All My Broken Pieces (FindingLight #2)

Chapter 9

Fallon

“I know I fucked it all up. Believe me, I know. I regretted leaving that church every single fucking day.” Running a hand through his hair, he blows out a breath. “I was so hurt I didn’t stop to think how much it was hurting you too. How much I was hurting you.”

He pauses, his shoulders slumping. “I wish I could say I would do things differently if we went back, but I don’t fucking know. I was just a kid and my mom, she was…”

I put my hand on his arm, pulling his attention to me. “I know.” I say, aching at the sorrow I find in his eyes.

He holds my gaze briefly before nodding. Reaching up a hand, he covers mine with his own. “No matter how much I was hurting over her, I never could have imagined the pain I would feel at the loss of you.”

My phone buzzes beside me, pulling my attention from the book. I blink several times to fight against the moisture pooling in my eyes. The broken words of a broken boy hitting a little too close to home for my liking.

Unknown number

Hey sis it’s Hudson. I got your

new number from mom. Look,

can we talk? It's important

I stare at the phone in shock. Except for the dinner several days ago, I haven’t spoken to Hudson in years, and now he wants to talk?

My thumbs hover over the screen as I contemplate my response. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to connect again, I miss my big brother.

Taking a deep breath, I begin typing out a reply when my phone goes black, Mom filling the screen at her incoming call. I sigh heavily as I slide to answer. “Hello?” I try and fail to hide the hollowness in my voice.

Oblivious to my discontent, my mom’s cheery voice comes through the speaker. “Well, hello to you too, Fallon. I have some great news, honey.” My stomach drops, her good news is hardly ever something that I can get excited about. “We’ve got a date!”

My brows furrow as I try to decipher what she’s talking about. “Huh?” I ask lamely when I come up blank.

Sighing dramatically, my mom clucks her tongue at me. “You and Logan. Remember the Peterson’s son you agreed to have dinner with? You’re not going to back out on me now, are you?”

Fuck. Right. Logan .

I gulp, wishing I could back out, could do anything besides go on this date. “Right, um, when?”

I barely hear the rest of the conversation as my mom rattles off all the information, my mind traveling back to the night I agreed to this travesty. And then to the rest of the night after.

Arriana’s beautiful body moving above me as we connect in a way that feels so right I’m having a hard time remembering why it’s wrong. The weight of her arms encircling my body as I drift off to sleep, a peaceful slumber not filled with nightmares or depressing memories.

“You’re going to have so much fun! And the babies, ohmylord you two will have the most gorgeous babies.” My mom’s excited babbling brings me back to the present, back to the plans being made to marry me off to an “acceptable” match.

I mumble something in response that’s neither an agreement nor a protest to her insane declarations. I have no interest in this man or having his children, but that’s all I am to my mom and those who follow her religious ideologies. A vessel to marry off and bring about the next generation of believers .

My melancholy mood worsens as my mind wanders to a future I have no desire taking part in. One in which I already feel like I’m suffocating.

I hear myself end the call, but can’t pull out of the downward spiral I find myself in. Spearing my fingers in my hair, I pull on the roots in an attempt to feel something besides the empty hollowness in which I’m drowning.

Glancing down at the book resting in my lap, I read the title.

Lost in Life

A slightly hysterical giggle bubbles up from my chest as I read and reread the words.

How ironic. I’m feeling pretty lost right about now too.