All by My Elf (Under the Mistletoe collection)

5

After a very pleasurable night of very little sleep, Nina and William had awoken to the sound of someone tapping on a window.

He’d hastily dressed and stumbled out front to answer questions and give out pie-shaped magnets, and by the time she’d joined him, traffic was finally starting to move again.

They’d made it to the parade just in time, good little elves that they were, then aired out and scrubbed down the vehicle’s interior with disinfectant before exchanging Christmas gifts—books, obviously—and driving back to Newport News in the afternoon sun.

The snow was already melting away to nothing, because ... Virginia.

Without further argument, Claudia got behind the wheel and started the engine. Patting away a huge yawn, Nina sat next to her instead of William. Because they were on the clock, and she was trying to be a professional about all this.

Well, now she was, anyway.

Sooner rather than later, of course, she’d tell her best friend everything—er, almost everything—that had happened. For now, though, she could be discreet.

William took a seat in the second row, angling himself so he could see her. All three of them fastened their seat belts.

Claudia released the parking brake and got going, her wide mouth curved in a smirk.

“Let’s play Never Have I Ever.”

At the first stop sign, she glanced briefly at them. “I’ll go first. William, you’re playing too.”

At that, he emitted a weird, strangled honk, sort of like an unpleasantly surprised goose. Sighing in defeat, Nina held up ten fingers, and so did he.

“Never have I ever fucked in a repurposed Weenie on Wheels,”

Claudia announced without further ado.

William made that odd honking sound again, while Nina heaved another sigh.

When Claudia stopped for a red light, she twisted her neck to check the number of fingers her red-faced colleagues were now holding up. Nine each, obviously.

Claudia favored them with a brief round of congratulatory applause, followed by a suspicious glare. “You two better have disinfected this place.”

“We did.”

William cleared his throat. “My turn. Never Have I Ever regretted telling my coworker about my desperate crush on them.”

Nina ensured he clearly saw all nine of her fingers still in the air, and he beamed at her.

Claudia made a gagging sound. “Don’t make me regret giving you the benefit of my romantic wisdom, Dern.”

Just then, Nina registered movement out of the corner of her right eye. Twisting in her seat, she spotted ... Of course.

The mustachioed driver of the pickup truck in the right lane, kneeling on his seat with his pants pulled down to his lower thighs. Flashing Nina to get her attention.

“Just what we all needed,”

Claudia muttered. “Another floppy penis.”

When William—clearly pissed—started to unbuckle his seat belt, Nina held up a hand. He reluctantly settled back in his seat and aimed a death stare at the truck driver.

Like the complete professional she was, Nina rolled down her window with a pleasant expression. “Yes?”

The guy seemed kind of startled by that response.

The traffic light turned green. And just as Claudia took her foot off the brake, Nina stuck her arm out the window and pointed up at the phyllo phallus atop the Mincemobile.

“Mine’s bigger,”

she called out.

The truck driver’s face fell. William laughed. Claudia snorted.

And all three of them accelerated into the bright winter sun with matching grins.