All About You

Thirty Three

The moment I get the text in the middle of class on Tuesday, my intestines practically unravel themselves, and there’s a very real danger in me throwing up.

I show Kiara and Diane the message discreetly under the table, and their reaction is instantly visceral. Diane gasps, garnering the attention of our peers around us. Kiara grabs the phone from me, reading the message over and over.

“She doesn’t seem mad, does she?” I whisper.

“Not really,” Kiara says, running her eyes over the words.

“I don’t trust her,” Diane proclaims, a little too loudly that the tutor has to shush her for a moment.

We continue our conversation once the class is dismissed.

“I say go for it,” Kiara concludes, “There’s nothing to lose. If she’s there to yell at you, let her yell. It’s not like you’ve made a show of pursuing Marlon in the last two weeks.”

She has a point.

“But be careful,” Diane adds, glancing over my shoulder as I draft a reply, “Be cautious around her. We don’t know her intentions.”

“You’re acting like she’s a murderer,” I chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood.

“We’re treating her like one until proven innocent.”

She’s sitting by the window when I arrive.

I almost don’t recognise her. The last time I saw her, she had dark brown hair. She has blonde highlights now.

I order myself an oreo milkshake, hoping that the sweet taste of chocolate will calm my nerves. I sit down beside her once I’ve made my order.

“Hi, Christine,” I greet. I attempt a light, cheery tone, but instead, my words come out a little shaky.

She glances up, and besides the hair, she looks just as I remember her. Kind-looking and gorgeous.

“Jaslene, hey!”

Christine rises from her seat and embraces me, and I embrace her back, surprised by the sentiment.

“It’s been so long,” she says.

What we don’t say, is that the last time we saw each other was just a couple months or so before her and Marlon broke up.

“So what are you studying nowadays?” I ask.

“I’m currently in my first year of med school,” she informs me. I can’t help but be in awe of her. I remember her being terribly smart. “How about you?”

“First year of film studies,” I tell her, smiling.

“How is that going?”

“It’s…going…”

We both laugh, and it’s enough to ease the slight tension twisting my chest.

The waiter arrives with my milkshake, and I take a long sip. He also places Christine’s order before her, which is a toasted almond croissant.

“Okay, Jaslene, I know you’re probably freaking out over why I texted you randomly today,” Christine says, her smile easy and light. She takes a bite of her croissant, before continuing. “And I’m sorry it came out of the blue. I just thought I needed to reach out as soon as possible.”

“It was - I mean it’s good hearing from you -” I’m stumbling on my words. I wish I wasn’t. “But uh - yeah it was pretty surprising.”

“I’ll cut to the chase,” Christine says, and I almost sigh in relief. “I’m here because of Marlon, obviously. We both know that.”

At Marlon’s name, I feel my body tense, a subconscious defensiveness passing over me. Christine must sense this, because she waves her hands quickly, dismissing the worries that’d suddenly risen.

“I mean, gosh, sorry, I’m not here to yell at you or anything. I - Marlon told me about what happened between the both of you. About the ruse. About everything.”

I raise my brows, surprised. Marlon told her about the ruse? Does that mean, he told her all about what the ruse meant for him? About how it meant he could try to win her back? The cold wave washes over me again, and I fear for whatever more Christine has left to tell me.

“He - I want you to know something Jaslene, before I explain further. What happened between Marlon and I…that’s in the past. It’s finished. It’s complete, and I’m totally, totally over it. Over him.”

I blink once, twice. That was definitely unexpected. I still haven’t said anything, and yet I don’t know what to say. Christine continues.

“What Marlon and I had was a high school thing. We were young, and we were both confused, but you need to know the reason I broke it off with him was because I knew he wasn’t 100% in it with me. And I eventually realised I wasn’t 100% in it with him.”

I open my mouth, finally thinking of words to say, “But weren’t you both…you were both trying again, weren’t you?”

Christine shakes her head. Her voice is gentle, when she says, “At first, maybe. When you both started this ruse, and even a little before that. We were just…trying to mend our friendship I guess. And to see if a spark is still there. But Jaslene, I realised very quickly that Marlon and I don’t click like that. And he figured that out too. He was just… a little slower to realise it.”

She leans forward, holding my eyes.

“I’d told him by our second or third lunch that I want it to be purely platonic between him and I, and that if he had any other intentions to stop talking to me. I didn’t want to be back with him at all. When we started hanging out again, as friends, I could clearly see his mind was occupied. He was trying to be friendly at least, but he was always distracted with you. ”

The world brightens and dims around us as her words hit me, my heart thrumming and stopping all at once. All this time, when Marlon had been hanging out with Christine, he was thinking of me?

I shake my head, “But he came to me asking for advice…”

“Because he wanted to use it on you, Jas. I knew it from the start that he was into you, even before he knew it himself. He used to text me about that boy you used to like, used to rant non-stop about him. I think that’s when he realised that he likes you. Or even before that. But that’s when he started asking me for advice. Of course, we’d both known our old relationship was water under the bridge. And I was more than happy to finally put it behind us.”

All this time, he was into me. All this time, I’d been scared that I was an obstacle for them, that I was preventing Marlon from being happy. To hear from Christine herself that their happiness was never between them made me want to soar.

“Why didn’t he tell me,” I murmur, “He had me believing that he was courting you, trying to win you…”

“He was scared, especially after what happened to me. He was extra, extra scared at messing anything up with you. He told me you were this hopeless romantic, who had these fictional guys and kpop boys as your standards and was scared of never living up to them.”

She laughs as she says that, but her words wash over me in violent waves, tearing apart everything that I had thought. I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.

“I - I-”

I’m stuttering my words, unable to process how I’m feeling. What I’m feeling. These last two weeks, I’ve been the wrong one all along.

“I thought I was preventing you both from being happy,” I confess, “That’s why I distanced myself from him. I-”

Christine reaches forward, clasping her fingers around mine.

“I know, Jas. Marlon told me. He’s been in such a torment these last two weeks. He’s been asking me what to do to win you back, and I told him to try to talk it out with you. I’m literally his last resort.”

“I’m sorry you had to be pulled into this,” I say.

She shakes her head, smiling.

“I’m not being pulled into anything. I care for Marlon alot, he’s a good friend. And I want him to be happy. I can see that he makes you happy too.”

Letting go of my hand, she leans down and takes a bite from her croissant. Crumbs fall from her lips when she says, “And besides, I always thought something would happen between the both of you, when we broke up. Your family was right all along, and I never disagreed.”

She winks at me then, and I decide right there that I want to stay friends with Christine. That, if and when this whole thing settles, I hope I can keep on chatting with her. I lean back, allowing myself to laugh, even with the weight of the dawning revelation on my chest.