Always and Only You

Chapter Twenty-Seven

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Present Day

‘Wh–what makes you say it’s got something to do with Simon?’ My stomach is properly churning. All those bubbles might not have been such a good idea.

‘I saw your face when he kissed Anjali after she caught the bouquet.’ Gil’s expression is blank now. ‘At the time, it didn’t sit right with me, but I told myself that maybe you were surprised.’

I nod mutely. It had certainly been a surprise.

‘But after what you’ve just said, I realized there might be another explanation for the complete look of shock and, yes, pain, I saw on your face. I’m right, aren’t I?’

My first instinct is to deny it. I hadn’t planned to go this far with my revelations. I don’t want to hurt Gil like this, even though I’ve fantasized about crushing his soul a thousand times over. And if it isn’t a dream, if I’ve slipped into this life and this is my future, I can’t keep pretending. I need to stop pleasing everybody else and go after what I want. And what I want is Simon. There’s no reason we can’t be together in this version of my life, too. All I have to do is be brave enough to say what I want and stuff what anyone else thinks.

Easier said than done when you’re staring into a pair of eyes that look like dark hollows. My lips have suddenly gone dry and I moisten them before giving my answer. ‘Yes,’ I say, and it’s barely more than a rough whisper. ‘You’re right.’

Gil’s mouth drops open as if he can’t really believe what he’s hearing, even though he said he knew already, and then I see a pilot light go on inside him, a tiny flame that seems harmless but is only a precursor to a full and raging inferno. My insides begin to quiver. What have I done?

‘How long?’

I frown. ‘How long what?’

Gil leans forward and practically spits the words at me. ‘How long have you been screwing my best friend behind my back?’

Tears roll down my face and I shake my head. ‘No … You don’t understand! It’s not like that …’

He folds his arms. ‘Then explain it to me. Please .’

This is the Gil I know. Caustic and sarcastic. Able to reduce me to the size of an amoeba just by looking at me. But there’s no comfort in this familiarity. I swipe at my face with my hands and sniff back the snot gathering inside my nose. ‘I … I can’t.’

‘Come on, Erin,’ he says with faux geniality. ‘It’s not that hard. Did it start in one of those patches where you were home from yachting, or is it a more recent thing? That’s all I need to know.’

I feel like withering away, or dissolving into a puddle and sliding through the gaps in the decking. I close my eyes and try to take a steady breath. I chose this path. I’ve got to see this through. There’s no turning back now.

I open my eyes again. ‘You want the truth, Gil?’

He gives a curt nod of his head.

‘Well, the truth is that I have never betrayed you.’

His eyebrows rise. ‘You haven’t had sex with him? Not since we’ve been together.’

‘N-no …’ I stammer. And it’s true. As far as I know, this Erin has never been tempted by Simon since she got together with Gil. ‘But I love him.’

There. I’ve said it. Laid my truth out there. I thought there would be a raw spot left behind where it had been ripped from me, but I feel surprisingly numb, surprisingly light. Maybe that’s why more comes pouring out from inside me.

‘And I can’t lie to you any more, Gil. I thought I could pretend, thought I could make it right, but I can’t. And I’m sorry … So sorry.’ I bury my face in my hands and sob. When I’ve got it together enough to speak again, I look up at him. ‘And you’re right – I shouldn’t have gone through with the wedding, no matter how hard it would have been. I should have said something sooner.’

But it appears Gil has no appetite for being right this evening, because he just looks at me as if I’m something he should wipe off the bottom of his shoe and then he turns, walks off the deck and disappears into the night.