Always on My Mind (Stanmore FC Soulmates #2)

17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Tessa could hardly focus on her work. She kept seeing Jamie’s injury in her mind, like some horrible sports replay. The sickening sound of the boot cracking against Jamie’s head. The way she fell into a heap on the pitch. The agonizing minutes Tessa watched medical staff bent over the woman she loved, and her heart kicked into overdrive with worry. She was supposed to be editing a video together of the three Stanmore goals that won them the match, but her brain kept coming back to Jamie. Was she alright? Was it a concussion or something worse? It had been a day since the match, and most of the comments on their pages were questions about Jamie’s status.

Tessa wasn’t sure who to reach out to. She didn’t have the numbers of medical staff since she was technically only a part-time employee. Nelle promised to send any updates once they were available, but Tessa was beginning to think that wasn’t true. Surely, they should know something by now. She checked her phone again, but similar to the countless times she had checked in the hours since the injury, there was nothing.

Billie had reached out that same night, but Tessa didn’t have any news. Then Billie, like the wonderful friend she was, asked Tessa how she was holding up. At the time, she was so shocked, she didn’t know what to say. She told Billie that. Billie offered any support should Tessa need it. But Ethan had never been concussed, so Billie didn’t have any insight.

There was one person Tessa thought of. Laci Frawley, the wife of the Stanmore men’s goalkeeper. Tessa had helped Laci through her own soulmate experience with Jordan. Jordan had also suffered a concussion last season, meaning Laci would be able to relate.

Tessa pulled up her latest messages with Laci.

Hey, I know this is random, but when Jordan had his concussion last year, how long was it before he went home?

Laci responded within minutes.

Laci

Not random at all! I’ve been seeing Jamie’s injury all over social media. You all must be worried about her.

When Jordan got hurt, he was home the next day. They kept him overnight to monitor him.

D’you think Jamie’s was worse or not as bad?

Hard to say. They both got boots to the head, but in different ways. I’m sure you’ll hear something from the team soon.

Grand, so. Thanks, Laci.

No problem. You were such a nice friend to me when Jordan and I were struggling. If I can give you any comfort, I’ll say that Jordan was only out for two weeks with his. I’m sure Jamie will recover just as quickly.

Fingers crossed.

Tessa locked her phone and heaved a sigh. Even though it wasn’t clear, she did feel better after talking to someone who understood. Now if only the club would send something. Anything to ease everyone’s mind.

Niamh emerged from her room in joggers and a windbreaker. She offered Tessa a half-smile.

“I’m going for a run,” she said. “If you get anything about Jamie, will you ring me?”

“Oh, aye,” Tessa assured her. “You’ll do the same?”

“Of course.”

With a nod, she left. The door snicked shut behind her. Tessa shook her head and faced her laptop, preparing to force herself to work on the video. She needed to get it done by the end of the day. She watched the individual clips over again to determine where to cut them. Only a knock on the door interrupted her.

Inwardly cursing Niamh for forgetting her keys so often, Tessa got up and marched to the door. Only it wasn’t Niamh standing behind it.

“Jamie?” Tessa gasped. “Sweet, suffering, Jesus, are you alright?”

“I’ve got concussion, but otherwise, I’m fine,” she replied. Tessa wanted to yank her into her arms with relief, but Jamie had her arms over her chest. Closed off. “Can I come in?”

“Aye.”

Tessa stepped aside and allowed Jamie over the threshold into the flat.

“Did you see Niamh on your way in?” she asked. “She asked after you.”

“I must have missed her,” Jamie said. “I’ll text her later. There’s something serious I need to speak with you about.”

“Serious, is it? Let me put the kettle on.”

Tessa wondered what Jamie thought was urgent enough that she came to Tessa’s flat before the club seemed to know that she was alright. She let the water boil and retrieved two cups, placing small bags in them. She picked a blend without caffeine, for Jamie’s sake. She wasn’t sure, but it seemed like a good precaution to take for someone with a concussion.

When the tea was ready, she brought it out to the small dining table where Jamie sat waiting. Jamie didn’t take the cup right away. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a tattered hardback book. She slid it across the table, and Tessa sucked in a sharp gasp. It was the Emily Dickinson book. The one she had given to her in their last lifetime.

“Does this mean anything to you?” Jamie asked.

Tessa held her breath as she glanced between the book and Jamie’s face. “Where did you get this?”

“So it does?” Jamie pressed. “Mean something to you?”

Tessa gingerly picked up the book, and it instantly warmed between her palms. Memories flashed through her mind like a film reel of when she was Rosie and Jamie was Dinah. Sneaking kisses between shifts on their ward. Falling asleep leaning against each other after a long surgery. Letting their hands brush as they passed each other in the corridors.

“Yes,” Tessa said, voice thick with emotion. “It means something to me.”

Jamie swallowed. “It means something to me too.”

Tessa’s heart slammed into her chest. Could it be that Jamie remembered? Was getting kicked in the head the key to unlocking their soulmate connection? It hadn’t taken that for Billie and Ethan or Jordan and Laci, but maybe with their extra lives, it required more. Tessa didn’t know. All she knew was that there was hope.

“Something happened when I went down yesterday,” Jamie continued. “I saw things. Things I think I always knew, but they were buried in my soul.”

Tessa cleared her throat. “Such as?”

“I saw us together, only in the past. Not three years ago, I mean, centuries ago. We looked the same only in different clothes and we had different jobs. No matter what, we kept finding each other.”

It was happening. Finally, it was happening. Jamie was getting there. But Tessa needed more. She needed absolute certainty that Jamie remembered what she remembered.

“Tell me everything,” Tessa said. “With as much detail as you can remember.”

Jamie launched into the stories, explaining that the first one, where they jumped ship together, she had already seen once in a dream. Then she told Kitty’s story from the American Revolution and her turmoil in choosing between love and family. And finally, she told Dinah’s story, and her desire for peace, not struggle, once the Great War was finished. Verity, Aisling, and Rosie, all surviving in Tessa’s soul, ached.

They ached for the women with no choices. They ached for the lost love. They ached for a time where a love like theirs could be celebrated. Could it be now? Had the world changed enough? Had they changed enough?

Tessa blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek. She was finally not alone. Jamie remembered. At last, they were together, at least in this.

“I never thought I believed in soulmates,” Jamie said. “But there was always something. Even before we broke up, I remember feeling like you were familiar every time I kissed you. It was like coming home.”

“It was the same for me,” Tessa said. “And then I saw my friends find their soulmates, and I had to know for sure. I went to see a psychic, and I saw everything. It was—”

“Hold on,” Jamie stopped her. “You what?”

“Well, she’s not really a psychic, she’s a past life regressionist—”

“No, Tessa, it’s not that. Are you telling me that you’ve known about this connection between us since before we saw each other again?”

Jamie’s brows were drawn together over her eyes and her mouth was turned down into a scowl. Tessa blinked.

“Are you angry?” she asked.

“Yeah, a little!” Jamie cried. “Here I was thinking I was bringing this revelation to you, only to discover you knew the whole time!”

“But I—”

“The whole time, Tessa!”

“I couldn’t very well just tell you I know we’re soulmates—you’d think I was mad!”

“I came here and just told you!”

“Well, for the first time, you were braver than I am!”

Jamie heaved a sigh, but the corners of her mouth twitched upward. “I suppose I had that coming.”

“Be honest with yourself,” Tessa said. “If I had come to you and said, Jamie, I saw a past life regressionist. You and I have had three more tries at being together before we ever broke up. Would you have believed me?”

Jamie chewed her lip. “I suppose not.”

“You’d have thought I was talking balls, so you would.”

“You could have given me some indication—”

“Oh, come off it, Jamie. I could not.”

“Alright. I admit that even though I’d seen things too, I would not have immediately believed you. It just seems so outlandish. Soulmates. Literal soulmates from across lifetimes. How can that sort of thing be true?”

“I know it sounds straight out of a fairy tale,” Tessa agreed.

“Hold on, you said you’d seen your friends find their soulmates,” Jamie said. “So you know others that this has happened to?”

“Oh, aye. Billie and Ethan are one. They had a past life from World War II that was sweet. Only he died in the Battle of the Bulge.”

“That’s terribly sad. Who else?”

“Jordan and Laci Frawley. They were lovers in the Regency era, but she was an earl’s daughter and he was a fencing teacher, so her father didn’t approve. She was killed accidentally by a stray bullet in a duel between him and her father.”

Jamie tapped her chin. “They each only had the one life before?”

“Seems to be.”

“Meanwhile, we’ve had three. I wonder. . . ” She trailed off, staring at her tea cup. “Wait. Neither of them got their happy ending in their past life?”

“Correct.”

“And none of our past lives got it either?”

“What are you getting at, Jamie?”

“I think there’s a pattern,” Jamie said. “That our souls will keep finding each other until we get a real life together. A happily ever after. We keep mucking ours up, so we keep having to come back.”

Tessa considered it. It made sense. Time after time, they had not ended up together. Even in this life.

“Jamie, I hate to be an arsehole about this, but the reason we’ve never gotten there is—”

“I know, it’s been me,” she said. “Well, not the first time.”

“Aye, no, that time seemed pretty mutual,” Tessa agreed. “But every time after. . . ”

“Yeah, it’s been my fault. My fears. My cowardice. And that’s the case this time, too.”

“That’s another reason I never brought it up before. I wasn’t sure it would change anything.”

Jamie winced. “I don’t blame you. I’ve hurt you over and over again. And now, even if most of society would be accepting of us together, there’s still my father.”

“Have you made any progress there?” Tessa asked with some hesitation. She wasn’t sure she would like the answer.

“Not really,” Jamie told her. “He sent me into a panic attack the other day.”

“Shite. Are you alright?”

“I called my therapist, and we worked through it, but there’s a long way to go.”

Tessa deflated. “I see.”

Jamie took her hand. “But there is hope, Tessa. It’s progress that I even want to get to a place where I can stand up to him. And I am working hard to get there. In the meantime, I want to be with you.”

“How can that be?”

Tessa didn’t want to re-hash their argument again, but it would always be an obstacle.

“Have you ever heard of the concept of inviting in?” Jamie asked.

“What, like a vampire?” Tessa replied, wrinkling her nose.

“No,” Jamie chuckled. “It’s something my therapist told me. It’s an alternative to coming out. Instead of telling the whole world at once that I’m gay, I tell a few trusted people.”

“Like who?”

“Like my teammates,” Jamie said. “I want to come out to them. Then whenever we’re all together, we can be a couple. As annoying and mushy as Eliana and Neriah are.”

Tessa let a giggle out. “They are ridiculous, aren’t they?”

“I want to be that ridiculous with you.”

Tessa squeezed Jamie’s hand. “I want that too.”

“It’s not everything, but it’s what I can give you right now. Is that alright?”

“Aye, I’m alright with that.”

With a grin, Jamie leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was everything. Centuries of heartache were put at ease. They were going to compromise. To try. To be together in whatever way was possible, with the hope that would eventually become safe for them to be out in the open. Tessa would put her faith in Jamie, and pray that this time, it wouldn’t end in sorrow.

They parted for air and locked eyes.

“The soulmate thing, we should keep to ourselves,” Jamie suggested.

“Definitely,” Tessa agreed. “Though, we can talk to Billie and Laci and them about it, if you want.”

“I do, but later. Right now, all I want to do is kiss you.”

“By all means.”

Their lips met again, and heat shot through Tessa’s body, from her chest to the ends of her fingers and toes. This was how it was meant to be. When she was about to suggest taking it to the bedroom, the flat door opened.

Tessa and Jamie jumped apart to see Niamh standing at the door with her mouth agape, her eyes flicking between her teammate and flatmate as if they were the ball at Wimbledon. Then she beamed.

“I knew it!” she cried. “Paige owes me twenty quid.”

“Don’t say anything yet,” Jamie requested. “I want to address the team myself.”

Niamh stopped typing on her phone and tucked it into her pocket. “Oh, right. Of course. I’ll leave you both to it, then.”

Giggling, she disappeared into her bedroom.

Jamie smiled at Tessa. “D’you think Niamh would mind having the flat to herself for a couple weeks?”

“No, why?”

“As I am concussed, I need someone around to help me with things like cooking and making sure I get plenty of rest. Are you up for it?”

Two weeks alone with Jamie? Tessa wasn’t turning that down for anything.

“You bet,” she said. “I’ve got a history with nursing, you know.”

Jamie smirked. “The uniforms are much sexier these days.”

“Uniform? Who says I’ll be wearing anything at all?”

Jamie laughed and sat back in her chair, her eyes landing on the book still between them on the table.

“Can you believe this book found its way back to us after more than a hundred years?” she said. “Mad, isn’t it?”

“Aye,” Tessa agreed. “But it did what it was supposed to, didn’t it? Neither of us forgot.”

“May we never forget again.”