Beast, Part Two (The Church #5)

Apologies

chapter fifteen

Summer

“ You mean to tell me, not only is he fine as hell, but he’s wise too?”

I sigh and roll my eyes. “Trina, will you please stay focused?”

It’s been hours since the incident in the hallway. After Brooklyn calmed me down, Hawk walked in and apologized for his hurtful words. He explained he was speaking out of frustration. Although I accepted his apology and don’t hold what he said against him, his words still hurt like hell.

“Look, Zaddy is right.”

I place my hand to my forehead at her calling Priest Zaddy. After telling Trina all about the hallway incident, I then told her about the conversation Priest had with me in the kitchen.

“You guys don’t understand,” I argue. “Gabriel is vulnerable right now. Telling him he scared me will send him off the deep end. I don’t want to trigger him.”

Truth is, he already has one foot out the door due to me being shot. I’m trying to prove to this man that he needs to stick around. That I am someone he needs and wants in his life. Telling him I’m afraid of him is going to give him more ammunition to run.

“No,” Trina says with a chuckle. “You don’t want him to run for good.”

Have I mentioned how much I hate how well my best friend knows me? Sinking back in the chair in my borrowed bedroom, I tuck my knees to my chest.

“Maybe you’re right. But that’s a good reason to not tell him.”

“Girl, coddling his feelings in order to make him stay is probably the most basic bitch thing I’ve ever heard. That’s the shit my mama did for my daddy for fifteen years. And guess what, he still left. If baby daddy is going to love you correctly, he needs to know how to treat you.”

That’s easy for her to say. James doesn’t have a condition that requires her to be patient with him. I know at the end of the day Gabriel would never hurt me. Even with the incident in the kitchen he wasn’t intending to hurt me. It’s not like I’m trying to protect an abusive man.

“Funny, that’s exactly what it sounds like.” The thought pops up in my head. I shake it away.

“I understand what you’re saying.”

“You don’t,” she says with a laugh. “I can hear it in your tone. But eventually you will realize what me and my man are saying to you will help.”

I snort in laughter but quickly quiet down. Looking over to the bed, I check to see if I woke Gabe. He’s still sound asleep.

“You need to stop claiming that man as yours. His wife will literally kill you.”

She groans. “Let me have my delusions.” I chuckle at her antics.

“Anyway,” she goes on to say. “How are you feeling about being there now? Do James and I need to keep the private jet fueled?”

I think back over the last few weeks. They haven’t been great but mostly for the fact that I’m desperately trying to win back my man. The house doesn’t feel so foreign to me now. I do, however, still feel like the outsider that doesn’t contribute to shit.

“I don’t know. It still feels like I’m in the way here. But I guess I’m not in a rush to leave.”

“What makes you feel as if you’re in the way?”

Sighing, I push my braids over my shoulder. “Obviously, the brothers and Priest are all here because they are part of that organization. Even Maksim, who isn’t a member, is helping them track down people and going on assignments with them. Then Ari, and Albany are in their own ass kicking organization. They often get called in to help with the computer stuff.

“Brooklyn is even useful because she has this crazy memory. Malia keeps Lucien fed and happy while he works nonstop. Hell, she even bakes sweets to make everyone happy. Even Ms. Reese is useful with helping with the kids and relaying messages from her ex to Priest. I’m just kind of here. What can I offer other than making everyone a fucking bracelet?”

“Hey, you make damn good bracelets. Don’t downplay yourself.”

I laugh at Trina’s joke. I know this all sounds crazy. Everyone has been nice and welcoming to me, but I have this unshakeable fear in my head that eventually I’ll be just an extra mouth to feed, and they will vote me off the island. I’m not sure if it’s because of the way Gabriel is making me feel with this break up or what, but I feel as if I’m on borrowed time in this house. I’m trying to find ways to be helpful.

“Maybe I’m over thinking.”

“Of course you are,” Trina says. “But that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. Maybe you should do something nice for the house. I mean it seems as if you guys are going stir crazy. Maybe try to have a party or host a date night. I know you and Gabe aren’t on good terms, but at least it would be something nice to get everyone involved.”

That was a brilliant idea. Not only will it be a good contribution to the house, but it could also help me remind Gabriel that he wants me. The more I think it over, the better the idea forms.

“Trina, you’re brilliant.”

“I know and you’re welcome.”

A voice in the background of her phone catches my attention.

“Alright, Summer, I have to go. Hair and makeup are here. I think the date night is a great idea, but I also want you to understand you are enough. And if they don’t like it, fuck them.”

I laugh. “Okay, girl.”

“Kiss my baby for me. Talk to you later.”

I hang up the cellphone and glance over at my sleeping baby. It’s after two in the morning here, but almost nine a.m. in Paris where Trina is.

Climbing out of the chair, I go over to the bed and drop a kiss on Gabe’s head before heading into the kitchen. The house is quiet this early in the morning. Which is a lot different from what it sounds like most of the day.

Heading over to the Keurig in the kitchen, I brew myself some hot water for my tea. Ms. Reese has been making grocery runs for us. She was able to grab some of my favorite teas, along with Gabe’s favorite snacks.

The conversation between Priest and I, plays back in my head. Despite what Trina said, I did understand their logic. I can’t keep downplaying my feelings and fears to make Gabriel stay. But I truly felt awful for how I responded to him that day. I don’t want him to think he can’t come back home.

I’m lost in my thoughts when his voice comes out of the blue and startles me.

“Why are you still up?”

I spin around to face him with a hand over my chest. Raking my eyes over his body, I check for any injuries. The last time he disappeared from the house to get me clothes he came back covered in blood.

“You scared me,” I say without thinking.

He lowers his head. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know that, Gabriel.” This is what Trina and Priest don’t see. It’s the utter remorse and sadness in his eyes when he does something to me. Just like the night his mother took him over and he choked me in my kitchen. The next day he could barely look at me. It would be different if he knew what he was doing or if he had no remorse, but he does.

“ Sounds like the mindset of a true battered woman.” The voice in my head says again. This voice is really starting to piss me off.

“Where’ve you been?” I ask to change the subject.

“Around. Trying to clear my head.”

“Is it cleared?” I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.

Those sea-foam green eyes stare back at me. They rake over my body with precision. If I didn’t know any better, I would think I saw desire staring back at me as he takes in my T-shirt and cotton shorts. But I think the lack of sex is starting to cloud my brain. Being in a house where you can hear everyone else fucking, yet you haven’t had any in weeks, is catching up with me.

“It’s clear enough,” he says in response to my earlier question.

I’d gotten so sidetracked thinking about his dick and all the ways it makes me ache so good when he’s inside of me, I almost forgot what I asked him.

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad,” I say lamely. Clearing my voice, I speak again. “And just so you know, there is absolutely nothing going on with me and Sim. He is truly like a brother to me. And he would never do anything to cross a line with you.”

He nods saying nothing further.

I feel as if there is an enormous mountain between us. Even though Gabriel was never the talkative type, we had a chemistry when we were together. Conversation, although mostly led by me, was always free flowing. Now, I feel as if I don’t know what to say to him.

Silence fills the kitchen. I can’t find anything else to say that would make it less awkward.

“I’m going to go crash in one of the extra rooms in the basement,” he finally says breaking into the quietness.

“Yeah. Of course. Sleep is important. It’s right up there with drinking your water and eating vegetables,” I say. “Eight hours a night is ideal. More if you’re younger.” I physically have to tighten my lips to keep from rambling any further.

He stares at me without speaking. There is no emotion or expression on his face. It’s as if I’m a stranger to him and not someone that he shares a child with. Or Someone that he once told he loved.

I look into his eyes hoping to find something that lets me know the man I love is still there. The man that once held me so close to his body and whispered how much he loved me. I have no problem fighting for Gabriel as long as I know there is something there for me to fight for. However, staring in his green eyes, I see nothing. Hell, at this point I would even take that dark vacant look he gets when his mother or whoever takes over him. But there is nothing.

Turning away and glancing at the wall, I fight back the burning sensation in my throat that signals tears are approaching.

“Goodnight,” I say barely over a whisper.

“Night.” He walks away. The sound of his boots thumping across the tile floor in the kitchen is the only sound around us.

I shut my eyes as the first tear falls. Rubbing a hand on my cheek I wipe it away.

“Come lay with me.”

I spin around to find him right behind me. His gaze staring down into my face. I had no idea he had moved around the island to me.

“I need to sleep. And I can only do it if you’re near me.”

I look down at the hand he has held out to me. Part of me is excited. I feel as if this is the sign I needed. But there is another part of me that warns not to read too much into it.

Placing my hand in his, I allow him to lead me out of the kitchen, my tea forgotten on the counter. He leads me down the basement stairs and into a room with a king size bed, two nightstands, and a chest of drawers. There is no other furniture in the room.

Gabriel pulls the covers back and allows me to get in first. I climb on and slide to the other side. He gets in behind me, switches off the lamp, and then pulls me into his chest. My back tucked up against him.

He doesn’t speak at all. Within minutes he is breathing steadily, letting me know he’s fast asleep. I lay there for a while, listening to his soft snores. By the time I finally fall asleep, the sun is starting to touch the sky.