Beautiful Noise

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

K ori.

The next morning I was on a private plane to Houston. I hadn’t expected to hate the flight as much as I did, but two seconds into a bumpy take off, I realized I wasn’t a catching flights type of girl. My stomach was a combination of tense and queasy while every muscle I possessed locked tightly.

Ezren, on the other hand, appeared completely at ease. But why wouldn’t he be? This was his life. He did world and stateside tours multiple times a year. At the very least, I was grateful that the flight was short. We were in the air for less than two hours then whisked away in an oversized shiny, new SUV to the Four Seasons Comcast Center where the Skyline Corner suite was prepared and waiting.

I spent the morning and early afternoon ordering room service and adding new poems to my journal and site, while Ezren did video calls with his producer Clay and with an up-and-coming artist, Leijah. Even if he could handle an impromptu performance, she wasn’t willing to risk that she could.

Ezren and Leijah became background noise while I remained busy, weaving together words that solidified emotions I wasn’t ready to acknowledge. The idea of Ezren being an important fixture in my life felt too cozy. If I had learned anything in the past year, it was to never have expectations and you would never be disappointed. That didn’t, however, mean I couldn’t live in the moment. Occasionally, I found myself smiling insanely wide while Ezren crooned the melody of the song I learned he’d co-written for Leijah, coaching her through parts to enhance her already beautifully soulful voice.

Together, they elicited a plethora of emotions, making me slightly jealous but I also understood this was business for Ezren. Music was his life, his love child, I could only be so grateful to experience it adjacently. I had the same experience and jealousy watching him create and perform in his personal studio. His love and connection to the notes and lyrics was such a beautiful thing.

As perfect as my morning and afternoon had been, I couldn’t fully enjoy my time because lurking in the recesses of my mind was the reminder that I was only an hour’s drive from the life I ran away from. Being here in Houston meant my past had collided with my present.

My name was still very much in circulation online and the persistent calls and texts from my parents hadn’t simmered since my life imploded on social media. My mother had sent several threatening texts about how I could choose to live my life the way I wanted but not if my foolishness meant tarnishing my father’s name and career goals.

I hadn’t talked to my parents in almost a year. How was I to know my father was campaigning for the position as president of the Houston school systems? There was no sinister plot which entailed exposing my life for the world simply to derail my father’s career aspirations. However, my parents truly believed that to be true of their only child. That I could be so hateful, careless, or selfish that I would purposely get in the way of my father’s plans to become President of HISD.

The last communication I had with either of my parents was a call to my mother when I ended things with Darren. In a regretful moment of weakness, I reached out, hopeful that she would see past our differences enough to help until I was able to get my feet on solid ground.

My mother doubled down and not so kindly let me know adult decisions rendered adult consequences and unless I was ready to beg their forgiveness and admit the error of my ways, she wouldn’t provide a dime or kind word. Being home in Houston did not create warm and fuzzy memories.

At some point I must have drifted because the low rasp of Ezren’s voice had me smiling into the pillow just before the soft feel of his lips landed on my cheek, coaxing me from my restful state. I peeled my eyes open to find him watching me intently.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah, I’m done. I apologize…”

“You’re working. Don’t apologize.” I lifted and sluggishly moved my legs over the side of the bed before extending my arms above my head for a good stretch.

“Work is done and now it’s time to play.” His smile was charming and mischievous at the same time. Those beautiful browns glinted with amusement. “I called SipLicity and they have two sessions tonight. Four to six and eight to ten. I figured we could go to the second one. That will give us time to grab dinner…”

“Out?”

He smirked when my panic ensued. “Yes, out. But this time, I know better than to throw you to the wolves.”

“Which means?”

“I have a reservation. We’ll dine in one of their private rooms and I’ve arranged for us to come through the access entrance.”

“Access entrance?”

He nodded slowly. “It’s how security details keep tabs on clients without causing a scene. We can be in and out and no one will know, but let me be clear. I’ll walk you right through the front door and not give a damn about who sees us. I’m not hiding you or us from the world, Ri.”

“You should. I’m pretty sure my presence in your life is damaging to your career,” I muttered, lifting from the bed.

“I’ve been accused of producing children with women I’ve never so much as met, breaking up families by sleeping with mothers, daughters, and sisters, and of being a sex addict. Do you honestly believe whispers of dating a woman who works for a living instead of plotting a come up by attaching herself to my bank account will damage my career?”

He had a point, but still…

“Okay, maybe not damage your career, but possibly ruin your chances with future muses.” I flashed a smile and he groaned.

“I guess that means the role of my muse is now permanently yours.” He winked and lifted his phone, groaning once he had a visual of the caller. “I need to take this. You have about twenty minutes to get ready.”

Before I could debate, Ezren left the room rattling off, “I hope you have good news.”

Luckily last night, I’d washed and flat ironed my hair, so all I had to do was decide what to wear. With consideration that regardless of Ezren’s precautions I needed to look my best, I removed the graphic tee and leggings I’d traveled in, selected black, ripped, wide-legged jeans, a thin, white, cotton boyfriend button up with a lace bra beneath it. I was limited on shoes so I decided on black sandals. I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, and added a lightweight tint to give my skin a fresh glow, which I finished with bronze body gloss.

Simple but photo ready, because let’s face it, being with Ezren meant being scrutinized. And even if he didn’t care about the image that was already circulating, I did. That first night at dinner with Ezren I was caught off guard. It wouldn’t happen again if I could help it.

After adding thin, oversized, gold hoops to my ears, I grabbed my purse and joined Ezren in the living room where he was standing with his back to me, body tight, barking out commands.

“I pay you to figure this shit out. Figure it the fuck out,” he growled and ended the call. His head dropped and a hand tugged at his beard, expressing his frustration.

“Everything okay?” Ezren stilled for a minute. His eyes found me over his shoulder before he turned to face me completely. A smile surfaced on his face while his approving gaze traveled the length of my body.

“Yeah, everything’s straight.”

“You sure? That didn’t sound pleasant.”

Ezren smirked. “My team’s having trouble with a few of the blogs. I’ve been working to get the posts down but several of them have hidden ownership, making it hard to know who to threaten.”

“Threaten?” I arched my brow and his smile expanded.

“There are two ways to get things done, money and force. I’ll pay if I have to, but only after I legally threaten to ruin their entire lives.”

“You’re threatening people over me?”

He shrugged as if it made perfect sense. Like this was something he did multiple times a day. Hell… maybe he did. “I put you in the middle of the storm. It’s up to me to ensure you not only survive it but come out unharmed.”

“I thought you weren’t good at this?”

“What?”

“Relationship stuff. I’m beginning to think you have a secret girlfriend somewhere you’ve been practicing with. All of this seems far too easy for you.”

“It’s easy because I had the best example possible. He might not be here anymore but I’ll never forget the lessons I was blessed with learning from him. He led by example, and in turn, taught me what being a real man should look like. He loved my mother and showed her everyday how fortunate he felt being her husband.”

His words were sincere, which tugged at my heart. Ezren loved his father and he lost him. I also sensed that in a lot of ways, he hadn’t healed from that loss, which broke my heart.

Dinner was perfect and as promised, Ezren accomplished setting up the entire evening in a way where we managed to go unnoticed. There were no lingering looks from customers or cellphones recording us. After we finished our meal, we were driven to SipLicity where we parked directly in front of the building instead of pulling up in the back, which had me feeling uneasy.

“We’re going in the front?”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to worry. I have everything covered.”

“How? One look at you and people will know exactly who you are.”

“True, which is why I’ll make sure they don’t see my face.” He was already wearing a ball cap that he covered with the hood of his sweatshirt. “If we go in the back we’ll have to come out by the kitchen which is in the front next to the stage and guarantees all eyes on us. My guys are already inside. They grabbed us a table near the back in the corner. It’s crowded as fuck in there so it’s not likely anyone will notice if we slip in the front and get tucked away in the corner.”

My pulse was already thumping erratically. My current disposition might not be a big deal to most but having your entire life ripped apart online made me gun shy. I wasn’t fully prepared to deal with being exposed to the world for a second time. At least not tonight. They likely wouldn’t notice me, but they would notice him and by default figure out who I was.

“And what about this?” I reached across the seat and gently yanked at his beard. The soft smooth texture felt like silk on my fingers. “Your brown and auburn beard is a signature look, Ezren. They’ll know it’s you or assume it is and stare long enough to find out.”

“You can hardly see it from under here. I promise we’re good, Ri, but if you don’t want to go inside, we can head back to the hotel.”

The hard look he gave had me exhaling a sigh. “Fine, but if I end up all over the internet again, this time as Sex Worker Kori, I’m suing you and your entire team.”

“What the fuck? How did we land at Sex Worker Kori?”

I shrugged. “I’ve been your cleaning lady in their eyes, the natural progression is sleeping with the help.”

He grinned devilishly slow and it turned my stomach into chaotic waves of longing. “I would definitely pay top dollar to sleep with you, but comparing my girl to a sex worker is a topic I don’t want to broach. We going or not?”

“Yes but I really feel like I’m going to regret this.”

“You are ,but not in the way you think.” He winked, yanked the hood further over his head, shadowing his entire face, then got out.

Ezren rounded the rear of the SUV to let me out and we walked hand in hand to the front where he paid the twenty each cover charge for us to enter. And as promised, we maneuvered through the body to body crowd until we reached a corner in the back. Two men dressed inconspicuously in jeans and tees got up, leaving the space free for us to cohabit, then disappeared into the crowd.

The outer perimeter of the building was situated with worn square tables that had names of patrons carved into them or drawn on the wood with sharpies and paint pens. The rest of the space was standing room only aside from the bar that extended the length of the left side of the building. In the front, there was a stage, elevated a few feet from the concrete floor where a guy was performing a piece. Behind him, the house band was seated. A guitarist, a guy on a keyboard, and a drummer who at the moment were creating a smooth, soulful melody that complemented the performer’s cadence and enthusiasm.

I grinned, feeling at home, at peace. Even if I didn’t feel welcomed in Houston, I surely did here in this small space.

“So fucking worth it.” When I turned, Ezren’s dark eyes were shining with contentment.

“What?”

“That goofy ass smile on your face is worth everything it took to get you in here. You love this shit, don’t you?”

“You love your studio, the way you connect, the way it makes you feel, the way your creative side comes alive. I waved a hand in the air. “This is my studio.”

“Then I for sure understand what you’re feeling right now.”

He elected to sit next to me so we were both facing the stage. Ezren leaned in and stole a kiss, just as the crowd erupted in applause. The performer left the stage, and after a few brief words from the emcee, he was replaced with the next performer. Ezren left me alone until intermission when the band took over the evening. We were on our second round of drinks, so my mood was mellow.

“I love seeing you like this.”

“How are you seeing me?”

“Uninhibited. Unguarded.”

“I’m always uninhibited.”

I hated that I could barely see his face, even up close like we were. Ezren had a beautiful face and I missed having access. I suppose I could be happy that no one recognized him; so we were able to enjoy the evening without interruption. Not even the two servers that brought us drinks took the time to fully take us in. They accepted our orders and hurried away to service other customers.

“Your level of self awareness is subpar.”

“What…” I drew my head back and he grinned sexily.

“You’re the least uninhibited person I know and I know a lot of fucking people, Ri.”

My mouth dropped open and he smiled. “It’s not a bad thing, so reel in the offense clouding your brain. You’re passionate, but serious. Two very good traits but the serious side of you keeps your walls up.”

“Apparently not with you,” I muttered and he grinned.

“No, not with me, at least not now. But it took some effort to climb over that very high wall you hide behind.”

“I’m cautious, there’s nothing wrong with being reserved.”

“I agree but everybody needs balance.”

“I have balance,” I defended.

“You have structure and an impending need to gain your footing after having the rug pulled from up under you. Again, I’m not saying either of those things are bad, but deep down inside, you still feel the need to create an acceptable image. Your parents really have you fucked in regards to your expectations on what your world should look like. Life is short, Ri. If you don’t fucking live, all you’ll have when your time comes are regrets. You’re allowed to be free, you deserve to be free, and by free , I mean doing what makes you happy. This shit makes you happy.”

He was right to the degree his words felt like an attack instead of the intended inspiration he was offering. My parents had ingrained expectations and standards in me for the past twenty-six years. Deviating from their plan was hard to accomplish without their voices lurking in the shadows of my mind.

“Happy doesn’t pay bills.”

“It does if being happy is what you’re truly passionate about. I sing, but there are a million people who do the same thing. Some have careers just as lucrative and others only thrive in the privacy of their bathroom showers. You have to take that one thing you’re good at and create a demand for it.”

“I thought I was supposed to be your muse, not the other way around.”

Ezren smiled and shrugged. “My goal is to be all things to you. If that means being your inspiration, then I will inspire the fuck out of you.”

“Okay, we’re back to fill your beautiful souls and minds and it looks like we have a special request. Several actually…”

My eyes shot to the stage to find the emcee for the evening standing in front of the microphone. He had a relaxed posture and pleasant smile on his face. His eyes were low which I attributed to the potent aroma hovering since we entered SipLicity.

“There’s been whispers that we have a savant amongst us this evening…”

Shit.

My eyes darted to Ezren who appeared unbothered when he should have been grabbing me so we could make a quick escape. Someone recognized him.

“And as much as we love this person and are honored to have them with us tonight, we understand and respect that sometimes people simply want to be…”

Oh thank God.

“However, if they wouldn’t mind spending a little time on stage, we wouldn’t turn them away. The choice is yours, so Ms. Cyan Indigo Bleu, if you’re willing to bless us this evening, we would be humbly grateful. You have a lot of fans here tonight.”

Cyan Indigo Bleu.

I repeated the name in my mind over and over again because how? I surely thought someone had recognized Ezren, not me. There would be no way for them to recognize me. I never posted pictures of myself on the site and there were no images attached to my name other than my logo for Bleu. I knew this with certainty because I checked religiously and was careful which meant…

“You told them I was here?”

Ezren’s eyes were on me, intense and unwavering. “I might have given a heads up that you would be in the building tonight. That was it.”

“That was enough. I’m not going up there.” I frowned hard.

“Why not?”

“I can think of a million different reasons but let’s start with people know my face. It’s been all over every blog and social media outlet that has any decent following for the past week. They’ll know Cleaning Lady Kori is Cyan Indigo Bleu and they’ll rip me apart…”

“No they won’t. Your poems are good as hell, Ri. Anyone that speaks against them is going to look crazy. These people have love and respect for Bleu.”

“Maybe but weren’t you the one who said I would be terrible because I can’t sing.”

He smiled smugly. “I was only fucking with you. I have a feeling that when you get on that stage, and the words begin to flow, everything will fall in place. I know what that’s like.”

“You know what it’s like for you . You’re a performer. I most certainly am not.”

“You can be but even if you’re not, I’m being selfish. The smile you’ve had all night is only a small part of the ease you’re experiencing being here. You have half a million followers on your page, and they show love, but until you stand on stage in the same room and feel that love? You’ll never truly know just how great you are.”

“Or I’ll totally bomb and ruin their image of me.”

“That’s possible…”

I narrowed my eyes and he laughed, leaning in so our lips were a breath apart. “But it won’t happen. Trust me.”

I groaned. “That’s not fair. You can’t say trust me when you’re asking me to completely expose myself.”

“I just did, so what’s it gonna be?”

“Well looks like she’s not going to accept our offer, but that’s okay, love. We’re simply honored to have you in the building tonight. It’s all love.”

My eyes darted to the stage, then circled back to Ezren. “If I mess this up...”

His smile blossomed. “You won’t.”

With my heart thumping at a dangerous rate, I lifted from my chair and began navigating through the crowd. I had no idea why I was doing this other than the small possibility that maybe, just maybe, he was right. Everyone needed balance and this could be mine.