Beautiful Noise

Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

K ori.

“You still have time to change your mind.” We parked in the driveway of my parents’ nice but modest two-level, cookie-cutter home. Nothing about the visual had changed but I couldn’t say the same for myself.

This home used to bring me comfort. Living here provided a sense of belonging. My parents raised me in love, cherished my existence and taught me the value of working for the things I wanted in life.

Those were the memories I had of them, this house, my childhood. But now, looking back from the inside of the SUV where I sat next to a man who in a couple, short weeks had proven those memories were skewed by perceptions, made me realize my parents did love me but their acceptance was contingent on me playing a role in a script carefully crafted to suit their needs.

I was now on the outside looking in and my life presented differently. Ezren didn’t place expectations on me. He didn’t have conditions attached to how he would show up in my life. His acceptance was open ended.

“You nervous?” The warmth of his palm pulsed through the denim that covered my thigh seconds before he offered a gentle squeeze.

“Yes and you still have time to change your mind.”

He smiled and pressed a kiss to my temple. “Avoiding them doesn’t make what you’re feeling go away.”

“ Not avoiding my parents won’t make them magically believe I have the right to live my life the way I see fit.”

“No, it won’t but at the very least, you’ll know you did your part. You can’t make people feel what they choose not to feel and you can’t make them accepting of things they don’t understand. You can only be you. Meet them where they are. Love them regardless of how they show up for you, even if doing so requires closing doors and never opening them again.”

“I did that already.”

“The way you left didn’t provide closure for either of you. I really hope y’all can work this shit out but if not, at least you get the peace of knowing it was their refusal to meet you where you are. Plus, this isn’t just about you. Even if they don’t accept me as your man, for my personal benefit, I need your father to know I’ve got his daughter. Especially if the end result of seeing them today is his ego getting in the way of being the father he should be.”

“You’re putting me in the line of fire to ease your own conscience?” I teased and he chuckled, kissed my temple, and reached for the handle to get out. “If that’s how you want to look at this, then yeah, that’s what I’m doing. But trust when I say, respect is earned, not given. And I’m not about to fucking play when it comes to you.”

After he was out and rounded the vehicle to help me out the other side, he let his guys know he would send a text when we were ready. We walked hand in hand to the front door and a few moments later I was face to face with my father who did not look pleased that I wasn’t alone.

“Dad…”

His scowl deepened and his eyes shifted to my left before slowly returning to me with a questioning gaze. I cleared my throat. “This is Ezren Shaw…”

“You mean Eccentric .” The disdain in his tone couldn’t be overlooked. “I know exactly who he is, what I don’t know is why he’s at my house.”

I opened my mouth to explain, not sure how I would make sense of his presence, but Ezren spoke up first. “Your wife invited us to dinner and since we have a flight later and dinner wouldn’t work, I moved some things around to ensure we could do lunch. She stressed the importance of seeing your daughter while we were in town. If the importance was exaggerated and we’re inconveniencing you, we can leave.”

My father’s eyes narrowed and I almost choked on a laugh. Ezren was challenging him to send me away and my father’s ego kicked in because he snorted and stepped out of the way, allowing us space to enter. He turned, heading toward the back of the house, and I glanced at Ezren.

“I thought this was to win them over. He’s already not a fan,” I whispered.

“He doesn’t have to like me as long as he respects me.” Ezren didn’t bother trying to conceal the arrogance or lower his voice. My eyes left him and moved to my father. I was amused by the way he squared his shoulders but didn’t say a word.

“Your daughter is here,” he muttered to my mother once we reached the living room then pushed past her, taking a seat in the leather armchair adjacent to the sofa. My mother stood and offered a forced smile while she took in the scene before her. My father and Ezren were in a pissing contest. However, my mother was programmed to follow set standards. She was a host and would perform as any gracious host would, regardless of the tension pulsing between my father and Ezren.

“Can I get you two anything?”

“No, I’m?—”

“Lemonade…” My father talked over me and my mother nodded, leaving the room. He passive aggressively forced her to choose a side without outwardly telling her to do so. He had done this a million times before, but today I realized the depth in his action. He was the voice; she didn’t have one.

“You left with our daughter without so much as an introduction and now you’re bringing her back for what? To request our approval?”

I cringed. My father had to know that Ezren wasn’t Darren, the man I left with a little over a year ago. He was attempting to shame me. My mother had surely let him know when I called explaining things hadn’t worked out and I’d reached out to ask for help. Help they both refused to offer.

“Two different people, Daddy.”

“Oh?” He smiled smugly. “I wasn’t aware.”

“You were,” I stated calmly, refusing to engage in his childishness.

“Here you go, sweetheart.” My mother returned with a glass that she handed over to my father before announcing that lunch was ready. We settled into the dining room for an overly formal lunch that wasn’t necessary but I attributed to my mother’s need to impress Ezren. If my father knew who he was, she did also.

The next half hour was spent with my mother driving the conversation with questions centered around him and his career while my father grunted his displeasure watching Ezren like he believed the man was the devil incarnate.

By the time I pushed around my seafood pasta and garlic bread enough to pretend I enjoyed a lunch I had no appetite for, and my mother quietly removed dishes from the table, my father had reached his boiling point and was on the cusp of imploding.

“Kori, I would like to speak with you, alone . Your friend can wait in the living room while we talk.”

“Her man and that didn’t feel like a request,” Ezren stated in a tone laced with dominance.

“Do I need to request a conversation with my daughter in a house that I own?”

“No…” I turned to Ezren who was at my side, shoulders squared, arms resting on the table as if he were prepared for battle. The last thing I needed was these two engaging in a physical altercation. “Can you give us a minute, please?”

He nodded sharply before he pushed his seat back and lifted the plates positioned in front of us. He smiled arrogantly and turned his attention to my mother. “Let me help you with this so they can have some privacy.”

When they left the room, my father cleared his throat and leaned back, placing both arms on the table. “What is this, Kori?”

“This?”

“Yes, this . You’ve been gone for a year, doing Lord knows what, then you show up out of the blue with that man…”

“ Ezren .”

“I don’t give a damn what his name is. He’s no more different than the piece of trash you left with.”

I angled my head to the side. “You do know the difference then.”

“There isn’t much difference.” He lifted his glass, took a slow sip, then added, “Actually there is. At least with the first one, you left quietly. Your face wasn’t all over media outlets embarrassing our family and tarnishing the Griffin name.”

I refused to dignify his statement with one of my own so I bypassed the remarks.

“I’m here because she asked me to come.”

“Only for me to talk some sense into you. You’re being incredibly selfish, Kori. Have you any idea how the decisions you’re making are affecting me .”

I snarled. “You’re rallying to become President of HISD not the President of the United States. No one cares what your daughter has going on in her life. Your very grown, adult daughter.”

“They fucking care, Kori.” He slammed his palm on the table, leaning forward with an arctic glare that chilled the room. “And you’re not grown. Age does not equate to maturity. Especially not when you’ve put your life on display while behaving like a petulant, rebellious teen. You’re nothing more than that man’s toy . A distraction he will tire of and then move on.”

My mouth dropped open. “Are you serious right now?”

“Very. One of us has to be. I believe you to be a smart woman, Kori, regardless of you not acting as such. Your mother and I raised you properly. You’re cultured and educated, yet belittle yourself to being a plaything for a man who won’t remember your name two months from now. When that happens, what’s next? Do you think you will have a respectable career? No one will touch you. When he finds a new muse , your mother and I will not be here to fix the broken pieces of your life.”

Muse. He had thoroughly researched Ezren but that wouldn’t have been a complicated task. However, what he’d read about him online was not a reflection of the man he was.

“My life isn’t broken. I don’t need you to fix me. The only thing I need is for you to accept that what you want for me is not what I want for myself. More importantly the only thing I need from my parents, who are supposed to love me unconditionally, is for you to support the decisions I’ve made about my life, even if those decisions aren’t what you would choose for me.”

“Support what, sweetheart? That you’re sleeping with a man whose fame and popularity is solidified by the countless women he has sex with to inspire his creativity.”

I curled my fingers into my palms and lifted from my chair. “You don’t know a damn thing about him.”

“Oh but I do, sweetheart. He’s using you. Do you think it’s a coincidence that he’s pushing this agenda of your poetic greatness? They’re just words and won’t mean a damn thing once he’s taken what he needs. You won’t matter. Those words won’t matter. Everything you’re experiencing is temporary. Your mother and I won’t clean up this mess you’ve made. I refuse.”

My poems? He had not only done research on Ezren but had been following my life as well. Was he pissed because the possibility of me being successful without him existed? Was my father angry because I could stand on my own without him? So many thoughts rushed to the forefront of my mind.

I laughed arrogantly, rounding the table. “Does it bother you that much?”

“Yes, it bothers me. You’re better than this. I raised you to be better than this.”

I smiled softly. “Not me and my life choices. That’s not what I’m asking. I’m curious to know if it bothers you that much that I’m not like her .” His eyes narrowed and I tilted my head to the side when I added. “My mother. It makes so much sense now. It’s not really about the choices I make. Your disdain is about me not falling in line with the choices you’ve made. You hate that I refuse to smile, nod, and agree. Is your ego that fragile that the women in your life have to be subservient to you? Is our submission the only thing that makes you feel like a man? King on his throne? Head of this family?”

His expression set into a scowl. I struck a nerve. “My ego is just fine, Kori. I don’t need submission, just respect. Your mother understands her role. You don’t, but like you adamantly want to prove, you’re an adult. You have the freedom to make your own choices, just know that if you choose him and this foolishness you’ve accepted into your life, you're also choosing to lose your connection to this family. I will not stand for the disrespect.”

I inhaled the disappointment and exhaled it slowly before I moved closer to my father and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I love you. I pray that one day you can love me enough to understand what you’re losing.”

“I’m not the one losing, Kori. You are.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know if I’m more disappointed that you truly believe that or relieved knowing I don’t.”

If this was the father he chose to be, I wasn’t losing, he was. That broke my heart and delivered peace at the same time. Losing my father meant gaining the freedom to be myself.

“Ri, why don’t you come say goodbye to your mother and give me a minute with your father?”

Ezren appeared next to me and placed a hand on my hip. The tension I felt from the disagreement with my father instantly dissipated. When I tilted my head, he offered a reassuring smile. “Go ahead, I won’t be long.”

I left the dining room and found my mother standing in the hallway just outside the living room. Her sympathetic eyes reached me before I made it to her and I half expected she would show understanding or even remorse for how my father behaved.

I was wrong.

“Why are you being so difficult about this? All you had to do was show up today, prove to your father and me that you are ready to come home, and we would have gladly welcomed you with open arms.”

“I left. What on earth would make you believe I want to come home? You asked me to come today.”

“ You asked me for help.”

“Months ago. You refused and told me I was no longer relevant in your life.”

“Your father didn’t think it was a good idea. Enabling you wasn’t going to fix…”

“What the fuck is with the two of you and the idea that you need to fix me? I’m not broken. I’m a woman who is finally coming into her own. I’m realizing that I have the right to live my life.”

“And what kind of life are you living, Kori? That man you brought here to our home has embarrassed you. You have embarrassed us. You have to see things from your father’s perspective…”

“I don’t have to see a damn thing and neither do you . His perspective is not the holy grail.”

She reared her head back in disgust. “He’s my husband.”

“And I’m your daughter. Does that not count for anything?” I threw my hands up. She exhaled and rolled her shoulders back so her posture screamed defensive.

“It counts for everything, Kori. Your father and I love you but you’re being selfish.”

“Or maybe you’re being delusional. You’re the wife of a man who refuses to appreciate the women in his life. You do what he says, no matter the cost, and what has that gotten you?”

“This house, our marriage, our lifestyle… which is pretty damn good, Kori.”

“Is it enough?”

Her eyes narrowed in challenge. “Yes, it’s enough. Don’t force your failure to be satisfied on me. I love my husband; I love my life. We’re successful, respected…”

“And you’re his puppet. That’s good enough for you but it is not for me. If you’re happy, then I love that you are. You have the life you want. I wish the two of you could love me enough to be happy that I’ll one day have the life I want.”

“When, Kori, and at what cost? You might believe I’m losing something in the process, that I’ve lost myself, but everyone loses in one way or another. You won’t be the exception. Might as well get that in your head now so you’re less disappointed when reality settles in.”

Her eyes shifted and flicked past me. I turned my head to find Ezren coming down the hall. He stepped beside me with a stern look on his face. “Everything good here?”

“Yep, we can go now.”

He kissed my cheek and extended a hand to my mother. “I appreciate your hospitality, even if your husband didn’t extend the same courtesy.”

She blinked a few times but we were out of the door before she could respond. I noticed the SUV was already waiting in the driveway which meant at some point Ezren must have summoned them. He opened my door and waited for me to settle before shutting me in and joining me on the other side. Before we were out the driveway, his hands were at my waist and I was tucked protectively at his side. “Tell me what you need.”

I smiled and inched closer. “This.” I angled my head back and he leveled his toward me when I exhaled the frustration of seeing my parents. “I had things all wrong.”

“What’s that?”

“My parents. Mostly my father.” I paused, briefly organizing my thoughts. “His motives were never really about image or a need to present our family to the world in some nice little package sealed with a bow. That mattered but it wasn’t the most important part of the equation.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Being home today, if I can even call it home, was different. The way he talked to my mother, the way he talked to me. How he tried to talk to you then became frustrated when the interactions didn’t play out in his favor was so insightful. None of this has ever been about the family image. His issue is control. He needs the control to feel important, to feel relevant. I’ve never considered this before today.”

“You never had a reason to. He gave orders you followed. Control isn’t always pushed through violence and harsh words. The most controlling people are often the most loved and revered. They have mastered the art of manipulation. He told you what your life would be and you agreed. You never challenged the control which means you didn’t realize it existed. You didn’t disappoint him so you never felt the consequences. The one time you did challenge his control, he reacted uncharacteristically and you couldn’t understand why because it felt foreign.”

“Yeah.”

I had always been the perfect, agreeable daughter. I followed their rules, fell in line with their expectations of what my life would be regardless of the empty feeling that always existed in the pit of my stomach when my friends talked about things that inspired them. I didn’t have that, not until I started writing, but even then it wasn’t enough to make me veer off the path they set me on.

“Sometimes you have to be in the thick of things to really understand your passion.”

“Or be forced on stage by a man trying to humble you.”

“Why couldn’t my intention be to help you realize your purpose?”

“Let’s agree to disagree.” I frowned. “What did you say to him?”

Ezren snorted arrogantly. “I told him that if my father hadn’t raised me to be a better man I would have broken his fucking jaw for how he spoke to you.”

“But you didn’t hit him?”

“Would you be upset if I had?”

I smiled slowly but honestly admitted, “I wouldn’t have been upset but…”

“I didn’t hit him. Physical pain would be temporary and easy to recover from. He doesn’t deserve easy. Fucking with his ego is a much more painful and debilitating fate.”

“How could you fuck with his ego?”

“Men are natural protectors. If another man has to do what you’re not capable of, the ego suffers a gut punch. I made sure he understood that he dropped the ball with you. He failed as a father and more importantly as a man. I also made sure, in no uncertain terms, that he knew I would do what he couldn’t, be the man you could count on to love and protect you. For men like your father, that’s the ultimate blow to the ego. Being inadequate demolishes their pride. I know men just like him.” A scowl settled onto his face. “My grandfather is him.”

“Your grandfather?” The admission felt random but it wasn’t.

Ezren nodded. “You know how I’m always telling you my mother sees herself in you?”

“Yes, but what does that have to do with my father and your grandfather?”

“My mother’s maiden name is Lafayette.”

My brows pinched. “Should I know that name?”

He leaned back, removed his phone, pulled up a site, and handed the device over. My brain jolted when I realized what he was sharing, Lafayette Grand Isles Corporation. The multi-billion-dollar enterprise that had hotels, resorts, business plazas, entertainment conglomerates, and a plethora of other successful ventures attached to the brand.

“This is your family?”

He nodded stiffly, as if admitting so was painful. “My father’s last name is Shaw so naturally when my parents married she took his last name. She was a Lafayette. The only female from her parents. I have five uncles, and collectively, between them, there are nine grandchildren. Ten, if you include me.”

“You don’t include yourself?”

“No but I own ten percent of the Lafayette fortune. Thanks to my grandmother.” He smiled when he spoke of her and I sensed the difference in how he reacted based on when he mentioned his grandfather. “The reason my mother sees herself in you is because she feels like you are the same. She spent her childhood in boarding schools abroad, has an undergrad degree from Spelman, and a master’s degree from Princeton. Her legacy was to work for Lafayette Grand Isles.”

“She didn’t want that?”

“She did until she met my father. A free-spirited guitar player who told her she was beautiful and promised she would be his wife one day.”

“Her family didn’t like the idea of her marrying your father?”

“Nah, they didn’t, but it wouldn’t have mattered. She married him anyway. My grandfather disowned her and for the first few years after they had me she didn’t have any connection to anyone in her family. Everyone did what Rollins Lafayette wanted. He was a loud man with a very fragile ego but he held all the cards. So when he spoke, everyone fell in line.”

“Everyone except your mother.”

Ezren laughed lightly.” Nobody tells Gwendolyn Shaw what to do. She made the decision to be happy. She married my father, had me, and was very fucking happy. It destroyed us when we lost him. But she was happy and it fucked with my grandfather even more that she was the one piece he couldn’t control. You standing up to your father, living your life, is the worst fate a man who thrives on control could suffer. According to my grandfather, and hell even the rest of the world, my mother had so much potential and she wasted it on us.

“She was beautiful, smart, rich, and decided marrying my father and having me was what would make her happy. She chose us, but more importantly she chose herself. You’re allowed to choose you, Ri. No matter what you feel you’re giving up, if what you choose makes you happy, go with it. If the people that are supposed to love you can’t accept who you are, then fuck ’em. His loss, not yours.”

My father…

Gwendolyn being so drawn to me all made sense now. I respected her even more now than I did before.

“Do you know him? Your grandfather?”

“No, I met him once. I was a baby so I don’t remember. He found out my mother had me and flew to Atlanta just to express that she had one last chance to leave her husband and his bastard . If she did, he would welcome her home with open arms. My father went to jail that night.” Ezren grinned. “And from what I hear, my grandfather learned a lesson in choosing his battles. I don’t know him and never desired to. I know my grandmother. It took a while but she started coming around when I was like three or four. She rebuilt the relationship with my mother. She visited a lot. A week after she passed, I got a call from her lawyer explaining that I was ten percent owner of Lafayette Grand Isles Corporation. Ten grandchildren with equal shares. I don’t know how she managed to make that work but I didn’t fucking care. That was a year ago. The paperwork is in a safe deposit box. I haven’t touched it. I probably won’t ever. I don’t need anything from him.”

I glanced past Ezren out of the window realizing we were at the airport approaching the landing strip next to the private jet we’d arrived in Houston on. I turned back to him after we parked. “It’s not from him . The shares are from your grandmother and they’re yours. She wanted you to have what rightfully belonged to you. You might not have been his family but you were hers. Don’t disrespect her wishes to spite him.”

I leaned deeper into his side and stole a kiss. “And thank you for sharing your mother’s story with me.”

Ezren’s hooded, determined eyes locked with mine. “I told you I’ve got you, Ri. You just have to let me.”

“You definitely have a secret girlfriend hidden away somewhere because you’re too good at this girlfriend thing.”

He smiled sinfully slowly and kissed me again. “I don’t. The right inspiration inspires the right results. My actions are all about you, Ri. Just you.”