About Time (Broken Vows #4)

Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Charlie Present- Age 53

“I knew you were a bit of a dumbass that thought with your dick most of the time, but that’s pretty fucking awful,” Griffin says.

Hattie is still sitting on my lap, but her body went stiff the more of the story she shared. I never knew she came by the night before she left town. That night only stands out to me because I found out the next day that she was gone. That was the moment I knew for sure I’d fucked up. I thought I was doing what was best for her, but I only managed to screw over both of us. Of course, the full scope of my mistake took years for me to see.

For some reason, we have avoided talking much about that time. We’ve apologized to each other, mostly me because she really had nothing to apologize for, but she never asked me for details. In the years we were apart I am not proud of the way I acted. It took a long time, but eventually, I went back to one-night stands, the occasional situationship, but no more relationships. Without Hattie, there was no interest in me in building a life with anyone.

The thing is, she’s wrong about that night. Not about there being a woman at my house, but she’s mistaken for what Hattie believes she was doing there. I can’t believe all this time she’s thought I immediately jumped into bed with another woman. It was over a year after she left before I even looked at another woman, and another six months before I got drunk enough to go home with someone.

I’m afraid revealing the true origin of our relationship is ripping open scars that were better left alone. I slide my hand along the side of her face. When I look into her eyes it’s only the two of us. She’s the only one whose opinion matters to me at the end of the day.

“Doll, we should have cleared this up years ago. I barely remember that night,” I begin.

Hattie scoffs. “That doesn’t make it better,” she mumbles under her breath. Then louder she says, “It was a long time ago, Charlie. We really shouldn’t be poking at scars that took a lifetime to heal.”

I’m shaking my head, disappointed in myself for letting her live with this misunderstanding for the last eleven years. “Doll, we need to poke at this particular scar though, because you’ve been letting a misunderstanding fester for too long. Yes, there was a woman over that night?—”

“I really don’t want to hear any of this,” she interrupts.

My stomach falls. All this time I thought we’d moved past all the hurt I caused, but just like back then, we’ve overlooked what hurt to protect ourselves. This cycle needs to end here and now. I wish we didn’t have an audience for this conversation.

“You need to hear this because I know I made it look like I was cheating on you, and I’m sure you seeing a woman there only confirmed your suspicions, but I never did. I have never and will never cheat on you. Griffin would remember that night if that time stuck in his head like it does mine. I missed several days of work. I told him I was sick, but really, I was drunk off my ass for a week.”

Griff snaps his fingers, and points in my face. “That was why you moped for a week? I had to practically call a hazmat team to decontaminate your house. I thought you had the plague or something. I…oh, shit this is my fault.”

Hattie slowly turns her head to look at Griff. “Explain,” she rasps.

“I sent a house cleaner over to dig him out from under the funk. When I went over to check on him after he missed most of the week at work, there were take-out containers and empty liquor bottles everywhere. He was pretty pissed off at me for me invading his space,” Griff recounts.

Hattie relaxes against my chest and looks at me over her shoulder. “Really?”

I nod. Not that my reassurance takes away from the twelve years we spent apart. Even if she knew that I hadn’t been unfaithful it wouldn’t have changed anything. I was determined to throw away happiness with both hands thinking I was protecting her. Or at least at the time, that’s what I thought, but really I didn’t think I deserved her. I couldn’t reconcile how much it seemed she would have to give up to be with me, and not feeling worthy of her sacrifice.

I rub my thumb across her cheek as I cup her face. Before Hattie, I thought passion faded with time. I guess the difference for us is that we feed ours regularly, so it continues to grow. I pull her face to mine and kiss her softly. I learned my lesson over a decade ago, I’ll never take her for granted again. I sure as hell will never make the mistake of believing I can live without her. What I did during the years we were apart was survive, but surviving is not living. It’s waiting until you are able to live again.

I don’t care that everyone is studying us closer than they ever have before. They might know more about our dynamic now than they ever have before, but I won’t censor myself for their benefit.

Fisting my hand in Hattie’s golden hair, I pull her head back and drag my lips up her neck. When I reach her ear I whisper, “You’re going to get on your knees for me after we finish this story and get back to our house.”

She lets out a quiet gasp. It isn’t like I didn’t bend her over the bathroom counter this morning, but she still gives me such a perfect reaction. Her pupils widen, and a flush brightens her cheeks. She squirms on my lap.

“Yes, Sir,” she whispers only loud enough for me to hear.

Wren gags dramatically. I turn to glare at her, but she winks letting me know she’s joking. She settles on Griff’s lap, and he pulls her in for a much more graphic kiss than the one Hattie and I shared.

Liam groans. “Would you please continue with your story so my dad stops trying to impregnate my-ex wife in front of us?”

“Don’t talk about your step-mother like that,” Griffin says with a grin when he comes up for air.

Scott laughs. “God I’ve missed this. I would actually like to hear what happened when you got served.”

“I wish Hattie had punched you in the throat,” Claudia blurts out. As soon as she realizes she said it out loud she slaps her hands over her mouth and stares at me with wide, apologetic eyes.

I burst out laughing, then Hattie joins me. Soon everyone is laughing except for Liam’s poor mortified wife.

Her face is flaming with her embarrassment. “I can’t believe I said that out loud. I’m so sorry, Charlie.”

I school my face so she doesn’t think I’m laughing at her. I’m really not. Hattie should have punched me in the throat. Claudia is so sweet and shy though I guess I never thought she’d ever have a thought like that. “Don’t worry about it, Claudia. She should have punched me.”

“To be fair, I actually did,” Hattie reminds me.

I can’t fight the urge to kiss Hattie, a much more chaste peck this time. It isn’t a good memory, but the reminder of how far we’ve come makes life so much sweeter now.

“We haven’t gotten to that part yet,” I remind her.

She looks over at Wren, and I know what we’re both thinking. The rest of this story isn’t just painful for the two of us. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Charlie Past- Age 29

It’s been a week without Hattie, and I’m not holding up as well as I thought I would. I hope Hattie is doing better than me, but I haven’t heard from her, so I have no idea. There have been so many times this last week when I almost folded and called her. Every time I reached for the phone, I grabbed a drink instead. I didn’t do this to us to pull her back down. I love her too much to watch her throw away her life to be with me.

I went to work on Monday, but since then I’ve spent the rest of the week in a drunken fog. Griffin was starting to get suspicious, but I gave him grace when Melinda left him to raise their son alone. The problem is that Griff doesn’t know I’m sitting here in my den of sadness licking my wounds. Or I thought he didn’t until he sent a housekeeper over to decontaminate my house.

Today is Friday, and I’ve missed four days of work this week. I know I’ve reached the limit of Griff’s patience. Best friend or not, he takes his business seriously, and I understand that. If he knew why I am hiding out he’d probably give me the space to get my shit together.

It’s not his fault I don’t want anyone to know. I know I’d lose Martin and Elisa, but that isn’t the biggest reason I don’t want to talk about it. Hattie would have to deal with the fallout and judgment from everyone she loves. That’s not really conducive to moving on.

At least I get to mope around in a clean house. Even through my drunken haze, I was starting to fear catching something in the filth my house was being overtaken by.

The doorbell rings, tearing through the silence, and banging around in my head. I grumble on the way to the door and since it’s around noon, I expect to see Griffin on the other side. It isn’t Griffin. It’s a young man in a polo shirt, clearly out of place in Harriston. He shoves an envelope my direction along with a clipboard.

It doesn’t take a genius to know what is inside the envelope. I sign my name on the log, and he leaves me alone to deal with the end of my marriage.

“This is what I wanted,” I tell myself aloud. “It’s for the best.”

I do believe that’s true, for her. For me, being without her will never be best, but I love her too much to saddle her with me as a husband. I work my thumb under the corner of the tab and rip the envelope open, and the thick packet slides out. There are flags on every page indicating where I am supposed to sign. Hattie has already signed.

I grab a pen and scribble my name next to every flag. Before I can talk myself out of it, I get dressed and head to the post office. There’s a return envelope inside. I tuck the signed papers in it and take it to the post office.

Then I do the only thing I can do after ending my relationship with the love of my life. I head straight for the bar and drink until everything disappears.

Later the bartender calls Griffin to come and get me when I drop my head to the bar and fall asleep. He bitches at me the short drive to my house, but nothing he has to say can penetrate the blanket of self-loathing I’ve wrapped myself in.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Griff demands when he helps me stumble up my driveway.

He pulls me to a stop and I see Donovan sitting on my front stoop. I can feel Griffin’s confusion, but I’m too drunk to try and make an excuse, but not enough to tell him the truth.

“Hey, kid. Charlie isn’t in any shape for whatever you need from him. Let me sober him up and you can come back some other time,” Griff says.

“Sorry this can't wait,” Donovan says.

“Go on Griff. Let me talk to the kid,” I slur.

I can see he's going to argue with me, but I'm running out of patience. I'm quickly moving past drunk to hungover, and I'd really like to pass out before the pounding in my head becomes a full drum-line. This isn't exactly a conversation Donovan and I can have in front of Griffin.

Griffin narrows his eyes, but otherwise doesn't comment. He points his finger in my face. “Fine. I'll go for now, but I better see your ass at work on Monday. Sober.”

Like the drunk jackass that I am, I salute him. Griff rolls his eyes, but he does walk away. I open the door and motion for Donovan to go inside.

“He wasn't far off, kid. I'm in shit shape right now. Say whatever it is you came to say and go home.”

“Don't worry it won't take long. I only came to say fuck you asshole. Hattie left and didn't say goodbye to anybody except for her sister. I only found out she left today. I am her fucking best friend and she didn't even bother to say goodbye to me on her way out of town, and I have a feeling that is your fault.”

It totally is my fault, but I am not about to admit that to him. “What makes you say that?” I ask instead.

Donovan crosses his arms and I realize I should probably stop calling him kid. I mean shit my soon-to-be ex-wife is the same age as him.

“Well,” he starts to tick off reasons on his fingers, “let's start with three months ago. I had to drag her out of her apartment when she was wallowing in her depression. Then you run off with her and I’ve barely seen her for the last few months. Although until recently, she seemed happy. Then without a warning, she just takes off and you have been spotted at the bar passed out more often than your old man. My main guess is you wouldn't be drinking yourself into an early grave if you hadn't majorly fucked up. Tell me I'm wrong.”

It's not that I'm a bad liar, I'm just out of fucks to actually do it. Besides, Miller has been a good friend to Hattie and while I won't tell him the truth, I won't lie to him either.

“You're not wrong, I fucked up. But my mistake was ever getting started with her in the first place. She deserves more than this town and you know that. If you do happen to talk to her, don't let her think that I am miserable. I'd rather break her heart now than watch her live with regrets, and she would if she stayed for me,” I confess.

He shakes his head, clearly unimpressed with my logic. “There you go again, treating her like a kid. You know what your problem is?"

“I have a lot of problems. Why don't you fill me in on this particular one?”

Donovan looks at me with pity. “Your problem is that you never really appreciated what you had, you just focused on why you didn't deserve it. You should have respected her choices. She's a smart woman. You just never gave her enough credit.”

He turns around and shows himself out.

I drop down on the couch and put my head in my hands. “Fuck he's right,” I say to the empty room. It's something I'm going to have to get used to, I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of time alone.