All I See Is You

29. Wild As You

Chapter twenty-nine

Wild As You

Quinn

W hit and I made our way out of the bathroom, my gaze falling to the empty table our group had been at just a few moments ago. I wondered if they’d gone to the bar, or to have a smoke or something—I knew Hux, Mister Mooney, and Cash at least smoked. A wave of excited shouts coming from the mechanical bull area floated on the air above the sound of the music.

“Where are we going?” Whit asked as I made a beeline in that direction.

“I bet they’re—” Cash's unmistakable crow of excitement rose over the cacophony in the bar. I glanced back at Whit. “They’re over by the mechanical bull.”

The crowd was thick, but Whit and I managed to wiggle our way to the front.

And then I saw him. Not over by Cash and the rest of our group, but atop the mechanical bull. Left hand held up over his head, while his right firmly gripped the loop meant for holding on. He rocked and twisted and spun with such ease.

He was mesmerizing. Amazing. Magnificent.

His harsh, brutal face was a mask of concentration, his gaze focused on the mechanical bull’s horns. He’d taken off his glasses, but left the hat. And my God, what a sight he was.

My heart swelled, like waves rolling toward the shore. I’d told him that he’d come alive tonight, and I hadn’t lied. Right here, right now… This. This was him. Who he truly was at his core. I was so proud of him for conquering this fear that had plagued him like a demon these past three years.

I didn’t know the first thing about he’d gone through, and I’d likely never know the true extent of it. But he was proving that just because he’d physically lost a part of himself, didn’t make him any less. In fact, it made him more.

I could have watched him forever. I think the crowd could have too, honestly. But somewhere around the three minute mark the guy controlling the mechanical bull finally called it quits and announced over the mic they had a new winner for the longest ride. After Hux got himself off the bull, begrudgingly letting Cash help him out of the padded arena, he was awarded a Roughie's t-shirt and a round of shots for his party. Cheers and shouts from myself and the rest of the bar rose over the music, but none were louder than Cash as he clapped a hand on Hux’s back. Ryder, Maverick, and Mister Mooney even joined in with the revelry of it all.

I don’t think I’d ever seen Hux smile so brightly, so openly. It’s like it was plastered to his face. My heart pitter-pattered excitedly in my chest with each step I took toward him.

“That was a hell of a ride, cowboy,” I said, settling at his side, wrapping an arm around his waist.

He snaked a hand through my hair, dragging my mouth to his. I melted at the fierce intensity of his kiss. The possessiveness in his touch.

“You were…magnificent,” I said, trying and failing to convey just how amazed I was by him.

“I don’t know how I looked, but it sure as hell felt fuckin’ good,” he said, a wide grin pulling on his mouth.

I think in that moment, seeing the happiness and hope and warmth on his face was when I fell completely for him. This had to be love, right? The elation I felt just thinking about him was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It wasn’t just butterflies or excitement. It wasn’t lust or infatuation.

When I closed my eyes, when I thought of my life in a year, five, fifteen from now all, I could see was him. He was like a shining beacon in the dark, promising warmth and safety and love.

“You looked good, cowboy. Really fucking good,” I said a bit breathlessly.

A low, appreciative hum rumbled in his chest as he captured my mouth in the whisper of a kiss. “Oh, yeah? How good?”

I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck. It’s like I had a second-hand high from his happiness. It was infectious. And I was greedy and wanted more. “Like fuckable good.”

“Well, damn. If I looked that good on a fake one, I wonder what you’ll think of me when I ride a real one.”

“Wait, what?” I pulled away and searched his face. He wanted to ride a real bull now?

“Yep, I’m comin’ back.” His voice picked up in volume as he shouted over the crowd. “‘Y’all heard it first. Huxson Lane is comin’ outta retirement.”

The crowd erupted into more cheers, Cash going so far as to rip the mic from the DJ’s hands as he shouted, “Y’all here that? Two time World Champion bull rider, Huxson Lane is comin’ back!”

My heart thumped in my chest and knots coiled tight in my stomach like a dozen snakes. I was all for him chasing his dreams. I was all for him riding again, but wasn’t this a bit quick? Rash? He’d just told me the other night the doctors said one bad fall could literally kill him.

Hux squeezed me tight, his deep voice breaking through the fog of worry in my mind. “What’dya think, darlin’?”

I bit my lip, glancing around at all the excitement and buzz from his statement. I wanted him to ride, I really did, but somehow the words tumbling out of my mouth were, “Are you sure?”

He stilled against me, and when I looked up at him, anger flickered to life in his whiskey colored gaze. “Of course, I’m fuckin’ sure. You don't want me to ride?”

The knots in my chest constricted tighter somehow, making it hurt to breathe. “No! No, that’s not it at all. I do. I just—maybe this is a decision to make sober?”

Hux pulled out of my grip fully, barely restrained fury rippling across his face. Holy God, he was pissed. “I ain’t drunk, Quinn.”

The way he said my name was like a stab to the heart.

Oh God, why had I said anything? It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to ride. It truly, honestly wasn’t. I was allowed to be worried for him, right? I mean, riding a mechanical bull and a real one were similar, but the danger was infinitely more with the latter. Was that wrong of me to think that maybe this revelation was just a bit preemptive?

“I’m sorry,” I croaked out. “I want you to ride, I just—”

“You what?” His tone was clipped, hinting at the anger lurking just beneath the surface. Any warmth or light or happiness he’d worn on his features moments ago had vanished, cold, wild fury replacing it.

Tears welled in my eyes. “I’m just a little surprised and scared, okay? I want you to ride again. I really do. But am I not allowed to also be a bit worried that you made this decision after I don’t even know how many drinks in?”

“You’re just scared I can’t do it because I’m blind, right?” It was phrased like a question, but I heard it for the statement, the accusation it was. And it broke my heart. Broke my heart because I knew that at the root of it, this was his insecurity.

A tear leaked down my cheek. “What? No. No, Hux. You’re—”

“You are. You think I can’t do it cuz I can’t see.”

Anger rippled to life in me, fueled by the alcohol and adrenaline pumping through my veins. I didn’t think he couldn’t do it because he was blind. He’d proven time and time and time again that he was fully capable of anything he set his mind to even without his vision. I knew he could ride. But I just wanted him to be smart about this. To think it through. Was that so much to ask?

“I know you can do it without your vision, Hux. That isn’t even the issue. I—”

“Then what is it?” he all but growled at me.

“I don’t want you to die, okay?” I shouted. “I don’t want you rushing into something you aren’t ready for. Riding a mechanical bull and a real one aren’t the same. And I don’t—”

“I’m fully aware of the difference, Quinn.” He spoke with such vehemence, such venom that it cut to the bone.

“Then stop being a stubborn idiot. I’m not saying I don’t want you to ride. I will be your loudest cheerleader in those stands when the day comes. But you’re more than just an eight second ride, Hux. You don’t have to prove to anyone that you can do this. We all know you can. Everyone is amazed at your resilience, your strength, your bravery. When are you going to realize…” I sucked in a choked sob as I pressed a hand to his chest. “That the only person who thinks you aren’t good enough, is you.”

Some emotion I couldn’t quite place rippled across his face, shattering the angry mask he wore. His jaw loosened, those beautiful whiskey-colored eyes guttering as most of the fight seemed to leave him. “Quinn… I—”

My vision blurred and I wiped the moisture from my eyes, trying to stop my bottom lip from trembling more than it was. I noticed the quiet that had settled around us, the ridiculous amount of eyes on him and I. Well, that’s just fucking great . I glanced back at Hux one more, whose gaze was aimed my way but not directly on me.

“I’m gonna go. I’m sorry,” I murmured before walking away.

“Quinn, wait!” There was a desperate note to his tone. Gone was the anger, worry and fear, I realized, in its place. But I kept walking—-too raw and broken and angry to try to talk it out right now. We’d both cut deep. And I didn’t have it in me to continue this argument, I just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide.

How could the night start on such a high and come crashing down the way it had? I should've kept my mouth shut. Whit’s arm entwined with mine a moment later. “You okay?” she asked softly.

“No,” I choked out as I made a beeline for the exit. I needed fresh air.

We’d just gotten outside when someone called my name. I turned, my heart breaking just a bit more when I realized it wasn’t Hux. Mister Mooney walked toward us.

“Are you alright?” he asked, true concern ringing in his gravelly tone.

“I didn’t mean to upset him. It’s not that I don’t think he can ride. I know he can. Am I not allowed to be scared?” More tears fell down my cheeks.

“You absolutely are, Miss Quinn. I know you love and support him. Hell, even he knows. But one thing you gotta know about us cowboys is we’re stubborn sons of bitches to our very core. Don’t like bein’ told no. Especially not with an audience. Go on and add in the fact that the boy's been drinkin’ and he’s got a bit of a temper, and, well, now we gotta fire to put out.”

I blew out a dejected breath. “I should never have said anything.”

He shook his head, those hazel eyes so similar to his son’s pegging me in place. “Answer me this. If he had his vision and randomly said he wanted to ride again would you still be worried?”

I didn’t even have to fully process his sentence to know where he was going. “Yes. A hundred percent I’d still be worried.”

“That’s what I figured. I know this ain’t about him bein’ blind. You know it too. But that boy’s more stubborn and tougher than a two-dollar steak. He needs time to cool down. Let the alcohol and anger wear off tonight. Talk to him tomorrow.”

I bit my lip to try and stop the tears hanging in the corners of my eyes. “Thank you for coming out and checking on me. Will you make sure he gets back to the ranch?”

He nodded. “I promise, Miss Quinn.”

I offered him what I hoped was a smile and not a grimace. “Thank you. It was nice meeting you. I hope to see you again.”

“I’m sure I will, and it was a pleasure meetin’ you.” Mister Mooney glanced at Whit and tipped his hat. “You as well, miss.”

A warm arm wrapped around my shoulders, and the scent of Whit’s familiar perfume enveloped me. “Wanna see if we can get some ice cream and watch some cheesy rom-coms at the house?”

I sniffled and nodded.

But in the end, not even a night with Whit had helped. My fight with Hux haunted my thoughts, awake and asleep.

Were things screwed up beyond repair?

God, I hoped not.