and she swallowed the butterflies trying to escape. And just like that, she knew that ship hadn’t sailed after all.

Edwin let her go and stood back. His eyes drank her in from her toes to her lips where his gaze lingered. His intensity screamed of admiration which caused Carol’s heart, and throat, to constrict. This moment was far too reminiscent of their first date, their only date, that she hardly noticed the consultant pinning the hem and adjusting the dress’s little straps.

“The hem here is slightly crooked. We can have this fixed in an hour if you don’t mind waiting,” the young woman said.

Carol nodded. “Anything else needing fixing, Edwin?” she asked though she had meant not just the gown, but their friendship, too. It was no secret that they had spent the better part of their adult lives on opposite sides of a divide. What most people didn’t know was how responsible she was for their broken relationship.

As though he sensed her inner turmoil, he shook his head. “I think things are just as they should be.”

Though his words were likely intended to reassure her of their friendship, his sentiment sounded more like a submission to the past; to the way things were. Their relationship had made a turn for the best last year, and moments ago, she was feeling emotions she had tucked away a long time ago. She considered whether he was correct. Perhaps, there was no use in revisiting their past, and things should just stay as they are now.

“We can grab some dinner down the street while we wait,” Carol said, knowing they needed something to do other than sit and stare at each other while they waited.

“That will be just fine,” the consultant said. “Let’s get you out of this.”

Carol returned to the fitting room and removed the stunning gown in silence. Edwin shuffled around the store as he waited for her to emerge. Every scuff of his heel against the floor reminded her of the ticking of a clock; reminding her that she had wasted so much time over the decades.

At dinner, Edwin didn’t say much, though he was pleasant and did speak about the menu, how good the ale was, and how nice she had looked in the dress. Each averted gaze and uncomfortable smile said everything else. With every quiet minute, the distance between what she thought she wanted and what she assumed Edwin wanted, widened. She wanted Edwin, but was resigned to having him as a friend, if that’s what he wanted too.

After dinner and picking up her altered dress, they drove the short trip back to the Cove. Edwin parked down the street from Carol’s place, insisting on walking her to the door. He carried her garment bag over one arm, and she held onto his jacket at his elbow. Friends, or more than that, she was just glad they were no longer enemies.

The air was calm and Main Street was beautiful in the early evening. The town had decided after Christmas to leave the twinkle lights up all year. Hundreds of tiny bulbs stretched in rows between one side of the street to the other like a canopy of little stars.

Carol looked up between the lights at the tiny falling snowflakes. Despite her earlier judgment that things should stay the same between them, she wanted more and hoped her assumptions about what Edwin wanted were misplaced. There was one way to find out. She slid her hand down Edwin’s arm until she found his fingers. To her surprise, he didn’t pull his hand away. Instead, his warm fingers wrapped around hers and pressed into the back of her hand. It had been a lifetime ago when last she held his hand in that way and the intimate touch transported her back to a time when she wanted to spend her life with no one else.

“Dance with me?” she said and stopped Edwin in his tracks.

“Now?” His face was a mix of surprise and suspicion, like she had a trick up her coat sleeve. She gave a reassuring tilt of her head and he nodded. Edwin placed the garment bag over the seat back of a sidewalk bench and took her purse, placing it beside the dress. Wrapping his right arm around her waist, he rested his thumb along the dip of her spine. He took her right hand in his left in a practiced manner, as though he had been waiting a lifetime for this moment. With a grin and raised brow, he began rocking her back and forth to the sound of the snow falling around them.

Carol followed his expert lead with each step, and when he released her and threw her into a spin, her breath caught. She bit her bottom lip as he rolled her out and then back into his body. A giggle escaped her throat, and he kissed her cheek as people do when courting. The kiss, brief as it was, felt like a million dreams colliding at once.

Their bodies swayed to a quiet hum coming from Edwin, a tune she couldn’t identify, but didn’t want to break the sweet moment with questions. For a while, they were the only two people in the world. She wasn’t sure how long they danced, but she knew her feet were cold. She let Edwin hold her close and warm her heart. Her head rested on his chest as he tucked their hands into the space between them. With every sidestep, her mind swam with the memories of the high school winter formal and wished so many things had been different.

A contented moan vibrated in his throat, and he rested his temple on the crown of her head. “Can I ask you something?” Edwin must have felt her tension; her regret.

Oh no, here it is . It was time for the explanation she hoped to never give. “Is this about?—”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation, as though he could read her mind somehow. “I have replayed that night in my mind for forty years; even went to war to try and escape the truth. But I have to know. What did I do wrong?”

Carol stopped their rocking motion and pulled back enough to see his face. “You think you did something wrong? All these years? You thought it was you?” The realization broke her heart. She had never wanted to hurt him, then nor now.

“Wasn’t it?” Edwin’s brows pinched in confusion.

She shook her head, unable to speak. How could she have known that in her effort to protect him from her drunk father, that he would have internalized her actions this whole time? But it explained so much. The realization threatened to break her down more than she could bear. Grabbing her things off the bench, she made her way down the sidewalk toward her house.

“Carol. Wait. I don’t understand.”

She shook off his grasp on her shoulder. “I have never wanted to hurt you. But please know that you never did a thing wrong. You are a hero and a gentleman. Why do you think everyone loves you?” she said.

“Everyone?” he grinned, which broke her heart even more.

“I can’t do this.” Carol marched past him. “I appreciate your assistance with everything this week. America and Leo will be very grateful.” She dug for her house key and fumbled the jingling chain as she hurried to get inside. There was a reason she never wanted to speak of what happened, and she had done a really good job keeping Edwin, and everyone else, at arm’s length for a really long time. That was until America showed up and hammered little cracks in her hard exterior with all that Christmas spirit and cheer.

The lock clicked open. “Goodnight Pa,” she said and closed the door before he saw her tears roll down her cheek.

Edwin knocked on the door, just centimeters from where her back pressed against the cold wood. “Carol. Let’s talk about this. I…” his hand thumped against the door one last time. “Goodnight, Carol.”

She heard his feet shuffle down the sidewalk outside, and she slid her back down the door until she sat on the floor. With exasperation escaping her through every goosebump, she kicked her shoes off and threw her scarf and bag across the foyer floor. Why couldn’t she just tell him that her father had threatened anyone who would dare touch her. Outside the winter formal, they had danced in the snow and caught little flakes on their noses and lashes. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to hug her in tight and never let go.

But fathers have ideas about their little girls, and drunk fathers have dangerous ideas about the men their little girls fall for. By the time culinary school was over, her father had drunk himself to death and she finally moved home to the Cove hoping to see the man she still loved. But Edwin had gone to war and then came back a changed man. Distant. Which is where their relationship had stayed since.

Pride had been her biggest comfort until now, but now she saw it for what it was. She cried out. Not wanting to go back to how things were, but what was she supposed to do now that he had danced his way into a new possible future? Love him?