Are You Ready? (Everlasting Ink #3)

Prologue

PROLOGUE

Briar

There are moments in life that define us. Moments that tear your soul open and make you bleed, and moments that fill your heart with so much love and joy, it feels as though it might burst.

I never thought I’d be living in both of those scenarios at one time.

Let’s start with my heart being filled with so much joy, so much love, that it feels entirely too large for my chest. Hot tears coat my cheeks as I stare down at my daughters.

I’m a mother.

I never imagined that I’d be a mother four weeks before my nineteenth birthday, but here I am, holding my twin girls in my arms. My pregnancy was a result of one of those tear-your-soul-out moments—the kind you want to push to the back of your mind and never think of again.

Six weeks later, you’re standing in the upstairs bathroom that you share with your twin sister, staring at a positive pregnancy test. That, too, was a moment—one that altered the course of my life in a matter of weeks .

You’d think that would be enough, right? That the hand I was dealt was filled with enough tragedy, but the universe had other plans, telling me to hold its beer. When three weeks after finding out I was pregnant, my father was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer.

Fuck cancer.

Fuck the universe.

The last year has been a whirlwind of emotions.

Pain.

Anger.

Heartbreak.

However, as I stare down at my daughters, the love I feel for them, no matter how they came to be, overwhelms me. It holds me captive, just as the weight of their tiny bodies in my arms does.

My heart is bursting with love, but also tearing to shreds from pain. You see, my father is also in this hospital. He’s one floor below me. His cancer is taking him away from us. He’s been here for weeks under the care of the hospice unit. They told us two weeks ago, he had days to live, yet he’s still here. He’s still hanging on, and I’m pretty sure the two tiny humans in my arms are the reason why.

He wants to meet his granddaughters.

“How you hanging in there, Momma?” My twin sister, Brogan, enters the room. She’s wearing a smile, but it doesn’t mask the sadness. Two events causing two very different emotions at the same time.

“Tired.”

“You should get some rest.” She comes to sit next to me on the bed, running her index finger over each of the girls’ foreheads. “They’re beautiful, Briar.”

“Thank you.” I choke up. From the moment I found out, I knew there was no other outcome. I was going to be a mother, and boy, was I shocked when, at eight weeks, the doctor insisted I have an ultrasound. I thought there was something wrong with my baby. Little did I know it was because he thought he heard a second heartbeat, and he was right .

“Have you decided on names for these little angels yet?” Brogan asks.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Finally,” she says dramatically. “You’ve been holding out on me this entire time. Let’s hear it.”

“Brogan, meet your nieces, River and Rayne.”

“Aw, I love them. They remind me of….” Her voice trails off.

“Dad.” I nod, my voice cracking. “Me too. He always loved to go to the river behind our grandparents’ place to fish, and he insisted that the fishing was better if it was raining. “You think he’ll understand?” I ask.

“I’m certain he will.” She nods, but I can see the hesitation in her eyes. Our father has been in and out of consciousness for the past week, so it’s anyone’s guess whether he will be awake to meet his granddaughters.

“I need to see him. They need to meet him,” I tell her.

“Okay. Let me get a nurse. You’re going to need a wheelchair and permission.”

“Yeah, they’re not stopping me.”

She nods. “I’ll be right back.”

Brogan has been my rock my entire life, but the last year, she’s been my saving grace and my sanity. I never could have done this without her. She held my hand during labor and told me how great I was doing. Her support has never wavered. I know she feels bad about that night, but that’s in the past, and it’s not her fault.

A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. “Hey there, Momma,” my nurse, Lisa, greets me. “I hear you and those gorgeous girls want to take a little stroll.”

“Yes, please.” My eyes mist with tears.

“Let’s take these two and get you in the chair.” She takes River, and Brogan takes Rayne, placing them in their beds while Lisa helps me out of bed and into the wheelchair. “I’m going to push you, and we’re going to let Auntie push the girls in one bed. How does that sound?”

I nod, because I know if I try to talk, words will get lodged right along with the knot of emotion swelling in my throat .

The elevator ride to my father’s floor is quick, and before I know it, we’re knocking on his door before Nurse Lisa pushes me inside, followed by Brogan with my daughters. My dad’s eyes are closed, and he looks so peaceful.

“I’ll leave you to it. Just let a nurse know when you’re ready to come back and I’ll be here to get you.”

“Thank you, Lisa.”

She gives my shoulder a gentle pat and leaves the room.

“I don’t know how to do this.” My voice cracks.

My sister, my best friend, pulls a chair up to sit next to me. “I want him to be here with us, but I also don’t want him to be in pain anymore,” she confesses.

“They’ll never know him,” I say as tears break free. “He’s the greatest man I know, and I know he would have loved to spoil them rotten.” I glance over at my sister. “We’re all that they have.”

“We will be everything those two little angels need, Briar. There will never be a single day that they don’t know how much they are loved. We’ve got this.”

“I love you, sister.”

“I love you too.” Brogan leans over and hugs me.

“My girls,” a croaky voice speaks.

We both wipe at our cheeks and answer, “Hi, Daddy,” making the three of us laugh.

Dad swallows hard. “Babies?” he asks, his voice gruff.

I smile. “Happy and healthy,” I tell him. Brogan stands, picks up one baby, and hands her to me. I can tell from the purple hat, it’s River, and she holds Rayne.

“So beautiful,” he rasps.

“Their names are River and Rayne,” I tell him.

“I always loved my time at the river,” Dad muses. “And the fish always bite better in the rain.” One side of his mouth kicks up in a smile as I lose my battle with my tears. They flow freely over my cheeks.

He gets it. I didn’t have to tell him, because my father is the greatest man I’ll ever know. He’s the only man I’ll ever love, and the only one who has ever held my trust. My heart aches knowing we’re losing him, but he’s not living. Not lying here in this hospital bed. It’s selfish of me to want to keep him here when his body is failing him.

“I promise they’ll know you. They’ll know you were an amazing father and that you would have spoiled them endlessly,” I say, my voice cracking through my tears.

“So proud of my girls. All four of you,” Dad says weakly. He closes his eyes, and we sit here with him, talking to him as if he’s in the conversation until it’s time to go back to my room and feed the girls.

At the time, I didn’t know that was the last time I’d talk to my father, but the memories we’ve made will last me a lifetime. Brogan and I will keep his memory alive, not only for us but for my daughters too.