Always and Only You

Chapter Thirty-Seven

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Present Day

‘Where am I?’

I’m sitting up in bed but it’s not the flat I share with Simon. This place is full of cold, hard lines. It smells funny. Outside my room I can hear people rushing back and forth, people talking, the sound of wheels on hard flooring.

My mother is sitting on the side of the bed. She takes my hand. ‘You’re in hospital. You had an accident.’

‘I did?’

She nods.

That feels like a lot of information to take in all at once. I lie back on the pillows propped behind me and close my eyes.

* * *

‘Where am I?’

I’m staring at Simon. He’s standing by the window. It’s early evening, and the sky is a beautiful lavender behind his head. I get stuck looking at it.

‘You’re in Edge Green Hospital, Erin,’ he says. He sounds weary as he says it, as if he doesn’t enjoy giving this answer, as if he’s feeling as tired as I am.

‘Why?’

‘You tripped and fell, we think.’ He looks away. I can tell he doesn’t want to talk about this.

How strange. Usually, someone else being uncomfortable makes me feel uncomfortable too, but I don’t feel awkward. I don’t feel any sympathy for him. In fact, I don’t have any emotions at all. But it doesn’t bother me. I feel peaceful. As if I’m a bubble with a thick membrane and everyone and everything else is on the outside. I am a song made up of a single note.

‘We think?’ I say, echoing him.

He meets my gaze for a split second, then focuses on the end of my bed. ‘No one else was around. You hit your head.’

‘Am I in hospital?’

His face is turned away from me, but I see his cheek muscles lose tension, as if he’s been keeping a smile in place and has now let it go. It occurs to me he doesn’t realize I can see he’s done that, but then he turns to face me again and the smile is back. ‘Yes, but it’s okay. You’re going to get better.’

I look around the room. This information about this being a hospital seems accurate, but at the same time, I can’t make sense of it. ‘Will I be better in time for the wedding?’ I ask.

Simon lets out a long sigh.

* * *

I’m sitting in a royal-blue chair with wooden arms. I have shortie pyjamas on and my legs are sticking to the plastic upholstery. I peel one thigh off and then put it back down, and it slowly adheres itself again.

Anjali is sitting on the edge of the bed. She’s smiling.

I open my mouth to speak.

‘You’re in hospital, Erin.’

I shut my mouth again. That’s strange. How did she know I was going to ask that?

I nod, as if I was pretty sure that’s what she was going to say all along. ‘How’s Vincenzo?’ I ask.

Her face crumples and then I see her marshal her features back into neutral. It takes her a good couple of seconds, but she doesn’t manage to gain complete control over her lower lip, which quivers. ‘Is something wrong?’ I whisper, and I get up and sit down on the bed beside her, put my arm around her.

She sniffs and then sucks in a breath.

‘You can tell me, you know? What’s the dickhead done now?’

Oops. I don’t usually call Anjali’s other half that in her presence, even though he is one. I’m surprised the word popped out of my mouth so easily.

For a few seconds she looks at me, not saying anything, and I wonder if she’s cross with me, if she’s going to defend him again, but then she launches into a long story about how they broke up.

She seems to think I know this but I don’t. But she’s so upset I don’t stop her and put her right. That would be insensitive, so I put my arm round her and let the words wash over me and when she’s finally silent I hand her a box of tissues, although I don’t really know why she’s crying. Has something bad happened?