An Alien for Her Heart (A New Home #2)

13. Varek

13

VAREK

I ’m the most nervous that I’ve ever been since my existence began.

Not even when faced with the hordes of Hedgeruds that descended on my planet did I entertain such nerves. Yet, when faced with the lone female human, I quake deep in my lifeblood.

If she knew how much I fall into this madness sol by sol, she would be even more terrified of me. It has snowballed enough that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. But I know one thing. I want her. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.

I manage to do the work. To muck out the stalls and reinforce them with fresh barriers. I move the umus and bring in the entire herd of oogas, all while barely focusing on what I’m doing.

I can only think of her.

Her image dances through my mind, my entire being warming with a vision of her that takes my breath away.

I long to run my claw through those silken strands of her mane, to feel them slip through my digits like water. I long to just look into her eyes; long to see deep into her soul.

When she laughs, truly laughs, it’s a melody I know I could listen to forever.

She is a mystery, a puzzle I long to solve and I want to. Never has any female affected me like this. Given me this urge to catch them and never let them go. My promise to not touch her unless she asks me to has been torture in itself.

I want to learn everything there is to know about her. I want to listen to her stories, to hear her hopes and dreams, to be the one she turns to in moments of joy and sorrow alike. I must be truly nearing madness because…I think…I think I need her.

I pause, staring at the animals as they settle in their new enclosures, my core-beat hard and unsteady.

I need her .

She is mine. She has to be.

Catherine is my kahl . I’m sure of it. There can be no one else. But as I grip my chest, searching deep inside me for that rhythm that’s supposed to rise, I’m disappointed once again. It feels like a part of me breaks in two at the fact there’s nothing there. That should mean I haven’t found my kahl , but how can that be? Catherine is it. I just need to convince my body that’s the truth. Because I’m sure of it.

I am hers. Completely and utterly. My core-organ, my soul, my very being…they all belong to her now.

Uncertainty makes me pace, my core-beat still thudding so hard against my chest it sounds percussive, the sound loud in my ears.

I’m losing it. Desperation overtaking me. Because it feels like I have a single chance. A single shot at this before I frustrate Catherine enough and she casts me away for good.

But I have to try.

Just the thought that someday she might look at me with the same adoration growing within me for her, that she will see me not as an alien male she should be wary of, but as a male who would move the stars and the planets to make her happy, is all I need to carry on.

Heading to the back of the outbuilding, I turn on the spigot and wash, the fresh pair of trouse and linen placed close by for me to change into. The water is cool and I welcome it as it takes some of the sol’s heat away.

It’s taken many hors to complete the outbuilding and move the creatures inside, and now, as I complete my preparations, turning off the spigot and getting dressed, the star has almost disappeared on the other side of the horizon. I brush my mane till it settles in waves over my shoulders before taking a deep breath.

It’s time to go. The Festival of Abundance is probably my one good shot at this.

Placing my dirty garments in the back of the hover truck, I head back down the path to Catherine’s lodge. Since what happened with the oogas earlier, I haven’t seen her and I briefly wonder if she’d hidden herself away and will refuse to come out and attend the festival with me.

I stop at her front door, doubt creeping in. Perhaps I should have reminded her about our ‘date’. Curses. It was Zynar who told me about such a thing. That Catherine would enjoy it and that it was an integral part of trying to woo her. Perhaps my strategy of keeping busy and out of her way so she wouldn’t find another excuse to not attend was not the right tactic.

Core-organ in my throat, I lift my fist and knock.

For a few moments, there’s no sound on the other side of the door. My doubt rises. I’m about to knock again when the door suddenly opens.

My fist remains there poised in mid-air as if I’m a fool. I cannot move.

Catherine’s eyes widen, her gaze skipping down my frame before she frowns slightly to look down at herself.

“Is this too much? I wasn’t sure what the dress code was. Perhaps I should change into—”

“You’re…beautiful.” The word doesn’t seem strong enough to describe the vision I’m seeing. It lacks woefully, failing to describe the goddess before me.

She wears a gown fashioned from the same purple linen that adorns the windows of her home. The fabric drapes over her curves, cinched at her waist and accentuating her figure in such a way that I grow so hard in my trouse my arm finally falls to clasp in front of the tent rising between us.

The neckline of the garment is simple, dipping just low enough to reveal the delicate lines of her collarbone. And the sleeves? Bare. Her soft skin is there for me to drink in.

“Thank you.” Heat rises in her cheeks, accentuating the fact that she’s stained her lips again. The color only makes them look plumper. Makes me wonder what it would feel like brushing my lips against hers in the way I’ve seen my siblingkin do to his human mate. “You look really good, too.”

I glance down at myself. I’m wearing my best tunic over my trouse but I wonder if she means it. When I turn my attention back to her, her gaze is moving over me in much the same way mine is drinking her in. The fact sends a wonderful tingle through me that shoots right down to my already hard cock.

Turning toward the hover truck, I shift to the side so it won’t be so obvious that I’m like a wretched, lifeblood-sucking thing that wants to consume her. “We should—”

“Ah, yes. Let’s go. Let me just get my comm.”

She heads back in and retrieves the device, placing it into a small linen satchel that hangs by her side before she beams up at me. But it’s strained, that smile. As we head toward the hover truck, I can only hope I can bring out her real joy before this sol ends.

Opening the passenger side for her, Catherine hops in and I head to the other side, pausing before I open my door. I don’t know what my plan is for this festival. Getting Catherine to relax around me. Getting her to give me a chance. Either of the two would be good, though the latter is more preferable.

I hop in and start the engine and as we zoom across the prairie the cab holds a comfortable silence. I break it by asking her if her planet has any such festivals and, surprisingly, Catherine speaks. She tells me about the various festivals that occur on her home planet regarding the harvest and of others, too. Her world sounds like it’s a colorful one filled with beings that enjoy their existence. I can see why she would wish to return and that makes my chest tighten. Because if she could return, I would follow her. Only, she mightn’t want that. And that’s why this ‘date’ is so important.

As we near the town, I have to park the transport on the outskirts. Catherine sits up straighter, eyes slightly wide and I can’t help but feel a sense of pride at what she sees.

Even from where we are, we can see that the whole town is lit up with colorful lights floating suspended above the streets.

“Wow,” she breathes.

I grunt a sound of approval. “It is even more beautiful when you get closer.” My gaze skips over her, knowing my words mean something completely different than what she’ll assume. Thank the gods she’s so entranced with the view she doesn’t notice my hunger.

I hop out and open her door for her, extending my free arm in the hopes she’ll use me for stability as she steps out of the truck. The moment her soft digits grasp my arm is the moment I almost groan. I manage to hold it back, remaining rigid as she gets on her feet. She’s touching me. But her eyes aren’t on me. They’re on the town ahead. We’re walking and she’s still holding on to my arm.

Unreasonable pride swells in my chest at the fact she’s still on my arm. The sights around us, the other beings heading in the same direction, some with painted faces, others with tall head adornments, I see none of that. My gaze is only on the human by my side.

Catherine walks close beside me, her eyes still wide as she takes it all in. Her body brushes against mine as the crowd grows thicker, and I revel in the sensation. When we reach the heart of the town where the music rises into the air, she finally tilts her head to look up at me.

My core-organ thuds hard in my chest.

“That music. It’s beautiful. I’ve never heard anything so uniquely intoxicating.”

I grin. “It’s the Raki.”

Her eyebrows shoot up higher. “The Raki ?”

I turn slightly, heading toward where there’s a throng of celebrators, their bodies writhing to the rhythm. Just behind them is a group of Raki, instruments in hand.

“Oh my God.” Catherine grips me tighter. “They’re singing through their trunks.”

Her words are somewhat strange, but they make me chuckle softly.

“Oh, that’s my Raki,” she says, pointing to a male off to the side who is playing a stringed instrument. The Raki looks up, giving her a dip of his head in greeting.

My expression drops at the sight of him, my gaze hardening. It’s not till Catherine laughs and tugs me closer do I realize I might have been visibly snarling.

“You don’t have to protect me from him, you know.” She whispers up to me. “He didn’t hurt me on purpose.”

“He didn’t help you either.”

She shrugs at that, but I’m happy the smile on her face doesn’t fade. It’s genuine too, lighting up her eyes. With the star’s light quickly fading across the horizon, those lights in her eyes lead me from the darkness.

“May the seeds bring a bountiful harvest.” The voice of a Kalgonite as he thrusts a tray filled with delicacies in Catherine’s direction.

“Oh!” She takes a little meal square topped with sweet fruit. “Thank you! May—may the seeds bring a bountiful harvest.”

The Kalgonite dips his head in approval before heading to someone else in the crowd as Catherine turns to me. There’s a grin on her face now.

“Wow, this is—”

“Not what you expected?”

She laughs. A real laugh. My whole being shivers with delight that flows like a wave through my scales. “Not what I expected at all.”

She takes a bite of the treat before her eyes roll back. “Oh, this is so good.” But then her face falls, those wide eyes moving to me. “I didn’t get one for you.”

More warmth swells within me. She’s thinking of me.

“We can share.” Before she can protest, I lean forward. My mouth closes around the treat still in her hand, my face coming incredibly close to hers. I hear when her breath hitches. See how her gaze drops to my lips. The heat of her digits is right at my mouth. Resisting the urge to wrap my lips around them nearly takes all my strength. I can’t help but swipe my tongue over my lips as I pull back. She watches the movement, making me wonder once again about that mouth brushing her kind does. My gaze drops to her lips, too.

I would very much like to try it.

“Catherine!”

My head lifts and I ease back just as my siblingkin and his mate push through the crowd toward us. His mate beams, greeting me before wrapping Catherine in an embrace. Catherine releases me then, the arm she’d been gripping me with since we arrived suddenly gone, and I step back with reluctance, my gaze on her as she converses with her human friend.

I could stand here watching her for eons if she allowed me to, but eyes are boring into my skull. Zynar has an all-fang grin when I look his way.

“Don’t.” I hiss, low enough that the females can’t hear us.

“Don’t what?” He grins wider.

“Don’t say it.”

He stands beside me, crossing his arms as he takes in the revelers around us. “I have never seen you like this before, brother.”

“I am no different than any other sol we’ve spent in each other’s company.”

He makes a sound in his throat that sounds like he’s holding back a laugh. “You’ve brushed your mane so well, it’s shining in the dark.”

“You have, too.”

“I have a mate. She is radiant. I cannot look like a wandering outcast in her presence.”

I clench my jaw, refusing to let him bait me. He continues anyway, slapping an arm across my shoulder. “It’s a good thing, brother. When your core-rhythm sings—”

I stiffen. Not because of his words, but because of what they entail and a distinct sensation that I know far too well. Failure. Because my core-rhythm is silent. Still so silent, even though I know the female I’m watching so intently is mine. “There’s no guarantee it will ever sing.”

And I have made peace with this. If Catherine will accept me even without hearing the song of my soul…if she can see past the silence and embrace the depths of my devotion, then I will dedicate my entire being to her happiness.

I drink her in now, watching that mask slide over her eyes as she converses with Eleanor. It’s so evident, it’s strange I didn’t notice it from the first moment I met her. She plays it off well. The smile she now has isn’t her real one. The contentment in her eyes is fake. She is playing a part as if she’s been trained to play it for orbits.

This female is like me, needing a salve for her soul.

And I want to soothe her.

“That look in your eyes,” Zynar leans closer. “I can see it. Frakk, every male in our proximity is aware you’re skimming the edge of sanity.”

I look at him then, finally shifting my gaze from Catherine. My hunger for her is that obvious?

Zynar shrugs, bumping my shoulder with his. “I’ve been there. With Eleanor.”

At the sound of her name, his mate looks over her shoulder and grins at him. There’s a disgusting rumble in his throat that tells me exactly what he wants to do to her right now. Catherine looks back too, her gaze finding mine and she offers me a gentle sort of smile. Immediately everything around us fades into nothingness. I could melt.

“You must make a plan…in case.” Zynar whispers the moment their attention slides from us.

I cringe. “I know. If my core rhythm does sing, I will return to my lodge. I will lock myself in. And you…you must tell her what I have become.”

Zynar shakes his head. “It won’t get to that point. Perhaps you will be able to tell her before you descend into insanity.”

I stare at Catherine, watching the lights play off her silken strands. Thinking about so far ahead when I haven’t even gotten her to like me feels like madness in itself. “I can’t tell her about the rut when she’s already terrified of even letting me in,” I whisper.

“She is tentative?” Zynar whispers back.

“Even more than your kahl . I fear I might lose my chance.”

Eleanor shoots another glance over her shoulder. “What are you two whispering about?”

We both go still. Neither of us can lie and yet, the truth…

My focus shifts to Catherine. She’s watching me closely and I feel a lump rise in my throat.

Eleanor chuckles and Zynar purrs. Gods, take me now.

“Remembering the war,” Zynar says. “And how now we have this…” He gestures to the festival around us and then to his mate.

Eleanor’s eyes grow warm while a strange look grows in Catherine’s gaze.

“The war?” she asks.

I stiffen. I haven’t told her about the war. About how we fought for our species. About how we were captured. About—

Alarm goes through me when Eleanor starts explaining, my gaze shifting to Zynar.

“Don’t worry, brother. This will help your cause,” he murmurs low. “Trust me in this.”

I stand there as Eleanor tells Catherine of how we fought. Of how we lost. Of how the Tasqals destroyed our home world. Of how they captured us…did tests on us…of how we broke free and made it here. I can’t see how this will help Catherine warm to me, only how it will make her realize how broken I am. Unworthy of something as precious as she is.

As Eleanor recounts the horrors of our past, I stand there waiting. Waiting for the pity. The distance that will come as Catherine puts more space between us. But as the story continues, her gaze shifts to mine.

She looks at me, really looks at me, and in that moment, time stills. Zynar disappears…Eleanor…the festival. Catherine takes a step closer, her hand tightening on her little satchel as if she wants to reach out and touch me. “You’ve lost so much. I knew you did, but…” she whispers. “I suppose I didn’t realize just how much. Varek, I’m…I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be, sura.” In my periphery, Zynar jolts at the name I have given my female. I ignore him and I’m happy Catherine doesn’t seem to notice. “I am fine now. I am alive. I am here.”

Catherine nods, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her gaze travels over mine as if reading something in my eyes. “I’m glad.”

She holds my gaze for a long moment, and the air crackles between us. Just two simple words and it feels like she’s seeing into my very soul, acknowledging the pain I’ve endured and offering a quiet acceptance that soothes the ache within me. I want to reach out, pull her to me, let the world fade away, but then Eleanor clears her throat, breaking the spell.

“And that’s why we all deserve this. This festival is more than just celebrating abundance for our farms. It’s about celebrating life .” She looks up at my siblingkin. “It’s about giving thanks for what we now have.”

Catherine nods and looks away, a faint warmth staining her cheeks. As Eleanor’s words hang in the air, I know she’s right, that this festival is a celebration of life and the blessings we have found here on Hudo III. And yet, as I watch Catherine, I can’t help but feel that the greatest blessing of all is standing right in front of me.