Alamort

30. Priya

Priya

Limerence (n.). An involuntary infatuation or obsession with someone. Add in a dash of a strong desire for reciprocation. But it doesn’t always mean in a romantic way. At least… not for me. I think. I don’t know. Iloveyou.

T he plushness of the bed dips beneath my hips, the weight of someone joining me on the soft mattress. Inhaling through my nose, the smell of burnt coffee mixed with lavender and honeysuckle that I’ve come to associate with River fill my lungs. The dreary grey light of the cloudy day shrouds my room in a dull haze. I hope to gauge her reaction to my solitude yesterday. The scowl on her face speaks volumes, while the lingering scent of burned coffee hints at her retribution.

“I thought lavender is supposed to be soothing. The daggers you’re glaring at the side of my face are anything but.” Closing both my eyes again to avoid whatever wrath this kitten is aiming at me.

“And it would be if you didn’t avoid and shut me out.” She sounds snappier than I’ve ever heard her. An uncomfortable feeling makes itself known in my gut. The lingering regret of my actions hangs over me, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. With Addison, I could tell myself I was protecting her. Even if the truth is that I didn’t want her to know how truly broken I am. That excuse won’t work with River.

“River…” I start.

She holds her hand up to stop me. “I don’t believe you truly like solitude, Priya. I think you’re afraid of being disappointed. If you don’t want to talk, then we can not talk about anything together. If you want to cry, I can cry with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

My senses heighten when I hear her sniffle and immediately sit up, apprehensive at the sounds of sobs. The uncomfortable pressure tugs at my thigh. Forcing myself to ignore the burning pain. Without her usual bold winged eyeliner, her eyes are noticeably hollow and heavy from lack of sleep. Her usual milky and honey skin tone looks sunken and dull rather than bright and full of life.

Was I really so selfish that I didn’t even consider how I was affecting her? Gently guiding her towards the fluffy cream blanket on my bed, I enclose her in a snug bubble of warmth and comfort. Pushing the black longer bangs that frame her face away and behind her ear. I share with her the events of yesterday after we went our separate ways.

Her face is animated as I go into detail, reliving the terror of yesterday for what I promise is the last time. She gasps in horror, her brows furrow in anger, fist clenched on her stomach, fully engrossed in the story. She weighs each bruise and mark he left on me before ultimately settling on sadness.

“I’m so sorry, Priya.” Weeping into my still damp hair from last night’s shower. I shrug in response to her apology. I don’t blame her. There is nothing she could’ve done to prevent it. They say, ‘good things happen to good people’. Maybe I’m not a good person. Or could this be my karma for a past life?

“You can’t heal from your hurt if you don’t admit it’s there, Pri.” Her breath tickles my skin. How do I say I’m so tired of falling apart? Most days I don’t know which way is up or down and I’m just free falling, hoping for the best. The mask of pretending everything is fine is the glue that keeps me intact, but I’m afraid it’s wearing thin with each blow.

River clears her throat before I spiral any further.

“Did I tell you why I was sent here?” Shaking my head at the sudden change in topic. “Do you remember the family friend who would sneak into my room that I told you about?” Nodding, I remember her talking about it the first night I met the Shadow.

“When I was thirteen, I killed him. I was so tired of it. One night, he went too far. The day before his last visit, I put a knife in my nightstand. I still remember his smell, the taste of him, even the exact time it was and how long it took him to stop moving.” I’m stunned. It’s safe to say the kitten in my arms has sharp claws and enough rage to kill a person. Shocked, silent, I don’t know what to say. No one should have a chance at life after hurting a vulnerable little girl and live to talk about it.

“Good.”

Her body visibly relaxes in my hold.

“He threatened to kill my parents and do the same thing to my little brother that he did to me if I told them what was happening. Said he’d make me watch what he did to them before killing me. Apparently, he had friends in high places because they pushed to have me put behind bars, but my parents got me in here instead.”

How fucked up is that? An act of self-defense from a child and people want to put her behind bars. If I had the same upbringing as Addison, would I feel as entitled? Remembering Amber’s name for her it makes sense. Not that it’s warranted. It’s a little fucked up.

“I’ll help you kill him.”

Whoa, wait a minute. My eyes widen at the dark turn of events. Pulling my stare away from the blank white wall, I lean back to look into her eyes. She’s dead serious. I don’t know where my ray of sunshine went this morning, but she’s cast in rain clouds. Or it’s the opposite. She’s a blazing inferno, like the sun.

I don’t think that Oscar doesn’t deserve to die, but I didn’t want to drag River into what I had planned. If it wasn’t for Bennett Demonio, he would’ve gone a lot further. How would I even go about planning a murder? Am I capable of committing one? I don’t have the first clue on how to hide a body. This isn’t the same as hacking into video feed or cloning a keycard. Opening my mouth to tell her my reservations about committing a new crime on top of my pending charges, my phone dings with a notification.

“We will put a pin in this and come back to it. With or without you, it’s happening. I just thought it would be polite to give you the opportunity for vengeance.” She states nonchalantly. “Your phone has been pinging all morning. I was nice enough to ignore and not read it.” Looking at her freshly painted black nails and then at me. Yes, I’m sure it was quite the struggle for my nosy friend.

Rolling my eyes, I click on the notification in my school email. Coach Riley is requesting a meeting with me in his office. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my short time at this school, it’s that nothing is a suggestion. I wasn’t planning on going into class today. Hence the reason I’m still in bed instead of getting ready for the day.

Sighing, I set my phone down and go into the spacious walk-in closet for a school outfit. Not wanting to chance getting detention with the dean again. Why can’t I just have one day where I can recoup from my life? While getting dressed in the closet, I yell to River about the email, then decide she’ll just look anyways.

Before putting on the pleated skirt, I notice the makeshift bandage I made last night has held up rather well. A tight bandage encircles my thigh, coated with soothing ointment to protect the gauze hiding underneath. That’s how I usually take care of those injuries. I’ll need to change it at some point today. The soft fabric of my skirt conceals it seamlessly, leaving no trace of its presence. Unless someone is looking up my skirt. I shudder at the thought. It wouldn’t be surprising at this point. A school for criminals, a perverted dean, and his disgusting nephew, and to top it off the Shadow man. What’s next?

“I brought you a cinnamon roll!” River calls out. My nose wrinkles as I tally the calories and carbs I know are inside something so sweet. I’ve been doing well with limiting my calorie intake since I’m not running as often as I did at home. She’s just being nice. How would she know what I won’t eat?

“Thank you!”

I hear her scoff as I exit the closet. “You need to eat, Priya. This is the only thing I could take from the Hall this morning without the kitchen staff being suspicious. You should’ve seen the chef peeking around the door at me. Hey, did you know your account has been locked down with ‘specific dietary instructions’?” She uses air quotes. “What did you do to piss them off?” Them being the Demons.

Blowing out a puff of air, “Honestly, I don’t know. I ran into Bennett when I first met the dean. Didn’t immediately fall down to my knees at his charms. Crew hates my existence, along with everyone else. Saint seems decent enough.” Forgoing about telling her about Bennett getting me to kiss him.

Picking up the sickly, sweet treat she brought, I take a bite while making eye contact to show her that I am eating. My eyes close as I savor the burst of flavor on my tongue. The sugary icing is so sweet, I moan my agreement to it… and River. It’s so good, but I really shouldn’t indulge too much. I’ve gone longer without eating thanks to my parents. My mother’s punishment of choice was always to play mind games, withholding food, isolate me from my sister, and keeping me on the edge of my seat waiting for my father. She never directly put her hands on me. I wonder why that is.

“Ready?” Standing and grabbing my things. Hopefully, after I see the coach, I’ll come back and work on my schoolwork. Take the rest of the day off from the outside world.

“Okay, but can we go back to the Hall? I’m still hungry.” Sticking out her bottom lip, pouting. I wanted to avoid people. The feeling of everyone staring at me makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sure how fast word travels around school. River knew about the incident before I even told her.

“What? That was our first fight. I thought we should make up with something sweet after being sour. They say the stomach is the way to a woman’s heart.” Giving her a slight nod, I agree. No reason for her to go hungry after she did something thoughtful for me when I hurt her feelings. She lets me stick my arm through her elbow while she leads us out the door, acting like nothing is out of the ordinary and I couldn’t be more thankful for it. I don’t want to be coddled and handled with gloves. That would frighten me more, waiting for the other shoe to drop.