Beautiful Noise

Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

K ori.

“Lei, Clay is looking for you,” Ezren called out when he approached from behind. I felt the security of his hard frame at my back and smiled.

“Is he or are you trying to steal my girl?” I glanced at my man over my shoulder, amused by the scowl that took over his handsome face.

“ Your girl?”

“Yes, my girl, and before you go all psycho possessive, our claims to her are very different but, she is in fact mine too now.” Leijah blew him a kiss then swung her eyes around the club.

“Where is he?”

“Down by the bar. He has people with him that are asking about you.”

Leijah’s face twisted. “I did my part. Business is done.”

Ezren laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, it’s not. Business is never done. Welcome to the dark side. Embrace that shit and accept that you’re in demand.”

She smiled so damn big it was contagious. “Okay, I can fuck with that.”

When she left, Ezren’s arms caged me in. His body moved me forward until my hips met the front of the glass partition that separated the space that overlooked the rest of the club. His hands gripped the railing before I felt the warmth of his breath near my ear followed by a kiss. “You ’bout ready?”

“We haven’t been here that long.”

“Two hours, Ri. That’s long enough.” He leaned down and kissed my neck, causing me to smile. I felt him hard at my back.

“It hasn’t been that long.”

“Yes the fuck it has, considering more than half the time we’ve been here, you’ve been with everybody but me.”

My smile expanded. “Lei, not everybody.”

“Still not me and you get my point.”

“You’re spoiled.”

“You’re the reason. Now can we go?”

I turned against the railing and looped my arms around his neck. “Yes, we can go but you’re telling Lei.”

He smiled sinfully sexy. “I’m not telling her shit. We’re just going to dip out.”

“I’ll feel bad.”

He gripped my waist and pulled me flush against his body. “You damn sure won’t feel bad. I have that part covered.”

“That’s not what I mean.” My eyes rolled before he kissed me. His lips on mine were all the persuasion I needed to agree. “Fine, we can go, but I have to hit the bathroom first.”

“Bet, let’s go.”

After a few minutes his arm was draped around my shoulder and I was tucked at his side while he escorted me to the private bathrooms on this level. At the door, he released me and folded his arms over his chest like he was my security.

“You don’t have to stand guard.”

“Stop worrying about me and go handle your business.”

I rolled my eyes and pushed through the door, locking it behind me. After struggling to balance and squat on my heels, I sighed in relief. Two drinks and a bottle of water had my bladder full. When I was done, I washed my hands and checked my appearance in the mirror, smiling at the woman who stared back at me. A woman who was so very different from the person I had been a few months ago. I was still trying to wrap my brain around how I landed here.

My grin expanded as I grabbed a paper towel to use on the door handle so I could leave the bathroom. As soon as I stepped into the hallway, reality smacked me in the face. My eyes darted around to find Ezren surrounded by a group of women. I would always have to share my man with others. Even if they would never know him the way I did, this was a part of my life I had to accept.

“You look disappointed.” I turned my eyes away from Ezren to find a smug grin waiting.

“About?”

“That.” She tossed her head in Ezren’s direction, causing the honey blond tresses she was sporting to bounce over a bare shoulder but her eyes never left mine.

“Why would I be disappointed?”

“You shouldn’t be, because that’s his life.”

I already sensed where this was going. I recognized Shalay, Instagram model turned influencer and reality TV star. Also one of the many women he had been linked to. She was one of the few who could be classified as being attached to Ezren. A handful of dinners and events with her on his arm sealed the deal. I had no doubt he slept with her, especially given the entitlement she was presenting.

“A part of his life and how about we skip the ‘he was mine before he was yours’ debate. Everyone has a past, you might be a part of his but I’m his future.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Sweetheart, he was never mine; just like he will never be yours. Eccentric doesn’t belong to anyone. That’s not his thing. I will say I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long. I’m impressed but don’t get too comfortable. I’ve been there before and at least I know my time was priceless.”

I smirked and moved closer. “If being fucked for inspiration makes you feel priceless, then I applaud your efforts.”

“Not just inspiration . Without me, he wouldn’t be where he is. What I inspired was his best work. Stoned Heart . Nothing has compared since. I mean they’re good because he’s amazing but well, you get my point. Good luck competing with that, boo.”

I barked a laugh, partially because I was a tad bit tipsy, but mostly because she was delusional. “Is that what you believe?”

“It’s what I know.”

“Continue to exist in your insanity.” I turned to walk away, annoyed that she was taking credit for the inspiration behind Stoned Heart . The album was a reflection of Ezren’s love for his father and the devastation he felt from losing him. It was disrespectful to his father’s memory that she would attach herself to something so emotionally weighted and devastating.

“Insanity? You’re the one existing in delusion. I gave him something no one else can and you will never be able to measure up. Fucking the help will only get him a clean house if you’re even good at that. I gave him a legacy. Check the timelines, boo. It all adds up. My time with him and the music.”

“If you want to believe that, then ball the fuck out, sis. It’s sad and amusing just like this desperation you’re showing. Since you so badly wanted my attention, you’ve got it. Here’s my advice. A man that wants you doesn’t have to be chased; he does the chasing. You’re here trying to convince me that my man wants you. I’m not the one you need to present your case to. If you want to know your relevance in his life, get in line.” I pointed to where he was standing. “I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to give you the five minutes you want so desperately to feel seen again.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t need him to give me a damn thing but he needs me. I gave him Stoned Heart and when he realizes nothing compares, he’ll come back around.” Her eyes swept my body. “Because I can promise, you don’t have what it takes.”

“Yet you’re threatened enough to be in my face.”

“Girl, go find something safe to do. You can’t do shit for him that hasn’t already been done and done well.”

“Nah, you got that shit fucked up. You can’t do shit for me that hasn’t been done.” The low rasp of Ezren’s voice met me just before his arm circled my waist. “ Stoned Heart was never about you, Shalay. The entire fucking album is about my father, but you know that, don’t you?”

I tensed at his confession. He’d never openly admitted to the world Stoned Heart was about his father. I didn’t want him doing so to appease me about a delusional woman from his past because she didn’t fucking matter.

“Ezren…”

His glare remained on Shalay who kept her poker face. “If you need to lie to her…”

“Am I lying?” he demanded in a low, arctic tone and her expression dropped. She could lie to me but not to him. “Yeah, that’s what the fuck I thought.”

Regardless of being called out on her shit, she managed to find some confidence. “Fuck you and her . Have fun slumming it.”

“Nah, I’m good on the past.”

She glared at me like I was the one who started this shit then flipped him a bird before pushing through the small crowd that had eyes on us. It wasn’t until then that I realized some were recording the exchange.

My eyes lifted to his and I felt the conflict. He’d just admitted to the world what Stoned Heart was inspired by. “You didn’t have to…”

He grasped my chin and planted a soft kiss. “It’s fine. Let’s go.”

As he took possession of my hand and led me out the club, I felt the tension in his body. His energy was off. It had been years, but emotionally Ezren was still trapped in that dark space, and he had just admitted to a club full of people that his most emotionally charged and top-selling album wasn’t about a woman. It was about his father. The truth could potentially ruin the image that catapulted his career.

We left the club in silence. The drive back to his house was filled with quiet tension and when we got there, his mood was still detached which felt so much more profound considering how close we had been lately. I wasn’t used to being on the outside and it felt incredibly lonely.

“I’m sorry about tonight.” His dark eyes met mine as he entered the living room where I was waiting after he locked up and set the alarm.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t apologize.”

“I just feel like…”

“Ri, I’m good. We’re good. At some point they would have found out.” He cuffed my face and lifted my eyes to his before his mouth met mine. The kiss was soft, loving, but also reserved. “Get some rest. I need to work on some shit in the studio.”

My heart sank but I nodded and didn’t argue. If he needed space, I would give him space. After I stripped out of my clothes, I showered and climbed in bed, feeling even more separation because he wasn’t here with me. The bad thing about loving someone was their pain was just as much yours and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.

The next morning I woke to the sound of my phone vibrating with a call. It wasn’t until then that I realized I was still in bed alone. I reached for my phone and fumbled to answer snuggling deeper into the pillow without checking to see who was calling. After last night I assumed it would be Leijah since she was literally the only person I spoke to these days.

“Hello…”

“Kori…” I frowned at the sound of my mother’s voice and groaned my disappointment.

“What do you want?” My tone was dry. There was no point in pretending I felt anything other than annoyance from her being on my line so early in the morning.

“To talk.”

I laughed arrogantly. “Yeah no, hard pass on talking to you. I’ve exceeded my limit of being mishandled by you.”

“I deserve that but I’m asking that you hear me out.”

“You definitely deserve it.”

“Kori…”

As much as I wanted to and reserved the right to hang up in her face, I decided to be the bigger person. “Talk and I’m warning you, if I don’t like what you have to say, I’m hanging up and you’ll be blocked. I refuse to keep setting myself up to believe you care only for you to prove me wrong. I love you and Dad but I will not let you make me feel like I’m the problem.”

“I can’t and won’t speak for your father…” My heart sank a little knowing he was still refusing to see things from my perspective. “But I will speak for myself and what you’re asking is not unreasonable.”

“Honestly, I’m no longer asking anything of you. I don’t need…”

“I’m well aware that you don’t need anything from us, Kori, but you do want something.”

I sat up and pushed against the back of the headboard. “You want my acceptance and I’m embarrassed to say you shouldn’t have to beg me to respect your life choices. As your mother, I should have offered that acceptance freely and I haven’t.”

I blinked a few times, not believing she was admitting fault. “Yes, you should have.”

She exhaled a sigh. “You and I aren’t that different.”

“We are.” I frowned harder.

“We aren’t. We both care about the men in our lives. We stand beside them. You’ve chosen a side with the man you care about and so have I. The difference is not with us Kori but with the men we’ve chosen to care about.” She paused. “Your father is?—”

“A controlling asshole,” I murmured and I swear on God I heard her laugh. It was light but she laughed.

“He’s a complicated man with stern beliefs that tend to make him hard to love but not impossible to love. He’s a good man, Kori, he just has his ways about him.”

I pulled my lip between my teeth to stop myself from saying the first thing that came to mind. Instead, I elected to give myself time to consider my words carefully. Growing up, my father had been good to me. Not perfect, but good. Now that I had a new perspective on what my life was, I realized his conditional love had always been there. It didn’t make me hate him, but I didn’t have to accept who he was if he refused to do the same.

“He’s my father. I love him. I don’t like him and I don’t have to let him in my life if he refuses to accept me, who I am now and not who he wants me to be. The same goes for you.”

“I know,” she huffed. “Regardless of what you think, I do love you. We both do and I’ve missed you. I want us to work this out.”

“Work what out?” I frowned.

“Having a relationship.”

“And what does your husband think of us working things out?”

“You let me worry about him. This is about us. As much as I didn’t like it, your words cut deep. He is my husband, but you are my daughter. I have to find a way to be there for both of you. I haven’t done the best job of loving you both equally.”

My anger dissipated a little but I still felt slighted by both of them. “We can work on it.”

“Good. I’ll leave things here for now but I wanted to reach out. Maybe we can talk soon.”

“Maybe,” I admitted honestly. I wasn’t sure how I felt but I was grateful she was trying.

“Okay, dear. I love you and please promise me you’ll give what we discussed some thought.”

She didn’t wait for me to respond before the call ended. I closed my eyes, feeling conflicted. I wanted my parents in my life, both of them, but I also loved the space I was in and refused to let anyone disrupt the happiness I was currently navigating. It felt good to choose me with no remorse or regrets.

I tossed my phone next to me and climbed out the bed, heading straight to the bathroom. Another layer to loving the space I was in was the man whose bed I slept in last night. Alone . After I made myself presentable, I made the decision to make sure he was okay. As much as I wanted to give him space, the distance was killing me.

Unfortunately my plans were once again paused by an intrusive mother, but one I didn’t mind so much. When I entered the living room and saw her face after she let herself in, she brought a smile to mine.

“Ah, so you’ve mastered the art of clothing since the last time we’ve seen each other.”

I grinned as she approached and hugged me. Her embrace was warm and welcoming. “I have.”

I glanced down at the tee that belonged to her son I’d paired with leggings. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I texted you both, but after the night you had, I figured you would be a bit distracted. Her eyes darted around then landed on me. “How is he?”

My stomach twisted and my hesitation caused Gwendolyn to release a sigh. “It’s okay. I know my son. He’s locked away in that studio avoiding whatever is going on in his head and heart.”

“I wanted to give him space.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation but I will say that I’ve learned from experience that space is not what works best for Ezren. I gave him space after we lost his father and he avoided his emotions for an entire year.”

“Right. I should probably…”

“You should, but first let’s talk. How are you?”

She was moving to the kitchen and as soon as she was there she began removing items from the refrigerator.

“I’m okay, what are you doing?”

“Making breakfast. It’s been a while since I’ve cooked for anyone and I’m guessing my role as house chef has been replaced. Let an old woman have her moment, yeah?”

I smiled and nodded. Gwendolyn was anything but old. She could pass for my older sister dressed in the cute athletic wear and running shoes she sported with her hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail.

“Sit. You can keep me company.”

“I can help.”

“Kori, sit.”

I huffed and did as told, waiting while she moved around the kitchen scrambling eggs and frying bacon.

“So, songwriter…” Her back was to me and I cringed at what she must be thinking.

“Yes and none of this was my idea…”

“I know, dear. I’m not accusing you of anything nor do I feel like you had intentions when it came to my son.” She delivered a grin over her shoulder. “ I however most certainly had intentions and they’ve delivered quite nicely I might add,” she stated proudly.

“You intended for me to be a songwriter?” I arched my brow and she laughed slightly.

“No, not at all. That was just a bonus but I’m sure you’re more than aware there was no way I could have known how this would play out. I had no clue of your proclivity with word mastery, Bleu . Although, it was a pleasantly surprising plot twist.”

I grinned and she added, “My intentions were for you to make my son realize that women with one name would not bring him the type of happiness you do and I also intended for you to figure out that sometimes the worst situations bring about the best results.”

“I’m still confused about how you decided I would make your son happy after a five-minute conversation.”

“I didn’t know for sure but I had a gut feeling. I have a sixth sense about these things, you know.” After a brief stretch of silence, I switched the conversation off me.

“Ezren told me about your family and how things happened with his father.”

“Hmmm…” She hummed and nodded but she didn’t elaborate which made me wonder if that wasn’t a topic she wanted to broach.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to impose.”

“What did he tell you?” She turned off the stove and opened the cabinet, reaching for two plates.

“That you fell in love with his father and your family did not. You married him anyway and they refused to accept the marriage or Ezren. Well, your mother eventually did. He told me they were close before she passed.”

She piled food on two plates and brought them to the table but instead of separating them between us, she placed them both in front of me. “I did and that was the absolute best decision I ever made in my life. And yes, they were close. I’m grateful he had the chance to know her. I’m surprised he shared any of that with you. His father and the situation with my family was tough…for both of us.”

I felt her emotions so profoundly. “You love him, Ezren’s father.”

“I do.” She smiled softly. “I’m going to go. Tell Ezren I’ll call him later.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?”

“I am.”

“You’re not going to eat first?” I dropped my eyes to the plates and lifted them back to hers.

She shook her head. “No, those are for you. Take one down to him.”

“Then why did you come?”

“Because I love my son. I saw the footage from last night and thought he might need me. We’ve needed each other since we lost my husband because we are all we had but that’s not the case anymore.”

She placed a hand on my shoulder, gave a gentle squeeze, and was on her way to the living room.

“He still needs you.” The last thing I wanted was to get in the way of their relationship.

“He does and he’ll always need me, but what he needs more right now is you .” She pulled the strap of her purse over her shoulder and added, “My son is very private. He rarely shares details of himself with anyone; yet he’s told you about the two most pivotal events in his life. Losing his father and my family’s rejection of them both. I would bet everything I own that he hasn’t shared either of those things with anyone other than you, which leads me to believe that whatever is between the two of you extends beyond what I hoped for. My son is in good hands.”

She smiled and headed to the door, pausing just before she let herself out. “As are you, Kori. There will be plenty of breakfast dates for us to share. My gut is telling me you’ll be around for a while.” She winked, then was gone.

I left the table, went to gather utensils, and balanced both plates, taking them to the basement. Just as I reached the entrance, the door pushed open and I smiled when I laid eyes on Ezren. He was in different clothes and I could smell the faint scent of body wash.

“You took a shower?”

“Yeah, there’s one down here.” He held the door for me and waited for me to enter. I made my way to the small kitchenette and placed the food on the counter where he grabbed a slice of bacon.

“I don’t know how I feel about you being fully functional down here.”

He grinned. “It’s necessary but trust me, you always have access.”

“Do I?”

He gripped my waist and pulled me to him, lowering his mouth to mine. “Yeah, you do.”

“Remember you said that.”

He chuckled and grabbed another slice of bacon. “Thank you for this. I’m hungry as fuck.”

I paused while he mumbled a quick prayer and clarified, “Thank your mother.” I slipped onto one of the stools and he filled the one next to me.

“She’s here?”

“ Was here. She left after she made breakfast.”

“She say what she needed?”

“The video from last night is out there. She wanted to check on you but she said she didn’t need to because you had me.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’m sure she’s loving that shit.”

I arched my brow. “Are you?”

He grabbed the seat of my stool and dragged me closer until I was between his legs. “You could have come down last night.”

“And you could have come up.”

“Shit was kinda crazy in my head.”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t shutting you out…” His expression was stern and I smiled.

“I know.”

“Come with me. I want to play something for you.”

“Um, okay.” I slipped off the stool and followed him into the production part of his studio. He crossed the room and filled the chair in front of the sound board, motioning for me to join him. I settled into his lap, straddling his waist, and he leaned around me, pressing some buttons before I had his eyes on me again.

When he pressed play, the sound of an acoustic guitar danced around us and my eyes immediately shot over to the wall where he kept the one his father gave him. It wasn’t there. I found it propped in the corner before my eyes were on his again. They were unreal but also determined as his sonorous and soulful voice wrapped around me.

In the quiet corner of my restless mind,

You are the melody, harmony I find

In your laughter, I hear the sweetest song,

A symphony of love where I always belonged

With you I discovered what healing could mean

Each heartbeat a testament to what we will be

You painted my scars with colors so bold

Transforming my story from hollow to whole.

“Hollow”. The song he’d written about his father to “Whole”, a song he’d written about me.

“This is…” I got choked up.

“Yeah.”

“It’s perfect.”

He smiled sexily. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. My perfect. My muse. The only one I’ll ever fucking need.” He gripped my neck and brought my mouth to his. “Just you, Ri, that’s all I need. You good with that?”

“I think that’s a lot of pressure.”

“I think you can handle it. You like pressure.”

He lifted his hips and I groaned to agree. “Are you okay with people knowing about Stoned Heart ? It kinda ruins the image of Eccentric .”

“I don’t give a fuck about the image. It’s only ever been about the music. I love my pops more than anything, and because of him, I delivered some of my best work. If the world can’t fuck with that, then they can’t fuck with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m very fucking sure. I wasn’t intentionally hiding that the album was about him. I never told anyone because I never had to. They assumed and I let them. It was easier.”

“But you said it last night.”

“Because I didn’t want there to be any confusion about that time in my life. I can’t change the past and honestly I wouldn’t.” I glared and he grinned, gripping my neck, bringing my mouth to us. “That comment doesn’t have shit to do with another woman, Ri. I only mean that the things I’ve been through prepared me to be the man who’s capable of loving you and is going to love you.”

He kissed me and pulled back. “You know she was lying, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you?” His stare was serious and his tone matched.

“Yes, I do. I just don’t understand why she would feel like it’s about her. You don’t do relationships.”

“I never lied to you, Ri. I fucked up a while ago when I broke my own rules. She came around and I let her. Most of what is out there was staged. She showed up just in time to be in the pictures. Her team reached out to mine to get us at the same table while we shared a meal. We fucked, at hotels, in bathrooms, in the back of cars after events. That’s all it ever was. In her eyes, that meant something, but it didn’t to me.”

“Oh…” I wasn’t sure why that bothered me so much but it did.

“It really didn’t mean shit and she knows that. She also knows Stoned Heart wasn’t about her. She’s told that lie a few times before but always behind closed doors. The whispers were always out there but I never confirmed or denied it to the world. I damn sure clarified with her though that she had nothing to do with Stoned Heart . Not one fucking lyric was inspired by her. She knows, even if she didn’t know it was about my father. She only said that shit to get under your skin.”

“Thank you for being honest.” He brushed his mouth over mine.

“You’ll always get that from me. That’s my word.” I nodded because I believed him. “We’re good?”

“We’re better than good.” I looped my arms around his neck and brought him closer. “You wrote a song for me, thank you.”

“One of many but you already know that.” He kissed me softly. “Thank you for the inspiration.” A smile tugged at his lips. “I was thinking you might be open to inspiring a different type of vibe.” He pushed his hand between my thighs and I rolled my hips when I felt his fingers make contact.

“I think I’m open to the idea.”

He smiled sinfully slowly. “Good, because I wasn’t giving you a choice.”