Beautiful Storm (San Francisco End Game #1)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Amelia

He did what I asked, and it made me realize I want something else entirely.

No matter how hard I stare at the plain bowl of ice cream in front of me, I can’t figure out what’s missing. Does it need chocolate topping, or nuts, or…pickles?

I laugh to myself. Nope, I have not had that craving yet. But I’m definitely craving something more than plain vanilla. What kind of person only has vanilla in their freezer? Sure, I did it because I thought it would deter me from eating it, but now I’m desperate for something sweet and it’s not doing it for me.

I contemplate going out, but when I peek down at my red bathrobe and pink fluffy slippers, I decide against it. Going out would involve me getting changed out of my comfortable attire, and since I called work this morning and told them I wasn’t coming in for the day, getting dressed is counterproductive to my lazy day goals.

So instead, I need ideas and I need them fast.

Amelia: What’s a good topping for vanilla ice cream?

Hayley: Coffee liqueur

Amelia: (eye roll emoji)

Hayley: Oh… for you? Peanut butter. Nutella

Peanut Butter or Nutella. Hmmm. Both good options but—

Hayley: Popcorn or M&M’s

My mouth waters the second I read her message, and I’m walking toward the pantry before the idea has fully formed. What about popcorn and M&M’s. That’s a thing, right? Or is it a weird pregnancy thing? What am I saying… Do I care? Nope. I need it.

Hayley: Jelly

Hayley: Maple syrup

Hayley: Pickles

Hayley continues to message me as I thankfully find a bag of microwave popcorn and a bite-size packet of M&M’s. I can’t remember where the latter came from, but who am I to question it. I glance down at the screen, smiling at her options while I get the popcorn ready for heating.

Hayley: Vegemite

What ? I gag and quickly type out a response as I set the timer.

Amelia: We can’t be friends anymore

Hayley: (Laughing emoji) I haven’t actually tried it on ice cream but I was going for salty and sweet. Never say never, right? And you need me

Amelia: You’re right, I do. And you gave me Popcorn and M&M’s so I guess there’s that

Hayley: Good. Is this a pregnancy craving or an emotional binge?

Amelia: Can it be both?

Hayley: Definitely. Want me to come over?

Amelia: Thanks, but I’m good. I just need to think.

The popcorn starts popping at an alarming rate so I turn off the microwave before I burn it, and the second I open the door, I moan as the smell of the hot, buttery goodness permeates the air.

This is exactly what I needed, and I can’t wait to dive in. My phone buzzes again as I’m mixing my concoction, and I smile at Hayley’s response.

Hayley: Here if you need me. (Heart emoji)

Amelia: I know. Thank you. (Kiss face emoji)

I don’t know what I’d do without Hayley, but then I remember there’s more than one person by my side. I’ve got Luke and I practically pushed him out the door.

He gave me another mind-blowing orgasm, and instead of returning the favor, I let him leave.

And on that note, I still can’t believe he did that without touching me. No wonder he’s cocky. If he’d have asked me how I felt before walking away, I probably would have confirmed that he was God’s gift to women, because that man… God, just thinking about him makes heat pool between my legs. I can’t get his words out of my head, or his voice, the way he was assertive yet restrained—and his need—the fact that he wanted me made the moment so much hotter.

I wanted to give in. I almost did. But he left. He proved to me that he was listening, that he cared, and he walked away.

And now, as I glance down at my messed-up but delicious bowl of emotions, a little part of me feels guilty. A tiny part. Maybe the size of my big toe. Because Luke is used to no-strings so he’s probably thinking nothing of it.

After making myself comfortable on the couch, I turn on the TV and hit play on the first movie that pops up on the screen—a psychological thriller about a missing child. I’m fifteen minutes in with my heart lodged in my throat when the tears coat my eyes. I can’t watch this anymore, and I’m one of those people that can watch everything. The good, the bad, the sappy, the unhinged. I’ve never had an issue with any movie or series for as long as I can remember, but I can’t do this. Just a glimpse of the mother’s grief has a crippling pain taking over me. How could anyone go through that?

I turn off the TV and let the tears fall just as someone knocks on my door, making me jump. Since I’m not expecting anyone, I stare at the entry, questioning if I imagined it, until it happens again, louder this time.

“It’s me,” Luke calls out, making me panic.

Shit . I regard my pajamas as I frantically wipe my face before pausing when he knocks again.

“I know you’re in there. I’ve already checked your office and they said you were home sick.”

I stand slowly and wrap the robe farther around myself before walking to the door. I’ve just grabbed the handle when he knocks again. “Don’t make me have to sign shit for your super, because I will if it will get me inside.”

“What?” I throw open the door before folding my arms across my chest and gesturing for him to come in. “You’ve used your fame to break in to someone's apartment before?”

“Nope.” Luke shakes his head as he closes the door behind him. “I took the chance that it would piss you off enough to open up. And here we are.”

“Ugh.”

“You love it. But now that I’m here… Are you okay?”

“Other than having your annoying ass bothering me, I’m fine. Why?”

“My annoying but hot ass aside… Your assistant told me you were sick and you’re standing in front of me with a tear-soaked face. So excuse me for wanting to know.”

“Shit,” I mumble under my breath as I wipe my face again. “I needed a day off. I’m not sick. We weren’t filming today so I’m not messing anything up. I just needed—”

“Woah.” Luke raises his hands in the air. “You don’t have to justify it to me.”

“Okay. Good.”

“But you do have to tell me about the tears because honestly, it’s freaking me out a little bit.”

I huff out a laugh as I smile. “It’s so silly.”

“I can’t promise I won’t think that, but I’m going to need you to tell me anyway.”

My shoulders drop, and while I could throw out another smart-ass comment, I don’t want to. I want to share this with him. And more. “I was watching a movie about a missing baby and I couldn’t handle it.”

Luke’s eyes widen before he squeezes them shut and shakes his head.

“Go on. Tease away.” I preemptively roll my eyes.

“Fuck no.” He shivers. “Why would you watch that? But also, what happened? Did they find it? Was the baby okay? I kind of have to know now.”

“I couldn’t finish it.” I scrunch my nose when his jaw drops.

“What was it called? I’ll search for it.”

“Stop.” I gently shove his shoulder and laugh. “I don’t need to know.”

“Well, I do. And thank you for unlocking a new fear I never knew existed.” He stalks over to the couch and makes himself comfortable while huffing like a child, and my heart warms because of it.

I’m not in this alone. I have a partner in crime. Someone as terrified as I am. And I’m not letting him in. But why?

“I’m sorry,” I say with a soft smile, my gaze locked on his confused expression as I slowly walk over. “Sometimes I forget that I’m not the only one going through this. I heard what you said at the football gathering, and I wasn’t lying when I said you are helping, but I never really processed what you meant.”

“What did I mean?” He shrugs with a grimace, making me laugh.

“Stop. We both know you’re a smart guy. You know what I’m getting at.”

“I do.” He stands and takes a step closer, invading my personal space. “And you’re right, I feel alone in this too. But we shouldn’t be. Because we’re in it together.”

He brushes the messy hair away from my face before gently running his thumb across my cheek under my eye. “I’m here for you. I’m not sure how much clearer I can be about that.”

“I know.”

“So why do you keep fighting it?”

“I don’t…” A tightness fills my chest as I trail off. No matter how hard I try to let him in, or talk about it, I can’t. And I hate that I don’t know why.

“Is it because you don’t trust me? Still?”

“No,” I rush out. “That was a long time ago and we talked about it. This is different. I get this sinking feeling whenever I try letting you in. Like a huge wave is pushing me under the surface and I can’t fight my way out, yet I’m an amazing swimmer.”

“Jesus.” He cringes. “That doesn’t bode well for me.”

“No, sorry.” I laugh softly. “I don’t mean that you make me feel that way. It’s something else. Something bigger.”

Luke nods in understanding as his hand drops to my waist, giving me a squeeze, heating my skin through my clothes. My eyes drop to the connection, studying the way he holds me.

“I’m not going anywhere, Amelia,” he rasps, breaking into my thoughts. “And I won’t let you drown. I won’t let you lose yourself.”

“What?” My eyes flash to his, and the intensity of his gaze has my heart pounding in my chest, but it’s his words that steal my breath. “Why?” I manage to whisper as everything from the past few years floods my mind. “What…what made you say that?”

“Which part?”

“That I was losing myself.”

“Because that’s what you’re feeling, isn’t it?” He shrugs like it’s no big deal but he’s wrong. It’s a huge deal because he just saw me better than I’ve ever seen myself.

“That’s it.” I shake my head incredulously. “That’s why I keep pushing you away. It’s why I’m always reluctant to accept your help. I don’t want to lose myself. I can’t.” Not again.

Luke’s gaze turns sympathetic before I break out of his hold, suddenly uncomfortable.

“Sorry, I…” I shake my head and turn away, needing to move on from the talk of our emotions. But Luke doesn’t let me get too far before grabbing my wrist and pulling me to a stop, spinning me around.

“Don’t pull away from me. You’re not giving me a chance, Amelia. I can promise you I won’t let that happen.”

He locks me with his arresting gaze, and the emotion staring back at me is like a heaviness weighing me down. “Thank you. For everything,” I whisper. “But I need you to stop looking at me like that.” I’m not ready for it.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re in love with me.”

Luke frowns and his brows crease almost comically. It would be cute if my heart wasn’t threatening to beat out of my chest. He doesn’t say anything for the longest moment and then… “Maybe I am?” he rasps, his voice cracking. “Or at least, maybe I’m on my way there.”

“What?” I shake my head as I step back. “Don’t be ridiculous. Is this about the sex?”

“What sex?”

“This morning.”

“Amelia,” he chuckles as he speaks, “that wasn’t sex. If we had sex, you wouldn’t be questioning my feelings right now.”

“What does that mean? Luke, do you realize how crazy that sounds? You don’t love me. You can’t and— Oh.” I let out a gasp and freeze, my eyes flashing to my stomach as a strange sensation takes over me.

“Amelia—”

“Wait.” I grab Luke’s arm as if holding him in place is going to silence him. “Please.”

He does as I ask, and we both stand quietly while I pray to get the sensation again. I’m just about to give up and continue with our conversation when it happens.

“Luke,” I whisper, a fresh layer of tears pricking the back of my eyes as I glance up at him. “I felt Jelly Bean kick.” I’ve felt movement before like a swish through my middle, but this was definitely a karate move.

“What?” he asks in awe, his voice so soft I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn’t paying attention. If I thought his eyes reflected love before, it’s nothing compared to the intense stare he’s pinning me with now.

“Bean’s kicking,” I confirm, trying to ignore the butterflies threatening to take over me. “Do you… ah… do you want to feel?”

I don’t know if he’ll be able to feel anything, but at this moment, now, I want him to know that he can. To extend a small branch to show him that I know he’s here. That it’s not just me.

His eyes drop to my stomach before moving back to my face. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

The word has barely left my lips when Luke’s huge hand slides through the gap in my robe, before he tentatively palms my stomach, making me giggle.

“You won’t feel it like that. Here.” I place my hand over his and push down, adding a little pressure. And then we wait.

Seconds tick by with neither of us moving a muscle until it happens again, softer this time, but still, my eyes light up as a giddy excitement runs through me. “Did you feel that?” I ask.

Luke frowns, his silence breaking my heart.

“I’m sorry.” I frown along with him. “Maybe it’s too early to feel it from the outside?”

“Don’t be sorry.” He waves off my concern. “Your euphoric expression is more than enough. For now. I can’t remember the last time I saw you that happy, that excited about something.”

My nose scrunches at his compliment and I shy away. “It’s surreal but also wonderful and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Be. Sorry,” Luke repeats pointedly before laughing. “I’m happy that I was here for it.” He reaches up and cups my face again, his gaze rendering me speechless until I remember that it shouldn’t.

Our eyes bounce back and forth until I can’t take it anymore, the tension overwhelming me.

“Luke,” I whisper, shaking my head.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, Amelia. I’ve never let another woman consume me like you do. And it’s not because you’re carrying my child. It’s been like that since we were kids. I may have thought I hated you, but I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

I suck in a breath, trying not to gasp while his words take over me, working hard to fill my self-doubt. But it’s still there.

“What if it’s fleeting? What if I allow myself to want you and you change your mind?”

“Jesus. What the fuck did he do?”

“Who?”

“Your ex. Your dad. Pick someone.”

“You.”

“Fuuck. Amelia, I will never be able to make up for that, but I’m not the same guy. At least, I’m trying hard to be different. For you.”

For me. The regret in his eyes and his broken expression make me want to believe him and I know he’s trying.

“Everything about this is different, Luke. The feelings, the intimacy. All of it. And it’s scaring the hell out of me.”

“The intimacy.”

“God, I don’t know why I just said that. But Preston and I… It was different. The urge. The tension. It’s bigger now. But… Shit. No. This isn’t about us. We have to think about Jelly Bean.” I pause, staring through to his soul, begging him to listen. “What if we mess this up? Whatever it is?”

“And what if we don’t?” He moves closer and my breath hitches as he steals the air from my lungs. My heart screams at me to say yes, to pull him into my arms and kiss him, to let myself fall along with him, but then my brain takes over and I find myself shaking my head. Because there’s a burning question that we can’t answer right now. A question we have to consider.

What if we do?