Alamort

20. Priya

A s soon as I left Bush’s office, I came straight to the dorm. Rubbing my book of matches doesn’t bring me the usual feeling of peace. Clockwise, counter-clockwise. Repeat.

I need to do something. I pace the carpet back and forth, moving from one end of my dorm hallway to the other.

It feels like I need to run.

Away.

From something.

To someone.

My nerves are being stretched thin. The threads holding me together are fraying. It’s times like this I need my sister. Her guidance, strength, even her grace to deal with these situations. She would know what to do.

My father is always haunting the corners of my brain. He never leaves me alone.

My sister’s soul crushing absence.

Amber constantly coming after me with some fucked up agenda.

Bush’s not so subtle perverted staring and touches.

The fucking black envelopes with their stupid riddles showing up out of nowhere with no explanation.

I want to scream and rage about the fucking unfair shitty hand I was dealt under the guise of a ‘privileged life’.

My thoughts halt as I come to a stop outside of River’s rainbow covered door. I’m battling with wanting to ask for help or trying to figure it out myself. My hand raises to knock, but I put it back down to my side. Can I do it? Can I be vulnerable? Every time I’ve tried, it’s always bit me in the ass. I’ve begged for acceptance, only to have it thrown back in my face.

I’m so fucking fragile.

Showing my vulnerability will give her a chance to break me. The softest blow would be my undoing. Chewing my lip, I go with my gut feeling. Lifting my hand, I go to knock when the door swings open. River is in an all-black oversized adult onesie with bear ears on. Looking terribly cute and cuddly.

“Sorry.” I mumble and turn away to go to my room. This was a mistake.

“Priya.” She comes to stand in front of me, blocking my door. She’s quicker than I gave her credit for. Her hip pops out, arms cross over her chest and eyebrows raised. Tapping my fingers, trying to get what I need out without sounding crazy.

“Spit it out.”

“I need something.” The worlds tumble out.

“Anything.” The look on her face makes it seem like she means it. Like she would do anything I asked. Find a way to make it happen. Just like Addison would.

Swallowing my wariness, “I need a fire.” Even the whisper sounds so loud.

She give me a curt nod. “Let me get my jacket and shoes. I’ll take you somewhere.”

Relief rushes through me. I need to get my stuff I hid in my room. Under the trash can, I pried up a floorboard to stash my lighter fluid and extra matches. It’s a tight fit for the items, but with a little wiggling, it comes right out. Stuffing it in my black bag, I make sure I have my key card and my razor in my bra. Nodding my confirmation to myself, I go get River.