Arranged Mafia Daddy

Chapter 8Sage

8

Sage

I s this what I am now? I don’t even know how to feel, or if I can feel anything anymore. I agreed to this, after everything he did to me, and then I actually enjoyed it.

I wanted him to do this to me, to use me and to fill me with his seed like I’m his toy. A functional toy, one that will give him the children he wants, but why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t he have found a woman on his own level and done this to her instead?

Why me? I’m nobody, but now, I appear to be everything to him.

I look down at the giant diamond ring on my finger, wondering if it’s worth it for all this. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, but I feel corrupted by Viktor’s touch, unable to look at myself the same way anymore.

I feel like I’ve lost what made me the woman that I was, and now I don’t know who Sage is anymore. I don’t know anything, and it’s making my head spin.

My eyes return to the mirror in front of me, the one that shows me the new woman I’m destined to be. She hardly looks like me anymore. Her hair is drawn up in an intricate bun, with curls overflowing from the top, spiraling down to her bare shoulders.

Her dress is white and decorated with lace. It’s both elegant and little more revealing than I would’ve chosen, but Viktor is behind that. I get the feeling he likes showing me off. He’s proud of the woman he’s stolen, and he wants everyone to know how lucky he is.

It still doesn’t make sense to me, but that’s my life now – a senseless mess of emotions and sensations without a hint of an explanation. It makes much more sense to Viktor than it does to me, but I still agreed to it.

I agreed to help my father, despite his pathetic attitude. I agreed to marry a monster, and then I gambled the rest of my freedom away last night when I took a spin on Viktor’s roulette table.

The rigged table. I know it was rigged, but I did it anyway, secretly hoping to lose so that I wouldn’t feel responsible for giving my body to Viktor. The sad part is, I still feel guilty, and now I’m even deeper in this hole than I was before.

The woman in the mirror doesn’t cry about her new life, though. She looks nervous, but not sad about it. She pulls her shoulders back and looks me in the eye, a subtle smile on her lips.

And why wouldn’t she smile, when she’s the woman who won? I lost, and she’s here to take my place.

I slam my palms down on the table, standing up so quickly that the blood rushes from my head and makes me dizzy. A few seconds pass before I feel like I’m not going to pass out.

My feet move me from the table, and I begin pacing the room, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions in my chest.

My mind drifts back to last night, the way Viktor looked at me, the way he touched me. There was something more than possessiveness in his eyes. There was need, raw and intense, just like mine.

I hate that a part of me responded to it, that I wanted him just as fiercely. It’s a dangerous game we’re playing, and I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to win. He doesn’t seem bothered by it. It’s fun for him, but it’s emotional turmoil for me.

Why did I agree to this? Why did I think I could handle this? The ring on my finger feels heavy now, a reminder of the choices I’ve made, the life I’m now bound to. I feel trapped, yet there’s a large part of me that’s intrigued, that wants to see how far this can go, how deep our connection can get.

He’s playing me like a fool, but my heart wants to be played. When was the last time anyone has made me feel like this? All my previous relationships were bland at best.

I stop in front of the mirror again, taking a deep breath. This is it. This is my life now. I have to find a way to live with it, to find my own strength within this chaos. Viktor may have power over me, but I won’t let him break me. I’ll survive this, and maybe I’ll even find a way to turn it to my advantage.

The money is good. That’s one thing, even though it’s terribly materialistic.

Oh, and then there’s the sex. I suspect he will never make love to me like he should, but the way claims me is exciting and new. Going without a condom makes it feel even better, but I’m afraid that will get old once I become pregnant and I face an entirely new challenge.

I place a hand on my belly, looking at myself in the mirror and puffing out my stomach. I imagine what it will be like, carrying his child, knowing that I’m tied to him in the most intimate way possible.

The thought is both terrifying and oddly comforting. I’m beginning to accept this new reality, to see the beauty in the chaos that Viktor has brought into my life.

I always thought about having children one day, but not like this. I’m not sure if it’s the right way to go about it, if our precious babies will have a good life. They don’t just need money. They need two good parents who love each other, and what Viktor and I have is far from love.

Lust. Passion. Hatred.

But there’s no love there. I’m not sure if I can love a monster, no matter how strong the butterflies in my stomach are when he holds me close.