One night before Christmas
I ignored my phone buzzing in my pocket. Jim stapled a piece of trim into place as I held it along the ceiling.
When a family party was canceled because of the treacherous roads, I’d wondered how I would withstand another day in this house. The roads were also why I was still Kelly and Jim's guest. I was stuck right where I was.
Early in the morning, I'd gone into the kitchen in search of coffee. To find Jim drinking from a mug. "Wanna help me with my 'Honey-do' list? A couple of things would be easier with two people. Lizzy would help, but she's been busy with work. Anyway, you in?"
I was. I really was.
Holding still was challenging for me under normal circumstances. Holding still while snowed in with a woman I couldn't stop thinking about—a woman who had already turned me down…
I was desperate for distraction.
Kelly was ecstatic to find us working through the list.
It was mid-morning, but we'd already crossed a few things off the list. We should move slower. I dreaded finding the end of the work.
My phone buzzed insistently as we took a step back, inspecting the trim now secure to the wall. Finally, the vibrating stopped only to start back up.
"Looks good," Jim jerked his head in approval.
I'd done a hell of a lot harder carpentry than this. Which made it laughable how much his approval meant. He'd painted the black crown molding to match the black built in shelving. It was an intense look. But the more I'd gotten to know Kelly, the more it fit.
"You gonna answer that?" he asked, my phone starting up again.
"Seems like maybe I should." I pulled my phone from my pocket to find Rose on the caller ID. Pressing it to my ear, I asked, "Aren't you in the other room?"
" Finally ," she groaned.
"What's up?"
"Check the Live that just posted."
"On our page?"
She made a disgusted sound. "Yes."
Foregoing the social structures of a 'goodbye', she disconnected the call. My lips pressed into a thin line. I searched for patience to deal with her bossing me around—all the time. In her defense, I was usually fine with it. I was slightly more irritable than usual.
"Uh, if you'll give me just a second," I said to Jim, taking a step toward the spare room. He grunted his agreement.
I opened the app to find the most recent post featured Lizzy and Rose sitting side-by-side wearing Christmas sweaters. Rose beamed at the camera, but Lizzy was giving it a side-eye that I felt in my chest. She'd signed her name on my heart with those knives for eyes. Even if it'd been a brief time, her effect would last.
I moved down the hall to find privacy in the spare room. With the door closed behind me, I breathed out a calming breath. My thumb hovered over the reel. Tilting my head, a crease pressed between my eyebrows. I tapped on the post. Through my speaker, Rose spoke to Lizzy, "Can you pretend to be happy to be here?"
Scoffing, she replied, "No."
Rose laughed, rolling her eyes. "Fine. Hello everyone, I hope you're enjoying your holidays! It’s been a really interesting time…here."
"Interesting," Lizzy agreed.
"Anyway, I don't know how much I've mentioned my twin sister, Anne, or I guess sometimes you go by Lizzy."
Looking square in the camera, she said, "Like, all the time."
With a smirk, Rose shook her head. "Fine. I'm the only one that wants to call you Anne. The point of all of this is that she will be around more. She is moving in with me, and you might catch glimpses of her—like a beloved house cat skittering out of the shot."
My heart swelled too big for my ribs. It was such a different message than that metaphor had served earlier this week. Instead of derision, she used it with affection. They would be okay and could continue repairing the damage done to their relationship. If I couldn't be with Lizzy, at least she and Rose could have each other.
Lizzy would continue to be in my orbit. I'd just have to ignore her gravity. Just like the moon could ignore the pull of earth.
I resented the jealousy I felt taking away from the appreciation I had for Lizzy and Rose's healing relationship, but I couldn't help the knowing that Lizzy would tolerate some attention for Rose, but not for me. Even if it was fair that their relationship was more meaningful than hers and mine.
"This concession, if you can't tell by how she is glaring at the camera," Rose went on, "is truly an act of love on her part. So, we wanted to introduce her to you. But we have a greater purpose for showing up on your feeds."
She turned her head, giving the camera her profile and directing the attention to Lizzy. Her cheeks were bright pink, and she'd gone still.
I knew they'd already filmed and posted, but I still felt the urge to tell Rose to back off. To put my body between Lizzy and the people watching on the livestream. Their reactions floating up the side of the screen like silent announcements that all eyes were on her.
Taking her hand, Rose squeezed it.
Lizzy kept her eyes down on her lap. Her voice was almost too quiet for the microphone to pick up, as she said, "I take it back."
Blind, stupid hope surged through me. There was no knowing what "it" was, but I wanted that sentence to be for me. I begged for it in the whispering corners of my heart to be for me.
"I hope you'll let me take it back." Lizzy's softened gaze met the camera. "I want to try."
A flurry of hearts fluttered up the screen—like butterflies taking flight.
Rose grinned at her sister with tender pride. "Good job," she mouthed.
"Thanks," Lizzy mouthed back.
"That's it from us. Anne and I hope you're having happy holidays, too."
The video stopped, frozen, with Lizzy focused on the camera through her eyelashes. My pulse thundered in my ears.
'I want to try.'
'Us' equaled her and me.
I'd spent the last two days fighting, and losing, against my disappointment. Struggling to accept that the relationship I desperately wanted with her wasn't possible. And in just a few short sentences, she'd changed the trajectory. We weren't written in the stars just yet, but if she would try, then we could be.
I would. Happily.
Before exiting the room, I grabbed the only gift I hadn't already placed under the Christmas tree. The hallway was empty. It only took two footsteps to stand outside of Lizzy's bedroom door. But it took me two attempts at knocking before I was successful.
Sweat prickled at the back of my neck, waiting the few seconds for her to open the door. A hallow of moisture formed around my fingers on the shiny wrapping paper in my hands.
The latch clicked as she twisted the knob. She leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb, biting her lower lip. Still clad in the adorable, ridiculous Christmas sweater she'd worn in the video—a kitten lying on its back playing with a Christmas tree ornament. She rolled the fabric between her fingertips.
Hugging the present to my chest in a way that did not make me feel masculine, I pinched it under one arm instead. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans to keep from fidgeting with my hands. Or pulling her against me. She'd said we could try, but she hadn't said that we could with her parents just down the hall. She might still want to be private.
"Did you see it?" she asked.
A smile split across my face. "Yeah."
Her head remained pointed toward her slippers. "I'm so sorry to go back and forth like this. It's not fair, and if you've changed your mind."
The need to touch her grew too strong, even if she wanted to keep us a secret for a while longer. Hooking a knuckle under her chin, I eased her to meet my gaze. "I haven't."
Her brown eyes slipped over my face, taking in my smile and the happiness alight in my gaze. "You're still willing to try?"
"I'm desperate to."
The soft pressure of her touch sliding up my chest to my shoulders drew hot lines across my skin. Even through my clothes, my body remembered her touch as if she were tattooing me. Forever branded by her.
I cupped her face in one hand and pressed my palm to her back, my fingers splayed.
The gift smacked on the carpeted floor. At least it wasn't breakable. But it was distracting enough. She paused, looking at it laying between our feet.
"What's that?" she asked.
My voice caught in my throat, suddenly self-conscious that I'd brought it. "It's just a little gift. It's probably lame to give it to you now."
"I like it when you're lame." She beamed at me as she bent to pick it up. "Can I open it now?"
I shrugged. "Sure. Just don't make fun of me too badly."
"I don't make any promises." She pulled on the ribbon I'd tied around the package. The tape released with a pop, and in only a few seconds, the paper pealed away revealing the planner's pink cover.
She blinked up at me.
My toes curled and uncurled on the carpet. "If you want to collect planners and never use them…you should collect planners and never use them."
Her lips pulled up at the corners, and I melted in her warmth. The space between our bodies closed in increments. Her mouth pulled mine to hers. Breath by breath. She possessed a magnetism I could surrender to.
"Thank you." she whispered, peppermint on her breath.
I pulled her against my chest. Where I knew she belonged. I'd known it since the moment I'd sat next to her in the hotel bar.
She fit. We fit.
Her mouth was warm and soft.
Finally, I could give her all of me. We didn't have to be secretive or hide.
At the end of the hall, Jim mumbled, "I told you so."
I could practically hear Kelly roll her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you called it."
Lizzy pulled away, leaving me drunk on just her kiss. Tucking her head into my neck, she held me and let me hold her. It was a rare moment.
It was right.