Always on My Mind (Stanmore FC Soulmates #2)

19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Jamie tried not to feel out of place heading to the Stanmore dressing room when she knew she wouldn’t be training. She already had on her leggings and sports bra that she would wear to the weight room, where the medical staff would monitor her, as they had all week. The following day would be the first match day where she wouldn’t start—she wouldn’t even be named in the squad. For the first time in her professional career.

But there were more pressing matters at hand. She had discussed it with Tessa, and rehearsed what she wanted to say. Though she would need to say it quickly, as Monika was already herding Mai and Sofia toward the exit. Bracing herself with a deep inhale, she faced her team and cleared her throat.

“Er, excuse me, everyone,” she said.

Quiet fell over the dressing room as all eyes turned on her. Her stomach swooped at the sudden attention, but she swallowed down her reservations. She needed to do this for Tessa. For herself.

“Before you all go to training, there’s something I want to share,” Jamie said. “Something that I’ve never shared publicly, and that I’ll hope will remain between us, as I’m not ready for the world to know it. Though I am quite ready to share it with you. My teammates.”

They all stared back at her expectantly. Zahra tilted her head, only to get poked beneath her chin by the pin that Kiri was helping her with. She swore under her breath in Arabic, but kept her watery eyes toward Jamie. Jamie offered a sympathetic smile. She imagined it looked more like a grimace, but it couldn’t be helped. Her stomach had turned itself into knots.

“I hope you all know how much I appreciate you welcoming me here. That’s what’s made me feel like I can share this part of myself. Some of you may have already guessed or speculated, but I think I need to—”

“Fuck’s sake, Jamie, out with it,” Paige cut across her.

A murmur of laughter went through the room. Jamie’s cheeks warmed, and she cut her gaze to the floor, but a smile formed on her lips. She was making this a much bigger deal than it needed to be, she realized. She lifted her head.

“I’m gay,” she said on an exhale.

And then it was out in the open. Shared with a room of people and she could not take it back. She briefly imagined trying to swallow the words down, but it was too late for that. She was over the line. One foot out of the closet.

Her teammates blinked at her for several agonizing moments before anyone said anything.

“Sorry. . . were we supposed to be shocked?” Paige said with a smirk.

Jamie’s shoulders deflated. “Aren’t you?”

Neriah chuckled and patted Jamie’s arm. “Jamie, we love you, and we’re happy you’re finally comfortable sharing, but. . . we all basically knew.”

More of them giggled. Jamie did too, in spite of herself. “Am I that obvious?”

“I knew when you said Hozier was your celebrity crush,” Neriah said. “I suspected it before, but that pretty much confirmed it.”

“Plus, we’ve seen how you look at Tessa,” Eliana added, slinging an arm over Neriah’s shoulders. “How did you say it, baby?”

“Y’all ain’t slick,” Neriah said.

Jamie laughed. “Alright, then I feel I should also share that Tessa and I are girlfriends. We dated once before, three years ago, and now. . . we’re back together.”

“Now that’s news,” Kiri said. “You should’ve led with that, it’d have gotten a much better reaction.”

“Yeah, now pay up, Paige,” Niamh demanded, holding her hand out toward Paige.

Paige rolled her eyes as the group burst into collective laughter while she handed over a couple paper bills. Then, Jamie was inundated with questions. Why had they broken up before? She said it hadn’t worked out. What brought them back together again? She told them the concussion had given her time to think, and that they talked. When could they all go out together again so they could ask Tessa more? She told them as soon as they’d like.

Another first in her career—her teammates felt like her friends. Between all the questions and teasing, she received congratulations from every one of them. And they thanked her for trusting them. It made the decision all the more valid in her mind. More weight seemed to fall from her shoulders. She wasn’t worried about this getting back to her father. She could trust.

“What’s going on out here?” Rebecca asked as she emerged from her office.

Niamh looked at Jamie with a raised brow. Jamie nodded to give her permission.

“Jamie’s a lesbian,” Niamh blurted.

“Okay, and?” Rebecca said.

“She’s dating my flatmate, Tessa Gallagher,” Niamh added.

“About time,” Rebecca replied.

“Hold on,” Paige said. “Niamh, did you know about this already?”

Niamh folded her arms over her chest with a confident smile. “Yep. Caught them snogging in the kitchen the day after Jamie’s injury.”

That sent the room into a fit of giggles, and a few demands to know why Jamie hadn’t told them as early as Monday morning. Jamie smiled and shrugged. She only knew she wanted to do it right.

Rebecca ushered everyone outside, leaving Jamie to head to the weight room. As she walked, she felt a lightness in her step she had never experienced before. Her teammates understood her now. She had successfully invited them in. Even if apparently some had had their ear to the door already. She too wondered why she had wasted so much time on a speech to make the ideal moment. While it wasn’t what she had rehearsed or imagined, it was perfect in the end.

In their match against Aston Villa, Stanmore women left with a draw. The following day, the men’s team played West Ham United at home, and the women’s team were invited to attend. Ray Rogers had booked them a box to themselves, as he had for the men at the women’s match. All in the effort to show the club’s commitment to collaboration between the squads.

Jordan and his wife, Laci, had come. As had Osahar and his wife, Nadia. Hector, Kamil, and Luka had attended as well. In support of the men, Jamie came with Tessa. Eliana and Neriah were there. Zahra, Mai, Kiri, and Niamh also came. They were all in their seats when Tessa and Jamie came down the steps to join them.

Jamie never got used to watching football from the stands. Film was one thing, but being there live, with no way to impact the game made her restless. Of course, it didn’t matter at the men’s game, but it was still an odd feeling.

“Please, Eliana,” Zahra was begging. “It can’t be that different. I need to practice.”

“All Latin American Spanish is different from Spain Spanish,” Eliana replied. “And Colombian Spanish is different from Ecuadorian Spanish or Argentinian Spanish or Venezue—”

“Can you at least help me with pronunciation?”

Eliana sighed. “I can try.”

“Thank you!” Zahra squealed. “I’ve got flashcards ready. I really want to impress Hector next time we talk.”

Eliana picked up the first card. “You want to impress him by talking about—their word for car is carro?”

“That’s what this Colombian girl on TikTok says,” Zahra said with a shrug. “Why? What’s your word for it?”

“Coche,” Eliana said. She flipped through the next several cards. She muttered in Spanish as she checked each word.

“Wait, wait, you have to quiz me!” Zahra insisted.

Jamie chuckled as she watched. She turned to face Tessa. “Would you want me to learn Irish for you?”

“Ach, no, my Irish is shite,” Tessa replied. “I mean, I know a couple words here and there, but never enough to have a conversation or anything.”

Kiri plopped into the seat in front of them. “You shouldn’t let your roots get away from you, Tessa. My parents always used Māori at home so we wouldn’t lose it.”

“My parents aren’t fluent in Irish either,” Tessa explained. “My granda is, but he never taught it to my ma or me.”

“Hector’s taking classes in Arabic at a language school nearby,” Kiri said. “He said they teach loads of languages, and put a lot of focus on indigenous ones in an effort to keep them from dying out.”

“Do they now?”

Jamie loved the way Tessa perked up at the suggestion and made a mental note to look into it. Her schedule was packed, but maybe once the season was over, she could take some time and learn. Before she could suggest it, Zahra had raced over.

“Did I hear you say that Hector is learning Arabic?” she demanded.

Kiri drew back with a smirk. “Yep. You two are like that weird couple in Love Actually .”

Zahra’s lips turned up into a radiant smile as her cheeks flushed pink. Jamie was sold on learning Irish now. If she could put that expression on Tessa’s face, she could die happy.

“God, they’re sweet enough to rot your teeth,” Tessa whispered to Jamie as Zahra floated back to her seat like a Disney princess after meeting her prince in the woods. “I wonder if they’re soulmates too.”

Jamie met her gaze. “They seemed to have a connection right away. Maybe they are.”

“I still think we have them beat,” Tessa teased.

She reached for Jamie’s hand. On instinct, Jamie drew it back, flinching away from Tessa’s touch. She instantly regretted it. So much for putting the Disney princess look on Tessa’s face. Her smile faltered, a wound behind her eyes as she put her hand back in her lap. Jamie wanted to reach over and grab it. She wanted that more than anything. But they were in public and there was a potential for photographs.

“Sorry,” she murmured. “But. . . not here. It’s too open.”

“Oh, aye, I understand,” Tessa replied, but her curt tone suggested otherwise. “Sorry for trying. I should have known better.”

Jamie slumped in her chair. Somehow, Tessa managed to make her feel about four inches tall with only a handful of words.

“Tessa, I want to, but you know I can’t. I don’t know when there might be cameras on us.”

“Got it,” Tessa replied shortly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Aye, so you are.”

“Tessa.”

Tessa heaved a sigh and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know what I signed up for, and I promised you patience. That wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain, was it?”

The knot in Jamie’s chest came loose at Tessa’s words. She smiled. She understood the initial reaction, but she was glad Tessa was easing off. “It’s alright.”

“How’s the therapy going, by the way? Are you making progress?”

“Yeah, I am. I called my agent yesterday and told her that if she continued to report things back to my father that I’d find another agent. She must have listened. We’ve started talking about extending my Stanmore contract, and he hasn’t called me once about it.”

“Is that why you’ve been watching your phone like a wee hawk?”

“It is. It’s been nearly twenty-four hours. If he knew, he’d definitely have called by now. So you see? Progress.”

“Aye, I see, love,” Tessa said with a soft smile. “I’m proud of you.”

Something swelled inside Jamie’s heart at the words. Suddenly, she was the one desperate to take Tessa’s hand and squeeze it. She held herself back, though. The time would come when they would unashamedly clasp hands at matches and in bars and on the street. But there was still some work to be done.

Lila had suggested sharing what happened with Theo with Tessa, but Jamie wasn’t sure it was right. She wanted Tessa to know everything about her. To understand the reservations about her father. But she didn’t want Tessa to pity her. Or to feel manipulated into excusing Jamie’s behavior. She only ever wanted Tessa’s true feelings about things, even if they hurt in the moment. She knew that one day, she would tell Tessa, but for now, she only wanted to enjoy having found each other again.